家好月圆

It has been busy cooking for my family. Yesterday I "lor" a duck. It is a soya sauce duck. I don't have a recipe for it but I imagine this is what it should taste like, trusting my tastebuds. Well, I did well. Even the Teochews will agree it is near perfect. But I didn't cut the duck into nice pieces because I couldn't handle the chopper very well. Women has to admit that some things are better done by the man. My dad can cut up the chicken like a real pro.

I have been busy watching a 40 episodes cantonese drama series. This drama series was the original cast of a drama series of a different title. This was the last drama series my mum watched before she had complications. I still remember how she imagined I was after her wealth and wouldn't settle for the night until my brother and sister came. She chased me out of the room and insisted that my brother and sister must be here. So they stayed with her in the room while I slept outside the hospital room along the common corridor. The next morning, she asked for me and she was told that I was sent out of the room by her because I was after her money. I left the hospital to wash up for the day and when I arrived, she asked for me again. She apologized to me for having accused me of something I didnt' do and she did it in front of all my relatives. She cried bitterly for the incident. I cried too. But I had to control lest she hyperventilated. Now watching the same cast, with a different story was so refreshing. It is a drama series with the theme of greed, love, family and forgiveness.

Forgiveness and giving the permission to ourselves to forgive the person who wronged us is vital to survive this brutal and greedy world. I marvelled at the heroine in the show. She was so forgiving but not without telling her enemies who deliberately wrong her or push her to a corner. But what was amazing for her strong desire to protect her children who were splitted up because of the divorce. And then there were sayings in the show that reminded me of my mum. 家和万事兴．If we maintain peace, everything else will be okay.

This afternoon, I went to the mall after I emerged from my room once I finished the 40 episodes in two days. The mall was just full of people walking aimlessly. Some were busy with the post Chinese New Year bargains. I was also looking for the bargains. It felt like Boxing Day. Then I got tired in less than 2 hours. I decided to head home. As I moved down the levels, I found a familiar face at the door of a department store.

I called "Miss Leng" and she called my name. She is none other than my form teacher in P3 and P4. She is older now and looked older. After I left primary school, she is the only teacher I remember. I remember her because she is a very good teacher. She also has passion and she is one of the first person to groom me for teaching. She is an excellent role model for me even today. Although I don't ask what Miss Leng would do if she was here, I certainly want to do a better job than her. And I believe I did. Has to be since I am the swash of the tide. We chatted briefly because she had to attend a dinner with her husband. We will catch up. I told her I am going to quit my job. She told me to stay. This is the second time I told her. Previously I told her after attending a talk on Passion in your work. I told her at a car park. At that time, I had another colleague with me and she told my colleague not to let me do that. Now I met her again, I still want to quit.

Am I running away from my responsibilities? But I have my dreams too. Some of my ex students told me it is high time to leave the job. But then there are those who tell me there is a recession. What is most important is still to hear what God has to say. I am tired, very tired of what I am doing. I have come to a point when I am almost afraid to step into the classroom. I need to get my ummph. I hope to find it soon. Because in about 10 days, I am due back to my job. To many students who don't know me, their nightmare will begin when I enter their classes. To those who know me, they just can't wait to hear my adventures over the past months.

I have grown a lot more thinking. Thinking alot about my future. Thinking about how I should teach better and make my students think more. I don't spend time thinking about how to terrorize my students. I am a natural when it comes to making some one's life a little spicier. When I get spicy, I entertain...

I will be flying to Lanzhou and will be visiting some very dear friends. But I am also going to spend some time to think about my situation. So pray for me. Pray for a clear direction and a clear call. I am very thankful for all the support from my students all these years. Those who left are often glad I am leaving soon. Those who are still in school wished I could stay until they graduate. I think this time, I need to know what I am doing and why I am doing it.

Have a good week. See you soon.

The year of the OX not XO

The rat snitched and left us in a terrible financial mess. It left many of us rather unsettled within because of the uncertain future we are bestowed. So the OX came, amidst all the turmoil. The faithful, stable, loyal, responsible...and the qualities of the OX in the field go on and on. But reality is reality. the year is to be harsher than the last. With government funding and dipping into the country's reserves (GASP!), we are forewarned of a more bleak future.

