School is out! Yeah!

School is finally OUT!The first thing I wanted to do when I woke up this morning was to go for qigong exercise, the same group that my mother used to attend. But it poured buckets. So I had the excuse to lie in bed a little longer. Dad was also up early but he went down for breakfast while I checked my mail. It is a terrifying thing these days to open up the mailbox. Messages just started pouring in and almost everyone is important. So I have to take time to answer them. Then I went off to have lunch with my colleagues. During lunch my colleague asked if I knew an old boy. Richard asked me about him on Saturday too. It seems he was in the school council too and very active. But I had no clue. He was probably not taught by me. I was saddened by news of his death. He was only 22 and succumbed to colon cancer.

After a short lunch, I went to meet a group of students! Who would think when school is out that teachers continue to work but we do. We cannot leave the country until the 20th of November because schools are not out yet for the primary schools.

But it is a great day for me today. I finally got closer to fulfilling my dream of feeding the poor. Recently my ex student chatted with me online about wanting to work on a project. He spoke about food from the heart and I just kept quiet. Then I told him I was looking for people to take on a similar project to feed the poor. Since then we have been working on this project. Within a few days, he gave me the proposal and today we met the Mayor of Southeast CDC to discuss.

These JC students were really hardworking. They went to the supermarkets and did a lot of research about the various packages they could come up with to feed the poor. The Mayor also gave us his team to work with and we could tap on the data base that they have. I was told they knew who these needy people are. This really solved our problem. The projects team also praised the students for a good proposal that didn't even need tweaking. It was so fast. The Mayor also connected us with NTUC director. Pray for us. I think there are quite a few girls who are Christians but my boys are not. Pray for wisdom to know how to reach out to the poor in SE CDC. I am all excited. I waited for a long time for the Lord to work. And there was nothing. I finally had the time now and the Lord moved.

I was reading about to BE STILL. When we don't act, it is then we allow GOD to act. So I waited. Many times I am prompted to respond to a situation but the Lord has taught me to wait and watch how He works. We will never be able to understand and will always underestimate the power God can unleash within us.

Yesterday, Pastor Ben shared with us about grace upon grace. Pastor Allan sang "GIVE ME JESUS." When I first heard this song, I burst into tears. Yesterday I controlled myself. Yes, "YOU can have the world, BUT give me JESUS." Nothing is wrought without Jesus. So when we have Jesus, we are able. We are able to wake up to a rainy day and look for the sunshine. We are able to look at a gloomy face and try and find a grin. We are able to look into clouded eyes to find that spark. So we are able because HE is able. We are able by God's grace too. And grace brings hope.

I had this colleague who always failed the students for the subject. He would smile when they failed and laughed when they missed his questions. I walked past him one day while he was doing it. I asked him "What are you trying to show? That you are smarter than them? Well, you should be ashamed of yourself." He changed. He realized the exams were not about who was powerful.

Then there is yet another colleague who also always fails the students. I asked him why this was the case. The reply was so convenient and simple...the students just couldn't meet his expectations. Then I asked "Whose expectations? His or those stipulated in the syllabus?" My students told me that taking this teacher's course was a course doomed for failure upon failure. They told me it was hopeless trying to even pass. This feeling must be terrible.

What are exams about? Some of us think it was to show how dumb our students are. Well, you are wrong. If the students cannot do our exams, we are in trouble. When results show our students stuck in the F, we need to do some investigations and help them out.

Our Lord gives exams too. We will be tested. But one good thing about His tests is that He scaffolds them. He builds us up step by step and gives us the strength to go through them. He never tests those we didn't learn. But He will continue to test us on those lessons we need remedial. There is always hope in GOD's tests. He gives us ten years series too. There are many practices upon practices until we graduate. Some of us take more time, others just ace it. Whatever it is, glory be to GOD.

Many of my ex students will be taking their A levels. This is the first national exam for them because they never took any before that. I wish them well and will be praying for them that they stay calm and cool. That they will have faith that their preparation will reap rewards.

Exams. Who don't need them?

The landscape of the heart

Three nights ago, Rebecca dreamt about mum. She dreamt that mum was in this big mansion and rather unhappy about a spirit inside the house. Rebecca prayed for her and called on the Lord to remove the spirit and woof...the spirit was gone in a cloud and mum smiled.

