When I got back from work on Wednesday, Mum was home. She told me the heat caused her to be so restless in the night that she rather come home. I bought dinner and cooked a simple soup. She ate a small bowl but she ate more protein that night. She was feeling uncomfortable after taking the banana when she got home.
School has been kind of busy and next week will be a mad rush for revision and then the exam. Students are on sabbatical. Today is the last day and then the craziness begins again. I kind of like this week because I can go to class in my casuals and don't need to look smart at all. I had some 11 students for remedial and I got to teach social studies. There are certainly loop holes in our school system and could not tell you in my blog. But there are. Which system is perfect, please let me know.
I went to my masseur on Monday and she told me my back is terrible. It wouldn't even respond really well. I was just stiff...like a tombstone. Imagine the stress I am going through. Last night I got talking with my friends after my singing session. I enjoyed the company but the singing not so much. I guess I was getting a little tired last night. But the company was good. We talked about the 29 year old girl who died in her office building. She wrote in her blog that she had chest pains and two days before she wrote she might die and advised that we should not fall in love with our work. We talked about that over late night supper and we all said that there was nothing wrong in loving what we do just don't forget to love yourself more. Then this morning I read about entitlement. So true too. Some of us think we are entitled to this and that simply because we are graduates, we have some kind of authority and therefore deserve less work. Well, some one in my school got promoted and demanded that she be taken off a particular duty she has always been looking after since two years ago. Because of her promotion, it became too heavy. So my boss came to me, and sort of asked if it is okay for me to take over. I looked at her and told her straight. NO! I am bogged down. So I told her, I also would like to be promoted. Hahaha!
Why are we teachers? Did we even take some time to think about why we are teachers? What is it like for you to walk into class? Who do you see when you step in? I hope you find it difficult to answer these questions. Because if it is too easy for you, you are probably not doing a soul search. Honestly, our students are BORED. We bore them. We forgot to take a look at their faces when we begin the term and when we end the term. It is time teachers take some responsibilities in creating a very apathetic generation. We are apathetic ourselves. We because I am one of them. We excused ourselves by saying we have no time. Really? No time to do what? Another question we have to ask. Do we love our job?
Who are we teaching? These students will be your NIE friends' children, nieces, nephews or even your own. Each face has a name, a character, a different learning style and a temper. I am mindful of that and to tell you the truth, I also make the same mistake. I forgot they are unique many many times. But my boys are very forgiving. They still come to school. Thank you. But why come? That they must answer.
Have you noticed that our students have no ambitions? They don't have dreams, no visions, no plans? They drift. From point to point aimlessly. So sad! They don't even want to try. How did this happen?
I am struggling with some issues lately. As positive as I want to think, I think negatively. I think I got Tianhan frustrated. Another one of my favourite student. Highly intellectual but extremely caring for his old teacher. How did I ever get these students? I thank God for each of them. My ex boys, have dreams. Watching them fulfill their dreams cause me to be envious of their youth. Now I understand why people want to go in search of the fallacy of a fountain of youth. Botox is not enough. We need the elixir of youth. Any idea? Concoctions for good memory and good looks? Hahaha!
I didn't even get a chance to sit down with mum and talk to her about all these. She knows i work very hard. That is why she always ask me to go and meet people and go out and relax. Bonita feels I should return to Calgary for two months. I really wish I can go back forever!
This weekend is Mother's Day. Everywhere will be celebrating in Sinagpore. Restaurants will be packed. So where to go? Stay at home? I am thankful we get the chance to celebrate this day with mum again. We are so thankful to have her with us. Another year has dawned. It is almost a year since we knew about her cancer. The Lord has preserved and given her strength to fight on. She is an incredible woman. She never complained that she didn't get good education. She laments but never complained. She always tell me that I have so much to be thankful for. Indeed I have. But I also have nothing to lose. She also chided that if she had what I have, she would have done this... Yes, but what am I doing with what I have? Am I in the right vocation? I am trying very hard to answer this question. There seems to be more I can do but cannot do.
The cross roads! We all come to cross roads. I am here at the cross roads. Staring at all the signboards. One points UP. One points left. One points right. I have to make a decision. But all these decisions are dependent on people.
My request to go Beijing has been hung for this year. Why? Because they say my mum needs me. Hmmm. Only wish they knew my mum told me to go...
Next year? Beijing? I hope so. I am going to keep trying to get out. Pray with me as I stand at the cross roads. May God has His way. After all this life is about Him and only Him.
Will go hiding!
Ciao