I have been busy, so very busy preparing the meal for the next three days. Besides shopping for the meal, I had to shop for the house. I met my neighbour Doris when I was home after one of the shopping trips. She decorated the door, the outside of her house because she said the mood for the lunar new year is just not there. So she told me to also decorate. I agreed. I put two very cute kids on the wall of my door. And then some more was done with dad and I within the house.

I am most pleased with myself because for the first time in so many years, I get to clean my room early for the new year. I was motivated by the new bed sheets and quilt cover I got. They were so nice to sleep on. And they don't cost me much because I got them at 60% discount from a reputable store. I also did up mum's room. We remember she liked her bed sheet covered by red and no one would be allowed to sleep on the bed except for her on the last day of the year. I kept to the tradition. Dad kept saying that she would like it if she were to come back. To dad, mum is very much alive.

We went to the grave on Saturday. Dad cried quietly as he cleaned the grave, and watered the plants. I stood by looking on. I used to cry quietly and moved away from the family when I do so because I don't want them to know that I am upset about her passing.

Until someone close to you die you will never really understand what sadness is, what loneliness is, what it means to miss someone, what it is like to really remember those you really missed and finally what love really is.

On such a happy day, I should have a happy mood. But I am too tired to feel the festive mood. I rather like my room now. I could hear the visitors' voices and my family intermingling with them. But I prefer to stay in my room to think. I have always kept the first day of the Chinese New Year to myself and today is no different. My sister and my brother are really good at entertaining guests. I am not good when there is a crowd.

My father gave me a red packet to wish me well for the OX year. My sister in law gave me one and so did my sister. My father's friend gave me one too. I think I will donate them all but I must check how much first. If there is much, I will convert to yuan and bring to China to print some books for the children.

So what are you doing about your ang pow money? My students are already asking when I am returning. And I drag answering them because it means I have to start work soon and I will end my no stress holiday.

In about four days I will be flying to Lanzhou and then to Beijing. I am excited about Lanzhou because Ma Miao is waiting for me and we are going to eat from the start of the street to the end of all the lanes. I will share more when I am there.

Happy OX year and don't drink too much XO.

Great News. 12 Homes adopted out!

My dear Friends

I bring good news. 12 homes in the Pipit Road area were adopted out and we met them on 17th January. The homes were adopted by students of the Humanities Programme in my school. At first, when the programme was introduced, there were many unhappy students because it means they have to set aside more time other than their studies to interact with a total stranger. My team and I faced a lot of discouragements. We were told that we are only doing this to further our cause and to give us a chance at the Michigan competition. I don't deny there is vested interest but I always think if the school doesn't support then who can my team turn to first. There were fears that teachers will once again say that my team is "USING" the school. My team and I have come to one conclusion, setting aside all the ugliness of human nature, we decided to thicken our skin and launch it. Rather than justify over and over again the need to help the poor, we have decided to go ahead. I am very proud of my team. They told me that we are no longer working for Michigan but for the poor in Singapore. So as I stood before my HP students, I told all of them that we are already winners without even going to Michigan. It is about a dream come true.

When I arrived at the Paya Lebar MRT station, I saw many boys all ready to go to the Pipit Road area. All bought $35 worth of food for the family they adopted. It is the first time they are visiting the family. I am deeply moved by all the boys who came. Many of them said they have not been to such a home. Many said it was the highlight of the week. After a briefing at the Moral Family Services, we set out.

The students learned many things. One of which is that the poverty is indeed real. They also learned they don't have the language skills and they lack communication skills. I was rather impressed with the sec 3s that went with me. They were extremely generous.

I am so relieved that we finally got everything started.

Touched down and so much more...

10th January
Touched down exactly at 6:15 am. It was a huge bump but we landed at Changi Airport Terminal 1. Before long we all got out our luggages at the overhead compartment and then I started towards the exit. I was tired. Extremely tired because I didn't even have a good night's sleep. I sat at the emergency aisle and I tell you although you have leg room, you certainly cannot sleep well. I got up around 430am and set in the two seats reserved for cabin crew. Strangely the business class was empty but they packed all of us in the economy class.

The lady that sat beside me was more odd. She told the cabin crew that she was really cold. I could tell she was because she never took off her winter jacket. So the cabin crew raise the temperature and I ended up feeling terrible warm.

