Tank 呂建中

When I was out doing fieldwork on Tuesday morning, I picked up the TODAY newspaper because the title of the news caught my eye. It was about suicide rates going up in 2009 and almost double that of 2008. It was stated that males between the ages of 20-29 are most prone to suicides. Last year alone there were 400 cases of suicides. 

I thought alot about this issue this week because many of my ex students are at this age group and most of them are males. I hope this video will encourage them to get help if they need. I also hope that they will learn to live but not live dangerously in order to de-stress.

The video below is about a Taiwanese Singer TANK. When his voice first break through the music scene, it rocked the Asian Pop Music circle. This is a video about his rise to fame, his downfall and then his second rising in 2009. I picked this story because it is about a young man who having tasted a simple life and went on to fame over night became lost with the sudden death in the family. The pressure to maintain the cool amidst the turmoil in the heart was commendable. He acknowledged that when he did everything without GOD, his life was terrible. But when Tank allowed God to take control, he stand up again. 

The prayer at the end of this video is good. You should listen to how the pastor prayed. And the pastor at the end of the video was once a famous actor who surrender everything to GOD and now serving in Christian Media for the Lord. Enjoy.

我不要飞来的运气, 也不用比别人荣幸
只求当我在谷底,还有力气疼痛和哭泣
荆棘中还能辨认来 时的脚印.

我不求变成个奇迹,也不用开创天或地
只求我最迷茫时, 还能找到最初的自己
如 果我痛到必须要闭上眼睛就看见你 

Tank has a genetic heart disease and he can die anytime in his sleep. That is why towards the last stanza in the chorus, he says the he is not asking to become a miracle or create the heaven or the earth. He is just hoping when he is so lost and wandering, he can still find himself. And when he is in pain and needs to close his eyes to rest, he just wants to see the Lord.

Driving with my ex boys on Saturday!

Yesterday was a really meaningful day for me. I waited for Joshua to finish his work at the hospital. He was rather busy so I decided to keep myself busy too. I went hunting for medical supplies that I think would be useful when I got to Pipit Road. When Joshua was finally done, we drove to Toa Payoh Lorong 4 to try the famous Chicken rice. But it was closed at 3pm. We got to nearby shops and ordered a simple meal. Then I bought some spring rolls and we headed straight for Pipit Road.

We arrived at 4pm and met Joee. At the lift landing Joee met a lady and her 96 year old mother who was about to go for a walk. Joee told her to bring her mum upstairs so Joshua could look at her. While Joshua went to get his stethoscope, the old lady spat out the phlegm in her throat. She was rather reluctant to be checked but we told her it would not take much time or pain. When Joshua checked her lungs, her lungs were clear. He asked some more questions to check other inflammation. He noticed she makes a funny sound in her throat. 

The next house we went to was an Indian lady with a badly maimed foot attached to her lower leg. It was all black and oozing with water and blood. It was very bad. I used to see this Indian lady before when I visited Pipit Road and the sight of her foot is very unsettling. Joshua cleaned her wound and checked that she has proper medicine. She was put on antibiotics and he told her to see the doctor again on Monday. Her condition has worsened and to check on a throbbing globule in her right leg just where the wound was. 

The third house is Joee's god mother's house. She had a form of eczema related to the veins. Joshua was a little annoyed that the lady didn't really cover her eyes and tried to be playful. It was rather funny watching how she covered the wrong eye and Joshua's exasperation over that. hahaha.

Then we moved up to the 9th floor and met yet another 96 lady. She complained of a burning sensation in her right eye and upon checking, Joshua found her to have conjunctivitis. He advised her daughter to bring her to the polyclinic on Monday.

Finally we reached the 2nd floor where the 78 year old lady was. She has teary eyes. Joshua doesn't think there was anything wrong. But we sat for a short while to talk and she shared about how God healed her. 

The day was very meaningful because I finally got some one to give some medical advice on ladies who have not been given any attention. The social system in the area has preference. Preference is only given to  those who are registered. I don't know how much to register but these people are really poor. I hope Joshua learned something yesterday. I always believe that it is important to see other sick people, especially the older folks.


