My niece Tiffany just told me that she has stopped blogging because she didn't know what to write. The other night, I sat at my table wondering what to write. I wonder because I don't know who is reading and why should people be reading it and how much of who I am should be revealed.It makes me more vulnerable. Do I want to be this vulnerable?
There is much talk about teachers writing blogs. I also know that one of the students in my school was interviewd by a Chinese newspaper reporter and he told the reporter about my blog. Strangely I never taught this boy and so I didn't expect him to read it. I hope this student is encouraged by my blog.
Each evening, my dad continues to cry. As he cooks for me and my cousin, he would suddenly stop and cry. So finally I had to tell him he has to stop. I agree he has to grieve but not like this. I reason with him that there are the living that he has to look after and enjoy. I asked him to cast his eyes further to see his grandchildren if he doesn't want to look at his children. He then started lamenting how he should have done this, the doctors should have done that. I had to tell him. Mum could never live beyond three months if not for the interventions we had tried. So I told him to be thankful. I also told him I am powerless with regard to his thinking. He has to work through the issues. He has to forgive himself. He tells me often that he cannot forget the tough life mum went through. He told of how she had little to eat when she was first married to him. But that was a long time ago. He has provided for her and she has been the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. She had a good life and now even better when she is with the Lord. One of the many things mum wanted to do is to bring dad closer to the Lord. She has done this. The other evening I saw dad reading the bible. The next day, he told me when he felt alone, he read the Bible. He has been going to church and will be getting into a cell group. She is surely happy. So pray for my dad. Pray that the Lord will assure him that mum is in a better place. Pray that my dad will grow to know the Lord more.
I want so much to write to my dad. Tell him I cry too. Tell him I do what I have to do even though my heart grieves because there is the living I must think about. My world cannot stand still because there are still the children, our children, my job and my dreams. I am sure mum will be upset if I stop everything and do nothing with my life. My mum never ever want to bother us. Even when she was very ill and could not defecate, I had to sit and held on to her if she wanted to defecate. When she finally did, I had to be taking all in and she would apologise that she had to let me take in all these. I hugged her and cried but she never saw the tears because I swallowed them all. So I am very sure mum would want dad to live fully until he is ready to meet the Lord. Because she will never want us to feel she troubled us.
My world cannot stand still. Now I understand why the elders always encourage those to mourn to think of the living. There are still so many reasons to live for. So when the dean confirms I will be going to Beijing, I welcome the change. My colleague told me when the students heard I was going to teach them in Beijing, they all complained and were not too please because I would be teaching them Social Studies. Well, I am going whether they like it or not. But there is more to life then teaching them. Going to Beijing is revisiting a place I spent with mum in the Air Force Hospital there. I will go back and visit the doctors and also some of the nurses who took care of mum and who are now our friends. So Beijing is going to be very painful for me. It will also be a time when my dad will be alone. It will be a time for my sister and brother to be spend more time with dad. I have to take a short leave to regain my perspective in life so I can move on. It will not be easy for my family too but Bonita always tell me that I am not indispensable and I don't have to do everything. I understand now.
For the last 14 months, I have been entirely focus on prolonging life and bringing quality into my family. I am tired. This afternoon, one of my colleagues sat across from me at the table and asked how my mum was doing! I told her my mum has gone home to be with God. She thought I was joking. Another colleague told her " You didn't know because she didn't show it right?" This is what I think Bonita is most afraid of hearing. I keep my pain to myself rather well. Sometimes I wonder if I am too rational. I just know this. I hang on to this hope of seeing Mum one day. I wait for the day of rejoicing when I see the Lord and mum at heaven's gate.
Before mum became gravely ill, I brought her to Hong Kong in 2005. It was a lovely August. On hind sight, I realized she was already showing signs she was not well. Just never thought it could be so fast. She would walk and complained of tiredness and then we would have to rush back to the hotel so she could sleep for a while. But the visit was good for her because she met some relatives and dad's buddy. We had a great time. I remember buying back a roasted goose from Hong Kong to feed Rebecca's family. It cost us $65. Yup...