Two nights ago, Tiffany dreamt about mum. She saw mum in the playground near my house where the grandchildren always play. Mum was looking for Theodora. When she told the dream to Rebecca, Theodora was around. Theodora burst into tears and cried for Por Por. My heart bled when dad told me about it.

Steffi dreamt about mum too. She dreamt mum could walk again and had no need of a walker. Steffi, is my oldest niece and she is the big sister who will look after the rest of the 3 girls. She looks after my room after they used it for their TV. I can always trust her to look after my room. Great helper and very wonderful with mum. She would volunteer to look after mum in the hospital with Serina when mum was hospitalized.

But Theodora has always been a special favourite with my mother because she is really special. She was born immature and we were all afraid she will grow up with less brains and probably weaker. She did have rather weak lungs and is asthmatic even these days. We found her tonsils extremely large and Rebecca told us the tonsils will be removed when she is five. Poor thing!

But why is she so special. Of all the grandchildren, she is the only one who would come and would hold on to mum's hands and touched her while mum laid unconscious. She would kiss mum even though there were no responses. In all the photos we checked, mum always held on to her hand and Theodora is always on mum's side and always smiling together. Everytime when I think of this scene, my eyes will be clouded. So I understand how my little niece feels towards the death of mum.

In fact, she missed me when I was away in Hong Kong and would ask Rebecca or Tiffany when I would be back. She would remember every detail about what I did when I was away because Tiffany would message me in Hong Kong.

These are my nieces. What about my nephew? Well, I want to commend Timothy and Ryan. Every night, they will call Dad and check on him. They will ask if he ate well. Dad will always tease and says he has no money for a good meal and will ask them for some. They will usually answer they are just as broke. What was interesting was they would ask about his wound too. TImothy now holds my dad's hands as dad crosses the road or accompany him to the toilet in case dad falls.

The hearts of these little children are just so beautiful. Tender and caring. Just fertile enough to grow poenies, roses and whatever flowers you want to put in there. Because whatever you put in these kinds of hearts, beautiful flowers will blossom. These hearts are also kept tender because we as a family pray for them everyday. Praying that GOD will nurture and lead them to Him.

The heart is the place that all of us must guard. What we put in there will shape how we become each day. If we harbour anger, our day will break with complaints and bitterness. If we put forgiveness, our day will break with the sunshine that will find its way up our face. If we put love in our hearts, love that surpass understanding, then we get the child likeness. If we put faith, then fear is cast out. But only faith in God will cast out fear. Faith in money doesn't. Faith in people will make your heart grow cold. So what did you put in your heart this week?

Yesterday, one of my project group member thanked me for teaching and helping them in their project albeit the thank you was very late. I told him that I have gotten used to being forgotten and taken for granted. I also told him that I shouldn't expect this but I think I should demand for some appreciation. I didn't let this ungratefulness or delayed appreciation stop me from caring about others. Instead I move on. I don't want to grow weeds in my heart. Weeds just spread like wild fire and they are not nice things.

Have you ever pulled out a dandelion from your garden? I had.

When I first arrived in Calgary to study, I saw those little yellow flowers growing everywhere in the summer. They are a pretty sight. So I asked about this flower. It is the dandelion!

The Canadians told me these flowers were nasty weeds. When Bonita told me about how difficult it was to remove the weeds, I didn't believe her until I tried to do so. Most of the time, people just mowed them down. But to remove the weed totally, you need to get to the root...and the root is a tap root that is so so long and deep.

You see although Canadian weeds are beautiful, they are also nasty. When the seeds ripen into a fluffy puff, oh goodness, these seeds spread with the wind into all the other front yards, backyards and everywhere. Beautiful weeds are a nuisance after sometime.

So how can we be sure we don't have a heart full of beautiful weeds? Some of us have a beautiful heart only to show others how beautiful they are. In actual fact, it may have weeds that are beautiful but deep down, the weeds may have already ruin the heart, choking it with all the bitterness and deceit.

This morning, something nasty happened in the school to one of my colleagues. The incident revealed how some of us can be so beautiful to one and yet so mean to the other. It got me thinking about the heart today. God says the heart is desperately wicked above all things. So we have to guard our hearts and not let weeds grow.