Then we went to meet some friends and had dinner. First we picked up Yifong at Woodlands. He knew I was tired and so he asked if he could take over the wheel. Joshua was apprehensive about Yifong's driving. I opened the door to the driver seat and gave the seat to Yifong. He drove all the way to Tampines to meet Shaun and we picked him up and went straight for Downtown East. After dinner, we proceeded to East Coast park for coffee and this time, Joshua took over the wheel. Later he also drove us to his home and it was his first time driving on the high way. We had some nerve racking moment but we were safe and sound. 

We nearly hit the divider on the right but we were all safe and sound. 


Later Yifong drove Shaun home and finally he drove himself back to Woodlands. After which I drove all the way back home. 


I thoroughly enjoyed the ride. Though there were moments when we have to cling on to our seat as Joshua drove, I was glad he tried. He became too confident at times but the three of us at the back will tell him to slow down. We had a good laugh at each other's driving skills. hahaha. But what I liked most was the boys all sang when the songs that they are familiar with came on the radio. They also shared some good childhood memories of war craft, star craft or whatever craftiness there is and they chatted about it. 

Although I got up more tired than the day before, I am happy I did so many things. I don't wish to brag but I really have some very good ex students to hang out with. Thank you Lord.

Job Hunting 2

The answer is one that you won't expect. I thought the question was unique. I searched the deepest part of my soul and then told her...I cannot ever remember which is the worst word because in my fit of anger, I just say what was appropriate to say. At that my interviewer burst into laughter...Honestly can you remember which is the worst word you used. Sometimes, the best word to describe how you feel about this rotten situation begins with F. But I don't use it on my students at all. This is because they use it so often, there is no effect.

The interviewer likes me alot. She said my experiences are vast and that is true. She asked if she could negotiate with me the pay, I told her very unlikely. She also suggested upon hearing I am interested in doing mission that I should do some part time relief with the company. I also told her I prefer project basis since that will free me time to do community work and service. Before I left, she told me earnestly to please keep in touch with the company. I find this very heartening. 

I seem to be able to see a ray of light now. I want the Lord to show me some more. Pray for me.

Job Hunting 1

I have started my job hunt again. I decided to try anything that came to the screen and so I applied for an overseas position. Within 3 weeks, the invitation came for me to go for the interview. What was interesting was that there was a questionnaire to fill in before I attended the interview. I liked the questions and answered them most honestly but was intrigued why they wanted ask those questions.

The first question was to find out how I would react to students of different learning abilities. It was easy to do that. The second, I was given a scenario where a mother was angry because the teacher scolded the rich daughter infront of the class and as a result, the princess refused to take her dinner. What was I to do? I wrote that I would apologized that the rich mother was upset with my decision to scold the princess. But I would still explain why I did what I did and if she didn't except the explanation I will resign but maintained that what I did was not wrong. But I added that in the real situation, I would scold the student infront of two other students or more and later explain why I had to do it. And I would always ask the friends who are present if I was harsh. 

So I went for the interview. It was a rather hidden area from the central part of Chinatown and difficult to find but I have my father as my walking GPS. So he taught me how to get there. I got there just on time. 

At the interview in this tiny room with a huge table with lots of paper work, I met two ladies. The lady who interviewed me happened to know my school. The conversation was interesting. She was more interested to find out what I was doing in this school I am teaching. But most of all I liked her question when she asked me what was the worst word I would use when I scold students. 

How would you answer this question? I stop blogging now and let you think about this answer. 
 

An interesting dinner tonight

My family got together to commemorate mum's third death anniversary this evening. The whole week dad has been out of sorts. He also told me this morning that he seems to see a shadow following him and he thinks it is mum. I hope what happened tonight can comfort his soul.

Dinner was at Richard's. I drove Rebecca and the children there because Thomas was out of town. Although I couldn't really remember how to get there, I was lost for a while but Timothy showed the way. Trusting his good sense of direction, we arrived ready for dinner. Timothy was asked to say the grace for dinner and then the littlest two girls, Theodora and Stacia started to dig into their bowls of goodies. They didn't eat much but they were happy to see each other again. These two are best of friends. 

The rest of us gathered at the two tables and we were all eating. I have lost my appetite lately and so food is kind of not my interest of the day. But I had some great soup. 

After dinner, Serina sat us all down and started playing a video disc that they found a couple of weeks ago. It was all of mum's photos and at the instant when mum's photo appeared, dad's flood gates opened and didn't shut down. The children were all asked to look at the photos and think of what to share when the show finished. The two littlest girls got colour pencils down and started drawing a card to mum. Then Serina chaired the session. The adults were all crying softly. The children were all shocked by the opening of the flood gates and handled us tissue papers to dry our eyes.

