The next day when I got back to work, I wrote a letter to the church for the old lady. I appealed to the church to help. Two days later, I received news from the pastor and I was to leave the issue with them. Praise God. Now we have to pray that she will accept the help and she can grow to trust God even more.
I also took the first step to contact food from the heart. I am going down this coming week to see what more I can do for the poor. Melvin, my fairy god son will be joining me in this quest. We are going to start looking up where the poor senior citizens are and start locating them so we can send help. My colleague told me that her friend comes home late from work around 1 or 2 in the morning and saw many seniors scavenging for food at Chinatown. I am asking my students to film them. This must be shown to the rest of the people in Singapore. As we sleep, there are those who are scavenging for leftovers. These are mainly lonely, old women.
Then I fell ill.
On the first day of sick leave I cooked for mum, did some chores, taught and slept. On the second day of sick leave, mum went out. Yes, she went out with a group of Richard's friends to lunch at Crystal Jade in Tampines Mall. I expected her to be home within two hours but she went for about 4 hours and I panicked.
My cousin came to visit her and instead we had a good time chatting. My cousin's niece passed away two years ago with nasal cancer at the age of 19. She cried as she talked about MeiQi. I met this young lady when she was only nine and ten years later, she died of this fatal disease. The cancer spread within a year furiously. They filled the cavities within her cheekbones, the size of an egg and because they filled up so fast, she had her right eye removed to remove the tumours inside the cavities of the cheek. Her face totally disfigured could not stop the cancer from growing within. Later the tumours spread to her mouth and protruded. The blood vessels in the tumours would burst and blood would gush out spewing across the room and if caught on time with a towel, the towel will be stained red with blood. The nurses adviced that my cousin caught the blood with dark coloured towels so as not to be too afraid. The cancer was not painful for her but in the end she died of the lack of immunity. We never really talked about it when mum was around the house. All I could do was listened and listened.
Is this ever fair? Why do good people die? I don't know how to answer. But I know this, the Lord is in control. Just as He watched over the lilies in the valley, He will watch over His very own. My part is to trust Him. Our God doesn't just leave us to fight our battles. He makes sure we have the grace to grow in this time of crisis.
My mother came home happy that she went out. But I was worried about the germs. In the end the Lord showed me that He reigns and I am praying everyday to remind myself that Mum is God's child. He will take care of mum.
How great is our God!
How great is His Name!
He is the greatest of All,
He is always the same.
May the Lord bless your week.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Meeting another poor woman
How time flies. I forgot what is the date already. I just knew that it is Sunday and almost to be Monday. Tomorrow will be another day at school and this is second week. Next week will be a round of tests for the students and then the final exams.
Mum's fourth round of chemotheraphy knocks her a little harder. She complains about loss of appetite and very tired. Please pray that this will not dampen her spirits and that she will continue to trust in God. She has refused to go to Rebecca's house in the afternoon because she said she could take care of herself. She is more comfortable at home with me and dad. But I am not so comfortable with her being alone. So pray she will be careful. Also pray that mum will get a good night's sleep every night. She told me she has bad dreams and so pray that the dreams will be sweet.
Tonight, Joshua and I had dinner at Far East Plaza. As we were eating, an older lady, probably about mum's age caught my attention because she was not only fussy but complained about being thirsty and hungry. I somehow sensed that she must be poor, hungry and alone. I was right. As I watched what she was doing, I could tell she was broke. So I struck up a conversation and found out that she is now all alone because her husband died and a year later, her one and only daughter also died. Both died of cancer. The husband told her that he wished he could die early because if he continued to live, he would use up all the savings and left her none. He did leave her $9 some seven years ago. Her daughter died at the age of 30 and left her penniless too.
She stays in Bukit Panjang but she was out at Far East to come see a lady at KFC who gives her money so she can spend some. She has been hungry since Friday. My heart broke as I listened to her. Her neighbour brought her down and she could not find her way home. I told her to finish her food and would walk her to the nearest bus stop to guide her home. Joshua was with me and together we took the woman back to Bukit Panjang and then guided her towards a bus stop she is very familiar with to take a feeder home. On our way to Bukit Panjang, she chatted like she has never spoken a word for days. I found out that she stays in a room with another couple who will lock their drawers stored with food. They gave her soap to bathe, water to drink but no food. They have also stopped her from having visitors. She is a Christian and was baptized in 2004. She asked the church for help but the help was slow in coming and so as a result, she has turned to asking people for food. I could not breathe as I listened to her.