Dad was waiting for me at home. You should see his face when he saw my luggages. He was shocked. He asked me how I managed to bring all home. I told him I have my many wonderful boys to thank for. I told my boys they will get marks for helping me...hahaha. Of course I won't give.

I told dad to send me to the best place to eat Kuay Chap and then I shopped for things to prepare for the Chinese New Year. You would think by now I would be exhausted. NO! I started working away at the toilet, the sink and then I finally got to sit and rest. But I couldn't even sleep.

So I blogged.

Sunday was good. I thought. No! I was woken up by my colleague who asked if I was going to church. When I finally found out the reason for asking me this suspicious question, I told him to meet me for breakfast. He unloaded all the pent up frustration and stress for the last three months and asked if I could start immediately to work on some form of system for him.

I started on it on Monday. I prepared my lesson on how to write a research proposal. It was good to be back at school. I met the new boys on the block and I met my form class.

Well, there is no more form class to call but 4H1will always be my form class. I saw my boys are all grown. Happy faces and smiling. Some grew fatter and better for them because they were too thin. Then I have those who went BSC with me and were glad I am finally home. It is so good to know that some of my boys miss me and can't wait for me to get back so I can really start work.

I managed to steal some time yesterday to do something for myself and the coming new year. Wednesday night around 11pm, I took up the challenge to prepare mum's famous gluten. I had to wash a 1kg of flour until I get the gluten. I hope it is good.

As the Chinese New Year draws nearer, I miss my mother even more. The other day, one of mum's friend stopped me along the walkway to the shops and asked me how to make the gluten. I didn't know what was her problem but she certainly stirred up some memories of mum.

My family all dreamt about my mother since her passing. I didn't dream about her until one night in Beijing. I saw her all happy and busy visiting with people. I woke up the next morning not thinking anything more until late afternoon when I realized I finally dreamt about her.

Is it wrong to remember those that went before us? Of course not. Each time I think about my mother, I only have good things to think about.

As a custom in my family, we will be visiting her grave this first day of the Chinese New Year.

Dad wanted to modify a few of the dishes and simplify the way we celebrate Reunion Dinner. I protested and reminded him that I am trying my best to keep the traditions in the house and to remind my family of a wonderful mother, his wife.

Each time a mail came for my mother, my dad will start crying. He did it when I was home the last time in 48 hours. He told me that when I was away, he spent the nights thinking about her, sitting alone in the hall. Sometimes I feel really guilty about leaving him in the house. But I need to have a life and there are many people I need to meet before I fly to Beijing again.

Yes, I am returning to Beijing so that I can transfer to Lanzhou. I promise Ma Miao that I will be coming to meet her and her family and celebrate the new year or part of it with her. I am so thankful that she has invited me.

I had dinner with Cheng Leng, Yihan and Jingshen on Wednesday night. Of course they asked about my trip and about school. I updated them and then we wild away the evening at Ding Tai Feng. We were served by this amiable and smiley waiter who is also Cheng Leng's age. I think my boys felt I was flirting with the young waiter but I was just been nice. I found out my waiter was from RI. Yes, RI boys also need to work. Haha. What moved me most about the evening was when I told my boys that I had to go find some old people for company and need to adjust to an older more mature lifestyle. I explained that in time to come, they will probably be preoccupied with their girlfriends and wives and children and I would be forgotten. The answer I got was, well, why couldn't they still meet up with me and chat like that. One even said that he would make sure his wife would understand. Well, I appreciate this gesture but really, one has to find his or her position in life, agree?

Last night I had reunion dinner with my two godsons. We were all relaxed, without alcohol, catching up on my trip to Beijing. Both Joshua and I will probably be calling Melvin (radio DJ) later on Sunday. We plotted that we would call Melvin and cook up some sob story about our lives so he could play some pathetic music, if it is on the list.

I am very blessed with my two godsons. They are very supportive of my work. One says I should stay on and work in the school. The other say it's about time I do something more dynamic. Guess who said what. One will become a doctor who will probably be worried sick of my health, the other wil be managing my money. But I thank God for the two of them. They care in their own ways and I am very loved by both.

I realized that in life, you cannot keep giving and giving without receiving. The two boys taught me to receive. They always tell me to be bold to make friends and to be confident of who I am. Wow. It is now their turn to teach me.