Although I miss mum, my life goes on. I still have my students to think about. Yes, my students play a great part in helping me through this period. The Hwa Chong spirit. I have my ex boys who still make sure I eat well, make sure I am not too lonely that my head will be filled up with ideas of death. They also try to get me to laugh a little with them. I am grateful. Then there are those existing ones who occupy me. I think without my boys, I don't think I can pull through that well. I give up easily. Although everybody tells me I am strong. I thank the Lord for the strength to carry on. Of course I have my friends who stand by me and checking if I still breathe. One such good friend is Shin Miin. We have been friends like forever. She called last week to see if I was alright. So grateful. Then there is Leng Leng. Both Shin Miin and Leng Leng were the friends I went with to study. We stayed in a small one bed room apartment for six months together. We made some precious memories together. I love them both. They are like sisters to me. We may not see each other all the time but our hearts are never far apart. Whenever we can meet, it will always be as if we never really left each other. I thank God for this friendship.
I hope to go for a break soon. Pray for me. May the Lord bless me on this trip. Pray for approval of leave too.
When God says I am in the Palm of His hand, I really am in the palm of His hand. I feel safe. I feel peace in the heart. May you find the peace and security of both body and soul this week.
So what did you gather from me when you read this entry?
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Lunch with Miss Ng
I am terribly exhausted this week. My legs just couldn't carry me anymore. I fell on top of my bed at 8 last night and slept. I have never felt so tired and I think my fibromyalgia is back to work on my joints. I popped in three extra strength pain killers before leaving my house this evening for dinner with my nephews and nieces. It is that painful. But the week still ended albeit a little slow with the pain in my legs.
I had lunch yesterday with my choir teacher, Miss Ng. She is 75 years old and still teaches the choir when she is not too tired and weak. I have always thought about her but was always either too busy or too tired to contact her. My friend Maureen always reminded me that there are people I know that are getting on with age and before I knew it, they may just depart. So I finally did the right thing and went back to a church I grew up in and left now for ten years to visit her. Since then I have made an attempt to connect. But it was not easy to get her or get me. Anyhow we met for lunch.
I took her to Fish and Co at Parkway. She could still walk. Much better than I because I was already limping to the taxi stand. I ordered the food and when the food came, I asked her to tuck in. Then she said "You have not thanked God for the food." I was stunned. I normally don't say my graces at meal times. But at her age she continues to do what she always believed in.
She then started in on her life story. You know she finished her A levels in the 1940s and she completed her education from primary to A levels in 7 years. She actually skipped grades because she was highly intelligent. She told me of her two near chances to be married and how God convinced her she should stay single. Today, she has many students who still call her Miss Ng and still respect her with awe.
Miss Ng told me she wanted to be a doctor so she could be a missionary. But the Lord gave her a scholarship to become a conductor. A choice she never really wanted. In one of her first choir competition, this lady who just came from Penang was asked to conduct the choir and then later on given a scholarship to Edinburgh to become a choir conductor. She won the competition and continued to win many for the schools she taught. What amazed me was she worked with schools without any name and brought them to the highest point. She left all these glory to look after her mother for thirteen years. Wow....She still has a sharp ear! One of her ex student in her music class told her she wanted Miss Ng to be her godmother. This girl grew up, became a Christian and went on to become a missionary to fulfil Miss Ng's dream of becoming a missionary. Wow...I think that is way too much. So Miss Ng told her that she should do it for the Lord. Now this lady is working for the Lord in China.
As we sat and talked after lunch, she shared about some familiar names. She mentioned some unfortunate turn of events of some of those I grew up with in church. Some of them forgo Jesus and turned their backs on Christ. Some of those who left I thought was good for the church. Because they left with a very self righteous mind. I remember them distinctly to be so "Godly". I could not breathe under their charge and if they had left a little later, I would have been gone. I stayed because they left but that did not make any difference because my staying was not because of a deep conviction to serve God but a need to be around my peers. I learned that staying on for anybody is not the reason to stay. I also learn that leaving can be a good thing. I too left for my studies and since then, I have never looked back. Leaving is good for me. If not I would not have met Bonita, my best friend and mentor who changed my life for the Lord radically. She taught me to love and to care for people without expectations. She also showed me how forgiving our God is. I pray God bless her with the same love she gives out to those she meets.
Often when I hear of news of those who grew up with me, I could only count my blessings. The church still exists today with many talented people. Like what Miss Ng said, the people who stayed are really a special group of people. I believe so. I wish them well. I pray they will continue to remain a church that will reach out to the poor and the outcast.
After we had lunch, Miss Ng noted that the grilled fish was burnt. I told the server and later the manager came. Miss Ng seized this opportunity and shared with him the gospel. I just sat and smiled as she delivered the message. This is Miss Ng. She will act. She told me that if she returns home, she wants the choir to sing the Hallelujah chorus. She shared about how the death of her parents and her sister's proved God's reality. She shared about how their faith was so strong even to death. Miss Ng's father, a pastor also died of cancer. Even in his pain, he continued to preach God. Before his passing, he saw people in white clothes coming for him. Then towards the end, he saw Christ coming for him. Holding on to the hope that one day we will see Jesus, Miss Ng hangs in there until Christ calls her home.