Why do we have this issue? We are doing community service, service learning or whatever the gise is to ease our conscience. But honestly are we looking hard enough at meeting the needs of our very own.
I am angry that the government is doing so little for the poor single woman between 50 to 65. This is so as to allow poorly paid single women not to go hungry. Especially those who have not worked and have no CPF contribution. What are we going to do about them? How can we just think there are no poor people in our country? I am appalled by the insensitivity of our people towards helping. Are we so trusting that we do not know who to help so we don't help? I don't have all the answers but I do know this, if God brings someone along for me to help then I thank Him I can still help within my means.
Tonight is sad because I don't know how much good I can do for her. I gave her some money and I will be contacting the church to help her. I am very convicted we must do something for our senior citizens who have laboured for my and yours future. It is time to pay attention to them because they need a break.
Life for this older lady is hard. She told me, each day, she prays she will die soon. What a way to see the day breaks! How do you want to see day break?
Take Care
Mum's fourth round of chemotheraphy knocks her a little harder. She complains about loss of appetite and very tired. Please pray that this will not dampen her spirits and that she will continue to trust in God. She has refused to go to Rebecca's house in the afternoon because she said she could take care of herself. She is more comfortable at home with me and dad. But I am not so comfortable with her being alone. So pray she will be careful. Also pray that mum will get a good night's sleep every night. She told me she has bad dreams and so pray that the dreams will be sweet.
Tonight, Joshua and I had dinner at Far East Plaza. As we were eating, an older lady, probably about mum's age caught my attention because she was not only fussy but complained about being thirsty and hungry. I somehow sensed that she must be poor, hungry and alone. I was right. As I watched what she was doing, I could tell she was broke. So I struck up a conversation and found out that she is now all alone because her husband died and a year later, her one and only daughter also died. Both died of cancer. The husband told her that he wished he could die early because if he continued to live, he would use up all the savings and left her none. He did leave her $9 some seven years ago. Her daughter died at the age of 30 and left her penniless too.
She stays in Bukit Panjang but she was out at Far East to come see a lady at KFC who gives her money so she can spend some. She has been hungry since Friday. My heart broke as I listened to her. Her neighbour brought her down and she could not find her way home. I told her to finish her food and would walk her to the nearest bus stop to guide her home. Joshua was with me and together we took the woman back to Bukit Panjang and then guided her towards a bus stop she is very familiar with to take a feeder home. On our way to Bukit Panjang, she chatted like she has never spoken a word for days. I found out that she stays in a room with another couple who will lock their drawers stored with food. They gave her soap to bathe, water to drink but no food. They have also stopped her from having visitors. She is a Christian and was baptized in 2004. She asked the church for help but the help was slow in coming and so as a result, she has turned to asking people for food. I could not breathe as I listened to her.
Why do we have this issue? We are doing community service, service learning or whatever the gise is to ease our conscience. But honestly are we looking hard enough at meeting the needs of our very own.
I am angry that the government is doing so little for the poor single woman between 50 to 65. This is so as to allow poorly paid single women not to go hungry. Especially those who have not worked and have no CPF contribution. What are we going to do about them? How can we just think there are no poor people in our country? I am appalled by the insensitivity of our people towards helping. Are we so trusting that we do not know who to help so we don't help? I don't have all the answers but I do know this, if God brings someone along for me to help then I thank Him I can still help within my means.
Tonight is sad because I don't know how much good I can do for her. I gave her some money and I will be contacting the church to help her. I am very convicted we must do something for our senior citizens who have laboured for my and yours future. It is time to pay attention to them because they need a break.
Life for this older lady is hard. She told me, each day, she prays she will die soon. What a way to see the day breaks! How do you want to see day break?