All of them remember mum to be feeding them and taking care of them when they were young. They remembered how she made milo for them and cooked each of their favourite dishes each Sunday when they come. 

After that we adjourned to a park near Richard's house and the children played their hearts out.

I liked what happened this evening because I think mum would want us all to sit and eat together and remember her. Richard tried to cook her famous dishes but they were not close to mum's standards. This was because he doesn't stay with her. I do. So I have all her cooking secrets and I taught them some tonight. I shall start passing down the recipes because I don't know when I go. I have a friend who didn't learn to cook from her mum because she thought her mum would never die. It was because I cautioned her that she learned some dishes. The good thing is that she still can get to taste mum's cooking but the bad thing is now she has to cook for everybody. 

Through all her photos, my mum showed a vibrant life very unlike mine. She was always performing on stage either with martial art or sing or for Qi gong. Her life was meaningful and even though she was not working and alone at home, she would sing her songs. She would also read the bible and faithfully attended church until she became too ill to go to church. 

If I ever fall sick and fatally sick, I hope I have the courage to fight till the end like mum did. She told my dad that even with death we have to learn. We must learn how to die. I will never forget how she raised her right hand towards heaven when the doctor couldn't find any veins. She told God "If I live, I live because of you. If I die, I die because of you."

Towards the last days, she was trying to pull out the oxygen tube to her nostrils. At first, we didn't notice. Then I notice her pushing it away. Then I remembered her telling me that should she be unconscious and unwell she wouldn't want to be put on a respirator. I removed the tube from her and when the machine shuts down, there was so much silence. A week later, she went home to be with the Lord. 

I still remember how the sisters from her church laid hands on mum and told us that they saw a tree with falling leaves and a white flower slowly fading with falling petals. I knew the time was near. We were all very brave, including the kids as we sent our mum home. 

I spoke on the second day of mum's wake and shared Proverbs 31. Indeed she is a virtuous woman and raised three very special persons. My success is because I have a great mum and a great dad. 

When I remember my mum, I remember not just how she dies. I remember how she always give of her best. She told me that she would do her best in everything. That was why she was topped all the time. She didn't complete her primary education because of the war. But if she did, she would be a professor by now. I remember her determination and her zeal. She was extremely smart and calculated her moves. But when you meet her, if you could meet her, she was a small and soft spoken lady. 

Mum, rest well. See you soon. We promise you that it will only be a moment. We told you that we will be coming right behind you. So wait for us. 

Heavenly Father, as mum rests, I pray you will keep her soul in tact till we meet again. Thank you for giving us this eternal hope that we will gather as a family again. Thank you so much for Jesus. Because He lives, we can face tomorrow together.

Dante"s Inferno

Have you seen this man before? Yah, this man on your left. He is the famous Thinker. Have you ever wondered what he is thinking about? 

Most of the time, we see the thinker without the full picture. We always only see the Thinker sitting down and contemplating about something. It is interesting because as I continue my search about the organic church, the book actually talks about The Thinker. The thinker has a name. He is Dante. And he is not thinking about where he lost his clothes (from the book) instead he is sitting on top of the GATES OF HELL. He is in a mood of regret as he contemplates on the stories of each figure on the Gates of Hell (picture on the right). 

I never knew the Thinker has such a story. And how is this related to what I am about to learn about the Organic Church.

On a sunny Wednesday morning, I was informed there was a visitor to see me at the office. It was an ex student. I was told this person was waiting at the office and would like to know if I wanted to see him. I went down immediately after I prepared my class for the morning assembly in the classroom. I was informed Bing Xing was here. I whispered to my clerk that this person is not one of student I am close to and so I wondered even more why he wanted to see me so early in the morning.

I met Bing Xing about a few months ago earlier this year at the airport. I remember him to be one of my students who is and probably still is very good at basketball. He has a mind of his own even at a very young age. I know him to be rather different. So I was not surprised when he told me at the airport that he was really not fond of the school he attended. I thought this was a little bit too much to take because he came across rather arrogant. So when I saw him on Wednesday morning I asked him how I could help him. His answer surprised me. He told me that he just wanted to see me. And he has been trying to look for me after our meeting at the airport and so he googled and found my blog and read it. He said that God has laid it in his heart to send him to see me. That was the most interesting because I was never close to him at all. 

