15th October 2006
We are now at the airport Terminal 2 sending mum and Richard off to Beijing. The flight leaves at 1:20 am and we are flying with Singapore Airlines. Thank God for the provision of the tickets and the flight is full. Mum and Richard will be arriving at 7am tomorrow morning and will be picked up by another doctor. This si also a liver specialist, another friend of Richard's. Richard now have two more new contacts and these two are from Hong Kong so we will solve a lot of problems with food. We are praying mum need not stay more than 10 days and then we can work on other problems bugging her. The two stents and the high level of acid in her stomach.

Tonight we bought KFC and she ate a whole piece but I had the skins of course. She also drank a whole bowl of veggie soup I made with the pressure cooker and we bought satays too. Cousin Lad bought a coffee cake and we had a ball. I was tired and my legs are giving me some problems.

Yesterday mum had a slight fever in the morning and I sighed I gave her two panadols and waited. But there was so little movement. Then another 2 more and the fever finally broke. We watched her the whole night. I was up till about two am and then I crashed into my bed and woke up at six again to make sure she is alright. The fever was no where in sight. We rebuked the devil and all the evil that is around. Is this scientific? Of course not but the psyche is enabled and that helps.

We talked about death yesterday morning. She is not afraid to die and she is not giving up so easily without a fight.

Right now please pray for a safe flight and a good night's sleep so she will be recharged. She will be sent straight to the radiology department to get the positions done. Continue to pray with us as you watch God's working in our lives.

May the Lord bless all of you for praying and standing with us.

12 October 2006
Mum is eating better these two days since her return from the hospital. We have decided to take her to Beijing as soon as possible. Richard will be going with her and we shall wait for the call in Beijing regarding what to do next. Dad will go when Richard returns. We are praying it will not be more than 2 weeks this time. If time permits, I will go and bring them both back.

Richard and mum will leave on Sunday at midnight and arrive Beijing on Monday 7am. Please pray for the following. Mum will probably have to do another CT scan. Pray that there will not be fever. Somehow each time she had fever when they inject the dye in her. But then again it could be the duct infection she had even before she left for Beijing the first time. Pray her appetite will be good when she is there.

Pray that my brother will be able to find time to destress when he is over there. That he will be able to find the food mum likes to eat. Pray he will be able to cheer her up in his short stay there. He will probably return in a week's time. That is why we are praying she needs very little days for the radiation.

We need a lot of wisdom to pack what she prefers when she goes over.

Tonight one of her qigong friends also has liver cancer. His wife called to speak to my mother. Mr Koh's operation removed a tumour the size of an egg. He was operated on about 2 months ago. This is his second operation in two years. He was given a new drug to try. He is the seventh person to try this drug and given it free of charge. I heard my mother encouraging Mrs Koh to tell Mr Koh to fight on. Mum said that as a Christian, death is only a release and nothing to be afraid of because God is with her. She said everyone will pass this way. She has seen the world but she wants to fight on because it is worth a good fight. She said there are some battles you cannot fight and you must give up. But there are those you must fight in order to survive.

She is sleeping now. Pray with me that she has a good rest and be awake tomorrow to welcome another brand new day of hope.

Good night and have a good weekend rest.

8th October 2006
Yesterday 7th October was mum's 68th birthday. I cooked vegetarian and I wanted to surprise mum with the gluten she so often made when we celebrate Chinese New Year. I sort of know what she would do but it didn't even come close.

We praised God that Mum's condition improved throughout the stay. Repeated tests confirmed that the bile ducts were a little blocked. The infection was in the bile ducts area. The fever finally broke on Wednesday and with treatment of antibiotics, she improved fast too. However there were two occasions where there was a slight fever. The nurses were very alert and kept checked on her.

It was a very heartwarming occasion. Ryan and Steffi brought gifts of soft toys and a scrapbook with their baby photos and mum carrying them in. The soft toys are all representative of what they are like. They each picked a toy that helps mum remember them. Guess what Ryan gave? A little lion. Steffi got mum a doll with two pony tails. Theodora was more intrigued by the scrapbook. She asked for the book when she came to see mum this afternoon too.

Tiffany make a get well card and a birthday card for mum. She is the creative one with tinsel and ribbons. What did Timothy do? Well, he is the cameraman and he captures all the happy moments of the evening.

