Maureen and I went back to our years as a teenager. She is four years my senior and is the first person to mentor me as a teacher. It was Maureen who showed me how to be a good teacher. She told me that I need to read and learn beyond the textbooks the school gave me. Because of her, I now have two libraries of books related to Geography and English. She has always encouraged me in my teaching.
Yesterday evening, I got a tinkle from her and she wanted to have dinner with me. We don't meet very often because she is very busy with teaching English at a good neighbourhood school. She has been very frustrated with many things about her life and she kind of felt rather helpless. She seldom complains but she sighs a lot when I get the chance to meet her.
I don't push ask her to tell me what happened. Most of the time she will tell me when I wait. See, waiting helps.
We both attended the same church in our youth. Witnessed all the revolts and changes the church went through. She left. I left. But the changes in the church impacted both of us. We both felt guilty whenever we did something wrong or things go wrong in our lives and we blamed ourselves and tremendous guilt overwhelmed us. I got out of this guilt trip when I went to study in Calgary. The churches I went to helped me see God's love and grace in my life. I understood then what it is to be set free by the word of God. But Maureen never got over it. She still feels guilty when things go wrong but last night for the first time, I heard her complain about those times and how the church's wrong teachings gave her this wretched life. Although the way we live is out of our choices we make, she is not too far off to blame the church. Again, it all boils down to how we trust what is preached at the pulpit. We must do our own study of the Bible.
My dear friend told me of what happened in her household too. I told her to tell the family that she has had enough of the pressure at home. Even her niece and nephew refused to help with simple household chores. The niece refused to clean her own lingerie. I wonder how many of us leave our dirty laundry to be cleaned by our own parents? Especially when we are well educated and know we should clean our own dirty linen.
So I prayed with Maureen. I prayed that God will give her the courage to say NO, STOP! She has a very gentle spirit. But that gentleness is not helping. How to tell your family that enough is enough? For me, I just tell, walk out and bye. But she has so many to worry about. Bottom line, the guts to leave everything behind is not easy. We are (yes both of us) bounded by family commitments. We both have someone we have to look after.
Many friends asked me what happens to my dad should I decide to stay overseas. I asked them what could happen. But Maureen will answer by saying that is why she is still hanging on to her commitments. For me, I see my siblings must also be responsible for my dad. Maureen will worry what if she is not around the house to work. Then I told her, just don't do anything you don't want to do and before long they will all realize that they have to help keep the house clean. She has now become the maid cum teacher cum cook.
I am glad that I am not just a maid at home. Dad helps out with housework and cooks too. This is his joy. He loves to mop the floor because we cannot mop any better and cleaner than him. I don't wish to deprive him of his joy. hahaha. Some days, I beat him to it and does it first but two days later, he will still mop it his way.
After having prayed with her, I sent her home. She has her own car too. But she doesn't drive further than her school and home. She is just afraid. Sometimes I want her gentle spirit, so kind and thoughtful. But if this gentleness cannot get me to move out of my comfort zone, I rather not have it. Her gentle spirit has caused her to be very miserable. Time to stand up, my friend! Stand up for your own rights!
