I had a big problem trying to get into my IE browser. I just couldn't open any sites at all. So there was a good reason not to work from home. I only managed to fix it this morning with the help of my students who highly recommended me FIREFOX. Well, that didn't work because I couldn't even install. So I prayed. Yes, I prayed. Because I wanted to share something that excited me last night. No, it is not about meeting my HUNK. But about my friends. Great people!
So I started reading instructions. Followed and I download a funny .exe file and my files were extracted.
So what happened on Friday Night. I had a swollen right eye and so didn't go to school. You can't imagine what the eye can do to the head but it is painful. I went to meet my ex student who just returned from the States for two weeks only. Well he noticed my swollen eye and I was having a terrible headache and a quizzy stomach at the same time. But meeting him refreshed my spirit. We chatted over his progress in the States. I was so happy for him. He found his passion in life. He told me that it is important to do things out of passion and not because of any profit that comes out of it. I am so glad he sees it. He was also amazed at how much he missed Philly. Well, I will most probably miss the philly steak. It was yummy, cheesy and great stuff to clog your arteries. But not Philadelphia because who would live in such a dangerous city. He told me that he lived right on campus because it is safest and that there are guards that will escort you if you are stuck in the dangerous zone. Wow! That is life! Reality is that life choices are not safe choices and he realized that already. I am very happy and always feel he has been inspiring me to spear ahead too.
Then I rushed to meet my other mentor in my life. My church choir teacher. I have written to her many times while studying in Calgary and she is always on my mind. She is one of the few who saw a lot of potential in me at an age I was never aware I could make a difference in anybody's life. I always remember she told the church to send me money when I needed it most. I prayed for 400 dollars to tie me through the last month in Calgary and the money came right on time. So I have always this special person. I never talked much about her because she is always on my mind and I needed to see her before I write about Miss Gloria Ng. She trained me to sing when I was young and was always her strongest choir member. I was told if I sang in the choir, the alto parts, there is only need for three more voices to a choir of 40 members. She always made me sing alto although I could sing right up to A flat. But I gladly do my part and she also chose special alto parts just to show case the altos. We were good. Of course the other three are just as good. But Miss Ng also gave me confidence and together with her older sister, another Miss Ng Chiau Teck, they groomed me. They tried to manage the rebel in me and last night when I met her, I am still the same rebel. Just that I am very pleasant with unpleasantness. I went back to the church that gave me the doctrines in my faith. Today, many of us who attended may not be there now but we are in the top places in Singapore. I am one of them. Without this Church, I don't think I will be able to be as principled. Some practices have changed. I am not so hung up on which versions of the bible except some very OUT ones. But I am firm on personal walk with Jesus and how He sees you is most important and how I represent Jesus in my life is of utmost important too. So this will not change because whatever the stand in Christianity, Jesus is Lord of my life. I feel often times we are fighting over very hair splitting issues but forget the big picture of who is our Lord. Will not our fighting cause non believers to see how come Jesus cannot manage His house. Of course there are basic doctrines that cannot and must not change. What is most important is if our next generation truly love the Lord. What is most important is we get them to walk personally with Him. Not whether there should be electric guitars, whether we must worship the same way but who are you worshipping!
Miss Gloria Ng said she was involved in a car accident in 2005. She was in shock and she remembered telling the driver that she would be grateful if he killed her. She said she long for heaven. She is 75. I cannot ask her to stay and live on. I think she is right. She has nothing now to long for but Jesus. But then her time is not up and I shall dwell on that a little while later. My favourite student and now friend, Peck San gave me some insight into this.
I told Miss Ng she has always been an inspiration to me. And remembering the good she has done for me, gets me going to be the best teacher I should be albeit there are days when I just couldn't do it at all. See, a mentor deserves another better mentor. I am glad to see her. Got her some Godiva chocolates and some cash. She wanted to give to Rev Peter Ng but I said "No!" I will give him another day if he so needs it. She must have something just for herself. I think we give and give and don't know how to receive and I want her to receive. I gave her my number but she is not supposed to give anyone else.