So he came and was sent by God after he read about my entry and frustration with the church scene in Singapore. His attitude was different when he came on Wednesday morning to see me. It was a very composed Bing Xing and a very mature young man that morning. He started sharing about the essence of the home church or the DNA of the home church with me. Unfortunately I had to start a class at 0830 and couldn't hear much of it but I am interested.  Later in the day, he sent me a mail to invite me to one of the meetings that Wednesday night.  I declined because it was my mum's third death anniversary. I want to stay close to home and avoided all kinds of phone calls, emails. I want to remember what it was like three years ago when mum died.


But I was moved by what Bing Xing did for me. I am deeply touched that he cared so much for my spiritual growth when no one else bothered to hear my cry. I have since done some more research. I have been thinking through and I know my talk with him will not be the last. We will talk again because there are just too many doubts I have.


While I want to go to a church that teaches sound truths, I also am wary of cults that can abuse this homely setting. I am also doubtful if the teachers that so teach in these homes are going to abuse the trust each believer comes with. Will they dig into the secrets we have and dig some more? How vulnerable will each believer become? Such are the many fears. While I want to trust, I cannot just give no caution to the wind. So what is it? Bing Xing is probably reading this and he will probably email me. I didn't give him my phone number because I didn't want to entertain calls on such matters. I want to talk.


I am also thinking a lot about Christian youngsters these days. I have spoken to my friend Bee Yen about the youths in our church. They are really soft. They are not equipped. She is doing a good work amongst the young people in her church but the response is still weak. I asked Barry about what is happening to his church for the young people. He told me the usual youth fellowship and the gathering. Socializing! That is what we are teaching our young people to do. What is the conversation they will have? I may sound very judgmental and even legalistic and strict but hey, GOD judges too. He searches and knows our hearts and every intent in those of us who are His own.

Going to church every Sunday and doing the same thing does not make you any closer to God. It is what you are like when you are not in church that spells whether you live in Christ or not. So where is GOD on Sunday? It is not about where GOD is on Sunday. It is where are you everyday with GOD.

I disciplined a boy yesterday when he didn't tuck in his shirt. I told him to do it but he turned a deaf ear and then when I bumped into him again, the shirt was still out. I held him back as he was in a hurry to leave for a field trip. He still didn't want to tuck in his shirt and didn't want to wear a belt. At which I told him he didn't need to go for the field trip with his stained shirt and tucked out stained shirt. His other friend tucked in his shirt immediately and I sent that friend off. This culprit stood there and I asked him why he refused to obey the order and tried to change my school's uniform. He said "Sorry." At that I told him, his sorry came a little too late. I yelled at him and asked for his name. He is Nathan. Then I asked if he is a christian. He said he is and goes to Elim Church. And then I asked him why his shirt is so dirty and why he is so sloppy. I continued my interrogation and asked him where is GOD in his life because what he is doing shows me there is no GOD. He stood there, poor thing, not knowing how to answer me. Must we constantly ask these young people where GOD is in their lives?


What has the church done? The church has institutionalized God's people. We are keeping "God's people" in. That means the church is keeping us OUT of something.

The church is good at keeping us out of the great commission. The great commission of getting out there and bringing the people in. Instead we are keeping Christians in the church every Sunday worshipping GOD who wants us out there to reach out to the poor, the needy and the sick. But we are inside. Of course, I am not advocating that we live and do all these only on a Sunday. Do it everyday. Because the Great Commission is to all of us who knows the truth to bring in the harvest. We the church is staring at the Gates of Hell. And we are doing nothing very much about this FACT. We will become Dante. We will sit on top of that gate and with regret wonder if we could have done something else.

If we look around Singapore, it is not difficult to see there are many sad people. Sad and lonely people who pretend they are really feeling good. Suicides are common with people who put on the most pleasant and happy facade. Recently, the Korean entertainment TV paid tribute to another Korean pop star who hanged himself. He was happy, had a few drinks, went home and apologized to his father for not looking after him well, pop some pills and then went and hanged himself. No wonder knew his pains. No one knew how sick his father was and the tremendous stress he was under. He couldn't tell because no one can believe this smiling face has such a sad story behind it. He was the clown. So he chose his only way out. Happy people don't lead happy lives much to many people's belief. Because not all who smile are happy. I know this very well. 