I have still a few more things to buy and then the new year. I am already for the dinner, all ready with my sauces, saucepans, frying slice, garlic, onions.... Yes, I still need to buy chickens. I did buy the shark fins for Theodora, her special request. Way to go>>>

Last night in Beijing! Revised

北京的夜晚来的特别快。不到傍晚五点，天空很快的由浅蓝到深蓝到黑。空气也突然变冷。不惊不觉得就这样度过我另外一段九十天。来来回回北京已经俩次了。离开也不应这样的伤感。但这次的离开，是我最不开心的一次。

我不喜欢说再会。只喜欢说哈罗。也不喜欢任何人送我去机场。总之道别对我来说是很让我受煎熬的事。我总希望很轻易的带过。可是这次在我没有防备的时候，陈则宁让我非常的感动。

当我接到校长的命令必须要我和另外一位老师开课，我就告诉了陈则宁。当他听了之后，他只说希望我们不要走，应为我们俩已经熟悉北京的运作。可是学校也雪要我们。其实我们本应来六个月，因此把陈则宁的计划改了一些。

但是我不以为是会有很多变化，我也认为他很快的会适应。所以就不把他对整件事的无奈放在心上。

学生毕业典礼的那一天，他把我吓呆了。他在所有学生的面前说他很舍不得我们俩个人的离开。他也希望我们是暂时性的。听到这里心里真不是滋味，很想离开现场。但是为了给他面子，我留下来帮学生拍照。

当晚我和同事们被请去吃铁板烧。陈则宁与我同一辆车因为我迟到了。刚好与他同车。因为我们都是哥们，与他很谈得来，所以我很高兴我们可以畅谈。当我们等的士时，我忘了我说什么，但他的答案是如果没有人帮我，他会义不容辞帮我，会和我并肩作战。我非常感动。因此当我们到达餐馆，我刻意坐了他的左边。

我们都喝了清酒。每个人有一瓶。我从来没看过陈则宁喝很多。可是那晚他喝了不少，四到五壶吧。我也喝了不少，三壶。但我还很清醒。我选择了坐在他的左边。感觉他可能有话说。那夜，我听到了他的每一句。我咬紧牙关，忍着要出的泪听他要说的话。

你可能不相信。我可以很冷静。我必须冷静。因为我必须冷静思考怎样去回答一个好朋友的话。
他说能和一个人做朋友是缘份。我非常同意。他和我相象的地方是我们哥们两都只有几个知心朋友。因为我们俩都是非常努力去经营我们朋友之间的友情。我答应他如果他结婚，我一定到。无论我在那儿我都必会到。

虽然他觉得那夜的感觉特好，因为他把要说的都说了，但我可回去想了很多。想了我们怎么样认识，怎么样在不惊不觉中变了好朋友。

我欣慰的是我在北京有几个这样的好朋友。我非常感激。我太幸福了。马淼和小许，有马文君，有彭老师和霍老师（帮我们照顾学生），还有小敏（打扫房间的小姑娘）都在我心里烙印。我感谢上帝我们相逢，感谢上帝给我这些朋友。

陈则宁让我想到了我在外有很多好朋友。但是我家里的朋友也在等我回家。就让耶稣的旨意带领吧。唯有活在耶稣里面，跟随他的旨意，我才能活出精彩，活出真我。

我愿主保佑陈则宁那颗对朋友的真心。保佑他能够找到一样用真心对待他的人。愿主也保佑马淼和小许，永远的守住他们对彼此的爱。愿主给文君智慧。愿我每一位在远方与家中的朋友都过一个好年。

Here's the gist for Bonita, albeit a lot more different from the mandarin version:

The school we worked with gave us a dinner. There were about 11 of us. So we were the only two left. I guess because I was late so Allen had to wait for me. While waiting for the cab, I couldn't remember what I said but he told me that even if no one would stand with me, he would be standing with me. He asked if I would believe he would do that. This was a tough question to answer. But after the dinner, I know the answer.

Allen was assigned to sit right at the end of the teppanyaki table. I chose to sit next to him because I felt he wanted to have a good talk with me. All of us had one bottle of sake to start with. By the end of the evening, Allen had 5 and I had three. I was not drunk and was actually really trying very hard to hold back my tears.

