Last night I attended a study group led by Josephine and Patrick. It was rather interesting because the topic was on the Rapture. Somehow we never really talked about rapture but we were rather caught up with DEATH.
Patrick introduced me to the group of not more than 10 people. In there was an ex colleague from RGS. She lives in my neigbourhood. We bummed into each other sometimes for breakfast.
I shared with them about my desire to kill myself and the depression I am still stuck in at times. They all listened wide eyed. Then comes the singing. We sang about 14 songs. The song leader was very enthusiastic that we complete all 15 of them but we managed 14. It was good to sing. I enjoyed the singing. It cleared the air.
The study was taken from the book of 1Thessalonians 4:13 - 5:11. It was about what happened before the Anti Christ appears. Josephine began by asking if we are afraid to die. A lady shared that she was always afraid to die because she thought about what happened to her kids when she dies. We talked about whether our spirit is with God once we leave the body. The song leader shared about a book called 92 minutes. This author had a out of body experience and he was up in heaven and saw all his family who went before him standing in heaven. He could recognize them and they could see him. And then he was wakened with body ache by his pastor who prayed over him.
It was also discussed if we are afraid of the process of death more than death itself. Whether it is we are afraid of the pain or we are sad for those we left behind. Sally said she believed God will not allow her to suffer beyond what she could take. Then we discussed about how some churches believed we will never ever have to suffer such pain because God never allows it and only wants good things for us. To me, I believe there is a place for suffering and pain because even Jesus suffered. Sufferings bring growth and so there is a place for pain and suffering even in our death. Of course these people can pray and tell God how they should die and probably God will not hear that kind of prayer. In order for God's name to be glorified, we have to let Him reign.
I was glad we talked about dying. The entire group told me that even if I wanted to die, I cannot. First because our Lord is the Lord of my life and also the Lord of my death. Second, there are things I have yet to finish for His kingdom.
But we all agree that we hope to see the Lord in the rapture, that He will come for me. Then what about those who only warmed the pews of the church and who for many years think they are Christians and are not rapture into the air to meet Jesus? Aha...not all that call Jesus Lord will enter His kingdom. He knows who are His and who are not His. We who are truly born again will hear the Shout! It is LOUD. So LOUD that nobody can say they didn't hear it.
Then we went on to discuss when is the rapture. Like a thief in the night, the bible says. When we are in the midst of merriment, when we are intoxicated with our lust, sin and crime and think we are fine and there is no God, when we are full of ourselves and our own deceit, when we think we are God, He will SHOUT and call us up.
For Christians, we have to watch the days. Especially what is going on in the Middle East. We have to watch the high inflation rates, the famine, the drought, the calamities that are falling all over the world. We have to watch what is preached about the Lord at all the pulpits. Watch and pray the Lord says because the days are evil and we are after our own lust and flesh.
It got me thinking about this. I am back to where I always started with what I learned. The book of revelations shows us that Jesus is coming. I told Patrick and Vincent in my precept group that we have to do something about what we were taught.
And I thank God for my precept class. My friends there know the word of God. They are serious about the word and because of their friendship and prayers, they showed me that God truly cares for me.
I got my car back on Wednesday evening. There was a bit of sound on my side of the car. I drove myself home and wondered all again how I didn't die. The brakes were checked once more by the chief mechanic and he told me my brakes are working. Then why did I floor the brakes? Why didn't I see tyre marks on the road if my brakes worked?
You may think God's wrath is upon me. Some asked if I was shakened. You know, I came out of the car, my heart didn't race. It was beating as per normal. I don't understand why I was so calm and even managed to settle the accident within an hour. Instead, all I was thinking of how was why I didn't die and wished I could have died.
If the Lord God so want me to finish my work on this earth, I will obey. 100% obedience because then my joy will be full. A lot of us gives God conditions for our obedience. I do this much and so you give me more...We give God conditions when He gives us unconditional love. We must never forget God is also a judge. He will judge the intents of our hearts.
Since I surrender my will and obey, I still struggle with some other issues. Although I know He will walk before me and He wants me to see Him as my Rock and my Salvation I can cling to, I am afraid to walk in my flesh.
Oh Death where is thy Sting?
Jesus has conquered death and is resurrected. In that study group, only one of us is afraid to die. Most of us are not ready because we don't know how to account for the things we didn't do. I told them this, I am not afraid to die, neither my accountability. I really don't want to serve God because I have not finish this or that. I rather want to serve Him because He wants me to. Period. Just that.
Please continue to pray for me. There are some issues I have to settle before I set forth again. Bonita is right. These issues have bothered me since my youth and I have to be rid of it. Abby sent me two verses last night and again they were about working on some of these issues. There is nothing better for me right now than to be surrounded by familiar faces. But I know this is not the best thing for me because I need to see the most familiar face first...that of Christ, my Best Friend.
