I decided to shut myself out. So no more blogs for this weekend and for the next week.
Why? Because I want to think.
Thanks for reading all these times. And remembering my mother with me, tolerating my ranting. You are most patient. If the Lord is willing, I will blog again but for now I want to think.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Trust
It is a difficult thing to TRUST. Trust is easily broken and difficult to build again. Here is a three part sermon by Kurt Wise. I heard about him through a friend at dinner last night. I am searching for another sermon about the FLOOD. But for now, this Sermon is so good. It gives me faith to believe in an AWESOME GOD. I am persuaded that He is the only God who will pursue me through all means so that I might know Him and the power of His resurrection.
I hope God will speak to you as much as they all speak to me.
Kurt Wise is a geologist. A very clever geologist!
I hope God will speak to you as much as they all speak to me.
Kurt Wise is a geologist. A very clever geologist!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Spirit Filled Believer
As I am blogging, it is raining buckets outside. A friend from Bangkok is visiting and going home with her son. I wonder if she brought the rains...hahahaha
This morning's sermon at BBTC was very good. I was super early and was ready for church although there were quite a few things I had to do later in the day, I set my heart to hear God.
As we were worshiping God, two people came to my side. They were my colleagues I am working with now. They sat beside me throughout the service. It is wonderful to serve together and also worship together. My subject head accepted the Lord. We rejoice every time she attends the service.
Elder Jeffrey Goh was the speaker. He is a really entertaining and funny guy but the messages he gives are most often very serious. The part about the sermon I liked best was how to identify spirit filled believers. One of the sign is that the spirit filled believer is willing to embrace everything from God.
He told of a woman who woke up one morning and she found she only had three strands of hair on her head. She looked towards heaven and thanked God for those three strands and braided them...ah! She was pretty already.
The second morning, she woke up and you should have guessed what happened. She had only two strands of hair on her head. Again she looked up and with her palms clasped together, she thanked God for the two strands. She did a centre parting of her hair and she beemed.
The third day, she woke up and yes, she had only one strand left. She was happy that she could tie a pony tail. She got a small piece of ribbon and was glad she could swing it around.
Then come the fourth day. She woke up and she had no hair left. Do you think she will still thank God? If you are this woman, what would you thank God for? The answer is in the coming blog entry....hahahaha
He told us to stop our grumbling and be thankful for the job we have, for the horrible creatures in our lives that can make us stronger and for all the good, the bad and the ugly.
My theme this year seems to dwell on giving up people, things and events. Yet God repeatedly tells me to stay and fight on and watch Him do a greater work in these people, things and events. It is not that I don't believe God. It is more that I don't have the energy to move on.
Am I spirit filled? I think God is the judge. He will know where I stand in this matter. But I am always grateful. Grateful that I am still here. I still have the life to be able to write. Grateful that though people will forget me at least I am remembered for the little that I do. Grateful that when I go church God meet me every time. Grateful that I still have 20 over years of good friends to cherish the rest of my days with.
Although I don't like my country and some of the things and people here, God has put me here for a reason. I am grateful for all the people I have met and we crossed paths. Whether the memories are good or bad, I am grateful for these memories. God is always good. He uses people to make me stronger if I don't die from the experience.
A spirit filled life will wait on God and so I will wait. It is a life not prone to act according to its own desires but according to God's will and law. It is contentment with great gain when we tell God to come and work in our lives and clean up major areas. He is cleaning me inside out. Sometimes tough but often times good after the cleansing.
I told Bonita today that I am actually running on empty, needing a long rest from the struggles of the past year. She is aware and she told me to pace and to rest in the Lord. I am. But not enough. I hope to be able to fully rest in Christ alone. Pray for me as I finish off this month. It has been a very tiring year for me...emotionally drained and physically not available sometimes to even think straight. I really need to rest. But spiritually there is great awakening. Awakened to the realisation that I must decrease whereas God must increase in my life and this is difficult lesson to surrender all. By God's grace I will learn it.
This morning's sermon at BBTC was very good. I was super early and was ready for church although there were quite a few things I had to do later in the day, I set my heart to hear God.
As we were worshiping God, two people came to my side. They were my colleagues I am working with now. They sat beside me throughout the service. It is wonderful to serve together and also worship together. My subject head accepted the Lord. We rejoice every time she attends the service.
Elder Jeffrey Goh was the speaker. He is a really entertaining and funny guy but the messages he gives are most often very serious. The part about the sermon I liked best was how to identify spirit filled believers. One of the sign is that the spirit filled believer is willing to embrace everything from God.
He told of a woman who woke up one morning and she found she only had three strands of hair on her head. She looked towards heaven and thanked God for those three strands and braided them...ah! She was pretty already.
The second morning, she woke up and you should have guessed what happened. She had only two strands of hair on her head. Again she looked up and with her palms clasped together, she thanked God for the two strands. She did a centre parting of her hair and she beemed.
The third day, she woke up and yes, she had only one strand left. She was happy that she could tie a pony tail. She got a small piece of ribbon and was glad she could swing it around.
Then come the fourth day. She woke up and she had no hair left. Do you think she will still thank God? If you are this woman, what would you thank God for? The answer is in the coming blog entry....hahahaha
He told us to stop our grumbling and be thankful for the job we have, for the horrible creatures in our lives that can make us stronger and for all the good, the bad and the ugly.
My theme this year seems to dwell on giving up people, things and events. Yet God repeatedly tells me to stay and fight on and watch Him do a greater work in these people, things and events. It is not that I don't believe God. It is more that I don't have the energy to move on.
Am I spirit filled? I think God is the judge. He will know where I stand in this matter. But I am always grateful. Grateful that I am still here. I still have the life to be able to write. Grateful that though people will forget me at least I am remembered for the little that I do. Grateful that when I go church God meet me every time. Grateful that I still have 20 over years of good friends to cherish the rest of my days with.
Although I don't like my country and some of the things and people here, God has put me here for a reason. I am grateful for all the people I have met and we crossed paths. Whether the memories are good or bad, I am grateful for these memories. God is always good. He uses people to make me stronger if I don't die from the experience.
A spirit filled life will wait on God and so I will wait. It is a life not prone to act according to its own desires but according to God's will and law. It is contentment with great gain when we tell God to come and work in our lives and clean up major areas. He is cleaning me inside out. Sometimes tough but often times good after the cleansing.
I told Bonita today that I am actually running on empty, needing a long rest from the struggles of the past year. She is aware and she told me to pace and to rest in the Lord. I am. But not enough. I hope to be able to fully rest in Christ alone. Pray for me as I finish off this month. It has been a very tiring year for me...emotionally drained and physically not available sometimes to even think straight. I really need to rest. But spiritually there is great awakening. Awakened to the realisation that I must decrease whereas God must increase in my life and this is difficult lesson to surrender all. By God's grace I will learn it.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
How do you want to write the end of your life's journey?
We finished the study of Nehemiah last Saturday. It was a very thought provoking end and got me really interested in looking at how each book of the bible began and how each book ended to lead on to the next beginning. There were serious thinking in the class on Saturday. And we are all challenged to think about how we want to write the end of our life's story.
Kay Arthur began with THE END WILL COME for both Christians and non Christians. On that day, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess Jesus is Lord. But for some it will be too late. For those of us who called ourselves Christians, we will have to answer to the deeds done in our body. Whether the way we live is pleasing or not pleasing to God and whether the talents He has given us have been well used.
Ah...God is a Just God and He will reward and He will judge. This aspect of God is not often mentioned these days for fear that we will turn people away from A loving God.
I cannot help but to tell of this other side of God because it is this other side of God that will cause us to live cautiously in this treacherous world. We cannot live like there is no judgement because God is already judging the world. He is already showing us that the birth pangs are beginning. The earth has been shaking more violently by the days. The earth is flooded all over...unprecedented flooding and exceptional weather. Is this not a God who will do what He says He will do? How long will He tarry as the world's become more and more wicked.
Matthew 24: 6-13. Check against these verses and see if these that were foretold are already happening:
The signs are already there. I used to remember Pastor Steve Elliot who would pray every week at the pulpit that God comes quickly. I also want God to come quickly.
After George and Grace left and meeting my friends I know from Calgary, I long for Canada even more. I hope the Lord doesn't tarry but come fast. I want to be caught up in the air and if I cannot, then I want God to take me home.
Tonight I spoke to my family about a deep desire to return to Calgary. My sister was shocked and so was my father. But I have always wanted to stay in Calgary for good. I have to think about how to write the end to my life's journey. I need to know what I have to do and need to do and then to think about what I want to do. God is first and foremost. If God still wants me to stay, I will obey. But I want to be convinced that this need to stay is for a bigger purpose. I have to learn to be a little selfish. I need to think about myself for a bit now. Sometimes I do ask if Jesus was enough for me. It is not every day that Jesus is enough. Sometimes I want more. Honestly I am human. I do want somethings extra. But God is always good to remind me that He is enough.
With God's grace I hope to write the end of my life's journey with Him holding my hand as I enter the pearly gates and meet Him face to face. The hymn:
Some day the silver cord will break. And I no more as now shall sing.
But Oh the Joy! when I shall wake, within the palace of the King.
Then I shall see Him face to face, and tell the story saved by grace.