God can work on the heart. I asked David a question last night. How could some who called themselves Christians turned from becoming one over the years? Can a person who said the sinner's prayer, over time decides to continue in sin and turn from God, be saved? He said the sinner's prayer and at some point in time, believed God but then tempted and committed sin and turned from God. So how? David reminded me of the verse when God said, "Thou workers of iniquity, depart from me! I never knew you!" See, the heart again. God never knew those who claimed to know Him but never feel any need to truly know who they believe in. Because to truly know Jesus, one must surrender the heart. Allow the Holy Spirit to prompt and guide the heart to listen to God's still small voice and then be constantly changed into the image of God. After all it is our choice to surrender or not to surrender the heart to God and let Him work. The process is always painful. But the reward is great! The heart will not grow weeds but flowers that will blossom right from the bottom like those of a child's.

How we want our heart to be landscaped depends on who we want to put inside it.

Grace! and David Linden

What is grace? Unwarranted Merit!

I missed two sermons. I still am extremely tired after my Hong Kong trip. The knees just hurt really badly. I went home and slept and slept after church. I thought I would never wake up. Wonder what is wrong with me. Today I woke up with the same ache on my knees and more tired and with a very heavy head.

Sunday's message by Pastor Brown was about Grace. I was tired that morning so not much really registered except that grace is indeed what we need and grace is what we must give. This morning I got up and I read Psalms 118. It is about love. Love endureth.

I am so thankful that God's love is full of grace and endures. Human's affections always changes, like the wind. Psychologists explain that man are from mars. They are easily tempted and as such their love will change over time. Women? Well, we change like the weather. This morning my form class asked me what time their recess is...I told them ten. They complained because earlier when I entered the door, I mentioned nine forty. So I replied conveniently that I am woman, I am licensed to change my mind.

But God never changes. We can change blue and red and black even. He remains faithful and abides when all else walk away. Only God can love us unlimitedly and no matter how rotten we are, He is willing, more than willing to rescue us from eternal damnation. I am not so sure I will be able to do that or prepared to do that so readily. And certainly my love will never endure because it is humanly not possible.

For one, next year, I was told I had some 12 students to mentor every day for two years. In my principal's words, they are supposedly my godsons. You see, these 12 students will stay in the hostel for two months and then off to Beijing next year. These are supposedly the elite of the elite in my school with high test scores. I will have to work on the heart. And to give attention and give them the heart, I have a lot of work to do within me before meeting them. I feel a teacher must at least release the burden that will keep us from working our best when we step into the classrooms. I remember how I held on to some very deep hurts when I first started teaching. I was out to offend and even when I was in my present school, there was a period of time I really carried a huge baggage. I resented what I was to become and so I asked to leave to find myself again. I am thankful to have gone to train adults for a while. This change also taught me the importance of staying away from things that can bog me down so I can run the race effectively each day.

This afternoon, I met David Linden. He was my bible study teacher in Calgary. He used to take a whole year to teach us the book of Hebrews. He is a great teacher and not just because he is going to read my blog. The short visit with him, less than two hours was a good one. He asked me if there was anything to tell him. I said no. I asked if he has anything to tell me, he said nothing in particular. But I told him I was going to church. He said if I am committed to the church. I asked why should I be committed to the church. He said I was a stinker but he quickly told me "You are a nice sister." Well I asked for the reason to be committed to a church. And here goes our long discussion about why there are so many single women today. How did we get there...don't ask me how...but it was interesting.

I always wanted to know why there are more single women and men these days compared to our parents' time. He told me that the male homosapiens have lost their desire to stay focus. In the past, according to David, man aimed or targetted at the ONE woman he wanted to procreate. But today, the man's ability to focus is lost for many reasons. For one, with pornography, there is no need to have just the ONE when they can have ONE. The visual impact upon the male homosapiens ultimately will rule and change patterns of behaviour. They become less focus when there are just too many to focus and focusing on other values of a relationship. Interesting? Well, we didn't continue on this all the time because our conversation also talked about the second coming of Christ.

David thinks that when Christ comes, it will be KABOOM!!! He will appear and then He will judge. No tribulations, no persecutions. He based it on 2Thessalonians 1: 7to 10. I told him that one thing is for sure, He will be BACK for us all!