This morning at church Pastor Brown talked about having the righteousness of Christ in our lives. He shared about how we have the Lord and how we can have all the blessings of a righteous life. He shared how come of us are in the Lord and yet have not walked in Christ's righteousness. Instead we drive a vehicle that is of poorer quality, unable to function in tip top manner because we refuse to use the right vehicle. He shared about even with all the good works that we do, we cannot get to heaven because there is only ONE way. I learned something new from Miss Ng yesterday as she shared with the manager. She said that with the severe changes in the climate and all the wars and other natural calamities around the world today, all these testify the Lord is coming. She said our bodies will die but what concerns Gdod is our soul. The soul does not die and it will yearn for God.
Indeed the weekend is loaded with lessons for me to learn and relearn but it has been a great time with Miss Ng. Although I returned home with an equally aching pair of legs, it was worth the while.
Monday begins and then the exams.
I had lunch yesterday with my choir teacher, Miss Ng. She is 75 years old and still teaches the choir when she is not too tired and weak. I have always thought about her but was always either too busy or too tired to contact her. My friend Maureen always reminded me that there are people I know that are getting on with age and before I knew it, they may just depart. So I finally did the right thing and went back to a church I grew up in and left now for ten years to visit her. Since then I have made an attempt to connect. But it was not easy to get her or get me. Anyhow we met for lunch.
I took her to Fish and Co at Parkway. She could still walk. Much better than I because I was already limping to the taxi stand. I ordered the food and when the food came, I asked her to tuck in. Then she said "You have not thanked God for the food." I was stunned. I normally don't say my graces at meal times. But at her age she continues to do what she always believed in.
She then started in on her life story. You know she finished her A levels in the 1940s and she completed her education from primary to A levels in 7 years. She actually skipped grades because she was highly intelligent. She told me of her two near chances to be married and how God convinced her she should stay single. Today, she has many students who still call her Miss Ng and still respect her with awe.
Miss Ng told me she wanted to be a doctor so she could be a missionary. But the Lord gave her a scholarship to become a conductor. A choice she never really wanted. In one of her first choir competition, this lady who just came from Penang was asked to conduct the choir and then later on given a scholarship to Edinburgh to become a choir conductor. She won the competition and continued to win many for the schools she taught. What amazed me was she worked with schools without any name and brought them to the highest point. She left all these glory to look after her mother for thirteen years. Wow....She still has a sharp ear! One of her ex student in her music class told her she wanted Miss Ng to be her godmother. This girl grew up, became a Christian and went on to become a missionary to fulfil Miss Ng's dream of becoming a missionary. Wow...I think that is way too much. So Miss Ng told her that she should do it for the Lord. Now this lady is working for the Lord in China.
As we sat and talked after lunch, she shared about some familiar names. She mentioned some unfortunate turn of events of some of those I grew up with in church. Some of them forgo Jesus and turned their backs on Christ. Some of those who left I thought was good for the church. Because they left with a very self righteous mind. I remember them distinctly to be so "Godly". I could not breathe under their charge and if they had left a little later, I would have been gone. I stayed because they left but that did not make any difference because my staying was not because of a deep conviction to serve God but a need to be around my peers. I learned that staying on for anybody is not the reason to stay. I also learn that leaving can be a good thing. I too left for my studies and since then, I have never looked back. Leaving is good for me. If not I would not have met Bonita, my best friend and mentor who changed my life for the Lord radically. She taught me to love and to care for people without expectations. She also showed me how forgiving our God is. I pray God bless her with the same love she gives out to those she meets.
Often when I hear of news of those who grew up with me, I could only count my blessings. The church still exists today with many talented people. Like what Miss Ng said, the people who stayed are really a special group of people. I believe so. I wish them well. I pray they will continue to remain a church that will reach out to the poor and the outcast.
After we had lunch, Miss Ng noted that the grilled fish was burnt. I told the server and later the manager came. Miss Ng seized this opportunity and shared with him the gospel. I just sat and smiled as she delivered the message. This is Miss Ng. She will act. She told me that if she returns home, she wants the choir to sing the Hallelujah chorus. She shared about how the death of her parents and her sister's proved God's reality. She shared about how their faith was so strong even to death. Miss Ng's father, a pastor also died of cancer. Even in his pain, he continued to preach God. Before his passing, he saw people in white clothes coming for him. Then towards the end, he saw Christ coming for him. Holding on to the hope that one day we will see Jesus, Miss Ng hangs in there until Christ calls her home.