Don't get me wrong. I am not suicidal again. I just want to think about my end. We all should. Because the END of day will come. And you and I will face God. I have to start writing the end of my life's journey as of now.
Tonight will begin with a prayer asking for direction. It shall be this:
Dear Heavenly Father
It has been a very busy day but not one without any thought of tomorrow. Thank you for the time to spend today. And thank you for the grace to finish the day. It was great to meet the kids when I got home. Thank you for them. Theodora made my day Lord.
Thank you so much for the promise that You will come for your children one day. Father only you know when that day is. Can I ask that You do not tarry? I know you are a merciful God full of grace and love. But You are also telling us that time is running out. So help me Lord to know how to write the end to my life's journey. Will I be caught up in the air? Will I be called home? I only pray Lord that when I account for my life, I can give you reasons for my unfaithfulness and poor stewardship of your talents. In the mean time Father, please forgive me and help me finish the job you have started in my life.
There is no regret to be your child because You are indeed God. And I ask you give me grace and more grace as I continue to sojourn on earth. Truly this world is not my home and shouldn't be. But humanly, we are comfortable with what worldly goods we have. I pray Father you will hold me close to your heart as you purge me from all the dross of my life. I want to finish this journey with You.
In Jesus Name
Amen
Horatio G. Spafford lost every child he had with his wife. Lost every single one of his children. And he did not complain. Instead together with his wife, childless in the end, left to serve God in the mission field. So truly Horatio can say it is well with my soul. I want to be able to say that one day. When God remove everything, everyone from me, I want to be able to say it is well with my soul because I know God knows what is best for His kingdom and His glory. I will end my life's journey this way. That all is well with my soul because God has done so much already for me. Yes, blessed hope and blessed rest for my soul!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
O for a thousand tongues to Sing!
There is something about hymns. Whenever I feel life's harsh reality and down or when I am happy, hymns come to my mind. Some hymns have stories attached to them. Today I want to share about this very old hymn written by Charles Wesley. Listen to the majestic choir's rendition. However there is no story to this hymn.
The New Testament tells us that hymns (from the Greek word 'hymnos' meaning songs of praise) were sung by Jesus and the disciples (Matthew 26:30) and that hymns are different from Psalms (Ephesians 5:19). Other than that not much is known about Christian hymns during the first three centuries of the Church.
Here is another favourite of mine:
The story is that:
rish born Joseph M. Scriven (1819-1896) was 25 years old, in love and to be married. The day before his wedding his fiance died in a tragic drowning accident. Heartbroken, Joseph sailed from his homeland to start a new life in Canada. While in Canada working as a teacher, he fell in love again and became engaged to Eliza Roche, a relative of one of his students. Once again, Joseph's hopes and dreams were shattered when Eliza became ill and died before the wedding could take place.Although one can only imagine the turmoil within this young man, history tells us that his faith in God sustained him. Soon after Eliza's death Joseph joined the Plymouth Brethren and began preaching for a Baptist church. He never married, but spent the remainder of his life giving all his time, money and even the clothes off his own back to help the less fortunate and to spread the love and compassion of Jesus wherever he went.
Around the same time that Eliza died, Joseph received word from Ireland that his mother was ill. He could not go to be with her, so he wrote a letter of comfort and enclosed one of his poems entitled What a Friend We Have in Jesus.
So the next time you sing a hymn try and see if you can also find the story of the song writer.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Visit from George and Grace Eng
It has been almost 15 years for some of us to meet George and Grace again. It was great to have them visit us in Singapore for a change. When I met them a week ago, they still look the same to me. Grace looked especially good. We had a great time catching up on what has happened since we graduated from Calgary. The couple still talked like they were when I met them in 2003. I met them a few times and each time when I returned to Calgary for a visit, I would call them up and meet.
Tonight we gathered at Wai Harn's place for dinner and we told each other that we should not wait another 15 years before we meet again. It is a good thing they came or else we will never meet. So I think we are going to meet again this Christmas. We have all gone separate ways and all still so young at heart.
We tried to recall how we got to know them. George and Grace are a chinese couple who hosted International students at Bethany Chapel. On the first week when I arrived Calgary, together with Leng Leng, we braved the cold weather to go visit the Brentview Baptist church. The church was not very friendly but we went back the second time. Still the church was cold. The third sunday, a very cold sunday, as we were both walking towards the church which was like 30 minutes walk in the cold, we saw a yellow bus. We waved like crazy and the bus stopped. I saw from the window a face that looked like my school mate, so I trusted the bus to bring us to Brentview. But it was not to be. The bus went very far and although I panicked, I kept quiet because Leng Leng had no clue what was going on. The bus took us to Bethany Chapel and the driver was George Eng. Because of David Linden who worked amongst international students to teach bible study, we got to know George and Grace even better.
This couple has been very kind to me.They invited us to our house several times for meals knowing we didn't really spend too much money on luxury. They also made sure the other church members took turns to host us so we wouldn't feel left out. One christmas, we told them we wanted to go Christmas carolling. We told them that we have to eat at every house we carolled. You should see what they gave us...a huge feast from at least 6 homes. it was the best Christmas ever and we sang till rather late at night.
I also remembered how I was invited to their homes to spend the night with their family. George made us all breakfast and we had egg in the hole bread. It was delicious. It was at George's home that I learned to bake my chewy oatmeal raisin. Grace taught me.
We had so much to talk tonight about the stuff that so bugged us. We shared about how broke we were. How I sat on a box for 6 months and how we cleaned our apartment up so well that we got the damage deposit back. My household is different from Wai Harn.
Tonight we also saw how we pulled ourselves together so we can make the evening special. We worked as a team, an excellent team. Shin Miin was commenting how all three of us always fought to do the dishes. Shin Miin remembered Ruby our host family who befriended all three of us. We love Ruby. She loves us so much. She loan us a radio so we wouldn't be bored. We had no TV and no computer. All we had were our books.
My friendships with this bunch will last a long time because our friendship is not built on what we can get out of each other. It is built on what we share together. Grace told Leng Leng that she must listen to me because I am a commander. She also added that I am direct and tell the truth and so Leng Leng should listen to me. I was in the car so couldn't get out to defend myself. It was good to hear Leng Leng say that she will cos we are very good friends.
Actually I don't wish to lead. If I can, I like to fold my arms and watch people bang their heads against walls and scratch their skulls till they turn raw. Why? Leadership is about responsibilities and they are heavy. I want to follow. But God did not make me a follower. I don't listen to instructions to follow. So how to follow? I also don't want to lead. I rather serve.
I shall share about Nehemiah tomorrow. In the mean time, think about how you want to write the end to this life's journey...Not suicidal but important to know how we want to write the end of this life's journey.
Tonight we gathered at Wai Harn's place for dinner and we told each other that we should not wait another 15 years before we meet again. It is a good thing they came or else we will never meet. So I think we are going to meet again this Christmas. We have all gone separate ways and all still so young at heart.
We tried to recall how we got to know them. George and Grace are a chinese couple who hosted International students at Bethany Chapel. On the first week when I arrived Calgary, together with Leng Leng, we braved the cold weather to go visit the Brentview Baptist church. The church was not very friendly but we went back the second time. Still the church was cold. The third sunday, a very cold sunday, as we were both walking towards the church which was like 30 minutes walk in the cold, we saw a yellow bus. We waved like crazy and the bus stopped. I saw from the window a face that looked like my school mate, so I trusted the bus to bring us to Brentview. But it was not to be. The bus went very far and although I panicked, I kept quiet because Leng Leng had no clue what was going on. The bus took us to Bethany Chapel and the driver was George Eng. Because of David Linden who worked amongst international students to teach bible study, we got to know George and Grace even better.
This couple has been very kind to me.They invited us to our house several times for meals knowing we didn't really spend too much money on luxury. They also made sure the other church members took turns to host us so we wouldn't feel left out. One christmas, we told them we wanted to go Christmas carolling. We told them that we have to eat at every house we carolled. You should see what they gave us...a huge feast from at least 6 homes. it was the best Christmas ever and we sang till rather late at night.
I also remembered how I was invited to their homes to spend the night with their family. George made us all breakfast and we had egg in the hole bread. It was delicious. It was at George's home that I learned to bake my chewy oatmeal raisin. Grace taught me.
We had so much to talk tonight about the stuff that so bugged us. We shared about how broke we were. How I sat on a box for 6 months and how we cleaned our apartment up so well that we got the damage deposit back. My household is different from Wai Harn.
Tonight we also saw how we pulled ourselves together so we can make the evening special. We worked as a team, an excellent team. Shin Miin was commenting how all three of us always fought to do the dishes. Shin Miin remembered Ruby our host family who befriended all three of us. We love Ruby. She loves us so much. She loan us a radio so we wouldn't be bored. We had no TV and no computer. All we had were our books.
My friendships with this bunch will last a long time because our friendship is not built on what we can get out of each other. It is built on what we share together. Grace told Leng Leng that she must listen to me because I am a commander. She also added that I am direct and tell the truth and so Leng Leng should listen to me. I was in the car so couldn't get out to defend myself. It was good to hear Leng Leng say that she will cos we are very good friends.
Actually I don't wish to lead. If I can, I like to fold my arms and watch people bang their heads against walls and scratch their skulls till they turn raw. Why? Leadership is about responsibilities and they are heavy. I want to follow. But God did not make me a follower. I don't listen to instructions to follow. So how to follow? I also don't want to lead. I rather serve.