At the church that night after the choir, some of those who grew up with me were there. Most I don't like to have anything to do with them. I gave a very cold handshake to signal I want to be detached. But one of them insisted I must talk to her. I told her the idea was to meet Miss Ng, not her, not anybody. I didn't want to go meet anyone except Miss Ng. But she had to put in a one sec statement. She told me that I told her something about her and it has now come true. She said God has finally shown her the way. I retorted since she insisted by saying "what took you so long?" See, I was really upset that she didn't understand that she is not important. This lady always have the world revolve around her. She wanted my number. I said NO! I will not give you...I told her that. Because I had enough trouble already and taking on her would kill me. Later, my colleague Bee Yen told me she is divorced and her son has some problems with the discipline. Whatever the reason, I felt bad I was so curt. But then, there are baggages I can take and there are those I cannot take and must let some other take. So I chose not to do that.
I now have to keep this constant touch with Miss Ng. I will keep this promise and something she said last night nearly brought me to tears. She said because I told her that she inspired me, she could die tonight. I always think what it would be like to slip into eternity and not say good bye. One of the habits I have is never to say good bye...always say hello! So I like surprises visits! Bonita, when are you coming?
Then I broke a few hearts when I left the church last night. One was a supposedly close friend who went around telling others how close we were. Yes, we were close. But I have changed. I have remained different because I just don't want to walk the same old path of entertaining people. I want to be able to reveal I am not a good person. I want them to know I am human. I err. I cannot conform to rules I don't understand and believe in. So herein lies the same rebel. But one thing mentioned the whole night showed a lot about me. Haha...I am the truthful, don't care if you can take it, honest people. Plain truth, I offend. Pastor Tang saw me and said I put on weight. I also "complimented" him that he is also heavier. And I found Rev Tang a happy man. I always remember him to be severe but he gave me a sunny impression. May God bless his work. The church I used to go to is fervent in ways of the Lord. But I believe they must go out and meet the needs of the people. Go and do missions. This is so needed. I may not be a JSMer but the heart of missions is within me. I have also impressed this upon my students. I am so proud of Peck San because she has dedicated her life to serve God. I am proud of Joshua and Melvin who want to serve. Life is only meaningful because of the Lord.
Then after church, I went with Bee Yen and Peck San to go for a drink. Bee Yen was thirsty and to quench the thirst we went very far. Finally ended at Esplanade. Imagine the people there. I was not allowed to enter Intercontinental hotel because OOps! I was in flip flops. In the car, I was asking Peck San if she could give me one of her birkenstock and i give her my flip flop. Then will they be able to decide whether or not I could get into the hotel to order drinks. But we were glad the rejection led us to a nice place to enjoy our time.
Peck San was my student way back in Cedar. My monitress who weathered some storms in the class with me. So she is very special. Her best friend is Bee Yen and so nicely placed in Hwa Chong. Peck San was glad I like Bee Yen and Peck San also said that I have a white list and black list. She said there must be a grey list so we can still remain friends. I agree and I do have a grey list. But I don't pull it out so often. I have a white list. Those who have no faults. But Joshua taught me there is always a need to forgive and to move on. I am learning to make my white list creamy but principles are principles still. Then Peck San talked about my view fo returning home to GOD. She said.."For me to live is Christ! To die is gain!" So as long as I am alive it is Christ's will.
I thought about it for a long long while. If this life is Christ's, how should I live it? Have I been living like it is Christ's and who should be dictating it?
I just received news that I am considered for the second trip to Beijing. I am glad. I hope I can go for a long, long time. I have things to do there. The call to China is real. Pray for me. That I will do what God wants because this life is His and it is about Him.
Thursday was a great night. I spoke to Danni and Cai Xun. Two of the Chinese scholars I met when I was with RGS. Danni has been in contact. She called from Switzerland to make sure I am okay. She even went to a church to get a special bear she sent from Switzerland to give my mother her blessings. Cai Xun is still her good old self. Always so positive and happy about life. I wish them both the very best. I want to meet them soon. Especially Danni. I hope December, I could fly to Zurich. I hope she gets the room ready and some ear plugs!
I am very moved by all that I have. I know GOD has placed very special in my life. I have no lack of good friends and I treasure all my white and cream list as well as my black list. You all mould me to be who I am, one way or another. But for the black list, it will soon be grey with time and I need time.
The Lord, He only is God.
Going Church early so I don't have to donate to Joshua.