David will be teaching about Habakkuk in a conference in India. I asked him what he would be teaching. He told me that Habakkuk is a book that is about prayer and about why the evil always prosper. The prophet asked God why the wicked prosper and is there no hope in the release of anguish and pain. God told his people to have faith and to trust He will rescue and restore them. And this is to tell us that we can pray for rescue in this manner and ask God some very tough questions. Well, I always ask GOD some very tough questions. And yes, He will answer if we have faith.

Although the visit was short,it was good. It was good to hear some familiar names like Alvin Tan, how he and Mabel has two great kids and are working with LTA. I heard about Mei Mei selling spa products. These names just rang. It was good to see a Canadian. And to listen to the same humour I have grown accustomed to. And believe me, when I met David, my canadian accent is back. Eh!

He just to tease us that our national anthem should be deck the hall. Because we "deck the hall with boughs of holly, fa LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA." I then told him that the Canada should be spelled CND. But because the canadians EH alot, that is why it has become CEH, NEH, DEH... Equally wicked I hope.

God is good and greatly to be praised. His love endures forever and His grace is from everlasting to everlasting. Whatever befalls, Our GOD reigns.

Dear Heavenly Father
Thank you for sending people to warm our hearts when we feel cold. Thank you for your love for without it, we will feel very alone. Bless us for the rest of the week and continue to bless us with the warmth in our hearts. And remind us to be thankful for all the friends we have, near and far. Bless them as they labour with love for you. For only when we serve you is everything worthwhile.

Hong Kong 2

This is not a trick. This is not a dead body. She is alive. She is all wrapped up by cloth and with plastic sheets. Many people walked by. Nobody stopped. She lies right at the junction leading to Lan Kwai Fong. I didn't see her at first because I was crossing the other street to get into a carnival at Lan Kwai Fong. This is a big area full of pubs. Many were drinking from tall glasses of beer. There were many young girls and young boys there. Wondered about the legal age to drink too. I didn't get too deep in because it was not only noisy but I was getting tired too. I tunnelled my way out and chance upon this sight. I walked around to see what it was. Only to find an elderly woman all wrapped up in cloth and plastic bag with a eye mask. She even got her ears covered.

A few thoughts raced through my mind. Nobody really cared because she has been featured before. She has got to be featured because Hong Kong is a city buzzing with gossips of all kinds. The paparazzis are not going to let it go so easily. Then I thought about why no one did anything. Perhaps help was given but refused. But it shook me a little to see that not many actually stopped to check on her.

As she sleeps, as the young people drink away the saturday night, as I walked to the bus stop to catch a bus home, I was just stunned by this elderly woman. Does she have any friends? Why is she doing this? Sigh! Don't people want to feel connected?

Uniforms! Nice uniforms. These young people we caught on camera was in one of the stations. They are smartly dressed and all ready for school. Uniforms need not be boring. My school has a problem with getting our students to wear their uniforms proudly. The sloppyness was indeed abhorable. Sometimes I wonder why they bother to wear it at all if they are not proud of what it represents. Uniforms speak a thousand words. They tell about what group you belong to. This way we can track you down to praise you for the good you did. Why must we always think nobody notices what we wear? Do our students know that the uniform is a statement. If the uniform is worn proudly, it speaks well of your family. Your mother, or your maid bothered to iron it so that you look your best. I think these days, we don't like to put our BEST look forward or take the BEST foot forward. We just put whatever we have forward. Perhaps this is about being REAL. But are we ready to face the consequences of being REAL?

As I watched the Hong Kong news tonight, I am glad to be home today. There was a forest fire in New Territories because of a festival where they go pray to their ancestors. So God has plans and as long as we are in His plans, we are taken care of.

The trip was planned way before mum was sick. I needed this break because I have been extremely stressed up. My chinese physician told me that I need a break. From the planning to the actualization of this trip, God is in it. I am thankful for the trip and the rest I needed. This is only the beginning of my rest. I hope for more.

Will be going to Hong Kong again in November. This time to go guangzhou for a day or so to eat....

Hong Kong Trip

Hong Kong trip is great. I took the photo of a night scene in Hong Kong. Wished I had gone up the Peak in the night but didn't manage to.