I shall share about Nehemiah tomorrow. In the mean time, think about how you want to write the end to this life's journey...Not suicidal but important to know how we want to write the end of this life's journey.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thoughts too difficult to pen
I have tried several times to pen some thoughts over the past week but found it really difficult to put to words what was on my mind. I will try tonight. Over the past week, I met some ex students and we caught up during dinner and lunch. From some the takeaway was really difficult to swallow and for some, the takeaway was great. I particularly enjoy my lunch with Jason Chin.
The most distasteful was a dinner conversation I had with a high flyer. My heart was saddened that while he was thinking of paying forward, his head and his heart was not meeting. His head tells him this was what he had to do but his heart is somewhere else. Although the look was particularly humble but the words that came from the heart were particularly pompous. I fear for this young man because if he is going to lead my country, I will be the first to vote against him. I will pray for this young man. His thoughts are polluted by the western culture that even the west want to throw away. The godlessness and the arrogance to think that it is okay to be amoral simply puts me off. I pray that when the day comes that his children are like him, he would remember that I have prayed that this day will never come for him to hear his own children telling him that it is okay to be amoral.
The week was followed by yet another lunch with Jason. He has always been shy and very good with computer. I remember him always leaving my class for presentation. He heard Steve Jobs speak at one of the Mac Conferences and never looked back. He has met many great people since then but stayed level. He never went on to do JC with my school Instead he went to the school where their best is still yet to be. He garnered a lot of network that helped him establish himself as a self employed at the age of 26 and comfortably travelling round the world to learn how to trade. He told me that I was one of the teachers he fondly remembered because I never chased him for school work. I told him the real reason: I HATE MARKING. I also believe that if they wanted to hand in their work they would have handed it and I would wait a long time to mark...ahahhaha. Yup I am that bad.
Jason also remembered how some things in school were badly run and how unfair the system was. He was really grown. I will be inviting him to kick start the humanities series that I will be chairing in 2012.
Otherwise the week is just blessing one after another. Miss J, my friend who is anorexic should be discharged by Monday if nothing happens. When I visited her the third time, her room was just filled with girls with similar symptoms, some more severe than others. Miss J told me that all of them need love and are needy for love. I felt sorry instantly for them.
If only they know that God can love them no matter if they are fat or thin, how wonderful that will be. If we only embrace God's love, then we don't need to go anywhere else. He is going to satisfy us with what we need but we have to trust Him.
I am also very tired throughout the week meeting people and giving tuition. But God is good. He grants me rest everyday. The holidays are here. I will be moving in and out of JB. There are many things to do and I hope I have time to meet with friends.
Have a good break. I am going to bed!
Dear Lord
Thank you for reminding me that I am but a flower quickly fading. Thank you that even though all can and will leave me one day, you are always gonna be here to walk with me. I thank you for this reminder that at my journey's end you are right beside me. Really Lord it is not who I am that gets this kind of attention but because You are who You are. Thank you that you remind the frailty of life. I pray for that young man who thinks he can live forever and remain so distant from you. I pray you will turn his world towards you and make him see how much he needs you. Tell him Lord that there is right and there is wrong. Remind him Lord because he once knew you but has allowed all the ways of the world to choke your word out of his life. Lord have mercy on his soul. I pray you will stay with him when the fall comes and as I see it and as you would like me to see it, it is going to come rather quickly. I pray for those who hear your word but yet refused to commit to walk with you. I pray you will be merciful to these ones. May they not be too late to turn from their ways. For those who hear your word and is struggling to walk with you, I pray you have mercy. Lord thank you for Jiaqing. Your word has found roots. She is working towards loving you. Thank you for Miss J, she is so willing to let you lead. They are both so young in the faith yet they take your word seriously. Bless them abundantly.
Bless me too as I labour on and thank you for the provision. Thank you for friends who take me out for a good time when I cannot afford. I am grateful to be able to enjoy their company, the food is a bonus.
Continue to grant me wisdom as I work.
In Jesus name. Amen!
Friday, November 04, 2011
Turning 50
The other day a tuition centre phoned me and asked me for my particulars. I told her my age and she was surprised I didn't sound like 50 years old. I wonder what a 50 year old woman must sound like. People always think if you have crossed a certain age, your abilities go down the drain really quickly and you are soon to be redundant.
I was just telling the young people I am teaching now that I am supposed to be the first waves, the front waves receding back to the ocean floor and they are to push me. But when I look behind me, it was but a pool of stagnant water...allowing this wave to continue on. I feel good!
I have many blessings this birthday. Handmade gifts from my own family which I like and quite a few cakes to eat. Most of all is the company of friends I share this special day with. All of them think I am special enough and warrant their attention enough to set aside time with me. I am deeply moved and very convinced I am important in their lives.
My brother and his family surprised me with a simple dinner and had a moment of sharing about how important I am and how much sacrifice I made and the pains that I have endured. I am very moved by this act. Although I don't talk much in the family, I gained a lot of respect from them. In fact they know I don't demand much but I give a lot. My niece Steffi baked me a cake for that special night.
The next day my sister and her family came over to celebrate. We cooked a big dinner and the family reunited again to eat. At first, my sister and I would like a quiet dinner. But all her children protested and wanted to do something for me. They handmade their gifts.
There was yet another cake but it was a good cake to eat. Most importantly, my family was together and this always brings smile to my dad's face. It is always good to have the children over because they are his joy. I had to leave to meet a friend for a job proposal. But when I returned, I found my two nieces sleeping in my room.
The following night, Lillie and Babita met me for dinner and we had a good catching up. It is always nice to have dinner with grown women. On that night, Babita was very open and started asking if we think she would not go to heaven. And I told her, we have been praying that one day, such a good person like her will come to know Jesus. She is going to stay with me in January for a month to complete her Msc in Counselling. I hope I can reachout to her for the Lord. We talked about plans to meet up more often before Babita returns to Nepal in December. I was so tired by the end of the day.
A surprise SMS came from someone I once knew as a friend from Australia. I walked away from this very abusive relationship when I went to Calgary to study. She caused me to lose a sense of who I am. It was only in Calgary I found and got acquainted with me. This person once asked me what I had given her since she gave me her youth. I knew one day she would ask me that question and so I was not surprised. I showed Bonita the letter and my reply was that she should move on. She never really let me go. I think part of it was the guilt. Guilty that she had lost me in the process of finding someone better. I have no regrets walking away from her. Many people told me not to hide in her shadows...and with much courage, I walked away. I will never ever regret not staying in that abusive friendship. I wish her well. But that is all I want to do.
I also receive a few SMS messages from students who are taking their exams. They are meeting right after the exams to celebrate my birthday. They don't have to. The thoughts are enough. I am very simple. Just want only diamonds.
I have learned that sometimes I cannot do everything. But I know that God can when I lift those I care about to God. This is my new found peace. And to all my students out there, I lift you up to God everyday. Because only He has the answers. Only He knows what lies ahead. Again, God cannot contradict Himself.
And my feasting continues. Although my appetite has been really bad, I still meet friends because it is the company that I enjoy. They reassure me of my worth as a person. Not because I could give anything at all but because I happened to be there when they needed someone to listen to. I thank God for such wonderful people in my life and continue to praise Him for all that He has done in my life.
Dear Lord
What a way to spend the 50 years of my life. Thank you for your preservation when I was so determined to end it all. Thank you for showing me that I need to surrender my Isaacs to you. Thank you for the peace that comes with obedience. Thank you for guiding me with regard to your will. I am so blessed knowing I am in your will. Thank you for the staff at where I am working and for the joy at my workplace. Please keep me safe and in your palm as I continue to serve. Help me to resist the devil and deliver me from evil people who scheme and plot against me. May they end up more foolish than wise. I know you have a timing and will give them their justified end.
I pray for those who has blessed me with their love and presence. Please save their souls and draw each of them closer to you. Because You are God, you know what is best for them too and again your timing becomes vital.
Lord, in my life, help me to glorify you in every way. Because you are enough and your grace is enough and your mercy abundant. What an awesome God you are!
In Jesus name
Lord I am grateful and thankful for making me WHO I AM. And because of WHO I AM, thanking for paying the price on the Cross. I AM YOURS and nothing is going to move me away from the CROSS. Keep me close to YOU always. That I will not go back to the path of destruction.
I have many blessings this birthday. Handmade gifts from my own family which I like and quite a few cakes to eat. Most of all is the company of friends I share this special day with. All of them think I am special enough and warrant their attention enough to set aside time with me. I am deeply moved and very convinced I am important in their lives.
My brother and his family surprised me with a simple dinner and had a moment of sharing about how important I am and how much sacrifice I made and the pains that I have endured. I am very moved by this act. Although I don't talk much in the family, I gained a lot of respect from them. In fact they know I don't demand much but I give a lot. My niece Steffi baked me a cake for that special night.
The next day my sister and her family came over to celebrate. We cooked a big dinner and the family reunited again to eat. At first, my sister and I would like a quiet dinner. But all her children protested and wanted to do something for me. They handmade their gifts.