Take Care
Saturday, March 17, 2007
妈妈的病情
昨天妹妹和弟弟陪妈妈去看了医生。当医生看到母亲的时候非常高兴。癌细胞有明显缩小。我们都非常感激天父的爱与保护。感谢他的慈爱与他的力量。
这几天我想了很多关于我未来的问题。自从拿起执教鞭， 我有点迷糊，特别失落，不知为了什麽而冲刺。特别不喜欢为了五斗米而折腰。一句俗话不可忘但是我常常没好好提醒自己。那就是人心难测。真希望人没有这么复杂。
本因开心的一天但是我不开心。我一想到开学我就烦。好想玩一玩。开心不开心是又我决定不是吗？这几天我选择了不开心。活在一个我选择很灰的世界里。真不好受。要逃避人其实是很麻烦的事。当中也学会了怎么找乐子。也看到了自己的独来独往的性格是多么的静。可能我想太多。可能我不应该去想吧。不用心去想会好一点吗？只用脑？人心是肉做的！叹！
好了要往好的一面看。不许烦事来骚扰我的思绪。今天一定会好因为太阳出来了。我也应该准备启程去看看世界是否因我而停了呢？ 或是它转得更厉害也不一定。
但妈妈还是这句“活着真好！那管他日发生什么，今天太可贵了。”妈妈又开始另一轮的化疗医疗。请继续为我们祷告。
这几天我想了很多关于我未来的问题。自从拿起执教鞭， 我有点迷糊，特别失落，不知为了什麽而冲刺。特别不喜欢为了五斗米而折腰。一句俗话不可忘但是我常常没好好提醒自己。那就是人心难测。真希望人没有这么复杂。
本因开心的一天但是我不开心。我一想到开学我就烦。好想玩一玩。开心不开心是又我决定不是吗？这几天我选择了不开心。活在一个我选择很灰的世界里。真不好受。要逃避人其实是很麻烦的事。当中也学会了怎么找乐子。也看到了自己的独来独往的性格是多么的静。可能我想太多。可能我不应该去想吧。不用心去想会好一点吗？只用脑？人心是肉做的！叹！
好了要往好的一面看。不许烦事来骚扰我的思绪。今天一定会好因为太阳出来了。我也应该准备启程去看看世界是否因我而停了呢？ 或是它转得更厉害也不一定。
但妈妈还是这句“活着真好！那管他日发生什么，今天太可贵了。”妈妈又开始另一轮的化疗医疗。请继续为我们祷告。
Thursday, March 15, 2007
终于可以用华语
今天上了一堂关于博客的课。发现我可以用华语来写博客。我想把这九个月的心情写下。
一开始的无奈到现在的默默接受和珍惜，当中我学了太多。我学了把妈妈交给我们的天父。其中也学会不要怀疑他的安排。但我是一个凡人，一个很想看到明天，想知道要怎么样去面对的凡人。 我非常庆幸我的家人和朋友的祈祷和精神上的支持帮我度过这段日子。
我最大的力量是来自妈妈。她热爱生命的力量给了我为她奋斗的意志。爸爸的功不可没。他爱妈妈的心是那么的真，那么地无限付出，真的可以写下一个美丽动人的故事。
人必生老病死。每过一个阶段，船头直然会直吗？我只知道不说来生只说今生。我只能把握每一刻的生。因为只有把今生做好才不枉过。
每个人都有梦。不管是好梦还是鄂梦，梦还是要做。有些是在不知不觉中得来的梦。有些是在理智和明确的情况下做的梦。 最重要是要不停的圆每一个梦。不单要圆自己的梦也要式圆父母还没完成的梦。我的梦是什么呢？我要去找找看我到底还能作梦吗？那你的梦想又是什么呢？
毕竟我们也要从梦中醒过来。因为人只活在梦中是不实际的。虽然世界有时残酷,有时无情但活在梦里不是解决问题的最佳办法。梦只能给我们一些暂时性的歇息。梦不是答案。
好了，不多说。要睡了！
For those reading the english. Here is a summary. This is an attempt to put mandarin in my blog. For some good reasons of course. I shared about dreams and about mum. Tonight she has a little discomfort again in her stomach.