I rested and laughed. Something I was not able to do at home here.

I had a great time meeting friends and relatives. I am most thrilled because I finally got to meet my Hong Kong friends and be reconnected with them. Thanks to my ex student Si Si who went searching for Amanda and finally got her number. Before I flew back to Singapore, I met Amanda and spoke to Glady's on the phone. We promised to stay in touch. This is one part of my Calgarian life that has been missing until now.

The trip was also great because I got to move around. It helps to be a geographer. We got around without taxis. Buses and trains were our much preferred mode of transport. Managed to find a bus we could take to our hotel from the airport. And we made it all with the help of the internet. Information, information and more information.

The first hotel I checked into was good. It stood next to a Chinese cemetery. But was located next to the Aberdeen harbour. From the corridor of the hotel the view was breathtaking. The Caritas Oswald Cheung International House was tucked in Tin Wan. The bus passed by the Queen Mary hospital, Hong Kong University and Lee Ka Shing Medical school. The hotel is a year old and is amongst an old housing estate in Tin Wan. We had to walk quite a short distance to go up a bridge to get buses to Central. The first thing we did when we arrived was to go up the PEAK. But plans were quickly changed when we took too long to locate my dad's best friend. I wanted to hand him the goodies and then shipped out quickly to the PEAK and catch the night view. But we just couldn't find each other until I realized...he was in the station, and I was outside the station. When I finally met him in the station, we realized the station was mega huge. You can get lost in Central Station. So quickly, we decided to get in and go Mongkok and headed for Fa Yuen Street to shop instead. I did not buy anything there. Just didn't know how to haggle over prices anymore. I watched on as Joshua haggled his way...he had many brilliant methods. I shall not elaborate. Of course he teased me for being a softie. But I really see no point in getting my bp up for no good reason.

The second day, we went to Macau. Wow...so many casinos! Cannot understand why people want to gamble. We checked into the Royal Macau. The receptionist told me that I didn't book. I was not only horrified and shocked but extremely disturbed because I got the letter saying I had a room booked. Then it was cleared up and I got into a premier room. Very nice room indeed. I could not wait to start roaming the casinos. Well, did we gamble? Not really. We went from New Lisboa to Wynn. Only two casinos. And we seriously went there to observe the gambling. It was pretty interesting to watch how the gamblers let others decide their fate for them. Most of them have no emotions. A lot of blank faces staring at the slot machines. Joshua and I decided that we should just play $2 and that was all. We kept to our word. We did only the slot machines and couldn't understand how to play the others anyway. Did we win? Yah...only $3 and we only fed $2. We were analysing how come we could pull ourselves out of it while others struggle...The conclusion, we both don't really think money can buy a lot of things and we have other values too. So it was easy to pull out. Then we went to the food court to eat. My goodness. I have never felt so tired waiting for my food. You have to go to the stall, take a look at what you want and go tell the cashier and then the stall will call your number when the food is ready. Well, they take forever to decide at the cashier what they want to eat. By the time my food was ready, I would like to sleep already.

The last hotel we stayed in was Royal View Hong Kong. The view is also very breathtaking. Royal View hotel sits right at the bottom of the Tsing Yi bridge. We could not hear any noise and it overlooks Tsuen Wan (a bay with two beaches). The waters are too cold to swim in. We went visiting one relative after another and ate meals we will never forget. But the most important thing of all is to gather and chat about life in general.

I wanted this trip to be different. I always enjoyed visiting people when I travel because this would open up another world for me. It will be like coming home again and again. That is why I love to say HELLO and not GOOD BYE.

Hong Kong. I always love Hong Kong because of the colours and the amazing strength to make the best of everyday. No matter how busy, how stressed, they always stay above the waters. They are honest too. Honest enough to tell you that they are after your money and so sincerely does it too. So really, they do come across rude when I was younger but this time, I find them normal, and upfront. Just the way they are.

My cousins were saddened by the news of my mother. But they advised me that life is short and to treasure whoever we have now. We had a good time visiting with each other and promised to do it again when I next visit them.

I was also thrilled to be able to speak with my friends Amanda, Glady's and Florence. Florence is my Singaporean friend who has been working in Hong Kong for the last three years. It was sure good to hear her speak.