Allen shared his heart out with me on the last night I had in Beijing. I listened intently albeit stupefied by what he was telling me. He told me that he was going to miss me and that he knew no matter where I went, I would have made myself many friends. I realized later that evening that like him, I am very picky about who I hang out with and who I call friends. Like Allen, we both feel that it takes time and effort to make friends and keep them and we both work hard at keeping our friends so we take our time to choose friends. He had very few friends. I had very few friends too. For once I found someone who can agree with me that you don't have to have many good friends. A few will do. You may not agree with both of us but we both agree that friendship takes a lot of energy to invest in. Not that friends are our investment but it shows how serious we are about the friends we have made. I found a kindred spirit that night.

He asked if he invited me for his wedding in the future and would I come. I promised I would be there. I will make it for his wedding. He shared that he learned alot from me but I could hear what I actually taught him. I was very sad that night and to some extent I was unhappy to be so unhappy about leaving. I kept telling myself that my family and friends in Singapore are also waiting for me but I felt really lousy when I got to my bed.

Allen and I took the taxi home because we came together. So just before we left the cab I told him that he was only allowed to be sad for the evening and then tomorrow, the sun will rise and we will embrace the fact that we are both not going to see each other for a while.

The strange thing is although I was there for three months, I was not really around him at all. I was either sitting in the classes to listen to the lessons or cooking porridge for my sick boys or simply doing something and a bit of shopping la. So I wouldn't think he minded so much my going away. I also thought he would have gotten used to people coming and going from his school since he dealt with international students. But his reactions to my leaving shocked me.

I noticed Allen almost immediately when I first went to Beijing. He came forward and took my bag. It was heavy and huge. I was totally embarrassed and felt so bad he had to take that monster and wished he wouldn't hurt his back. And then our friendship started with Vincent and Julian always asking him to take us to places to drink and eat. This time round, Allen said I caught up with Vincent (I started talking about where to eat and what to eat just like Vincent did). I corrected Allen by saying that I am better. I really know where to eat and what. I finally found out that I loathe the 香油。The people in China used a kind of fragrant oil (some kind of combine seeds with sesame to add on to food and salads) all the time. One whiff of the oil will send me away. It was supposed to be fragrant but it turned me off. I brought two bottles of sesame oil from Singapore and gave it to the chef that cooked for us at the canteen in school and one to my warden. My warden opened it and she told me that my bottle is the best oil ever. I am thinking if I should start pushing for it in China....

So our friendship grew. I always hear him complained about not getting shirts that fit and so, so Idecided to buy him one. Joshua and I picked out two shirts for him at Marks and Spencer and they fitted him perfectly. When he wore it the first time, he told me he didn't want to wash it because the shirt felt so good. His face lighted up when he finally found something that fitted. I laughed hard.

Then of course, I had the 原本s. We still laughed at that. But I repaid all and added some finese by buying some very expensive chocolates to compensate for my bad behaviour.

Leaving Beijing this time was much harder. I left behind two wardens who kept telling me to remember to come back in October to lead the group. They told me that if not for me, the students will not be so good in behaviour. Of course I blasted the students for misbehaviour. What must be done, must be done even if I knew I was not the most popular. I told my class I never regretted a decision I had to make.

Then I have the Ma sisters and Xiao Xu. Xiao Xu (Ma Miao's husband) even messaged me to tell me that he would be coming to pick up my bags. I will be visiting them in Lanzhou this Lunar New Year. Ma Miao's family even painted the walls of their home to prepare for my arrival. I am all excited about going. All Wenjun said about the place is that there is a lot of good food to eat there. haha.

I left my heart everywhere I went. This time is no different. I wish I can stay as long as I can but there is work to be done. I also have a group of students waiting for me to start work with them. I cannot put their lives on hold even though I know I will miss my friends in Beijing very badly. I just hope in the business of things at home, the pain of missing them will be less.

Allen said he would not be happy if I forgot him. Who does? He told me before that I will miss him. I wasn't too sure he was right. I was thinking he was too sure to say such a thing because I am known to walk out of people's lives rather easily. Well, whatever he did, he sure make me changed my mind about this friendship. I never thought I will let the friendship go but to remember someone, that is really something. He didn't just make me remember him, but also made me think again if I should ask to come back to Beijing.

When I returned to Beijing this time, I realized it is not what I can do for China. It is what China can do for me.