一开始的无奈到现在的默默接受和珍惜，当中我学了太多。我学了把妈妈交给我们的天父。其中也学会不要怀疑他的安排。但我是一个凡人，一个很想看到明天，想知道要怎么样去面对的凡人。 我非常庆幸我的家人和朋友的祈祷和精神上的支持帮我度过这段日子。
我最大的力量是来自妈妈。她热爱生命的力量给了我为她奋斗的意志。爸爸的功不可没。他爱妈妈的心是那么的真，那么地无限付出，真的可以写下一个美丽动人的故事。
人必生老病死。每过一个阶段，船头直然会直吗？我只知道不说来生只说今生。我只能把握每一刻的生。因为只有把今生做好才不枉过。
每个人都有梦。不管是好梦还是鄂梦，梦还是要做。有些是在不知不觉中得来的梦。有些是在理智和明确的情况下做的梦。 最重要是要不停的圆每一个梦。不单要圆自己的梦也要式圆父母还没完成的梦。我的梦是什么呢？我要去找找看我到底还能作梦吗？那你的梦想又是什么呢？
毕竟我们也要从梦中醒过来。因为人只活在梦中是不实际的。虽然世界有时残酷,有时无情但活在梦里不是解决问题的最佳办法。梦只能给我们一些暂时性的歇息。梦不是答案。
好了，不多说。要睡了！
For those reading the english. Here is a summary. This is an attempt to put mandarin in my blog. For some good reasons of course. I shared about dreams and about mum. Tonight she has a little discomfort again in her stomach.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Mum's third chemo session
13th March 2007The March holidays are here. I decided to go to Ipoh to meet my cousins and visit an uncle who is unwell. He is my mum's elder brother in law. I bought a return ticket and went home. Mum looked tired and unwell. She told me she had fever the whole morning. Friday was the last drug to administer for the therapy. She told me that she could fight it with the flu pills she still had. I observed her the whole night and decided against going. When morning broke the sky I told her to get dressed and we went to the doctor. I did not go Ipoh. I stayed home to look after mum. I just simply couldn't let go.
The doctor told mum that she got the common flu. He also assured her that she would be alright. Mum told him that she was not bothered by the cancer. She told him that she just doesn't want to treat herself like a sick person. The doctor told her that she is like any normal person just that she has this. He told her that she is like someone with hypertension or diabetes. I have both and I am also normal? I don't know what to think. But I agreed with Dr Lee. We want to live as normally as possible. And eat what I still love to eat. Mum cooks for herself these days. I am not stopping her from eating what she cannot eat anymore because her appetite is better and she has gained at least one kilogram more since her second chemotherapy session.
It may be a small feat for us to go to the wet market, walked one round, had lunch outside and finish half a bowl of noodles. But it is no small feat for mum. She tires easily but I have since noticed that her stamina is better and she is able to walk longer. We went to Siglap for breakfast on Sunday and she had a whole bowl of prawn noodle soup. We made wantons for lunch and dinner and she had a bowl with nine wantons and lots of sprouts to go with. These are no small feat. Feeding her is a challenge I seem to fail sometimes. When I am successful, I can eat better.
The last Saturday we also celebrated dad's 70th birthday. We had a simple dinner down the block and Richard asked Ryan to start to say something to wish Dad. Ryan thanked dad for giving him rides to school in the morning. Dad normally will try and swing by to Woodlands after dropping me off so as to give Ryan a ride or even in the afternoons when Ryan has CCA, he will try and swing by. He also gives Ryan and Steffi pocket money. Ryan also thanked Dad for loving him. Ryan is in Sec 1 this year. Then comes Timothy's turn. He thanked ah gong for giving him money to spend. He apologised to dad for having been rude and sometimes during his childish plays he hit ah gong. Timothy burst into tears after saying that. We were all very impressed with this genuine and tender hearts. After Timothy started feeling remorseful and cried, the two girls, Tiffany and Theodora were stumped. Theodora asked me why her gor gor cry. I told her that he loved ah gong that is why. It was a great evening and we are praying Timothy's heart will continue to remain tender and kind.
The fever subsided by Sunday morning and I was at home, not at church. That sunday morning was interesting and I was glad to have shared with her. I asked her if she was ever scared about dying and if she was unwilling to die and if there are questions about what comes after death. We talked a little about life after death because we will all be judged. We will all go heaven but how we really live for the Lord and served Him will be judged. It is so important to know whom we served and why we served. If this life is about us, then this life will be wasted. May be I am shallow but I always believe that if everything is about us, then it is really a meaningless life. Our lives, whether we like it or not, revolves around many people and somehow, no matter how far apart we are or how different we are, we are connected by an invisible web. One day you will soon find that you know someone who knows you who knows your friends who knows someone who knows you. Or something like that.
Mum also eats well when the kids are in the house. We had the Tohs with us on Saturday and Theodora, the littlest one at the bottom of the stair is the apple of mum's eyes. She is not only cute, she is very intelligent. Sometimes she would massage my head and I would give her two dollars for her piggy. She will only take the note if it is plastic. On Saturday, I asked her if she wanted me or she wanted money. She thought a little while and then answered she wanted me and plastic. Nowadays, the babies are smart.