I went to Chek Lap Kok International Airport to meet Amanda. She looked great. And spoke to Glady's on the phone. I shared about my leaving for Beijing and Amanda told me I should go and China needs me. Amanda is a great lady. She is happily married and working as the Branch manager of a Hong Kong local bank. She majored in Psychology and don't ask me how but she likes banking too. Amanda once brought bibles into China on a bicycle and not knowing where she should go or who she should give to. She was asked by her catholic church to help out. The person who needed the bibles eventually came and took them. She told me that God led her to the person miraculously. I offered my help and should they need me to go over, I gladly do it. All for the Lord's work.

I was at the supermarket above the Tsuen Wan station. I saw some ready made packages for soups using fresh vegetables. I cooked one kind of soup today. I think I did okay. I modified it because I cannot remember how many ingredients...

Coming back to school this morning was more than painful. My flight landed at 1130pm and didn't get home till 1230. Many people queued for taxis. I slept at 2am and was up and ready to go at 530. How did I do? Not too bad. But didn't like my work today. How about you?

Marking and still breathing

We celebrated Mum's birthday on Sunday. I went to the market to buy one and a half roast duck. Cooked the soup in the morning and didn't go to church. I had to rush off to speak about roots and shoots at 11am and then back home again to cook the veggies. It was so rushed that I came down with a headache. It didn't go away until Monday night when I had to take a flu pill. Guess it must be sinus headache. But I marked and marked the papers. As we looked at the answers to the scripts, we wondered as teachers, where did our teaching go?

My form class was a little discouraged this week because of the maths paper. This is a very unique class. I have a class clown called yippy yap. I think without him, the class will be a lot duller. Sometimes as teachers, we tend to label our students too quickly and too negatively. For Yippy Yap,I think if you don't really want to know him, you would think he is a nuisance and trouble maker. But deep down is a little boy struggling to focus on his work so he can keep up with his big brothers. I think if he read this blog, he would probably die on the spot. Because I am sure I am right on. My form class is also the most humane and most normal of all the boys. They are set aside by the school because they are supposedly slower, lazier and not so fond of studies. I can tell you that the school has also seen that they try and work at staying ahead of everybody and the 22 of them really tried to band together except for a Joshua. You know Joshua in the bible is a leader. He went with Caleb to see the promise land. While Caleb could only see giants and difficulty, Joshua reported good things. He had the vision of the promise land. He saw a land flowing with milk and honey. But this Joshua...well, he entered the promised land (aka the school) but he saw giants and faces them every day. One big giant is his own self. If he could only see how much time he has wasted! But I admire him. He suffers the most in the school system. Somehow he is left behind. I am actually very sad that we have wasted his time. I believe Joshua is very smart. He just need to get on with his life.

Then there are other classes I taught this year that have become more familiar with me and comfortable enough to joke with. I believe in chemistry with my classes. Some teachers complained about the same classes I teach and I don't ever complain. Instead, those classes I don't teach, I complain. I complain about their behaviour, their uniforms and their mannerism. Nowadays, my students don't know how to stand properly to greet people. The young men I am teaching now, seem to stand with an invisble pole that is inclined.

But there are those who still have faith in the system and continue to strive for the best. I like this moto: The best is yet to be. The unfortunate thing about most of my students is that they think they are the best. Boy will they be shocked when they realize that they are but a small fry in the ocean.

Our school system emphasizes so much about grades that we forgot to develop the person. Hopefully the entire nation will realize that the treasure (young people) we have needs to be nurtured and groomed for our future good. When we nurture, we need time. We have to stop labelling and start listening. We have to stop rushing and start observing what is going on.

I will be leaving for Hong Kong this weekend to take a much needed break. Pray for me as I visit with my friends I met in Calgary. I am also meeting two of my ex girls I taught way back then. They are now working in Hong Kong.

On Sunday I have this great news. Two of my PRC girls I met in RGS, well, they are working on their PhD. I will also be meeting Danni, another PRC girl I met, next year. I am so blessed by these students.

Good or bad students, they are all mine. I take pride in having graced their lives. I hope they learn from me. Do the good that they see and don't do the wicked I commit. I pray they will all turn out well and be out there paying forward.