Richard suggested that the children all served tea to mum. They all queued from Theodora to Ryan in ascending order. Then it is our turn to serve mum her tea for the evening.

She was cheerful and positive. We left her sleeping alone in the room. This is a single bedder charged at a 4 bedder price because when she was admitted there were no rooms.

Please continue to pray for us. Dr Toh Han Chong said my mum looked better than when he first saw her in September. He told us there may be a need to put in two plastic stents or something like that. We pray that there will be good solutions to her problem or else we have to get in to the hospital each time she has a fever.

Pray that we know how to give her good care. We don't know what else will help her build her immunity. We don't want to stress the liver.

Thank God we are praying as a family each night we say good night to her. Thank you for praying
Praise God for all the blessings upon us.

Now good night and have a good week.

3rd October 2006
Two days ago, mum recovered from fever. This morning, she shook with fever. Rebecca called me and dad turned back the taxi while he was sending me to NTU. Rebecca was surprised but calm. I have seen her shake before and so I hugged her and prayed with her. Rebecca did it earlier. When she is calmer, we took her to SGH. She has no fever when we arrived. By three we formally admitted her to the Oncology ward. There were no rooms, and so we paid for the price of 4 and got into a one person ward.

These two weeks have been really difficult for all of us. Ryan will be having his first PSLE paper tomorrow and we are keeping it from him. He worries and will be affected. I wonder how Serina is keeping up with it.

I am tired from all the labour and as much as my heart wants to give, I have no more energy. I could only walk. I now understand what Bonita meant when she said she just shuffle from point to point.

I know God is in control. He reigns.

Please pray with us tonight as my mother sleeps at SGH. She has an infection. We are praying it is not blood infection and if it is that the bacterial culture is fast reported so the doctors know what to treat her with effectively. I searched the internet and always with so much information, the worry indicator shoots up. I am worried. Have faith, people will tell me. I said yes but my heart has mixed feelings. On the one hand I want my mother right by me. I had great times with her, she is dynamic, strong, a fighter and a true believer of the Lord. But am I going to be selfish to deprive her of a really good rest. I don't know what to pray but for her to be happy. I love my family very much. And the best thing about being a family of christians is to know we will unite again in Heaven.

Tonight Richard is staying with her. I am grateful to my brother. He fasts and prays for her every day. We have sent out messages to ask friends to keep praying for mum. So please pray precisely the following: That the culture will come back with no blood infection. That the fever will be gone and the antibiotics address the issue once and for all. Pray that the doctors know what to do by tonight. Pray that mum's spirit remains positive. She was still telling my father to go to church. Pray for all of us, especially dad that he will rest well after he visits with mum tonight. Pray he will drive safely and continues to be hopeful.

Pray for Ryan that he will be able to concentrate on his PSLE studies. Pray for Richard and Serina that they will be able to find time to coach him. Pray for Rebecca who has a father in law in the hospital too and she now has to go to and fro.

Sometimes I laugh. How much worst can it get? I only know this...when there is life, there is death. When there is a union, there is a separation. But there is always HOPE and GOD. There is always an eternity to enjoy each other's company.

I love my mum and dad. Do you? What are you doing now for them? Must you do anything for them? If you have never done anything to make them happy, you better because you never know when time creeps up and say "Time's up!"

I will cry myself to sleep tonight and pray myself to sleep.

Good night

2nd October, Monday
Once again, I want to thank all of you for checking my blog so frequently. Sorry I didn't update because I really went through a very dark valley for the past two weeks. It was dark because I decided to make it miserable for everyone. The tension of caring for my mother and my dad became very heavy and I could not keep everything under wraps. At the same time, it was extremely exhausting to handle the home front and work. I admire and respect all those who can keep the domains of work and home in balance amidst all the other problems of life. Did I look to God? In all that happened, I never once complained to God or ask Him why ME? I only know that He is in control but then when the answers are slow and the dark clouds gather, I jumped ahead of Him.

Since the blog ended the last time, I fought with what I should write or not write. Should I bare it all? Can anyone of you take what I would write? I am still wondering how much of it you will read that is going to be honest.