There was yet another cake but it was a good cake to eat. Most importantly, my family was together and this always brings smile to my dad's face. It is always good to have the children over because they are his joy. I had to leave to meet a friend for a job proposal. But when I returned, I found my two nieces sleeping in my room. The following night, Lillie and Babita met me for dinner and we had a good catching up. It is always nice to have dinner with grown women. On that night, Babita was very open and started asking if we think she would not go to heaven. And I told her, we have been praying that one day, such a good person like her will come to know Jesus. She is going to stay with me in January for a month to complete her Msc in Counselling. I hope I can reachout to her for the Lord. We talked about plans to meet up more often before Babita returns to Nepal in December. I was so tired by the end of the day.
A surprise SMS came from someone I once knew as a friend from Australia. I walked away from this very abusive relationship when I went to Calgary to study. She caused me to lose a sense of who I am. It was only in Calgary I found and got acquainted with me. This person once asked me what I had given her since she gave me her youth. I knew one day she would ask me that question and so I was not surprised. I showed Bonita the letter and my reply was that she should move on. She never really let me go. I think part of it was the guilt. Guilty that she had lost me in the process of finding someone better. I have no regrets walking away from her. Many people told me not to hide in her shadows...and with much courage, I walked away. I will never ever regret not staying in that abusive friendship. I wish her well. But that is all I want to do.
I also receive a few SMS messages from students who are taking their exams. They are meeting right after the exams to celebrate my birthday. They don't have to. The thoughts are enough. I am very simple. Just want only diamonds.
I have learned that sometimes I cannot do everything. But I know that God can when I lift those I care about to God. This is my new found peace. And to all my students out there, I lift you up to God everyday. Because only He has the answers. Only He knows what lies ahead. Again, God cannot contradict Himself.
And my feasting continues. Although my appetite has been really bad, I still meet friends because it is the company that I enjoy. They reassure me of my worth as a person. Not because I could give anything at all but because I happened to be there when they needed someone to listen to. I thank God for such wonderful people in my life and continue to praise Him for all that He has done in my life.
Dear Lord
What a way to spend the 50 years of my life. Thank you for your preservation when I was so determined to end it all. Thank you for showing me that I need to surrender my Isaacs to you. Thank you for the peace that comes with obedience. Thank you for guiding me with regard to your will. I am so blessed knowing I am in your will. Thank you for the staff at where I am working and for the joy at my workplace. Please keep me safe and in your palm as I continue to serve. Help me to resist the devil and deliver me from evil people who scheme and plot against me. May they end up more foolish than wise. I know you have a timing and will give them their justified end.
I pray for those who has blessed me with their love and presence. Please save their souls and draw each of them closer to you. Because You are God, you know what is best for them too and again your timing becomes vital.
Lord, in my life, help me to glorify you in every way. Because you are enough and your grace is enough and your mercy abundant. What an awesome God you are!
In Jesus name
Lord I am grateful and thankful for making me WHO I AM. And because of WHO I AM, thanking for paying the price on the Cross. I AM YOURS and nothing is going to move me away from the CROSS. Keep me close to YOU always. That I will not go back to the path of destruction.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Here are some songs to praise God for the work He has done in my life.
I turned 50 this year. Samuel Lim says it is a watershed. I am to begin living. I enter my 50th year of my life with joy and peace. Reconciling with a few things in my life and enjoying God's blessing fully. Most of all enjoying the Peace He gave me.
Let me share later...but for now, let's praise God together with me when you think of me.
Let me share later...but for now, let's praise God together with me when you think of me.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
In my life Lord, be glorified
I have never ever thought in my wildest dream that I will meet Lam Li Li again. Simply because when I left her in Cedar I left her rather hurriedly. I was then very young and my first school to work in. Very inexperienced and all I had was the love for my students.
Tonight, she shared about all that she went through. We drove all the way to Sengkang where we had our dinner. It was quiet and she told her story amidst morsels of food. I listened, holding my breath, taking all in.
Li Li was and still is a very talented artist. She won the first ever Miss Cedar Pageant the same year she was sick. It was only a temporary chemical imbalance in the brain that rectified once she was put on a week of medication. There were no good counsellors then but with the one she knew, she pulled her through and was completely healed from the depression. She survived O levels and did well enough to go to a Junior College. I gave her a bible when she was in Sec 2. I gave books away too. She knew about the Lord because I shared with her the gospel. But she never accepted the Lord. She was torn between Buddhism and Christianity. In the end she embraced her youthfulness and pride and went to enjoy the many temptations of the world. She got into the modelling world for a while and flew with Singapore Airlines and then left to study. When she was in the States, she had a room mate who also gave her a bible. The two bibles she had collected dust. Her heart hardened as she rationalized why she should have a God when life was utopia. Every weekend would be party right through the nights. There was no fear of God.
She only came to know the Lord and committed her life to Christ after her sister came to know God. Her sister was moved by the colleague's love for her. Her colleague would invite her to church and there the sister would challenge any thinking. Eventually the sister accepted the Lord and even got another church sister to come and talk to Li Li every week. Li Li now started to laugh at her sister who is a Christian. In the end, Li Li accepted the Lord when her sister reminded her how she had so many encounters with God.
She committed her life to God about 12 years ago. But she was still smoking while she attended church. She was good not to show even her bible study group that she was clean and proper. She would wash her hands so they won't smell the smoke on her fingers. She was able to hide well. She told me she didn't understand the word of God even though she is a Christian. She didn't know what it meant that we are the temple of God. Slowly she began to realize that she was defiling her body and therefore defiling God, her maker. She confessed her sin and then overnight, the smoking bug was just gone like that. She told me that there is nothing we cannot do and cannot give up when we decide to honour God. Her journey is a personal journey with God. She yields because she obeys and the Lord is always waiting for us to return to the fold. Whatever reasons we have to walk in the flesh, God knows. God can see our hearts. And He will wait for us. Such is our Heavenly Father.
There was so much she shared. I was just overwhelmed listening to what a changed life! She attends BSF, a study group and she also goes to a cell group. I found out that she has been coming to my block for cell group for the last 2 years or so. I realized that there could have been times we might have bummed into each other. And so we met!!
I was never a good teacher. I thank God that He looks after my students while I went searching for Him. One other student is Peck San. I gave Peck San a book on Isabel Kuhn. She read and she came to know the Lord. She still kept the book till this day. But I never follow up when I saw her in the church I used to go to. Reason being that I want her to come to know the Lord personally. I was rather uncomfortable later when I left, I left without a word. It was not intentional. When I went back to church to look for her, she left the church already. So then began a journey of searching for her. Peck San is always special to me because she was my monitress and she helped me with Li Li. They were very close friends. Peck San is always quiet and still is. But she is always so thoughtful and kind to me. I found Peck San on the plane and we were both flying to Phom Penh. I went row by row to search when I thought I heard her voice and saw her passing by me. And I found her on row 54 from row 30. And now we are connected. God bless her for her faithfulness and her desire to serve God. She is single and focus on learning more and more about Jesus.
Then there is Lillie. She was a year younger and a different batch of student. I always like this monitress too. Very capable and always cheerful. Sometimes there was sadness. I never spoke to her about the Lord. In fact I bummed into her once before we eventually connect again. But I pray for her every time when I remember her that the Lord will save her soul. When I transferred myself to teach in another school, I was totally immersed in my work. Then I left for studies. It was then another journey of searching for Lillie until we met about 2 years ago at the Eunos MRT station. She was exiting and I was going to get my car. Now we are connected.
Peck San and Lillie are now my prayer partners. Yup. This is the beauty of our relationship. We can pray together and we will rejoice in heaven together. If I go first, I will be there for them at the pearly gates.
Babita is my next student I have always wanted to connect with. She will be going back to Nepal and both Lillie and I are burdened to reach out to her. Please pray for us as we prepare Babita's heart to receive God. She is another person who really cares for me. She is super busy but even then, she will find time to visit with me. I had so much fun last week eating steam boat with her. She also counsels me because I am her study since she is working on an MA course for counselling. I hope too that her family will come to know God. Her daughter Yovina and I meet to study together. I teach her SS and EGEOG. But I better start again. The tuition is getting crazier. I am so busy that I don't even have time for my own dad. I know it is wrong but after November 1, I will be fine!
I learn from these experiences that there are students out there who are searching to reconnect with me. Why?
I learn that what is mine will eventually be mine. I never ever dare imagine that because I shared the gospel and try to teach the word, this person will ever be grateful. If what we have together is special, then nothing will move us apart. If what we have is mechanical, a motion, then we will never ever meet.
I talked about the girls tonight.
I also have a man waiting to reconnect with me. I love this young man very much too. But when I reconnect I will never know.
Then there is another young man though we are very close and yet distant, always stand by me and believe that our love for each other will never grow cold. I am still waiting for a chance from God to work in his life. I know the Lord will when I saw with my own eyes how God protected and brought my girls to Himself.
Then there is one young man, always wondering and wandering if I will ever love and care for him. I cannot answer the question for him. He has to look into his heart and remember. Because to tell him will never convince him. I hope with this young man, the Lord will stir him towards God Himself. And that he will believe that God's love is enough. May he anchor all his insecurities in the Rock of Ages. This young man needs to come clean before God and man and set his path straight. Only then God can fill him and bless him with the joy he so desires, the love he wants to drink in. No condemnation but truth about how anyone should order our lives.
The joy of the Lord comes in many ways. And this week, my heart overflows with God's love and goodness as I witnessed how He work in Jolyn's life, in Karen's life, in Li Li's life.