When I stepped into the church at Xidan, I realized I did not make use of my six months to get to know the local church. I realized I was too self centred and kept inside my own cocoon. I have become too comfortable with my routine and not willing to see what God wants me to see. If God is willing, then I will return to Beijing one more time and many more time. I know God is not done with me in Beijing. God shows me that I have some more work to do. But I have to say I am tired. My body is not well and I am actually worried about my knees. So may be God wants me to rest up for another round. If I can be of help to Allen and if God is willing, I shall obey and return. So may God's will be done.

I am truly thankful to all those who allow me to grace their lives. I am so blessed because they allow me to walk in and share their lives with them. For without them, my life will not be so enriched and reflective.

Good luck Beijing...

and Hello Singapore

Visit to a local Chinese Church last night was great!

There is a church very near to my hostel. I have seen this church when I last stayed here with mum when I went around to shop in 2006. The gate is always locked when I passed by and gave me the impression that the church is not opened. I wondered about how great it would be if the church could open its doors to sell bibles.

Well, two sundays ago, I decided to check it out. I slept in a little because some how the cold winter beckons you to sleep on and on. I woke up around 930 and then off to church I went. I missed the church and took about an twenty minutes to find it. It was hidden behind a building shrouded in green. I saw a large crowd moved out and then I knew I was so late that the service ended. But I did take a walk and looked inside and sat down for a short prayer before I left for home.

Last night, I was supposed to be out with Wenjun. But she had work last minute so I ended up going alone. This time I was early. Actually I was about to look around the shops there for clothes my size and decided to cut short my trip when I saw people slowly triggling in at 1835. The service starts at seven in the night. I was curious so I decided to might as well join in. To my pleasant surprise of course....the hall was already three quarters full.

I introduced myself to an usher around 50 years of age and she greeted me in the Lord. After about 10minutes or so, the worship leader came on to the platform and began teaching us three songs we were to sing immediately when the service began. Interestingly, he would encouraged us to sing with gusto and meaning and even the accurate note. First, the whole congregation will sing the Me-Re-Dos of the piece (just like I did in my church choir many years ago) and then they sing the piece with the words and music. I learned two songs last night. The third I knew the tune and sang with confidence. In fact towards the end of the service, I was the only one who held the tune for the people around me. Ha Ha.

Then the actual service began with the congregation silently praying for God to come and visit them.

The choir came in, followed by the worship leader and the pastor. Then the service started with the first song we practised. It was so different. The singing in the international church and the singing amongst chinese. There is just something about our voice that made the singing a lot sharper. I always find singing in chinese makes my voice a lot higher than when I sing in english.

The pastor is 张书强。May be in his early 40s. He is very gentle with the congregation. The message was taken from Romans 11:33 to 12:2.
33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?"
35 "Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?"
36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is true worship.
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be
able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I shall share about the message in first person.

The year 2009 opens with greetings of a great and happy new year. It tells that we hope that this year will be better than 2008. However the year opens with war and is in the shadows of the financial crisis that hit us hard in 2008. Some of us will plan great plans. Some of us want to tie the knot this year, some want to buy bigger houses or newer cars. But some of us may have more white hairs. Some may not see the year end. Some may even be ill. So how? Is this a happy new year?

If we think about Job, we will learn that he was a man so full of sorrows and pains. But God allowed it. Did Job complain? He did. But God didn't answer his question when he asked "Why me!" God just asked him questions "Where were you when I created heaven and earth?" Job could only say nothing because God is God and He is God and He knows what He is doing and why He is doing it. Job could only say this that in his difficulties he could see the mercy and love of God. And he was learning from all these.

We too have no right to tell God what we want because if we look at the questions Paul asked, we really cannot tell God to do it our way. What do we know? Does God owe us a living? But this we can do, we can offer ourself a living sacrifice and allow God to lead us. He has the blueprint of our lives and He has wired us to live fully in Him if we submit to His will and plans. We are to live for Him, for the people He put in our lives and to serve the people He has placed around us.

Then holy communion was served. The pastor broke the bread and then served the worship leader and then both ate the bread. The pastor raised the cup and gave it to the worship leader and both drank the cup together. Then there are people distributing the bread and the cup. One hold the bread and the other the cup. Each time they gave out a piece of bread, they would say the bread is the body of the Lord broken for us. And then we ate the bread. After that the cup was passed and the person who gave it to me told me that the cup was proof of Christ's love on the cross for us. And each time, different words and reminders were said by each distributor of the holy communion. That is how serious they are with the holy communion.