Let's just say I had a big fight with my family. All four against me. It got me angry and I totally felt unappreciated. I also felt helpless and terribly wanted to walk away from all these without my head turned. But God held me in His hands. I walked back to where I should be and by His grace do what I need to do but with very little conviction and confidence.

Last week was great. Why? Because I saw the growth of my students. I must thank Chengleng for his mail to me. Let me share this boy with all of you. I meet up with 4 of my ex boys rather regularly. They made sure that on teachers' day or school holidays, I would not be left out. They will try and meet me at least 4 or more times a year since I have not taught them for the last three years. Since last year they had a fight, one left and there were only three. One left to sort out his problems and find himself. But Chengleng never gave up trying to bring the four together again. He valued friends and family and being a sentimental person, wanted to bring everyone into this big circle. Poor boys got to listen to my rambling about my recent woes and it was Chengleng who had the guts to point out the need to reconcile. I did.

It happened on over the past week. My mother's fever went up and she shook terribly. I was home because I took fell ill. We both went to the doctor and although I was still rather fed up with the issues of the past week, I must still do the right thing, bring her to the doctor. Believe me, some illness can only be cured with the heart. She did not fight very well, the fever came, and gone and came and gone. I knew deep in my heart that the issues of the previous week were not resolved and the only way to cure my mother is i have to reconcile and apologise. I refused. But I continued to buy her the most expensive medication which cost us about $250 every week. I went to JB to meet the people who represented this medicine for the liver. It is supposed to work well with liver cancer patients. I spoke to Sharon, a young woman who worked with patients using XP-180. She taught me what to do but she also noticed something was wrong with me. When I told her about my mother, she asked if my mother was unhappy. Wow! Right on the nail, and she being a non christian (going to be one soon, she said) told me to go back and apologise even if I am not in the wrong. At that moment, I cried. Because I know what is the right thing to do and hesistated.

I went home and I apologised. I confessed my sins before God and man and you know what, my mother's fever started to come down. She has stronger fighting spirit and today, monday, she has no fever since 1730 yesterday. Sunday morning, at about 230am, she told me the fever came. She didn't take any panadol and she noticed the fever came down and she didn't take any panadol until 1730. We gave her antibiotics, her last one at 2330 last night. Praise God! She is up and about but her urine is still yellow though not dark.

This blog is about praising God. I hope I praised Him each time I write the blog. I praise Him because the journey in the heart is most intense. The walls have to come down and I pray they come down before I destroy anyone. When we choose to harden our hearts, it is really up to us to break them down or else the layers will harden day by day and it will take more and more things to happen before we finally break all of them down.

I also learned that sugar is bad for cancer patients. It is also better to eat fruits first before any food you put in your stomach. Half an hour after that, take a raw salad followed by cooked veggies and meat or carbohydrates. I also learn that oats are fantastic foods. Most of all, if I follow what my mum eats, I will lose weight.

Last night, I made dad, Rebecca, Timothy, Tiffany and Theodora on mum's diet. They ate raw salad (lettuce with raisins, black sesame oil with apple cider vinegar dressing), then cooked okras with corn and cauliflower, after which I served chicken sphagetti to the kids but the rest of the adults all ate millet and brown rice porridge. The kids didn't complained much but Theodora protested when she had to eat the veggies. She ate all the sphagetti though.

I am also advised that chicken is bad for cancer patients. There are two hormones inside the chicken that will add cancer growth. Pork is bad but not as bad as chickens. The best is fish, local fish, small ones with scales.

That's all folks. Now I got to go see a doctor about an eye infection I am fighting since Friday.

To God be the glory and honour and all power. Please continue to pray for my mother. Richard will be taking her to Beijing for another round of radiation. She is a very smart woman. She knows what she wants. Yesterday afternoon, she told God that she wants to be able to tell people about who He is and she will testify of God's goodness in her life. So pray with us that this time round her vessels will be there for the nurses to prick so that it would not cause swelling. That they will kill off remaining cancer cells in the bile duct and liver and all the water she is drinking and the food she is eating is absorbed by her body. We are trying to fatten her up and pray for wisdom to know how to prepare her body for the treatment.

Thank you my dear friends. I know I cannot write this without much prayers support. I am grateful everyday for all of your well wishes and love. I hope I have encouraged you today.