This morning at church Pastor Brown talked about having the righteousness of Christ in our lives. He shared about how we have the Lord and how we can have all the blessings of a righteous life. He shared how come of us are in the Lord and yet have not walked in Christ's righteousness. Instead we drive a vehicle that is of poorer quality, unable to function in tip top manner because we refuse to use the right vehicle. He shared about even with all the good works that we do, we cannot get to heaven because there is only ONE way. I learned something new from Miss Ng yesterday as she shared with the manager. She said that with the severe changes in the climate and all the wars and other natural calamities around the world today, all these testify the Lord is coming. She said our bodies will die but what concerns Gdod is our soul. The soul does not die and it will yearn for God.
Indeed the weekend is loaded with lessons for me to learn and relearn but it has been a great time with Miss Ng. Although I returned home with an equally aching pair of legs, it was worth the while.
Monday begins and then the exams.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Success is only happy when you have friends to share with.
Today I spoke at the consortium assembly about success. This is my second time this year. When I was given this task last week by my boss, I was actually quite taken aback. It was not easy because I was tasked to challenge the ortus boys to encourage them to make one last lap before the final exams. This is a very difficult assignment. I prayed about it and then ideas started coming.
I praised and thank God for giving me the message I need to send out. I was able to stay focus on the topic of success. One night, Oriz was online and somehow I asked him about success. He told me I am successful. I look at myself and really, I am still a nobody and happy to be that way because I think at my level, I can work with more people. I also don't like administrative work although I like to plan my work.
So I told Oriz I am not successful. In my search for inspirational quotes I realized I have many things that are rather successful in my life. I have at least completed my journey with my mother and extended her life span by 11 months. I am successful in keeping my job and making sure I stay above the raging flood. I am successful because at this stage in my life, I have friends to share my stories with. Then I have students I met from days gone by and we feel just as close although more than 15 years have passed. I met up with two of my ex cedar girls online recently. I could not figure out how they look but they could remember what I was like. So I have some successes here. I just got offline from my Chinese girls I met at RGS.
Tonight I want to talk about this group of students in my life. They are really special to me because they were the first batch of PRCs scholars to come to RGS. These beautiful girls came from the Fujian province and Guang zhou. I met them at the Changi Airport with Mrs Chan the then VP of RGS. I was questioned why I wanted to go, I told her because I wanted to welcome them and be the resource person if they needed any help.
I forgot if I was with them at the hostel but I remember buying them their first meal because they didn't have the time to change any currencies. In total there were 13 of them and Danni can correct me. When I visited them at their hostel, they each had a wash basin and were placed on the floor. The basins were not stacked up. So I tried to help by stacking them up and created an uproar because they told me that this would dirty their faces. I was like totally stunned by this and so took out the basins and placed them one by one on the floor again.
Over the months, we got closer and today, they are all done their universities. Many stayed to study in Singapore, and some went overseas. The most interesting of the girls is Danni. She stayed over at my house because she was booted out by MOE when MOE realized that Danni wanted to discontinue her studies. Danni went home to Guangzhou and then went to Switzerland. She is now working on her masters degree and working in a small Swiss investment firm. When my mum became ill, she called me from Switzerland to send me her encouragements. She even went to a church to get a bear that carries all the prayers for mum and sent it via courier. So...herein lies my success. Students who have become my friends. I am grateful for these students.
I am so blessed.
Many people don't know this but I have stage fright. When I sang in the choir, I had to stand near the piano and looked at the clock. And yet, I have always been asked to speak to big crowds. It really scares me. And the worst thing of all is I never could pen my speech down and rehearse it before going to meet the audience. Never can do that. But there is one thing I always do. I pray. Praying always that God will go before me and lead. I want God to shine through. And today, He shines through. One new colleague came forward and thanked me. One commented that I could talk and talk and tell stories. But the truth be told, I never intended for some of these to come out of my mouth. God just took over and then the rest is history.
I think I might just make it by becoming a motivational speaker. Good money and good job too. It will give me more time to do things I like and to be able to serve the community. So...hear me out.
But the one who speaks must also walk the talk. So herein lies the pressure. So...I better think again.
I praised and thank God for giving me the message I need to send out. I was able to stay focus on the topic of success. One night, Oriz was online and somehow I asked him about success. He told me I am successful. I look at myself and really, I am still a nobody and happy to be that way because I think at my level, I can work with more people. I also don't like administrative work although I like to plan my work.