Next came the last song and the service ended with a silent prayer and a benediction.

What did I learn?
One question that came to my mind when I was seated in the congregation was could these Chinese be hearing the right message? I answered my own question as the service proceeded. It doesn't matter if the message is real or fake or under any pretense because the word of God is preached. Yes, not all that call Lord, Lord enters the kingdom of God but God's word is preached. There was no praising of the government, no propaganda saved this "That our God is a merciful and loving God and He has a plan for us. It is not up to us to tell God what we want but we are to follow Him." This message cannot be more true. Most of all the Lord is exalted in the songs. The congregation sang about a triune God that has all the power and glory. The congregation ascribe all glory to God and taught me to not judge the work amongst the Chinese Christians in Beijing.

There is so great a need to reach out to a population that needs the Lord. In their education and their thinking, God is really foreign and philosophical. I am not sure HOW Christ will reach them, but He will. He will use us, if we are willing and living for Him. I still feel for my Chinese friends. When they know the Lord, the power unleash by God in their lives will be unimaginable. It just take one of us to go on our knees.

As I was leaving the church, I took a brochure that asked us to pray for China. The Church wants us all to pray for China's government, for the freedom to worship.

God is in China. He has been here way before anyone of us want to witness here. God has his way!

May Jesus Christ be praised! May God continue to reign amongst His believers here. May God's work continue on.

How I spent my Christmas!

Well,, I have not been blogging because my boys have been taking ill. One day 8, another day 9 and another 9. All had flu with fever. I was busy cooking for them. So allow me to quickly blog about the Christmas season.


I had the priviledge of going out with 马淼, 文君and 小许。We went to watch 非诚勿扰。It was a movie about a man looking for a wife and his requirements were many. One of which is the other party must be sincere in wanting to have him as a mate. I was fascinated by the conversations that went on in the movie as well as the humour. The movie got people thinking about what marriage is. It was my first time meeting 小许，马淼's husband. He told me that he has heard so much about me and was glad to finally meet me personally. He is sighted and from the many things he did for his wife, I could tell he loves her dearly. He would throughout the movie tell her who was talking, what this person was dressed in and where this place is. And he did it quietly and did it with so much patience.　Imagine that! His wife just listened intently laughing along with us.

After the movie we went for dinner. They bought me dinner and it was good. I finally had something like pickled veggies and fish soup which got me eating for more.


Later we adjourned to a coffee house. The deco inside was beautiful. But the price of the food and drinks were not so nice. We had a great time though talking about our dreams and what we could do. The couple kept telling me that they are old and I told them they are not at all old.

Later in the week, when I went to see　马淼 for the treatment, she told me that her husband was just blown away by my attitude. He could not believe that at my age, I am still trying to start something new and looking for another avenue. He has almost resigned to fate that this will be what he has to do and that his plate is already full. I had to tell them that I am trapped in an old body with a very young mind. Sometimes, whether I like it or not, I am just not able to feel old on the inside. Honestly, this is very depressing for me. And it is not funny that I cannot seem to feel old on the inside. I wish, and not to make anyone jealous, I really wish I can feel old!


A few days later, Allen had dinner with me at one of China's first restaurant to serve Western food. It is an old Russian restaurant and Beijing folks call it 老莫。It lies within walking distance from the zoo where we always go for our soya bean drinks. The food was good. I enjoyed the food except for one. It was the caviar Allen ordered. We were both shocked not only by the small amount we got but also by the taste.

That tiny bit Allen is pointing to cost 260 yuan. It is not even fresh. You can see Allen is not very pleased. Not only that, he had to ask if it all came from the same can and if there is a difference in the quality. The next serving size cost 1200 yuan.

When it came, I burst out laughing after looking at Allen's face. We were just so shocked. Allen added more humour when he tried to analyse what good caviar should look like. I almost choked on my food.

In the course of my week, I actually ate a sturgeon for my dinner. It was cooked in soup and very, very good stock loaded with chinese herbs. I couldn't taste the sturgeon then. But with the caviar, I could tell it was not so delicious. The company made up for the evening.

That was how I spent my Christmas and my Christmas weekend. How was yours?