Food Samaritan Again!

The Food Samaritan Project was reported in Zaobao on the 16th of January 2008.

We are going to distribute the foods to the seniors on 3rd Feb.

Pray for more helpers to volunteer.

The students were commended for their work by the CEO of the school and the principals.

Because of this project, I opened the door to for high school teachers to work with students in JC.

I am glad I did because I always feel the JC boys can do more than before if only they set their eyes further.

Thank you for your prayers. Continue to pray for all of us.

Food Samaritan Project@Bukit Merah

The project started on 11th January at Bukit Merah. My team went down by 8am to prepare the ground. I was busy in school meeting after meeting. Finally I left school at 3pm and rushed down after lunch to meet the team. We have never expected to make it big. The students were so excited about the launch. They worked very hard. There were some hiccups here and there but we made it. On the first day we sold 30 food packages and 13 non food packages by 3pm. The figure went up to 70 food packages by the end of the day. On Saturday, when the second batch of boys went down to work, they sold 100 food packages and some non food packages. As of sunday night, we sold 196 food packages and 117 non food packages.

We have set a target at 1000 packages of food and non food packages by the 2nd of Feb. Please pray for us.

Students at work:

Mum's headstone

This morning on the way to school, Dad was discussing what we should do for the Chinese New Year. Each year, by this time, mum would have bought the sea cucumber, prepare and freeze them before the Chinese New Year arrive. Last year, I did all the preparations with her guidance. This year, I will have to take up the role properly. Originally, dad didnt want any celebration. He wanted to go to Rebecca's or Richard's for the reunion dinner. So I just have to tell them, "NO. I will cook and we do everything just like usual. Changing too much will only upset dad even more. Already we didn't have Christmas." They both agreed. I will be cooking the reunion dinner. I must get up tomorow to buy what I need to buy to prepare the feast. My forte is shark fins soup and the special yam dish that only Mum can cook so well. I came close second. Most of the time, I try to keep things as usual because I don't want to upset what we had. I miss mum very much. But she is in the best hands. I cannot give her the rest she always wanted. All I can do now is to make sure we remember her in the many occasions she has made so special for all of us. I will do my best to bring back the taste, the smell and the atmosphere of some of the celebrations.

On Thursday dad and Richard went to watch the foundations for mum's grave stone to be laid. I picked a verse for the headstone. At first Dad preferred mum's favourite song. Eventually Dad picked the verse I chose because even his friend gave him the same verse.

I chose Psalm 91:1&2 "He who dwells int he shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."" With this verse I see mum trusting God to the very end. I remember her saying, "Lord if you want me to live, I live. If you want me to die, I die." Such is the courage of my mother. Till the very end, she was teaching me the will to live.

This Sunday morning, I woke up tired and didn't go to church. I also had troubles with the drawers in my cupboards and so dad had to fix them. He was also rushing out to church. As I watched him getting ready for church, the thought of how the last worker who came to the vineyard would be paid the same amount as those workers who had been there for a long time came right back to me. Dad has been busy with church work. He would go visitations on those days when he doesn't drive his cab. He would tell me how the Lord healed this brother, that brother. He also talked about going with some church friends to dine at some places. Every sunday afternoon, they would take their lunch together and then they would go church. By the time he comes home on Sunday, it will be six. So now my family day is Saturday! As I walked with him to the train station, I just have this joy that flows my soul knowing that when dad and I stand before God, he will not have anything less because of his late in knowing the LORD. And I know too that mum is rejoicing in heaven watching how dad's faith is strengthened from day to day. He reads the bible everyday. I don't. He is setting a pace that I love to follow. Praise be to God.

I saw dad's love for the Lord grow each day. He has always been a great father and friend to me. Both my parents allowed us to attend church. At first they were not too happy when we refused some of the traditional customs but soon they saw that we (all 3 of us) meant business with Jesus. Although they saw the many many weaknesses in our lives, one thing they always saw was our love for the Lord. Al lthree of us cling on to ONE faith. That the Lord, truly He is God. I am so proud of my sister and brother because they work hard at bringing their children up in the fear of the Lord.

Recently Ryan and Timothy got a scholarship from MOE. Well, Ryan told his dad and mine that he will be giving 10% to the church. My dad was impressed. Coming Monday, dad has to go and get a scab treated. He told Theodora who turned five this past week about it. She told dad "I will pray for you. Jesus loves you. Don't be afraid." I pray for my nieces and nephews everyday because they are rare treasures. So very childlike.