So I told Oriz I am not successful. In my search for inspirational quotes I realized I have many things that are rather successful in my life. I have at least completed my journey with my mother and extended her life span by 11 months. I am successful in keeping my job and making sure I stay above the raging flood. I am successful because at this stage in my life, I have friends to share my stories with. Then I have students I met from days gone by and we feel just as close although more than 15 years have passed. I met up with two of my ex cedar girls online recently. I could not figure out how they look but they could remember what I was like. So I have some successes here. I just got offline from my Chinese girls I met at RGS.
Tonight I want to talk about this group of students in my life. They are really special to me because they were the first batch of PRCs scholars to come to RGS. These beautiful girls came from the Fujian province and Guang zhou. I met them at the Changi Airport with Mrs Chan the then VP of RGS. I was questioned why I wanted to go, I told her because I wanted to welcome them and be the resource person if they needed any help.
I forgot if I was with them at the hostel but I remember buying them their first meal because they didn't have the time to change any currencies. In total there were 13 of them and Danni can correct me. When I visited them at their hostel, they each had a wash basin and were placed on the floor. The basins were not stacked up. So I tried to help by stacking them up and created an uproar because they told me that this would dirty their faces. I was like totally stunned by this and so took out the basins and placed them one by one on the floor again.
Over the months, we got closer and today, they are all done their universities. Many stayed to study in Singapore, and some went overseas. The most interesting of the girls is Danni. She stayed over at my house because she was booted out by MOE when MOE realized that Danni wanted to discontinue her studies. Danni went home to Guangzhou and then went to Switzerland. She is now working on her masters degree and working in a small Swiss investment firm. When my mum became ill, she called me from Switzerland to send me her encouragements. She even went to a church to get a bear that carries all the prayers for mum and sent it via courier. So...herein lies my success. Students who have become my friends. I am grateful for these students.
I am so blessed.
Many people don't know this but I have stage fright. When I sang in the choir, I had to stand near the piano and looked at the clock. And yet, I have always been asked to speak to big crowds. It really scares me. And the worst thing of all is I never could pen my speech down and rehearse it before going to meet the audience. Never can do that. But there is one thing I always do. I pray. Praying always that God will go before me and lead. I want God to shine through. And today, He shines through. One new colleague came forward and thanked me. One commented that I could talk and talk and tell stories. But the truth be told, I never intended for some of these to come out of my mouth. God just took over and then the rest is history.
I think I might just make it by becoming a motivational speaker. Good money and good job too. It will give me more time to do things I like and to be able to serve the community. So...hear me out.
But the one who speaks must also walk the talk. So herein lies the pressure. So...I better think again.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Term 4, YEAH!
The school term starts today. I woke up at 5:15 in the morning and left the house by 6:30. Dad is not driving on Monday and Wednesday so I have to get my own transport to school. He has been rather restless. Although he tried driving for a day, he told me that there was still pain in the groin area. Upon the advice of the doctor, he stopped for four days. He has lost some weight. He has poor appetite and still misses mum. I wanted to tell him that I miss mum too. Some days can be tougher because I can just miss her while on the bus or while walking to the next class. But I have to remain strong for my dad. I will try.
When I walked to my table this morning. I had some surprises. I have two mugs, one stationery set, a few cards, a blue hippo for my handphone, a notebook and a special CD. I am so touched by Zhu Chuan. His card was most unique. This student is very talented. He is an artist with a big heart. I am just amazed that he remembered me and gave me a CD of all the work he did in high school. Wow! That really was something. I am deeply touched by this kind gesture. Then there was a card from a student I only taught for a week, less than 6 periods. I am grateful that in this short encounter, we could learn something together. Then there is Weiseng. He never fails to write me a card made by his own hand. It is not so much the design but the thoughts he put into it. I also have a special teacher tile with a bookmark about cancer. Aaron is very thoughtful and reminds me that cancer cannot take my family. I have a chocolate bar. Unfortunately, I cannot have it. But I did snitch. I had a small corner of it...the top left hand corner. Thank you guys! You should not have done this. I am glad there are so few gifts. One teacher said it showed I am not very popular. I just laughed it off because I specifically told my students not to give me any gifts. I have plenty. Jesus is enough for me.