My heart is heavy too with the wanderings of my young men. But I know they will walk back into truly loving our Heavenly Father.
Am I important to you? What did Miss Cheong do? What did Miss Cheong teach? I hope I don't just teach Geography. I hope my life reflects a Christian who is a work in progress, waiting for God to polish me so that I might live an abundant life.
I use to think if I pour my heart out, I will get returns and responses. I also learn to let go and let God deal with situations and people I know He wants control of. So I surrender my Isaacs to Christ and wait for Him to act. Only when Jesus work and for their own good, then can these people RISE above their circumstances, nail their flesh and rejoice with me in heaven. But I will be here waiting for them to turn towards God. Our ways are not God's ways. Our timing not God's timing. While waiting I want to busy myself in the kingdom of God.
I think Heavenward. What is on earth? Nothing much to hold. But I look heavenward when I am discouraged. Because God will send help.
J is doing fine. Thank you for praying for her. Thank you for asking God's protection to be upon her. She too needs love and she cries out for help. She is only 16 and GOD heard her. Help came and she is now at peace with God and with a clear mind and clean heart, she is growing. We update each other as we take turns to visit her and all the reports are so positive. She has been sleeping well every night since she accepted the Lord. Indeed the joy of the Lord is her strength.
K, the mother has invited her two other children to church. They are coming this sunday. They were jaded when God didn't answer their cry for help when their father hit them. Because of a change in their mothers, they are going to go to church. Please pray that God will save these two hurting children too. We are also going to continue to pray for my ex student who may have an unclean spirit within him. We pray for God's deliverance.
When we pin our flesh down and allow the Spirit to flow, God can work within us towards His glory. I am so thankful to God for all that is happening around me. I want God to give me an abundant life!
Dear Heavenly Father
I love You. You are just awesome in my life in the past and right now. Thank you for sending difficult people. They only draw me closer to you. Thank you that when I don't understand, you do. Thank you for being my defence because one day, they will know what You have planned for them.
Father protect my students from falling deeper into sin as the world gets darker and Satan and his evil ones deceive many. Please have mercy and turn them in Your own time towards You. Lord I pray you will pray for each of my students as I put them in your care. You are everywhere, ever knowing and always compassionate. So please Lord, send help when I cannot be there. Wipe away their tears for me. And bring them into the fold.
Thank you for Li Li, Peck San and Lillie. They are such reminders of your goodness.
I complained that you gave me things that are not good. Wow, you showed me that you have given me much more than my heart could contain. Yes, indeed You are the God of so much more. Thank you for all the good, the bad and the ugly. Because they are all good to me and for me. May Your name be praised.
You cannot contradict yourself. Your word is indeed life and those who believe and come to drink from You, the Living waters will never, ever thirst. So Lord we thirst for Your Love and Your presence in our lives. May you open our spiritual eyes to see YOU are near. Remove Lord obstacles and anything that will hinder us from offering to You our praise. Truly You are worthy!
I pray for the three young men. God deal with them in Your way and teach them to follow You with all their hearts, mind and soul. Thank you for each of them. For the one who is not saved, save him. For the ones who are saved, teach them to walk with you daily. Father I may be absent in body but you are present all the time. Love them Lord and keep them close to the cross where You gave of yourself.
I have a very busy weekend Lord and You know my heart and where it is. So bless me as I go do my presentations today. I am also very tired. So give me the portion of your spirit.
Be with my students who are taking exams. Give them energy. Help them focus. May they be careful with whatever questions. Keep them calm. Bless them with good results.
I know You can choose to answer any portion of this prayer because You are God. And so Lord may your will be done in our lives and may we be obedient to Your leading.
In Jesus Name
Amen
Tonight, she shared about all that she went through. We drove all the way to Sengkang where we had our dinner. It was quiet and she told her story amidst morsels of food. I listened, holding my breath, taking all in.
Li Li was and still is a very talented artist. She won the first ever Miss Cedar Pageant the same year she was sick. It was only a temporary chemical imbalance in the brain that rectified once she was put on a week of medication. There were no good counsellors then but with the one she knew, she pulled her through and was completely healed from the depression. She survived O levels and did well enough to go to a Junior College. I gave her a bible when she was in Sec 2. I gave books away too. She knew about the Lord because I shared with her the gospel. But she never accepted the Lord. She was torn between Buddhism and Christianity. In the end she embraced her youthfulness and pride and went to enjoy the many temptations of the world. She got into the modelling world for a while and flew with Singapore Airlines and then left to study. When she was in the States, she had a room mate who also gave her a bible. The two bibles she had collected dust. Her heart hardened as she rationalized why she should have a God when life was utopia. Every weekend would be party right through the nights. There was no fear of God.
She only came to know the Lord and committed her life to Christ after her sister came to know God. Her sister was moved by the colleague's love for her. Her colleague would invite her to church and there the sister would challenge any thinking. Eventually the sister accepted the Lord and even got another church sister to come and talk to Li Li every week. Li Li now started to laugh at her sister who is a Christian. In the end, Li Li accepted the Lord when her sister reminded her how she had so many encounters with God.
She committed her life to God about 12 years ago. But she was still smoking while she attended church. She was good not to show even her bible study group that she was clean and proper. She would wash her hands so they won't smell the smoke on her fingers. She was able to hide well. She told me she didn't understand the word of God even though she is a Christian. She didn't know what it meant that we are the temple of God. Slowly she began to realize that she was defiling her body and therefore defiling God, her maker. She confessed her sin and then overnight, the smoking bug was just gone like that. She told me that there is nothing we cannot do and cannot give up when we decide to honour God. Her journey is a personal journey with God. She yields because she obeys and the Lord is always waiting for us to return to the fold. Whatever reasons we have to walk in the flesh, God knows. God can see our hearts. And He will wait for us. Such is our Heavenly Father.
There was so much she shared. I was just overwhelmed listening to what a changed life! She attends BSF, a study group and she also goes to a cell group. I found out that she has been coming to my block for cell group for the last 2 years or so. I realized that there could have been times we might have bummed into each other. And so we met!!
I was never a good teacher. I thank God that He looks after my students while I went searching for Him. One other student is Peck San. I gave Peck San a book on Isabel Kuhn. She read and she came to know the Lord. She still kept the book till this day. But I never follow up when I saw her in the church I used to go to. Reason being that I want her to come to know the Lord personally. I was rather uncomfortable later when I left, I left without a word. It was not intentional. When I went back to church to look for her, she left the church already. So then began a journey of searching for her. Peck San is always special to me because she was my monitress and she helped me with Li Li. They were very close friends. Peck San is always quiet and still is. But she is always so thoughtful and kind to me. I found Peck San on the plane and we were both flying to Phom Penh. I went row by row to search when I thought I heard her voice and saw her passing by me. And I found her on row 54 from row 30. And now we are connected. God bless her for her faithfulness and her desire to serve God. She is single and focus on learning more and more about Jesus.
Then there is Lillie. She was a year younger and a different batch of student. I always like this monitress too. Very capable and always cheerful. Sometimes there was sadness. I never spoke to her about the Lord. In fact I bummed into her once before we eventually connect again. But I pray for her every time when I remember her that the Lord will save her soul. When I transferred myself to teach in another school, I was totally immersed in my work. Then I left for studies. It was then another journey of searching for Lillie until we met about 2 years ago at the Eunos MRT station. She was exiting and I was going to get my car. Now we are connected.
Peck San and Lillie are now my prayer partners. Yup. This is the beauty of our relationship. We can pray together and we will rejoice in heaven together. If I go first, I will be there for them at the pearly gates.
Babita is my next student I have always wanted to connect with. She will be going back to Nepal and both Lillie and I are burdened to reach out to her. Please pray for us as we prepare Babita's heart to receive God. She is another person who really cares for me. She is super busy but even then, she will find time to visit with me. I had so much fun last week eating steam boat with her. She also counsels me because I am her study since she is working on an MA course for counselling. I hope too that her family will come to know God. Her daughter Yovina and I meet to study together. I teach her SS and EGEOG. But I better start again. The tuition is getting crazier. I am so busy that I don't even have time for my own dad. I know it is wrong but after November 1, I will be fine!
I learn from these experiences that there are students out there who are searching to reconnect with me. Why?
I learn that what is mine will eventually be mine. I never ever dare imagine that because I shared the gospel and try to teach the word, this person will ever be grateful. If what we have together is special, then nothing will move us apart. If what we have is mechanical, a motion, then we will never ever meet.
I talked about the girls tonight.
I also have a man waiting to reconnect with me. I love this young man very much too. But when I reconnect I will never know.
Then there is another young man though we are very close and yet distant, always stand by me and believe that our love for each other will never grow cold. I am still waiting for a chance from God to work in his life. I know the Lord will when I saw with my own eyes how God protected and brought my girls to Himself.
Then there is one young man, always wondering and wandering if I will ever love and care for him. I cannot answer the question for him. He has to look into his heart and remember. Because to tell him will never convince him. I hope with this young man, the Lord will stir him towards God Himself. And that he will believe that God's love is enough. May he anchor all his insecurities in the Rock of Ages. This young man needs to come clean before God and man and set his path straight. Only then God can fill him and bless him with the joy he so desires, the love he wants to drink in. No condemnation but truth about how anyone should order our lives.