I spoke to all the 4 big kids when they came visiting yesterday that they must call their grandfather more often when I am away. They all nodded.

Such is my family. Closely knit, tumultous at times but most of the time, we just eat together and stick to family traditions. My nephews and nieces always say my cooking is good. I cooked Minestrone last night for dinner, my style and they all told me it was good. They left one tiny bowl for me. I told Steffi, they better learn how to cook from me before I too leave.

Pray for my family. That the Lord will use us to shine for Him.
Pray for me as I prepare to go Beijing. Not so much to teach but to listen to what God wants me to do there. I am all excited. Excited by the new programme in my school for my HP students and also for Beijing.

The Size of Your Soul

One of the things that is stuck in my thoughts is a phrase Pastor Ian shared in his message in Calgary on the last sunday I was there. He talked about the size of the soul. He asked if our soul is big or is it small. It never struck me at all that there is some measure to the soul. So is there really a size. Can there be S, M, L, XL, XXL and XXXL and more?

I had a very lousy afternoon and something happened and I revisited this thought. Tonight I took time out to seek this interesting point. I found A.W. Tozer answering part of my quest. He said that the size of a man's soul is likely to determine his success or failure in the rough, competitive world of the 20th century. I think he would say the same thing about the 21st century. He emphasized that the size of the soul determines the extent of usefulness in God's kingdom. So it seems that the larger the size of the soul, the more useful we are for God. Paul is a man with a big soul. As Saul, he persecuted Christians but when he met the Lord along the way to Damascus, his soul was purged and burned with the love of God so much so that he was persecuted. I thought too about meeting Jesus. If I had met Jesus, would I have done the same as Paul.

That really depends on how I am going to increase the size of my soul. Must I be persecuted? Like being mistreated for some wrong reasons? God forbid. He loves me so much, nothing would hurt him more than to see me suffer. The only way to increase the size of your soul is to allow the Holy spirit to regenerate me. That is to lead a spirit filled life and allow God control and believe His control is better.

As I walked out of school yesterday afternoon, I was feeling down. Just as I was near the gantry, I saw a familiar face. This boy, now in JC2 was walking towards the field when he turned and saw me. And then he yelled at the top of his voice my name. He ran across the road towards the gantry and just checked to see how I was doing. I was deeply touched by this gesture. This is the second time he has done this and the second time I forgot his name. Now I remember. I asked him for it. He is Li Ye. So i asked why he was so excited to see me. He told me because he has not seen me for so long. Probably true because he was on the other side of campus I don't usually walk by. Has no business to be there unless I need to go visit the supermarket there. He also added that he miss me. Well, that is grand for me. But I thought for a moment, I really had no business with him either because I don't teach him anymore. He added that I was unique. Well, should I take this as a compliment? He must complete his kind gesture with another phrase, " really cannot forget!" That is it. I am sold.

Just about 3 hours before I met him, I met 9 of my mentees. They are probably reading my blog now. Out of 9, three chose me as their first choice as a mentor. I was hoping nobody chose me. I have a notorious name. One I am proud of. I was hoping that would deter all so I don't have too much work to do. But no such luck. I have 9. How do I feel about them? I cannot tell yet. But I do know they all came into the humanities programme because they wanted to pursue their favourite subject of literature, geography or history. Some didn't choose me as their first choice because I was going to be leaving soon for Beijing. These are the practical ones. I don't blame them but at their age, they sure can plan. They must live in a world of the lack of commitment. So they think when I am gone, I will also abandon them and leave them caution to the wind. Well, some people I just walk away without feeling any remorse. But I do stay for the few.

I take my commitments seriously. If I am committed, and sure about what I want to do, I go into it 120%. Sometimes, this intensity sickens me. Because the intensity is great, I am not always committed to many things too. I choose who or what I want to commit carefully. Commitments take time and energy. You need to spend time to make sure you fulfil these commitments. But nowadays, not many people are willing to invest time and energy in fulfilling the commitments they make. Look at the failed marriages and the fronts we keep. Nobody wants to go any deeper than necessary because we don't want to give up our time to get to know the other person or be involved in another life. As a result the size of our soul shrinks. Not enough to accomodate even God. He becomes a by product. A sunday relative we visit. A friend who is on our leash perhaps.