Yesterday in church, I am so excited by what Pastor Brown shared. I have been praying that God will somehow visit the church and cause a revival. Pastor Brown is starting on the book of Romans. Many familiar verses come back to my mind. I particularly like this: "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believe." Pastor Brown continued from verse 17 yesterday and dealt with the nature of man to love sin. God will give up on man who repeatedly goes against the nature of things. I am just shocked by how the familiar passage some how sprung to life. I learn new things yesterday. I learn that in Romans 1:24 God can give us up and allow our own sinful desires take over such that we become impure and end up with deprave minds. God does not struggle with us. A spirit that does not listen to God and obey, He being gentle, will try another way to work alongside this rebel. We are to choose and we must bear the consequences of our choice. The good news is that God wants us to love the sinner, not the sin.
It is so true that we often soften, weaken our approaches to what sin is all about. We apologise when we stand for a particular principle. We learn to opt for softer opinions because different people interpret differently or perspectives are just different. But God has only one perspective about SIN. It is SIN and leads to damnation. I have started to apologize for somethings recently. I am glad the Lord reminded me yesterday that I must stand for Him. Because He is god and nothing else will suffice.
I had a great time with my students last night. I enjoyed my dinner with them and we prayed before the week start. I have decided to commit them to the Lord and God has begun working in them individually. I praise God for His intervention and love for all of them. I bow my knees committing each of them to Him. Please continue to pray for me. As I get stronger physically may God allow me to spend quality time with the people I care about.
Dear Lord
Thank you for yesterday, today and forever. Because each day You are with me, I am strong. Because You lead me, I learn to follow. Thank you so much for your great love. Continual to shower your love to all those around me that they will be arrested by your great love.
Thank you Lord for this term because it marks the end of the school year soon. Please give each of us the focus and the wisdom to capitalize on the limited time we have so we can maximise the students' learning. Guide Lord the rest of the way.
In Jesus Name.
Amen
When I walked to my table this morning. I had some surprises. I have two mugs, one stationery set, a few cards, a blue hippo for my handphone, a notebook and a special CD. I am so touched by Zhu Chuan. His card was most unique. This student is very talented. He is an artist with a big heart. I am just amazed that he remembered me and gave me a CD of all the work he did in high school. Wow! That really was something. I am deeply touched by this kind gesture. Then there was a card from a student I only taught for a week, less than 6 periods. I am grateful that in this short encounter, we could learn something together. Then there is Weiseng. He never fails to write me a card made by his own hand. It is not so much the design but the thoughts he put into it. I also have a special teacher tile with a bookmark about cancer. Aaron is very thoughtful and reminds me that cancer cannot take my family. I have a chocolate bar. Unfortunately, I cannot have it. But I did snitch. I had a small corner of it...the top left hand corner. Thank you guys! You should not have done this. I am glad there are so few gifts. One teacher said it showed I am not very popular. I just laughed it off because I specifically told my students not to give me any gifts. I have plenty. Jesus is enough for me.
Yesterday in church, I am so excited by what Pastor Brown shared. I have been praying that God will somehow visit the church and cause a revival. Pastor Brown is starting on the book of Romans. Many familiar verses come back to my mind. I particularly like this: "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believe." Pastor Brown continued from verse 17 yesterday and dealt with the nature of man to love sin. God will give up on man who repeatedly goes against the nature of things. I am just shocked by how the familiar passage some how sprung to life. I learn new things yesterday. I learn that in Romans 1:24 God can give us up and allow our own sinful desires take over such that we become impure and end up with deprave minds. God does not struggle with us. A spirit that does not listen to God and obey, He being gentle, will try another way to work alongside this rebel. We are to choose and we must bear the consequences of our choice. The good news is that God wants us to love the sinner, not the sin.
It is so true that we often soften, weaken our approaches to what sin is all about. We apologise when we stand for a particular principle. We learn to opt for softer opinions because different people interpret differently or perspectives are just different. But God has only one perspective about SIN. It is SIN and leads to damnation. I have started to apologize for somethings recently. I am glad the Lord reminded me yesterday that I must stand for Him. Because He is god and nothing else will suffice.
I had a great time with my students last night. I enjoyed my dinner with them and we prayed before the week start. I have decided to commit them to the Lord and God has begun working in them individually. I praise God for His intervention and love for all of them. I bow my knees committing each of them to Him. Please continue to pray for me. As I get stronger physically may God allow me to spend quality time with the people I care about.
Dear Lord
Thank you for yesterday, today and forever. Because each day You are with me, I am strong. Because You lead me, I learn to follow. Thank you so much for your great love. Continual to shower your love to all those around me that they will be arrested by your great love.