Don't be a Dante. Don't keep staring at the Gates of Hell. Snatch a few from the Gates and bring them to GOD. Don't just stay in a church, get out there and bring these people into God's word. 

Someone ever asked me to go back to church because no one is going to bury me if I don't. Hahaha. I always thought about that. I guess, if I am already gone, I will leave the living to deal with who they want to officiate my funeral. Make it simple. I will be too busy in heaven to attend my own funeral anyways.

Ungrateful children

I have been thinking about ungratefulness over the past week. My sister shared about what she heard at a prayer meeting. It was about a lady who apparently is an elder of the Chinese congregation at her church. This mother dared not cry during the prayer meeting in her own church. Instead she went to another church's prayer meetings and cried her heart out to the Lord about her son. This was because nobody will believe how terrible her son is. She has a very rebellious and ungrateful son.

What did the son do? Well, it is not what the son do but what didn't the son do. It irks me too because I think this is so typical of young people. She complained that her son was rude to her and would never want to be in the same room with her. Mind you the boy was brought up in a Christian home and had all the Christian teachings in the Sunday school and church. Not only was he this way, he would rather buy friends gifts when he was out on a holiday and not think of his parents or get them some things when he returned. When she asked if she could have some, he rudely told her that it was meant for his friends. When she continued to ask if she could just have one packet, he threw all the gifts at her and left. Dramatic. What happened?

Another lady told my sister later that when the boy was young, this elder of the church controlled him and was very strict. So according to them, he is now rebellious because he was too controlled in the past. Really? What theory is that?

I believe this is what happened. The boy did not learn when he was taught. He is probably angry with the mother for teaching him and as a result, the teaching did not go right to his heart. He did however tried to put on a show that he will do the right thing.

I dislike ungrateful children. I will admonish. If they hate me for it, I will tell them that they will be thankful to me one day. Because children learn from their parents. One day, this boy will grow up. He will have children of his own. His children will do the same to him.

Have you thanked your parents for your good life lately? If you have not, do it soon. 

This evening I have to discipline my nephew Timothy for his disobedience and rudeness towards my sister. I was very harsh with him and I told him I am totally disappointed with him. I told my sister she should weep for having such a son. His face was black like charcoal and I left the house telling Timothy that he will not be blessed at all because of his lousy attitude. Of course he turned a deaf ear to my ramblings. What happened to Timothy? He is very far from GOD. So pray for him that Timothy will honour God and his parents.

The bible says that those of us who honour our parents, who remember their teachings and who listen to the parents will lead a long life. If you want a short life, just do one thing, rebel against your parents. Not only will your life be short, it will be devastating because when you are like that, you are not nice to GOD and man. You will do yourself in. Don't tell me you don't want to be blessed by God. You rather GOD curse you? No way!

I thank God for my parents. They can be tough to obey. But they are always right. I don't wish to live long. But I am still very ungrateful to them for sharing their wealth and giving me their love.

The Organic Church

It bugs me that every Sunday I have to find a reason to go to church. I have been to church for the last 8 months and still found that I have no reason to be there. I am troubled because I have been thinking about why this is the case since I have grown up in a church.


I have been looking for an answer why I don't want to go to church. Bizzare as it may be but I found something that could explain why I was feeling this way. I met my friend Helen and for a long time she has been trying to get me to read this book on Organic Church. On my way back from lunch with her, I read through the pages of the book and I am taken in.


The church as I have always believe it to be, should be a place for people to go in and seek for peace, relief, help of any kind. But most of the church doors are closed till Friday. Some open for the occasional Ladies Fellowship, Man's Fellowship or Breakfast but not many of those who go in there are those who don't know about the Lord or who really want to know about the Lord.

SInce my return in 1996 I have noticed the church scene to be one that "Christians" meet and eat and then go back to their lives like they have never met God. Perhaps God was not there at all. I listened to many of the messages and none came close to asking all of us to get up from our seats and get out there and bring them in. Not by our standards but by God's standards. What is God's standards of bringing these people in?


Jesus sat by the well and waited. He found a woman who gave him water and found this woman to be needing security. He knew she had 5 husbands before and that her life was one that was troubled. Jesus went to the lepers. He went to the blind. He waited for the sickly. Such is our Jesus.