I noticed how some of my students who went with me on some of the trips bought gifts for their friends. There are the not so good friends but must keep friends in case they need to find out about work and the need to keep these bridges open. For these ones I was told, they would buy them just the $2 shop things. Then there are those you must buy because they are your seniors and they determine if you live or die in your cohort, then you buy the more "expensive" things". You see even at their tender age, they buy the gifts according to the level of commitment. How interesting! Wonder what happens when God does the same thing to us and put us in different levels of commitment. What if He dies for some more than the others? What would our soul be like?

It only goes to show that many are not willing to be committed. Many of the commitments are superficial, sufficient to tie them through a period so that they will have some chances at peace.

But Jesus is committed all the way to the cross without holding back. This level of commitment is remarkable. He knows that He might never get anything in return but He pursues us. We can be somewhere drinking our blues, toying with the emotions of kind souls, committing sins galore and ignores what He did on the cross and still He stands there waiting.

I check my level of commitment to somethings in my life today. Some commitments are rather heavy. I turned to the Lord this afternoon and told Him to help me out. I need to use His yoke.

Then I found these two songs in Cantonese. Really spell out what was in my heart since I got back. And I thank God for using it to comfort me. The first song is a song in a movie about a doctor who died during SARS. The actress, Ada is an excellent actress who has a great testimony to share. Her new life in Christ turned many things around for her. She is going to be married this coming January. I am deeply touched by her testimony. Many of Hong Kong TVB actors and actresses are strong Christians who stand for God. This is what we need to see more often in our country. People standing for God from all walks of life because if we don't do so, very soon the voice of the devil will be heard and will bring more confusion so we cannot see God clearly. If we allow the devil to take away our freedom of speech, courage to stand up against what is wrong, then we are giving him territory and we have only ourselves to blame. Not the devil.

I totally agree with the lyrics. I have nothing to lose. Nothing that I want more than to rest in the Lord and be in Jesus. I just want to finish what God wants me to do and go HOME. Because I know at the otherside of the rainbow, mum will be there.

The second song is about FOOTPRINTS in the sand. Always thinking it was I who was walking along the beach alone not knowing that the Lord was carrying me on His shoulders so that I would not have to wet my feet. I need some help now urgently. I think I can only trust God. Pray for me. The Food Samartian Project will be launched on the 11th of January. We have some urgent matters that are not settled and we need expert advice. Pray for wisdom.

The Lord beckons. May He come soon.

惟求奉上生命全归主所有，
要将一切尽献于我主的手。
我已决定今生再没所求，
惟望得主称赞已足够。

New Year's Eve and New Year's

Some how I got something and I had to fight a high fever for a whole 24 hours before it finally broke with two dozes of antibiotics. It was sure a great way to get out of a draggy staff meeting. I got up on New Year's eve with a high fever but I still made it to the school despite the fever. After about 90 minutes, I couldn't stand it any longer and so after meeting my boys who helped me moved some stuff to my new room, I rushed to the clinic. I had not had a fever in the last three years so this is quite a good record. But like a good girl I stayed all day and night in bed. I was going to go to a birthday party and even that did not materialize although I tried hard to rest earlier, the fever just would not go away. I ended up not being able to do my favourite thing of the year...reflecting.

New Year's morning I got up, cranky and unhappy but I eventually made it to the graveyard to pay mum a visit. I was surprised to see so many people than expected at the cemetery. We discussed about the make of the tomb stone, the design and finally my dad gave the green light to go ahead and make it. He confirmed that the ground has settled. Up until now, he still insists that we go to mum's grave side once a month as a family. Today, Stacia asked why mum was in the ground. We explained she is resting and her soul is with God. She said when she rested, she would go to mummy's room. She asked a few tough questions today. Good thing my dad was not there to understand too much because he was checking out the final design he wanted for mum's grave. Poor Theodora was trying to tell Stacia what was happening.

We adjourned for lunch at Jurong Point and then I went to meet two special ladies for tea. We had a great chat about school and what is in store for us three, each of us heading for different schools. What is in store for me? One of my ex boys asked me how I was dealing with school. I told him, I don't even want to think about it.