I also had a very rare opportunity of meeting my ex colleagues from Woodsville days. I am especially thrilled to meet Pheck Lan, a friend I have not seen for the last 10 years. Woodsville days were such great days. Only Mee Fong and I met Pheck Lan this time round and we chatted and lamented on the good old days in teaching. I have only this to say. Teaching is really tougher now. Mum always says I work too hard. I try to balance work and play and mum. But it can be rather lobsided at times. More work, more mum and little play. So I decided to take two days away from work and be with mum and the children. Tonight all 5 of them are staying over. Pray that we will all have a good time, staying in my little room and watching my new TV the whole night. Then next morning, we are going to take mum to the beach to eat. She has to walk further.
Mum had her CT scane this Tuesday and we will know what will become of it by Friday. RIchard and Rebecca will be going. I am not good wth hospitals anymore and I have since not want to listen to the news. I just want to work on and I really don't know what else I can do now except to really create memories for the children and my family about the great times with Mum and God.
Pray for me. I need a break and a badly needed one. I pray I can take off to some secluded place where there is no technology, total strangers and just be ME.
Pray for me. I need a break and a badly needed one. I pray I can take off to some secluded place where there is no technology, total strangers and just be ME.
Have a good break!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Happy Chinese Valentine!
Tonight is Chinese Valentine. It is also the last day of the Lunar New Year. I was at Starbucks at Orchard Road to try to do some work. I came to one conclusion that this generation of young people are highly strung because of the caffeine that they are pumping into their bloodstream. Like all my students, these are people who are especially sensitive to light. They will hold their breath, turn their heads when the powerpoint is turned on. Also this is a generation that will have more illnesses that have to do with the ears. Something like anorexia that was unheard of by us, the illnesses of the ear will surface. I jokingly told a student that the best torture for this generation is to lock them in a room of total darkness and punish them to be in a world of silence. Silence can become deafening when the silence is deliberately forced upon.
Mum is doing better this weekend. She had fever on Thursday evening when I got back from work. She didn't tell me at work because she was afraid I would rush back. I will. I will drop everything and charge home. That is why I never bring my handphone to my classrooms where I teach. I need to be professional and to stay professional I have to be as detached as possible with the situation at home. I gave her some panadols and check on her every hour the whole Thursday until about 1am. First thing on Friday morning, I went to her room and touched her forehead. She was alert and told me she was fine. Thank God for His mercies.
Whenever possible, mum will always asked me to go out and have a good time. She must have noticed that I am busy and have been fussing around her when she is at home now. I thank her for the love. I do try and go out but I thoroughly enjoy thinking about things. What about? Well, that is for me to know and for you to find out.
There is a new show on tonight. I was repeatedly told to go watch it. It is kind of painful to watch beautiful people who shines outright from the heart totally push to a corner because their exterior is not perfect. The same lesson of judging people from the cover still stand. We always judge the book by the cover and so unwilling to uncover the beauty in a person.
The poor girl was treated like dirt just because she is not beautiful enough. This is a world about people with a beautiful shell. There is a certain advantage when you are beautiful on the outside. But in the long run the one who will be remembered are the ones whose not so beautiful exterior was burned off by the light from the goodness that exuberates from within. Truly, what makes a person really beautiful?
Have a good week ahead. I so look forward to the March hols.
Mum is doing better this weekend. She had fever on Thursday evening when I got back from work. She didn't tell me at work because she was afraid I would rush back. I will. I will drop everything and charge home. That is why I never bring my handphone to my classrooms where I teach. I need to be professional and to stay professional I have to be as detached as possible with the situation at home. I gave her some panadols and check on her every hour the whole Thursday until about 1am. First thing on Friday morning, I went to her room and touched her forehead. She was alert and told me she was fine. Thank God for His mercies.
Whenever possible, mum will always asked me to go out and have a good time. She must have noticed that I am busy and have been fussing around her when she is at home now. I thank her for the love. I do try and go out but I thoroughly enjoy thinking about things. What about? Well, that is for me to know and for you to find out.
There is a new show on tonight. I was repeatedly told to go watch it. It is kind of painful to watch beautiful people who shines outright from the heart totally push to a corner because their exterior is not perfect. The same lesson of judging people from the cover still stand. We always judge the book by the cover and so unwilling to uncover the beauty in a person.
The poor girl was treated like dirt just because she is not beautiful enough. This is a world about people with a beautiful shell. There is a certain advantage when you are beautiful on the outside. But in the long run the one who will be remembered are the ones whose not so beautiful exterior was burned off by the light from the goodness that exuberates from within. Truly, what makes a person really beautiful?
Have a good week ahead. I so look forward to the March hols.
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