The joy of the Lord comes in many ways. And this week, my heart overflows with God's love and goodness as I witnessed how He work in Jolyn's life, in Karen's life, in Li Li's life.
My heart is heavy too with the wanderings of my young men. But I know they will walk back into truly loving our Heavenly Father.
Am I important to you? What did Miss Cheong do? What did Miss Cheong teach? I hope I don't just teach Geography. I hope my life reflects a Christian who is a work in progress, waiting for God to polish me so that I might live an abundant life.
I use to think if I pour my heart out, I will get returns and responses. I also learn to let go and let God deal with situations and people I know He wants control of. So I surrender my Isaacs to Christ and wait for Him to act. Only when Jesus work and for their own good, then can these people RISE above their circumstances, nail their flesh and rejoice with me in heaven. But I will be here waiting for them to turn towards God. Our ways are not God's ways. Our timing not God's timing. While waiting I want to busy myself in the kingdom of God.
I think Heavenward. What is on earth? Nothing much to hold. But I look heavenward when I am discouraged. Because God will send help.
J is doing fine. Thank you for praying for her. Thank you for asking God's protection to be upon her. She too needs love and she cries out for help. She is only 16 and GOD heard her. Help came and she is now at peace with God and with a clear mind and clean heart, she is growing. We update each other as we take turns to visit her and all the reports are so positive. She has been sleeping well every night since she accepted the Lord. Indeed the joy of the Lord is her strength.
K, the mother has invited her two other children to church. They are coming this sunday. They were jaded when God didn't answer their cry for help when their father hit them. Because of a change in their mothers, they are going to go to church. Please pray that God will save these two hurting children too. We are also going to continue to pray for my ex student who may have an unclean spirit within him. We pray for God's deliverance.
When we pin our flesh down and allow the Spirit to flow, God can work within us towards His glory. I am so thankful to God for all that is happening around me. I want God to give me an abundant life!
Dear Heavenly Father
I love You. You are just awesome in my life in the past and right now. Thank you for sending difficult people. They only draw me closer to you. Thank you that when I don't understand, you do. Thank you for being my defence because one day, they will know what You have planned for them.
Father protect my students from falling deeper into sin as the world gets darker and Satan and his evil ones deceive many. Please have mercy and turn them in Your own time towards You. Lord I pray you will pray for each of my students as I put them in your care. You are everywhere, ever knowing and always compassionate. So please Lord, send help when I cannot be there. Wipe away their tears for me. And bring them into the fold.
Thank you for Li Li, Peck San and Lillie. They are such reminders of your goodness.
I complained that you gave me things that are not good. Wow, you showed me that you have given me much more than my heart could contain. Yes, indeed You are the God of so much more. Thank you for all the good, the bad and the ugly. Because they are all good to me and for me. May Your name be praised.
You cannot contradict yourself. Your word is indeed life and those who believe and come to drink from You, the Living waters will never, ever thirst. So Lord we thirst for Your Love and Your presence in our lives. May you open our spiritual eyes to see YOU are near. Remove Lord obstacles and anything that will hinder us from offering to You our praise. Truly You are worthy!
I pray for the three young men. God deal with them in Your way and teach them to follow You with all their hearts, mind and soul. Thank you for each of them. For the one who is not saved, save him. For the ones who are saved, teach them to walk with you daily. Father I may be absent in body but you are present all the time. Love them Lord and keep them close to the cross where You gave of yourself.
I have a very busy weekend Lord and You know my heart and where it is. So bless me as I go do my presentations today. I am also very tired. So give me the portion of your spirit.
Be with my students who are taking exams. Give them energy. Help them focus. May they be careful with whatever questions. Keep them calm. Bless them with good results.
I know You can choose to answer any portion of this prayer because You are God. And so Lord may your will be done in our lives and may we be obedient to Your leading.
In Jesus Name
Amen
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The blessings of the week
This is indeed a week of blessings for me.
First was to meet J, a very brilliant girl who is quiet but with little confidence in herself. When I went to teach her on Monday, I shared with her my low self esteem, depression and suicidal tendency. She listened starry eyed because she just couldn't believe such a confident person could actually do all that. I told her I was like that just about a year ago. I shared with her how I got out of it and that it was only with God's grace and mercy I survived the ordeal.
Yesterday I went down again to teach and we had a great time sharing about anger and letting God take our revenge so He can deal with the bullies in our lives. Later in the night she text me wanting to thank me. My student Lillie taught her to pray a prayer of thanksgiving and she prayed for all of us. She was overwhelmed by how God helped her by sending so many Christians to her. I also told her that Bonita is praying for her. At that she teared because she was overwhelmed by God's love.
First was to meet J, a very brilliant girl who is quiet but with little confidence in herself. When I went to teach her on Monday, I shared with her my low self esteem, depression and suicidal tendency. She listened starry eyed because she just couldn't believe such a confident person could actually do all that. I told her I was like that just about a year ago. I shared with her how I got out of it and that it was only with God's grace and mercy I survived the ordeal.
Yesterday I went down again to teach and we had a great time sharing about anger and letting God take our revenge so He can deal with the bullies in our lives. Later in the night she text me wanting to thank me. My student Lillie taught her to pray a prayer of thanksgiving and she prayed for all of us. She was overwhelmed by how God helped her by sending so many Christians to her. I also told her that Bonita is praying for her. At that she teared because she was overwhelmed by God's love.
Then I met another blessing, a mother of an ex student I taught three years ago. This ex student is suffering from schizophrenia. The mother heard a sermon on forgiveness and accepted the Lord. I went down to meet her. Vincent was already there to counsel her. Before she left, I hugged her as I felt a need to hug her. I held her for a long time. She teared buckets. I also gave her my number so she knows where to look for help. She happens to stay very nearby.
The next blessing happen this afternoon. I finally found her. My other Li Li. When she was in secondary 2, she had a chemical imbalance in her brain and was not normal. She didn't want to go home after school and so together with Peck San we stayed at a friend's house for the night. I called the mother to alert her and throughout the night we (my friends and I) prayed. Peck San was not a believer. She didn't know who to turn to. Peck San was only 14 then...ahahha. Today, at Parkway Parade, I stood staring at Li Li when the escalator moved up and up. Then she saw me. And she mouthed...my name. I nodded and signalled she should come down. She did. I hugged her. I found out she is a mother of three, and she is a Christian!!! Amen! I am going to stay in touch with her.
I was at mum's grave this morning and I saw a verse that was given to me a while back. "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4" And I am reminded that all can forsake and walk out of my life. But God will be here. It is very comforting. God reminded me that even if nobody cared, He will! Wow!
I was at mum's grave this morning and I saw a verse that was given to me a while back. "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4" And I am reminded that all can forsake and walk out of my life. But God will be here. It is very comforting. God reminded me that even if nobody cared, He will! Wow!
Tonight I had to teach bible study. It was an interesting topic of walking in the flesh and walking in the Spirit. It was a difficult topic to teach and there were things there I knew would rock the boat. But God has placed them in my heart to speak. I spoke. Very calmly and trying to focus on what God sent me to do. I did it. I praised God for keeping me in His palm. I also thank my hedge of protection for praying.
After I completed the study, I left because I was tired. There was a jam on ECP and so I took another route home.
I came home and slept a while before getting up to complete this blog. Totally exhausted by the day's event. I got up at 7 and have been travelling non-stop the whole day from point to point.
After I completed the study, I left because I was tired. There was a jam on ECP and so I took another route home.
I came home and slept a while before getting up to complete this blog. Totally exhausted by the day's event. I got up at 7 and have been travelling non-stop the whole day from point to point.
I was asked some very tough questions tonight. And all I can say is that what is not mine, is never gonna be mine. I fight for somethings and some people in life. I still remember vividly how Bonita asked me NOT to give up our friendship when another friend told me in my face that she hated me for coming between them. I told this friend, she can have Bonita as a friend and I would never come in between them. Bonita noticed it straight away that I wanted to give it all up and she confronted me. I still could hear her say "Fight for our friendship." I fought hard. We are today like sisters. She knows me the best. Some I will never forget like Peck San, Lily, Babita and Li Li. I pursue them and think of them. Because these are precious to me. Precious because we went through thick and thin together. Some, I was told by God to keep. These are used by God to train me so I will be more Christ like. These are the ones that are tough because God uses them and are also teaching them Himself.
I also wonder why some want to be in my life and wants to include me in their lives when they can send me out. My life is very complicated, a work in progress. So I am always thankful to God for Bonita. She has a choice. She chose to work with me as I go through my life. She is still working with me and thank God that Bonita never gives up so easily. I like to throw n the towel before even the match starts...ahahah.
I have nothing to give and poorer by the minute. But I have a God who cares. I can share that. I don't like to ask people whom I cared about what they can and will do for me. I was asked this many many years ago. I didn't like that feeling because everyday was like D day. Then D day came when she told me how much she has done for me and what little I did. I burst out laughing when I got her letter. Bonita read the mail too and then I penned my reply.
I know that I will be rewarded one day when I see Him face to face. But all I want that day is to thank God for a wonderful journey. Along the way I picked up some sugar, got some bottles of chilli padi sauce, some lemons, a bit of bittersweet chocolate and more. Not too bad at all!