Thank you Lord for this term because it marks the end of the school year soon. Please give each of us the focus and the wisdom to capitalize on the limited time we have so we can maximise the students' learning. Guide Lord the rest of the way.
In Jesus Name.
Amen
Monday, September 03, 2007
To teach is...
What does it mean to teach?
I often began my classes for teacher training reminding my trainees under my charge that they have to remember why they chose teaching. Failure to do so would make their journey as a young teacher extremely difficult when discouragements set in because of defiant students, unreasonable workload and challenging colleagues. So why did you become a teacher?
Teaching is a gift. Not all of us can be teachers and for those of us who still teach, there is something that holds us back. Is it the money? The money has become better over the years but never enough for the work we are doing. Is it the security? In this century of Terror, what is security? Patrolling up and down important installations? There are teachers who will share that this is no longer a secure job because teachers, like any other businessmen, can become obsolete if they don't stay on top of training, be in the know about the industry and the economy. So why did you become a teacher? Can it be the promotion? There are certainly more opportunities and avenues for teachers now. So could this be the reason why we still teach?
Students may not believe us but it is true. We are still teachers because we love the challenges.
Challenge 1:It is always challenging to walk into a class that is not motivated at all to study. We can arm ourselves with the best notes, the greatest ideas and the most positive spirit, but all these become naught when we have to stand before a sea of apathy, an ocean with a bo-chap attitude or worst...a world of "I know it all." But each day, we continue to deliver, walk out of the class, get back in there the next day and face the same thing. It is not that we do try to engage ourselves in deep thoughts as to why our students are so "exciting". We talked to each other how to better our strategies to make learning possible, to equip our students with some skills for their future. But still these faces remained untouched, unmotivated. Some challenge isn't it?
Challenge 2: Staying full although running on empty is another feat we teachers learn on the job. No time to eat. And some of us actually had to dash from point to point on an empty stomach because there is just too much to do. Some colleauges in this business will tell us that we must make time. Well, we tried. Either the students, the more enthusiastic ones forgot we need to eat or the notorious ones need our immediate attention because of mischief. So the challenge is to know when to draw the line to learn to look after ourselves first. Recently, I learn that I am of no good to anyone unless I look after myself first. So...go eat if you have to and go use the little powder room if you have to but LOOK AFTER yourself!
Challenge3: Time is the essence of many things. Almost all things need immediate attention. In this day and age, with computers, everything is important and all things are urgent. Can the rest of the world wait while we sort out our thoughts? Not a chance. But wait anyway. Stall if you need to. Because taking time to think through what we want to do and with whom should be made top priority. Most urgent is the need to spend time to acquaint yourself with God. Because if He is not the centre of your life, nothing else will work. I shared this with mum's friends who took me out for lunch yesterday. I shared that when I removed God from my work and be focus only on my students, I wanted so much to control the results. But when I let God into my classroom, He took control and I don't feel as stressed. Some of my students commented earlier in the year that they looked forward to my lessons. First, they don't know what to expect. Second, I walked in with very light feet. Lastly, I am not going to scold them. How can I achieve all these? Well, I find that if I read the bible and pray before going to school for my day and my students, I am light hearted but not light headed. So take that time with the Lord and hold everything else until you do that. Wrestle with God till He blesses you.
Challenge4: The most difficult of all challenge is to keep the vision alive. My first batch of trainees is about to complete the three year bond. Some of them are already thinking about quitting and going free lancing. Some are waiting only on the 12 of every month where they can collect their pay check and nothing else really mattered. These young teachers are giving up because they tried. They really tried. I spoke to them and they shared with me on what they have already done to work with students who never turned up. In one case, half the class was missing all the time and the principal could only pat the teacher on the shoulder and said.."We know you are having a hard time." But the teacher knows that there is a pocket or remnant of hardworking students who just want to study and do well. This teacher is hanging in there for these remnants. Just keep looking for reasons to stay in this business. This way you keep your vision before you and stay on track to fulfill the calling you so desire. I will find a reason to stay in my school (some of you will say it should be easy) because every year, I want to leave this school. So this year, I found the reason to stay on for next year...I am leaving for Beijing in 2008. I am so happy because I hope I can stay on a little to teach English there and help out with the Olympics before returning to Singapore to teach. So what is your vision?
To all those who are teachers, we mould the minds and the hearts of our future leaders. Whether we are in the neighbourhood schools or in the special schools, we share only this: We have to take up the challenges of a globalized world and prepare our students accordingly. They will be difficult but we are good! So hang in there, teachers. My salute to all of you for a great job done over and over again! For you young teachers out there, don't be discouraged. Take the snags as opportunities to laugh about in the years to come.
