I was given a book for my birthday last year and the title was "Is God ignoring you?" I flipped through a couple of chapters and I stopped reading after that. Simple reason. God is not ignoring me.
For one, the book asked that we jot down everything that God does for us and then record that.
The issue is not is God ignoring me. The issue is whether I am ignoring God. That is the question.
My mind is especially clear tonight as I drove home from tuition. In fact I prayed out loud as I drove home. It was amazing how I even arrived home without knocking other cars. I was literally not paying attention on the road and if you asked me how I got home, I can only say that it is by God's grace.
My talk in the car with God was really freeing. I told God about some of the tough decisions I have to make and I made them. Confessing to Him in areas of my weaknesses. Telling Him to take over as I go back to Him. And that He is all that I want in my life. And I asked that He take control. I am angry with satan. Very angry with him. So angry that I want to take up that book and read all about him and pray against him. And tonight as I drove home I ask him to get out of my head and my life. I have given him so much space and for so long. I am very angry that I have allowed him to reign.
I am also mad that I have been blinded again and again by this bright light of deception and believed that I was alright. I am mad that satan disguised himself so well that I cannot recognize him.
I am sure tonight I will be attacked again. So I need Jesus precious blood to cover me.
When I was spending time with Vincent, he told me that the spirit of death is around me. That was why I kept thinking of killing myself. So that night he prayed over me. And cast out that spirit. And there is fear. Genuine fear that will wake me up in the middle of the night. But I thank God I still managed 5 hours sleep.
Vincent also told me that there is another spirit in me that needs to be cast out. This I cast out tonight and told God to bind satan and put him in his place. Greater is He that is in me than he(satan) that is in the world. God has the keys to life and to death. God is the God of all creation. God is risen from the dead. God is going to let me reign with Him.
With so much power in me, I have totally forgotten what I can do and how to wield it. May God forgive me for being a sitting duck in His battle.
Continue to pray that I have discernment and continue to seek His face everyday so I can do what He has placed in my heart. Pray that I will sleep through the night each night and to be refreshed again and again by His mercy and grace.
I feel so much better knowing that God preserves and will continue to protect me.