I know my mother, my grand aunts will be waiting at the pearly gates for me. Don't worry, I am not going to kill myself. There is work to be done. And in His time He will make all things beautiful.
Have a great week ahead. I know mine will be fantastic simply because God answers prayers and will take care of me when my hair is gray. So may be I should not colour my hair...hahaha.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Today is a great day of rejoicing
Today's sermon is about thirsting for God. I slept early so I could be alert. Senior Pastor Daniel Foo is a great speaker and much to learn from. The sanctuary was exceptionally packed this morning. About a while later, I saw my subject head came in with another colleague. This is her second time in the church. I quickly messaged my friend to pray cos they are good friends and we knew she was seeking God. The message was powerful and then it happened at the altar call. She started to walk towards the front where the call was. My colleague escorted her and then she prayed. I am not sure if she prayed the sinner's prayer but I am sure she gave her life to God this morning. What a blessing it was indeed.
I went for tuition and before I could go to another one, Lily messaged me. She wanted me to meet a girl who is having problem with social studies. She is also suffering from anorexia and is suicidal as she has attempted to take her life. I rushed down to see Lily cos I was nearby and then we met at the hospital. I spoke to this young girl, really pretty and not too thin yet. But she looked really lost. I had to prepare her for SS so I showed her my website. And then got her to do some simple search. She told me her SS is the worst subjects. Lily stayed to teach her English and then I left for another tuition.
Just a while ago, Lily messaged me that this young lady has accepted the Lord. Right now Lily is on the phone with her counselling her about her emotional problems. But she said the sinner's prayers. So God will protect and grant her peace.
Here are two persons who thirst after God and they met God. I met God today too. When I surrender everything and everyone to God only then will the Holy Spirit come and flow through me.
Jesus is enough. If you find any obstacles in your life, at work, it is because we allow these obstacles to be there. The story goes that one day a man found that there is only a trickle of water. He got the plumber in and found that he needed to change the pipe. Because he stayed in a village, it was not uncommon to have this problem. When the plumber cut off a section of the pipe, out came a dead toad. Yes, a tadpole swam in and got comfortable and started to grow and choked up the pipe until it died.
Obstacles are like our dead toad. They are small to begin with and that got bigger and bigger until they choke out the Holy Spirit. We cannot hear God, see God and Live for God. When this happens our lives are not the same. There is no flow of living waters. To get rid of the obstacles we have to come to God and confess what hinders us from this flow and to ask God to remove them.
Today I asked the Lord and surrender again the things that hold me down. I felt so good. I want to move with God and for God and so it was a good change of pace for me.
I am enjoying my work with my tuition kids. Each of them is precious before God. I rather spend time with them these days because I get to tell them about Jesus. In school, I can pray with my students and we commit each other, colleagues and all to prayer when things get busy. I thank God that He put me right in His will. And according to Nehemiah, when God is in control, and I give Him this Lordship, I am going to be blessed. When we put God first in everything we do, God will bless us even when the going gets tough.
I went for tuition and before I could go to another one, Lily messaged me. She wanted me to meet a girl who is having problem with social studies. She is also suffering from anorexia and is suicidal as she has attempted to take her life. I rushed down to see Lily cos I was nearby and then we met at the hospital. I spoke to this young girl, really pretty and not too thin yet. But she looked really lost. I had to prepare her for SS so I showed her my website. And then got her to do some simple search. She told me her SS is the worst subjects. Lily stayed to teach her English and then I left for another tuition.
Just a while ago, Lily messaged me that this young lady has accepted the Lord. Right now Lily is on the phone with her counselling her about her emotional problems. But she said the sinner's prayers. So God will protect and grant her peace.
Here are two persons who thirst after God and they met God. I met God today too. When I surrender everything and everyone to God only then will the Holy Spirit come and flow through me.
Jesus is enough. If you find any obstacles in your life, at work, it is because we allow these obstacles to be there. The story goes that one day a man found that there is only a trickle of water. He got the plumber in and found that he needed to change the pipe. Because he stayed in a village, it was not uncommon to have this problem. When the plumber cut off a section of the pipe, out came a dead toad. Yes, a tadpole swam in and got comfortable and started to grow and choked up the pipe until it died.
Obstacles are like our dead toad. They are small to begin with and that got bigger and bigger until they choke out the Holy Spirit. We cannot hear God, see God and Live for God. When this happens our lives are not the same. There is no flow of living waters. To get rid of the obstacles we have to come to God and confess what hinders us from this flow and to ask God to remove them.
Today I asked the Lord and surrender again the things that hold me down. I felt so good. I want to move with God and for God and so it was a good change of pace for me.
I am enjoying my work with my tuition kids. Each of them is precious before God. I rather spend time with them these days because I get to tell them about Jesus. In school, I can pray with my students and we commit each other, colleagues and all to prayer when things get busy. I thank God that He put me right in His will. And according to Nehemiah, when God is in control, and I give Him this Lordship, I am going to be blessed. When we put God first in everything we do, God will bless us even when the going gets tough.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
The heart of a mother
I am single and alone. Never raised a child but I have many students I worked with. That may still not qualify me as a mother. Recently I spoke to an old friend from LA and she told me I was so privileged to have god children. I replied with an exclamation REALLY! She is a writer based in LA. She writes children books. Her name is Angeline Oppenheimer and yes, her husband is related to the Oppenheimer who created the H bomb that exploded at Hiroshima.
I have been told singles like me should enjoy life. God has given me a single life to serve Him and to do His will. And my life should be care free. Well, my life is not care free because there are people that I have been asked to serve.
I was sitting here in the morning and for the past mornings thinking about what to blog. I normally blog when I am moved, touched or mad. Today I am very calm. In fact I am a little unwell, not terribly sick though that I cannot move around. Just a little headachy and generally unwell.
I sat here thinking about a mother who has a gay or lesbian child. I have asked people, single women and married couples if it is okay for their sons or daughters who chooses a different orientation. The answers are always mixed. Some said NO. Some, the very hip and happening, said...YES! Ah...to these I asked another question...really if it is your own. At which they will often pause a while and then replied..yes! I watched their muscles on their faces twitched and brows crossed. I wonder if they really understand what goes on when their child tells them they are not straight. We say we can accept the child. But what does God say? When you put love into action, is it really so easy? Hug Hug and we love you? I tell you this...it is not so simple.
I wanted to say I understand how the parents would feel when their child has a different orientation. But I know the little I know is not sufficient for me to share freely.
I have met a lot of homosexuals in my life. Right from when I started teaching in Cedar I already met a girl who became a man and married a woman. She told me that I should understand because I am an overseas graduate. Well, so I am. But that doesn't mean I agree with the lifestyle and the choice. I am also a Christian. And this will guide how I view the world and will help me make sense of what is going on. I never contacted this woman. I would like to meet up with her. To me, she is always going to be Lay Yen.
Later in my studies overseas, I met a friend who is a Christian but struggled with her sexual identity. She never liked me because I had drawn rather close to her room mate. In fact W Hand I were prayer partners for our exams and for other matters in our life. W H and I went to bible study together and so we grew close and it is from W H I know a little about my friend with an identity problem. One day she came and confronted me. I was shocked because I never in my entire life thought that I could threaten her space since we never really spoke. I was aware of her great dislike for me from W H and so I deliberately kept that distance. Even then she found a reason to confront me. She told me she was angry that I could be so close to her friends. When she calmed down, she shared her story with me about how she wanted to change her sex. But she also acknowledged that God is God and if He is God and a perfect God then His creation is made perfect. It was because of this fact, she didn't do the operation. But she also didn't want to pray to God. She said God would not hear her. She saw a very confident me but little did she know my struggles with my self esteem. Thank God for Bonita. Bonita prayed really hard for me and worked with me in this area over a long period of time.
The reconciliation with God came for my friend when she returned home to Singapore. Her anger towards her mother was the source of all her identity crisis. Her mother dressed her up like a boy because the dad wanted a boy. She was adopted and she never really fitted in. There was much anger in her mother who turned against my friend at a young age after her husband died that it totally ruined her and she became a "man" to fight against this tyrant of a mother. But all anger gone and hatred disappeared when her mother came to know Christ in her last stage of liver cancer. There was time for my friend to reconcile with God and with her mother. She forgave her mother and actually with the grace of God, brought her mother to know Jesus. How is she now? She is still the same. Single but serving God. Still fighting and some days may be harder for her to fight her tendency but she now has friends who can support her. As for our relationship, well, I walked out of W H's life as soon as I returned. I don't ever want to come between anyone in any relationships. I can walk away. Today W H and I remain as good friends. She is always going to be my special friend. I have moved on and went far away until recently I returned to the fold and let God work in my life. The process is tedious and I am still working on it.
Then I have other encounters. Some of my students I worked with are not straight. But I love them just the same. We never really discussed about the gay issue. I want to some day soon. Even hearing their tendency got me thinking how their parents would feel. I can understand.
I have been for years tried to run away from something God has asked me to do. I have been reasoning with God that He should get someone else to do the job. But God has a great sense of humour. He not only brought some into my life but also teach me through these people how to work with them. He also uses some of them to teach me how to pray and to understand some of their struggles. I came to know that there is a deep need to be loved and sometimes they look for love in the wrong places. Their insecurities revealed my insecurities and that whether we are homosexuals or heterosexuals, we need God's love. His love is unconditional and requires us only to simply accept this great love. As a result of some of these friends, I have learned to commit them to God and ask God everyday to work with them in this area.