If Jesus was here today, where will he be? He will be in His workplace and he will be working hard to bring His colleagues to God. He will be where God wants Him to be outside the church. God has sent us OUT with a GREAT Commission. Not send us back into the church and sit.


Then there is this issue with bigger churches and big budget with the building funds. Why is the church getting bigger? Why are we spending money to build a church so big that only lock the doors till Friday for the Big Welcome? Bigger churches are now built with bigger car parks for some of us who drive to church. Can we have smaller churches like in a home? Where people who don't know God feel that they don't have to play church to get to know Who Jesus is. 

I may be shot at by many who have been to church and still going to be "FED". I believe there must be a group out there who feels the same way as I do right now about going to church. I hope to meet these people and we worship our God together and bringing the people into His presence.

For a long time now I have been troubled with this lack of desire to be in the church but a great desire to use my Sunday just to get out there and meet the sick, the widow and the old. If there is any church at all to bring them in, good. But not the kind that will make their lives better just by the mere attendance of a church but also one that will meet their physical and emotional need.

Church has no meaning if I cannot grow. If the pulpit is about how I should live this week. It has to be more. Because my eternity matters to God and me. So the pastors have got to do more than preparing me for the week to come. The pastors has to prepare me to meet GOD and what I should expect throughout my journey. The commitment to GOD cannot be a week by week living but it has to be eternal. 

If this message confuse you, just wait till I turn those pages. I left it at my sister's and will get it back today since I don't have work. I will read it and blog again.

Church is a place that can be formed by 2 or 3 people. It doesn't have to be 200 or 2000 or 20000. But it must be a place where the 2 or 3 people can come together to praise, pray and live for God.

You think I sound so GODLY. Well, you are wrong. I am just a sinner saved by grace and happen to think the church has to do more than just be there with doors closed.

Observation by MOE officials and East Zone superintendent

It has become rather convenient for my colleague to say that he forgot to let me know this and that because he forgot I was not at the department meetings. I was suddenly asked to do a lot of last minute work and because he thought we used to work well, he started piling. I have got to be in charged of the International Friendship Day when I was asked to help give ideas. Then now I own it. Doesn't this sound familiar? I have my way of dealing with such behaviour and I ignore.

Then two nights ago he pleaded with me to conduct a lesson so that MOE officials could visit my class and know what it was like to learn with the International students. I told him that I did not wish to be observed because then these officials would think that all of us teach like that everyday and that we are all excellent in what we do. Of course when officials come we give the best lesson to try and carry out the pedagogy. So I declined telling him I don't wish to lie. But he was good at persuading. He pleaded and I retaliated. He didn't want to ask the other teachers because they are not as experienced. I told him if he allowed these officials to see me, I will probably impressed them so much that they would want me to join their schools. He then started persuading me not to leave my present job. He carried on till the next day and I told him if he continued I would really use the F word. He stopped. 

So I did prepare the lesson. It was well designed because I thought out how the lesson would benefit my China students who are struggling with English. I have both Chinese and English video clips on desertification. I partner the two students according to language ability in English and Mandarin so they could help each other. I picked China because my Chinese students tend to speak up and talk about home easily and gives them a sense of pride too. The lesson went well. In fact my class told me later I was such a good actor. I was really pro. But I am PRO in my line. I have to be because I have spent more than 20 years to refine this craft.

Why the sudden change as to how I teach? Well, it dawned on me recently that I have neglected a student in my class. At first, I trusted him to look after himself and when he didn't come to school, I really thought he was sick. Although at the back of the mind, I thought he was slacking in the boarding school. When the guardian came to see me and I heard he lied about his grades, I was not only shocked but very angry. The father was put on the phone and I told the dad that his results was bad. So I asked the father to come to Singapore so as to thrash things out.

Later I found out that the student has not seen his father for more than 8 years and he was sent to a different province to study on his own in a boarding school at the age of 9. So home was a really distant commodity for him. When I heard that, my heart sank. When I was in a school in the rural areas of Sichuan, some of the students there have not met their parents for more than 10 years. This boy is an urban folk and he too has not seen his dad for 9 years. He is busy making money so the son can have a good life. But sometimes it is not about money. It is the very presence, the physical presence of the father or the mother that will make a difference in the life of a child. 