I am reading this book about facing giants. Max Lucado has a great way with putting difficult things across to people. He looked at the life of David and found so many wonderful things from this shepherd boy. When God found David, he was just a lowly shepherd, minding the fields and his only companions were possibly sheep all day long. But God picked him. What did God see in David? When the priest Samuel was instructed to go to the house of Jesse to look for the next king, he was attracted to the first born because he looked great, handsome and tall. But God did not choose him. Then came an eloquent speaker, but God didn't choose him. God knows the heart and saw it a long time ago. He has insisted on David.

What was it like to be in the company of the shepherd boy? Who would be talking to him? The sheep! He has no one else for inspiration but the sheep. Yet God chose David. He was tending the sheep as if it was the world's most important ambition. God called him out of the boonies to be the new king for Israel. I sat thinking about it the whole day and wondered how God has so chosen us to give the gifts He so gave us so as to serve Him. If I were to look back, I would never have become a teacher. My ambition was to be a lawyer, to right the wrongs, to be the justice sometimes the world forgotten. Yet, God gave me the gift to teach. A gift I never knew I had all these years until some seven years ago. I have since started to listen to the leading of God and pay attention to the gift and acquire the tools and sharpen them as time unveils. Some of us a born to be teachers, some are made but whatever it is, it is an important calling, no smaller than the calling of becoming a King. Because in the end it is the King of Kings we all serve. In His eyes it is not about whether you can teach or not, whether you are gifted or not, it is about what you do with the lives He so graciously bring before you.

I looked back at the boys who went with me on the trip to Harvard. I didnt think they were all bad. But some were definitely not fit to be on the trip. I saw a lot of deceit, pride, absolute disregard for others, blind following and definitely alot of immaturity. But my ex boys told me to forgive them because they are still young. I burst out laughing because they were also still young when they too did the same thing. I wonder if they realize they have become old. Yes, my ex boys are growing older! It is not a matter of forgiveness. I can forgive but difficult to forget when I have to go back to the same kind of a different group everyday. So this is when I look up towards Heaven and called "Abba Father!"

Today is the start of school. I couldn't sleep. May be my head was facing the west side of the earth. I just couldn't sleep. May be I am excited about seeing my limey room. May be I want to move the furniture. But I just couldn't sleep. I got up at 330. And then tried to shut my eyes, and they open at 5. I showered. Sat down and read the bible. I turned to Proverbs 2. It was a wonderful start of my year and my day. To ask God for wisdom and to get understanding and knowledge.

It is so needed in my school. Everything is still so in flux. Nothing is permanent and frankly I don't even know how to look at my time table. So many cluster of students all within the same centre. Wonder why we have to complicate simple matters. Poor Samuel, my colleague. He has to work on permutating some groups. In the end, one suggested changing to keep a particular group together just so they will not be taught by pedagogically sound teachers. But don't they know that in the real world, all are judged according to the paper, not about whether you are from BSP or CSE or EP or SMTP? Who really cares? All the people will talk about is...whether you have your MA and PA and finally a Permanent Head Damage!

But we need to look beyond the credentials and see the heart. Sometimes, it is not the papers that get you somewhere. It is your heart, an inborn talent that you possess or even a chance to chat with one important person who can turn your life around. So I wish all of us this year, will keep our heart in tune with God's pace in our life. Never lose sight of who made us, who love us, who died for us and who will come again for us. Lest I forget Gethsamane, Lest I forget the Lord's agony, I need to revist Calvary.

My colleagues within my humanities team are great. We have altogether agreed to go on a trip with our students. It really matters who we work with. This team is fast, efficient and very pro student and pro teaching. The principal has picked the four of us because he saw us as the fantastic FOUR. Yup...three lovely ladies and one man. Just quite the opposite to the movie with Jessica Alba. We are praying we will support each other and be professional to bring out the best in our pupils. The strangest thing is that all four of us are surely not so nice teachers with our students except for Samuel.

This morning, a boy in the bicultural studies saw me with my class and he said...heng ah! I turned and stared down at him and told him in his face that he is so unheng (unlucky). This was because he didn't know what he will never have, a chance to be trained by one of the best. I left him stunned. Really. All of us judge a book by its cover. I have proven it time and again. The real leader is one who will look beyond the cover, dare to stick to the challenge and remain unshaken by the discouragement and disillusions when the learning starts.

Pray for me as I continue to serve God where I am. May He bless my students who learn from me with the gift of salvation. May Christ increase more and more in my life.

I am burdened for my students. Not so much for my school. I want to do something about that. So pray with me that the Lord has mercy on all of them.