I shared my concerns in this area with some of my friends and one of them, my ex boss shared this link to Christopher Yuan. I have contacted him about some issues and he actually replies. I have also contacted his mother so I could talk to her. Why? Because who is better than to help me work with some of the people on this issue than this mother and son team. Their bond has become stronger and they move together as a family to speak for God. Christopher Yuan is HIV+. He is bubbling with joy today because Jesus has shown him that the love he so desires comes from Him who gives freely. I praise God for Christopher's work amongst the gay community. He testifies to the fact that when we give God our lives, He will turn it around for us. When we focus on God, He will bless us even if we are HIV+. We can become victorious with God.
I know of someone who told his parents he is gay and the parents were crushed. The mother was close to a nervous breakdown. I hope to meet this mother soon. She has been on my mind. I believe she is still sad and shocked. And I also believe she is worried. Pray for me when I get to meet her that I could share God's comfort with her.
I am reminded of the prodigal son. How the father waits for him to come home. When the father saw the son from afar, he dropped everything and run towards this wayward, rebellious, stiff necked and horrible creature. Jesus would do all that for us.
I have for years been very conscious of the homosexual issues. Because of Lay Yen, I actually went to study about this for a while. I studied this from God's point of view. And God never approves of such a behaviour. But like all fallen creatures, we will sin. It all boils down to lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life. Pride is telling God I can do it without your permission. Satan is a liar and he is very good at deceiving us to do the wrong things. We are always gonna be tempted to think we are doing right. Whether right or wrong, we need to go back to what God says. Yes, man can interpret wrongly. We can always twist everything to say this is what God is ACTUALLY saying. But you know something, your life in Christ will show whether YOU are doing the RIGHT thing. God will discipline and judge. Remember that whoever God loves, God chastise. Interestingly, God forgives so readily and He wipes off every record of sin when we confess and repent.
My advice to my students and to myself is always, when no one is watching, who are you? Actually someone is always watching. Satan and God. So how do we as believers order our steps before God? If God is God, let's walk in Him.
Oh, I am no saint. You should know me. I am unkind, selfish and very judgmental. But I thank God there is no condemnation because of the work on the cross. Thank God He cares enough to spend this morning with me as I reflect on the heart of a mother with a gay child. I am sure you will not agree with me on many things. But know this, the mother's heart is always praying for the child, gay or not gay, to turn to God for counsel and direction. I believe these dear mothers love their sons and daughters and want them to walk out of their choices. I also believe their love will one day touch their children's hearts and turn them towards our Living God.
Have a great weekend!
I have been told singles like me should enjoy life. God has given me a single life to serve Him and to do His will. And my life should be care free. Well, my life is not care free because there are people that I have been asked to serve.
I was sitting here in the morning and for the past mornings thinking about what to blog. I normally blog when I am moved, touched or mad. Today I am very calm. In fact I am a little unwell, not terribly sick though that I cannot move around. Just a little headachy and generally unwell.
I sat here thinking about a mother who has a gay or lesbian child. I have asked people, single women and married couples if it is okay for their sons or daughters who chooses a different orientation. The answers are always mixed. Some said NO. Some, the very hip and happening, said...YES! Ah...to these I asked another question...really if it is your own. At which they will often pause a while and then replied..yes! I watched their muscles on their faces twitched and brows crossed. I wonder if they really understand what goes on when their child tells them they are not straight. We say we can accept the child. But what does God say? When you put love into action, is it really so easy? Hug Hug and we love you? I tell you this...it is not so simple.
I wanted to say I understand how the parents would feel when their child has a different orientation. But I know the little I know is not sufficient for me to share freely.
I have met a lot of homosexuals in my life. Right from when I started teaching in Cedar I already met a girl who became a man and married a woman. She told me that I should understand because I am an overseas graduate. Well, so I am. But that doesn't mean I agree with the lifestyle and the choice. I am also a Christian. And this will guide how I view the world and will help me make sense of what is going on. I never contacted this woman. I would like to meet up with her. To me, she is always going to be Lay Yen.
Later in my studies overseas, I met a friend who is a Christian but struggled with her sexual identity. She never liked me because I had drawn rather close to her room mate. In fact W Hand I were prayer partners for our exams and for other matters in our life. W H and I went to bible study together and so we grew close and it is from W H I know a little about my friend with an identity problem. One day she came and confronted me. I was shocked because I never in my entire life thought that I could threaten her space since we never really spoke. I was aware of her great dislike for me from W H and so I deliberately kept that distance. Even then she found a reason to confront me. She told me she was angry that I could be so close to her friends. When she calmed down, she shared her story with me about how she wanted to change her sex. But she also acknowledged that God is God and if He is God and a perfect God then His creation is made perfect. It was because of this fact, she didn't do the operation. But she also didn't want to pray to God. She said God would not hear her. She saw a very confident me but little did she know my struggles with my self esteem. Thank God for Bonita. Bonita prayed really hard for me and worked with me in this area over a long period of time.
The reconciliation with God came for my friend when she returned home to Singapore. Her anger towards her mother was the source of all her identity crisis. Her mother dressed her up like a boy because the dad wanted a boy. She was adopted and she never really fitted in. There was much anger in her mother who turned against my friend at a young age after her husband died that it totally ruined her and she became a "man" to fight against this tyrant of a mother. But all anger gone and hatred disappeared when her mother came to know Christ in her last stage of liver cancer. There was time for my friend to reconcile with God and with her mother. She forgave her mother and actually with the grace of God, brought her mother to know Jesus. How is she now? She is still the same. Single but serving God. Still fighting and some days may be harder for her to fight her tendency but she now has friends who can support her. As for our relationship, well, I walked out of W H's life as soon as I returned. I don't ever want to come between anyone in any relationships. I can walk away. Today W H and I remain as good friends. She is always going to be my special friend. I have moved on and went far away until recently I returned to the fold and let God work in my life. The process is tedious and I am still working on it.
Then I have other encounters. Some of my students I worked with are not straight. But I love them just the same. We never really discussed about the gay issue. I want to some day soon. Even hearing their tendency got me thinking how their parents would feel. I can understand.
I have been for years tried to run away from something God has asked me to do. I have been reasoning with God that He should get someone else to do the job. But God has a great sense of humour. He not only brought some into my life but also teach me through these people how to work with them. He also uses some of them to teach me how to pray and to understand some of their struggles. I came to know that there is a deep need to be loved and sometimes they look for love in the wrong places. Their insecurities revealed my insecurities and that whether we are homosexuals or heterosexuals, we need God's love. His love is unconditional and requires us only to simply accept this great love. As a result of some of these friends, I have learned to commit them to God and ask God everyday to work with them in this area.
I shared my concerns in this area with some of my friends and one of them, my ex boss shared this link to Christopher Yuan. I have contacted him about some issues and he actually replies. I have also contacted his mother so I could talk to her. Why? Because who is better than to help me work with some of the people on this issue than this mother and son team. Their bond has become stronger and they move together as a family to speak for God. Christopher Yuan is HIV+. He is bubbling with joy today because Jesus has shown him that the love he so desires comes from Him who gives freely. I praise God for Christopher's work amongst the gay community. He testifies to the fact that when we give God our lives, He will turn it around for us. When we focus on God, He will bless us even if we are HIV+. We can become victorious with God.
I know of someone who told his parents he is gay and the parents were crushed. The mother was close to a nervous breakdown. I hope to meet this mother soon. She has been on my mind. I believe she is still sad and shocked. And I also believe she is worried. Pray for me when I get to meet her that I could share God's comfort with her.
I am reminded of the prodigal son. How the father waits for him to come home. When the father saw the son from afar, he dropped everything and run towards this wayward, rebellious, stiff necked and horrible creature. Jesus would do all that for us.
I have for years been very conscious of the homosexual issues. Because of Lay Yen, I actually went to study about this for a while. I studied this from God's point of view. And God never approves of such a behaviour. But like all fallen creatures, we will sin. It all boils down to lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life. Pride is telling God I can do it without your permission. Satan is a liar and he is very good at deceiving us to do the wrong things. We are always gonna be tempted to think we are doing right. Whether right or wrong, we need to go back to what God says. Yes, man can interpret wrongly. We can always twist everything to say this is what God is ACTUALLY saying. But you know something, your life in Christ will show whether YOU are doing the RIGHT thing. God will discipline and judge. Remember that whoever God loves, God chastise. Interestingly, God forgives so readily and He wipes off every record of sin when we confess and repent.
My advice to my students and to myself is always, when no one is watching, who are you? Actually someone is always watching. Satan and God. So how do we as believers order our steps before God? If God is God, let's walk in Him.
Oh, I am no saint. You should know me. I am unkind, selfish and very judgmental. But I thank God there is no condemnation because of the work on the cross. Thank God He cares enough to spend this morning with me as I reflect on the heart of a mother with a gay child. I am sure you will not agree with me on many things. But know this, the mother's heart is always praying for the child, gay or not gay, to turn to God for counsel and direction. I believe these dear mothers love their sons and daughters and want them to walk out of their choices. I also believe their love will one day touch their children's hearts and turn them towards our Living God.
Have a great weekend!
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