Grace. Today I want to remember Grace Chang. When she was down in the dumps, she would meet me. I believe it is God's grace everytime this happens. Because if I knew she needed help, I would come to her should she call.
I have been in the church for four years already when I met her one sunday morning. She was very popular because she came from a top girls school. In my former church if you came from this school, you are supposedly brilliant and beautiful and extremely good at leading. I also knew that she was my sunday school' teacher's sister. When I met Grace that year, she was already the student leader of her school at her age. She was not only the monitor of her class, she was also a prefect all at the same time. So I can imagine she was always busy and always staying on top of the class and such.
Each sunday, I would rub shoulders with her but we hardly spoke. Although her sister was a missionary of our church, she was not allowed to come to church often. She had to come secretly or else she would suffer some form of punishment. The family was very against christianity because of the sister's faith in God.
That year, we went to the same camp. She was picked the group leader to lead a group. I can't remember if I was in her group but I did remember I learned a little bit more of her life that year. That year, like many of the students who went for the camp, she raised her hand to want to become a missionary. She vowed that if God has called her, she would go and get trained after sec 4.
To her, I was equally a leader in my own league. Although I have never fully led anyone in the church and always trying to run away from any leadership role. Things seemed to go happy for her until her third year in the school.
All of a sudden somewhere in the beginning of the third year, she became sick. She suffered from schizophrenia. And there were things she did, I believe she never would have done it if she was sane. Even in her state of mania she still remembered her vow to the Lord.
I never met Grace often after she had this illness. On and off I would meet her and she would grab me by my arm and then we would go and have tea or lunch. Everytime I met her, my heart would break and I would be sad. I would ask God the question "WHY?" Each time, I have no answer but only thankful to God that I was not her and I was there when she needed help.
Time caught up with Grace and me and we soon went separate ways when I left to study in Calgary. But I remember Grace. Each time when I return to visit my family, I would go to church to look for her because I think of her. Each time I could not find her. Soon I also left the church and never went back until one day, I bummed into her along the road. She was in the state of mania again and she was complaining about how hard to get a job. She was going for an interview when she bummed into me. I gave her my number so she could call and then left. She did call. But whenever she called, she would make herself sound so good and I would be her target for some of the not so pleasant stuff. But I took all in because I knew she was not well. She had the shakes in her hands sometimes when she took her medicine.
The last time I saw Grace was some 10years ago. I bummed into her at the mall. I was already working and teaching in the school she was from. One night she called to say that her sister was going to call IMH to come and get her. She told me she had not been sleeping well and she was very afraid the sister would kick her out of the house. I calmed her and told her to drink some warm milk and then try and sleep. She agreed and then she never called for about two weeks. All through the weeks, I thought about her and what she was going to do. But there is a voice within me that was asking that I should go to church and go look for her. But I argued that I would not go back because this church was not easy. I struggled the whole week before sunday came and then I got up at 7am, and went to church on time.
I found an empty seat and sat down. Some one came to sit with me. She was my cell leader many years ago. I heard the message and immediately my mind went like "I had to talk to Grace." When the service ended, I rushed to look for her in that very tiny church and found her at the first instant. I grabbed her hand, took her out of the church and went to a roadside stall nearby and we chatted.
The message was about God punishing those who didn't obey God and pay the vows. I heard from Grace that she went to be trained as a missionary in Philippines. She returned suddenly because her diabetes was out of control and she had trouble trying to lower her sugars. They were feeding her with lots of rice. So she left the call and she did blame her woes on not fulfilling a vow to God.
During lunch that day, she talked about how badly she wanted to be loved. She wanted it so bad that she was willing to have a baby with any man. She was promiscuous then but she was not herself. I heard everything that day and inside me, my heart was crying.
I took her back to her own home for the first time that day. I met her older sister. Once I got her into bed, her sister took me to her house and poured her heart out to me. She told me that two weeks ago, Grace was already MAD. She had all the bowls, plates and almost anything possible to wrap with a newspaper, all well wrapped up. The sister had to discipline her and when Grace went out of control, she had no choice but to admit her. The day when I met Grace, she just returned from IMH about two days ago.
Grace's sister is not a Christian. She had a family of her own and she had bought a flat next to her so that Grace could be looked after. All her Christian siblings did not offer much help. So she asked me what kind of a God is my God. I have no answer for her. I don't know how to address the issue because I doubt she will ever understand that God is sovereign and He reigns. I believe the other christians in the family did their part but not visible enough for the older sister at all. I shall not comment on that further.
But what touched me most was this sister kept her promise to look after Grace all the way even Grace was very sick with cancer. I admire her courage, dedication, commitment and love for her sister. Nothing seems to divide this devotion to Grace.
I never contacted Grace anymore. It was only on last Saturday afternoon's meeting with Ms Ng that I learned she has gone home to be with the Lord. She has been gone for about 3 months now. I was in Beijing so my friends had no way to get a hold of me. I will miss her.
The lessons learned from Grace are many. I always think of her and sometimes prompted by the Spirit of God. But I never took action. Knowledge is not a good thing when we don't act on it. I always think nothing could happen to her because her life as I see it has been very very tough. I had so much that God has blessed me with and yet I still don't think I have enough. I have many people who love and care about me but I never have time for them to sit and listen. I just am so blind to those I need to treasure.
How often do we say we will have another chance and another day and another hour and another... We always have chances but do we see these chances, grab them and do something about them? I don't have the time? Is that it?
When I think of someone again, I must act. Take up the phone and call, send an email of encouragement but I don't want anyone of my friends dying on me without telling them how great a person they are.
I know the next thing to do for Grace is to go pay my last respects. I will go look for her grave and pay my last respect to a dear friend who has found the love she always wanted. When my turn come to return to the Lord, I hope we can together join mum to sing with the angelic choir. Grace sang soprano and I used to sing alto. No matter how manic her state was, she always remember the Lord and obeys Him. When my time comes...
Treasure your loved ones and the friends God has placed in our lives. 珍惜眼前人。