When the guardian came looking for the student the next day, I sat down with the boy and the guardian and we found out a lot of things. He is actually very talented in computer skills. He taught himself how to use a software to make 7 short movies while he was not in school. He wanted to find out what he really wanted and so he stayed in the boarding school to think and rethink his options. I told him his only option is to finish the IGCSE exams and then move to other special institutions of his interest. I am also slowly teaching him in Chinese and then in English during the recess break of 30 minutes. Because of him, I decided to try creating worksheets that are bilingual.

The moment my colleague heard I have Chinese links in my blog that I created for the students, he froze. He wanted me to do this and that. I told him to his face that nobody can tell me how to teach because it is my lesson. I have my own style and I really hope people allow me to use my style because it is just me. When I am being me at my best, I inspire learning. So I ask him to let me do just that. 

When the visitors came in, I introduce my class, and gave them permission to mingle with my students as they work on the blog. I also told the visitors what the objectives were and how I would lead on from here. 

The visitors spoke to many of my students trying to find out why they come to study and how was the learning. They are very good actors too. But I know that they had fun today in my class. Every geography class was fun for me too. Walking into my form class has some joys. 

Although we top the level this term, we didn't win the best class because our classroom is not clean. Well, I told my students that the class is clean just that others are cleaner because they brought their own mop and pails to clean the floor. 

When the visitors went for refreshments, I went over too. I asked where they are from and then went on to ask if they have vacancies in their school. I went for an interview last year with St Anthony's convent very near my house. I hope to visit the principal again. She is very dynamic and very stern and she likes me. She told me and my friend who is the vice principal there that I am so real. She was shocked to find that I came just as I am, all that raw. And she like the honesty. I hope I will not change even if I have all the power in the world. I want to be honest with what I do.

In this world where honesty doesn't pay, I want to remain true to what I believe. I believe that good teaching must incorporate some tough love and caring love. It cannot be one sided. Over the many years of my teaching, I watched how I have grown. From one who used the rod to one who prefers to build the student. It is a long way to go but fortunately for me, my journey will end soon. 

My students have asked me to stay ONE more year. Every year is ONE more year. It has to end this year. Knowing it will end makes my feet lighter and I can start to skip to the car park where Altis is waiting. Tomorrow is PRECEPTS time again. And I may not make it because we are all going to visit mum's grave tomorrow too.

Today at Precepts

I was really tired when I got up after the staff dinner. I had great fun working with my colleagues to come up with a mini musical comedy. I think I shocked a lot of my colleagues by what I did and I hope they really had a good laugh. So I was home, tired and groggy and really didn't get around to working on Precepts lesson.

I was also super late so whatever was discussed, I was not really following. I had only one intention and that is to listen to Dr Wayne Barber (link to his website with a good video on living grace). The message was so timely.

It is about prayers and how we should pray. The first point that Wayne did was to clarify about the desires of our heart. What we desire to do for God was already placed there in our hearts. I was so happy to hear that because after the skit, two of my colleagues asked me not to leave the school. At the dinner table, one teacher came out right to ask if I was quitting and I was not too pleased because at the table was a member of the board of trustees of the school. I affirmed his suspicion and explained why I wanted to quit. And that affirmation was good for me too.

If God has so placed the desires in our hearts so long ago, then how are we going to pray for the path to be made straight. If the desire to serve Him in China is already there because he placed it there so then God must surely see this to fruition. In a way I am thankful to God for that because it means He will take care of my life. 


Prayer is like an incense to God. He loves to hear us pray because to Him, it is like a special incense that we put before the altar. The bible describes how the incense for the golden altar should be made in the Tabernacle of God. Some of the spices are to give the sweet fragrance and other spices are to preserve this sweet fragrance. Interestingly the scent is made from the gum of the trees of these spices. God is very specific about what portion and what proportions He wanted the priests to mix in order to achieve this sweet scent. Likewise with our lives, He is very precise in what He will do. SO I will trust Him. 

The golden altar is just in front of the veil that will lead to the Ark of the covenant of God where only the great high priest can enter. Those who even went near it and are not the great high priest, will be struck dead. So God is that Holy and that precise and He means business when He says so. He wants the incense to burn at the golden altar all day and all night. Likewise our prayers are like incense and we have to pray all day and all night and without ceasing to our God. 