Have another great term.
I often began my classes for teacher training reminding my trainees under my charge that they have to remember why they chose teaching. Failure to do so would make their journey as a young teacher extremely difficult when discouragements set in because of defiant students, unreasonable workload and challenging colleagues. So why did you become a teacher?
Teaching is a gift. Not all of us can be teachers and for those of us who still teach, there is something that holds us back. Is it the money? The money has become better over the years but never enough for the work we are doing. Is it the security? In this century of Terror, what is security? Patrolling up and down important installations? There are teachers who will share that this is no longer a secure job because teachers, like any other businessmen, can become obsolete if they don't stay on top of training, be in the know about the industry and the economy. So why did you become a teacher? Can it be the promotion? There are certainly more opportunities and avenues for teachers now. So could this be the reason why we still teach?
Students may not believe us but it is true. We are still teachers because we love the challenges.
Challenge 1:It is always challenging to walk into a class that is not motivated at all to study. We can arm ourselves with the best notes, the greatest ideas and the most positive spirit, but all these become naught when we have to stand before a sea of apathy, an ocean with a bo-chap attitude or worst...a world of "I know it all." But each day, we continue to deliver, walk out of the class, get back in there the next day and face the same thing. It is not that we do try to engage ourselves in deep thoughts as to why our students are so "exciting". We talked to each other how to better our strategies to make learning possible, to equip our students with some skills for their future. But still these faces remained untouched, unmotivated. Some challenge isn't it?
Challenge 2: Staying full although running on empty is another feat we teachers learn on the job. No time to eat. And some of us actually had to dash from point to point on an empty stomach because there is just too much to do. Some colleauges in this business will tell us that we must make time. Well, we tried. Either the students, the more enthusiastic ones forgot we need to eat or the notorious ones need our immediate attention because of mischief. So the challenge is to know when to draw the line to learn to look after ourselves first. Recently, I learn that I am of no good to anyone unless I look after myself first. So...go eat if you have to and go use the little powder room if you have to but LOOK AFTER yourself!
Challenge3: Time is the essence of many things. Almost all things need immediate attention. In this day and age, with computers, everything is important and all things are urgent. Can the rest of the world wait while we sort out our thoughts? Not a chance. But wait anyway. Stall if you need to. Because taking time to think through what we want to do and with whom should be made top priority. Most urgent is the need to spend time to acquaint yourself with God. Because if He is not the centre of your life, nothing else will work. I shared this with mum's friends who took me out for lunch yesterday. I shared that when I removed God from my work and be focus only on my students, I wanted so much to control the results. But when I let God into my classroom, He took control and I don't feel as stressed. Some of my students commented earlier in the year that they looked forward to my lessons. First, they don't know what to expect. Second, I walked in with very light feet. Lastly, I am not going to scold them. How can I achieve all these? Well, I find that if I read the bible and pray before going to school for my day and my students, I am light hearted but not light headed. So take that time with the Lord and hold everything else until you do that. Wrestle with God till He blesses you.
Challenge4: The most difficult of all challenge is to keep the vision alive. My first batch of trainees is about to complete the three year bond. Some of them are already thinking about quitting and going free lancing. Some are waiting only on the 12 of every month where they can collect their pay check and nothing else really mattered. These young teachers are giving up because they tried. They really tried. I spoke to them and they shared with me on what they have already done to work with students who never turned up. In one case, half the class was missing all the time and the principal could only pat the teacher on the shoulder and said.."We know you are having a hard time." But the teacher knows that there is a pocket or remnant of hardworking students who just want to study and do well. This teacher is hanging in there for these remnants. Just keep looking for reasons to stay in this business. This way you keep your vision before you and stay on track to fulfill the calling you so desire. I will find a reason to stay in my school (some of you will say it should be easy) because every year, I want to leave this school. So this year, I found the reason to stay on for next year...I am leaving for Beijing in 2008. I am so happy because I hope I can stay on a little to teach English there and help out with the Olympics before returning to Singapore to teach. So what is your vision?
To all those who are teachers, we mould the minds and the hearts of our future leaders. Whether we are in the neighbourhood schools or in the special schools, we share only this: We have to take up the challenges of a globalized world and prepare our students accordingly. They will be difficult but we are good! So hang in there, teachers. My salute to all of you for a great job done over and over again! For you young teachers out there, don't be discouraged. Take the snags as opportunities to laugh about in the years to come.
Have another great term.
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