Some how I got something and I had to fight a high fever for a whole 24 hours before it finally broke with two dozes of antibiotics. It was sure a great way to get out of a draggy staff meeting. I got up on New Year's eve with a high fever but I still made it to the school despite the fever. After about 90 minutes, I couldn't stand it any longer and so after meeting my boys who helped me moved some stuff to my new room, I rushed to the clinic. I had not had a fever in the last three years so this is quite a good record. But like a good girl I stayed all day and night in bed. I was going to go to a birthday party and even that did not materialize although I tried hard to rest earlier, the fever just would not go away. I ended up not being able to do my favourite thing of the year...reflecting.
New Year's morning I got up, cranky and unhappy but I eventually made it to the graveyard to pay mum a visit. I was surprised to see so many people than expected at the cemetery. We discussed about the make of the tomb stone, the design and finally my dad gave the green light to go ahead and make it. He confirmed that the ground has settled. Up until now, he still insists that we go to mum's grave side once a month as a family. Today, Stacia asked why mum was in the ground. We explained she is resting and her soul is with God. She said when she rested, she would go to mummy's room. She asked a few tough questions today. Good thing my dad was not there to understand too much because he was checking out the final design he wanted for mum's grave. Poor Theodora was trying to tell Stacia what was happening.
We adjourned for lunch at Jurong Point and then I went to meet two special ladies for tea. We had a great chat about school and what is in store for us three, each of us heading for different schools. What is in store for me? One of my ex boys asked me how I was dealing with school. I told him, I don't even want to think about it.
I am reading this book about facing giants. Max Lucado has a great way with putting difficult things across to people. He looked at the life of David and found so many wonderful things from this shepherd boy. When God found David, he was just a lowly shepherd, minding the fields and his only companions were possibly sheep all day long. But God picked him. What did God see in David? When the priest Samuel was instructed to go to the house of Jesse to look for the next king, he was attracted to the first born because he looked great, handsome and tall. But God did not choose him. Then came an eloquent speaker, but God didn't choose him. God knows the heart and saw it a long time ago. He has insisted on David.
What was it like to be in the company of the shepherd boy? Who would be talking to him? The sheep! He has no one else for inspiration but the sheep. Yet God chose David. He was tending the sheep as if it was the world's most important ambition. God called him out of the boonies to be the new king for Israel. I sat thinking about it the whole day and wondered how God has so chosen us to give the gifts He so gave us so as to serve Him. If I were to look back, I would never have become a teacher. My ambition was to be a lawyer, to right the wrongs, to be the justice sometimes the world forgotten. Yet, God gave me the gift to teach. A gift I never knew I had all these years until some seven years ago. I have since started to listen to the leading of God and pay attention to the gift and acquire the tools and sharpen them as time unveils. Some of us a born to be teachers, some are made but whatever it is, it is an important calling, no smaller than the calling of becoming a King. Because in the end it is the King of Kings we all serve. In His eyes it is not about whether you can teach or not, whether you are gifted or not, it is about what you do with the lives He so graciously bring before you.
I looked back at the boys who went with me on the trip to Harvard. I didnt think they were all bad. But some were definitely not fit to be on the trip. I saw a lot of deceit, pride, absolute disregard for others, blind following and definitely alot of immaturity. But my ex boys told me to forgive them because they are still young. I burst out laughing because they were also still young when they too did the same thing. I wonder if they realize they have become old. Yes, my ex boys are growing older! It is not a matter of forgiveness. I can forgive but difficult to forget when I have to go back to the same kind of a different group everyday. So this is when I look up towards Heaven and called "Abba Father!"
Today is the start of school. I couldn't sleep. May be my head was facing the west side of the earth. I just couldn't sleep. May be I am excited about seeing my limey room. May be I want to move the furniture. But I just couldn't sleep. I got up at 330. And then tried to shut my eyes, and they open at 5. I showered. Sat down and read the bible. I turned to Proverbs 2. It was a wonderful start of my year and my day. To ask God for wisdom and to get understanding and knowledge.
It is so needed in my school. Everything is still so in flux. Nothing is permanent and frankly I don't even know how to look at my time table. So many cluster of students all within the same centre. Wonder why we have to complicate simple matters. Poor Samuel, my colleague. He has to work on permutating some groups. In the end, one suggested changing to keep a particular group together just so they will not be taught by pedagogically sound teachers. But don't they know that in the real world, all are judged according to the paper, not about whether you are from BSP or CSE or EP or SMTP? Who really cares? All the people will talk about is...whether you have your MA and PA and finally a Permanent Head Damage!
But we need to look beyond the credentials and see the heart. Sometimes, it is not the papers that get you somewhere. It is your heart, an inborn talent that you possess or even a chance to chat with one important person who can turn your life around. So I wish all of us this year, will keep our heart in tune with God's pace in our life. Never lose sight of who made us, who love us, who died for us and who will come again for us. Lest I forget Gethsamane, Lest I forget the Lord's agony, I need to revist Calvary.
My colleagues within my humanities team are great. We have altogether agreed to go on a trip with our students. It really matters who we work with. This team is fast, efficient and very pro student and pro teaching. The principal has picked the four of us because he saw us as the fantastic FOUR. Yup...three lovely ladies and one man. Just quite the opposite to the movie with Jessica Alba. We are praying we will support each other and be professional to bring out the best in our pupils. The strangest thing is that all four of us are surely not so nice teachers with our students except for Samuel.
This morning, a boy in the bicultural studies saw me with my class and he said...heng ah! I turned and stared down at him and told him in his face that he is so unheng (unlucky). This was because he didn't know what he will never have, a chance to be trained by one of the best. I left him stunned. Really. All of us judge a book by its cover. I have proven it time and again. The real leader is one who will look beyond the cover, dare to stick to the challenge and remain unshaken by the discouragement and disillusions when the learning starts.
Pray for me as I continue to serve God where I am. May He bless my students who learn from me with the gift of salvation. May Christ increase more and more in my life.
I am burdened for my students. Not so much for my school. I want to do something about that. So pray with me that the Lord has mercy on all of them.