What can we pray for without ceasing? Even small little stuff? We always say don't sweat the little stuff. But GOD want us to bring Him even our little stuff, no matter how insignificant! Thank you Lord.


Of course real prayers come from a life that is broken and purified before God. Will God hear sinners. Most certainly He will hear the repentant sinner and the sinner who cries to Him for help. A life that is broken is difficult to live without asking God to come in and help. To be purified is not to be pure. We cannot don't sin. He understands that. But to come to Him and ask Him to purify is to acknowledge we need His forgiveness and His strength. This is to God an incense. 


Finally real prayers will be vindicated one day. While we pray for our worst enemies and in our prayer we tell God our stories of how we are deceived or even disadvantaged, God will vindicate us in His own time. He will put them all together...yes all the prayers of all of those of us who pray to be vindicated will all be collected and He will vindicate us. Again not in our time, but in His time. Remember He is precise. He means business.


I wish to say God is a God with a lot of love, no room for wrath and no room for judgment. But our God is all WISE. He will see through our deceit, our very being and He will judge. 


The message brought by Wayne Barber set me thinking a lot and will do so for the months to come. I am encouraged that the desires He so put in my heart are from Him but I pray I will be able to follow His heart. I have some answers and I know that I have a great tendency towards seeking security. Logically I should go where the money is and where the greatest comfort is. But the heart is very reluctant to enslave itself to the things this world promises. There are things the world cannot give me and I tasted this again last night when I met up with some of my ex students. I find it rather disturbing but then, this is life!

The world continues to entice with power, lust, money and security. But God says to come to Him for rest. I want that REST. Do I want to effect that Prayer changes things or do I will do work like Things changes Prayer?

May you pray too as you labour each day. God's richest blessings on you throughout the week.

Back to class!

I had a very bad sinus attack on Sunday and got worst on Monday morning just when it was time to get up and go school. I thought how timely. I blogged a little and then drove dad and I to the doctor way up at Jurong West. Dr Lee has been our family doctor for a long time and he knows us very well. After which dad and I went for lunch.

I prayed that God could make my path straight and let me know what how I could serve and that afternoon at lunch, an old woman came up to me to ask me to buy her lunch. A total stranger and she didn't ask the two older men beside me, one my dad and the other a total stranger for the rice. I bought her the rice, and while she stood waiting for her food, I asked the stranger why she didn't ask him instead. Perhaps logically the woman will ask another woman but there are more than one woman at the hawker centre that day. Perhaps no one bothered with her except me. I don't know. But it has been a long while since this is happening. 

I wish there is a kitchen somewhere I could cook and a bus to bring these women to my kitchen for lunch and dinner. May be one day soon.

The medication Dr Lee gave knocked me right out for two days. I dare not take them in the morning when I reported for work on Wednesday. It was a strange feeling. Some of my students thought I quitted and so many were happy to see me report to work. Some even waved with joy. Some exclaimed and brought me goodies from home to share with me. I had a beijing duck! 

I was as usual the earliest to arrive and so I checked my email for the first time in one month. Printed my time table and prepared in my mind what I wanted to do. Later the day I met my new reporting officer, a friend and colleague I used to work with and he already has much information about me. He knew about my displeasure and my refusal to sign the contract with the school. But he also let me know the school appreciated my professionalism in staying until the end of the year. I didn't hide my displeasure and nothing has changed how I feel about the situation. I have chosen to move out of the situation. But I will train whoever is taking over my position gladly. 

As the clock ticked away, my colleagues or my makan buddies slowly tripped in. They asked about my health and told me I missed a very long meeting. At which I phewed! And then the rest were all too eager to have morning coffee with me. I like my colleagues in this school We work very hard and we also have fun. This is very important!

The school is swarmed with even more new teachers. Today a lady bummed into me at door. She told me I looked familiar. She remembered me but I have forgotten about her. Later I recalled that she was the lady that worked for Dover Road Hospice and I brought my sec 1 RGS girls to serve the seniors who came during the afternoons in the Hospice. Some were in remission for cancer, some just got worst. My girls were very brave then. I was training them to work with children dying with cancer but I exposed them slowly to the elderly first so the shock will not be as great. They surprised me by how well they took care of the children. This was a most impressive project because the girls took time to understand cancer and how to care for children with cancer. They also raised funds for these children. And these girls were only 13 years old then. Today many are successful career women. I wish them very well.