Have a great weekend. I will finish my marking! YES!
By the way, today is China's national day!

Mum's birthday tomorrow

This morning, I got up early to go buy flowers because we were visiting the grave site. Thank God for my cousin who helped around the house, the chores were basically more or less finished. I ever got to boil soup for tonight's dinner. I went to the market with my cousin and after our breakfast, we dashed to the flowershop. Now I know why we need flower shops in the market. Previously I thought only buddhists will buy them, now I know why. Eighty cents a stalk and there were many little flowers. Mum loved flowers so we bought her plenty. We went home and did our chores. Dad picked us up and went for lunch. After that we headed for the grave site.

Dad was talking as if mum was still alive, in full body. We told him she is with God. So he chided that I didn't understand how he felt because I just lost a mother. But he reminded me he lost a spouse, a soul mate. I could only keep really quiet and let him finish.

I was the first to go to the grave site when dad stopped the taxi he was driving. It was a very hard walk. I was in full control until my dad came and shouted out loud that we will be celebrating mum's birthday for the last time this year. After this we will be celebrating the death anniversary. I walked away from the grave just when Richard and Serina came. I went to swallow my tears. My sister came when I walked to the road, she came with windmills for the grave. I stood from afar to see my family standing around the grave. I let out my cry and then walked back in.

It is surely good to visit mum's grave site. It reminds me of my mortality. If we cannot live forever, why don't we spend a little bit more time to think about the kind of legacy we want to leave behind?

My mum is fondly remembered. My sister just told me a while ago, "We have a great mother. "

If we are so mortal then do we want to mind the smallest thing? One of the things I dislike most in the world is politics...be it in the world, in the classroom, staffroom or church. It is just so dividing. If only we know we are different and be able to embrace this difference, be less insistent about our ways and find a ground to better communicate our thoughts and views, will all nature of politics die away. Just disappear. I am not very good with politics and so I stay far away and even so...I am involved some how. No matter how low you lie, the serpent politics will still breathe and tread on all grounds to make sure you cannot escape.

That is why I like to work at NIE. My NIE colleagues...they are super! There were different opinions and I remember a time when the entire idea was scraped because of one other person's view. The change came because it made sense. It didn't matter how hard we worked through the months but we all pitched in and within weeks, we put the new idea together and it went perfectly. That is the kind of environment I love to work in. It is not about me...it is about US. It is about listening intently to the needs of our trainees. We forgo our ego and our so called brilliance to pursue what is BEST for our teachers. I miss that kind of working spirit very much. I miss the ability to know I can be wrong and I can improve to make a difference. I miss the joy of being listened to instead of being judged. I miss the fact that I have a different answer and I am able to share it.

The other day, my ex boys asked me if we think about what we want to do or the sin that we want to do but not do it, is it sin? I told them, Sin is Sin. To hate someone in the heart is murder in the eyes of God. We don't have to physically kill the person, it is enough just to hate the person. And that is already a SIN. Nobody knows about what evil designs we have for the other person. But God knows and He can see our heart and He knows our thoughts. So does the devil, he too knows what we design in our hearts. That is why the bible tells us that the heart is desperately wicked above all things. So don't just guard the heart because you don't want to get a heart attack. Guard it so that you don't allow bitterness to creep in.

We don't know when we start to become bitter. But I am so thankful that God listens to me when I am not too happy about things. I also could unload on some friends and they in turn will pray for me. So if you don't believe in a God, believe in your friends. Find someone to unload and don't keep it to yourself. It is not good. Trust me. I have been there and done that and sometimes still doing that. But God is merciful.

We are mortals. We have this much to live. So how do we want others to remember us?

My mum's job is done. She has raised three kids each trying to fulfil their own dreams. Now my dad is to finish up his work. Only he knows what he must do. As for me, I am to go step by step. Each day, is a challenge. It is not about staying above water, or avoiding people. Rather, it is about what else I must learn, what more I can do and how else can I do better.

May God bless your week.

I missed last sunday secret from the church. Tomorrow must go earlier to hear another one. Then off to buy a roast duck and then to an IB conference, back home to boil soups and cook the feast... I am tired already.











Tomorrow will be an extremely busy day for me