Dad went to report at Mt Alvernia after having rested on Sunday. I heard him cough violently that morning but he managed to control his cough much later. As I dashed out the door to work, I can only pray that God be with him.
School came and gone so quickly. I had time to work on some of my lessons and hopefully later on this week to mark all my tests I set last week.
Then came the time to go see dad. I took the bus not a cab. Because I wanted to take some time to prepare myself before going to Mt Alvernia. All the memories with mum returned like a flood to hit me. I waited for 157 and finally came after having waited for 20 minutes. It was unusual to wait this long for this popular bus. It was also good because then I had more time to prepare myself. To be honest, right now, I am really sick of doctors and hospitals and needles. Sick of listening to diagnosis and doctor's patronising comments and sometimes lies. So walking into Mt Alvernia is very difficult. It was here I was told my mum could only live 3 months.
Dad was in exactly the same ward mum first went into. St Joseph's ward. On the ground floor. I walked into the emergency ward, past it to see the cafeteria and remembered Siew Lian bought me a meal there because I had not eaten. I remembered buying the kids their meals too.
Right around the corner is a beautiful garden and then the registration and next to it the corridor to the ward. I remember the little chapel. I sat in there many times to pray for mum's recovery. I brought her in there when she could walk out of the ward to return home. She prayed there too for a short while before leaving for the house.
I stepped into the ward and saw my dad lying there peacefully. I didn't wake him. I went to take a quick bite and when I returned he was still soundly asleep. But I could see he sensed my presence and then he was awake.
Very unlike mum, he needed pampering. So I had to make sure he was comfortable. My uncle came and he brought fruits. You cannot tell my dad and my uncle apart when they are on the phone. They sound exactly the same. I couldn't tell my dad and uncle apart too when they speak.
Dad came out of the surgery complaining excruciating pain. He was so hungry. I fed him water and when dinner came, he finished everything. My uncle had to go and get some more food.
So thank you for praying. Dad is in good hands. We hope the kidneys will start working soon. Pray that the blood of Christ will continue to cover us during this ghost festival. Pray that Rebecca will recover from her flu and also to give her more rest.
When I was in the ward, the same old nurses still work there. Many remembered us. I told them mum has since gone home to be with the Lord. They consoled me a little. One of them, particular the one that mum liked, told me I looked tired and extremely exhausted. I told her I have been sick. Very sick. And then now, my dad to look after. I ask God for strength. I know well that if I cannot rest, I will not be able to look after anybody including myself. So pray I can rest.
Some days, I wish I don't have to get up and live. Because this body is just too tired. This morning, in my bible reading, the Lord showed me that Paul too wanted to depart and be with Christ. "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. "
It is not easy to choose to live but there is work to be done. I want to know what else I have to do so I can just depart. I want to finish it quickly so that I can join my Father in Heaven. So Lord tell me what I have to finish so I can see you face to face.
Pray for me.
