9th January 2007

Today mum went with Richard to the National Cancer Centre. Dr Toh was just amazed how good mum's blood count and blood quality was. He was more amazed at how good the liver is actually functioning despite the last procedure to extend her bile duct. She also told him about the pain in the stomach. He has given her the medication to relax the muscle. Dr Toh actually wanted to push the treatment till after Chinese New Year but Richard wanted to do it earlier since she is good condition to do it. Richard told us that the drug is so toxic that it could not be handled by the human hand at all. So pray for us. Pray that Mum will not catch anything and may the first bout kill all the cancer cells along the bile duct and the two spots behind the stomach wall. The drug is supposed to numb her fingers and make her fingers very dry. So pray this is all there is to the side effects.

I was so relieved that mum can have the help she needs badly. I am rather helpless. I am thankful that my brother has taken this great responsibility of looking after her during this time. I simply cannot do it with my work, unless I resign to do so.

I had a good day at work today. I know mum prayed again and again. I returned from my last class and opened up my mail to find a mail from one of student very close to me. He wrote to update me about how he was cooking with the recipe I gave him when he left Singapore. He also told me that he was glad I went back to Hwa Chong because he thought I would be happy doing what I liked best...teach! I cried at my desk because I am so touched that not only did he read my blog faithfully but he was thinking about me all the time. Thank you Tianhan. I have been so busy that I didn't even get him anything for Christmas or New Year. I am terrible. I will send him more recipes so that he could cook better and tastier meals. I am also heartened to know that he is also learning to look after himself and learning to live with his housemates in Michigan.

Then I went to Orchard to buy the mega antioxidants that my mum may need. I left Hwa Chong with very light feet because I was relieved that mum will be looked after. I could sleep early tonight. I also felt a strong sense of fighting instinct rejuvenated within me to go on. It has not been there for the past month. I felt something different this afternoon. Extreme calm and very fiesty within me.

Upon coming home, I found a parcel on the dining table. Mum must have signed for it. I saw that it was posted from Zurich. It was from Danni. She stayed with me when she was asked to leave Singapore because she decided to pursue her education somewhere else. Mum knows her too. Both Danni and mum speak Hakka so when I went to teach in the morning, usually mum would cook and chat with Danni. I am so grateful that Danni calls sometimes from Zurich and enquire about mum. She also often asks me to shape up when I felt low and tired. She sent mum and I a bear. The mama bear is hugging the baby bear. This is a bear she specially got from this place called Lighthouse, a church and bears from this place bless the very ill. Thank you Danni. I will pass the bears to mum tomorrow.

I realized that it is not just my ex boys who asked about my mum, it is also those who are far from me that remembers me during this difficult time. I bummed into a few of my ex boys yesterday and the first thing they did was asked about my mother. Thank you gentlemen for caring. I am grateful that you think about me.

Many people think that because the boys are from Hwa Chong, their written and spoken mandarin is definitely better. No doubt. But when they write in English, they can write well. If not for the students, I don't think I will be able to last this long in the service.

Please pray for my boys. That they will one day come and know the God my mother has so much faith in. Pray that wherever these boys will be, they will be humble and kind to all those who are in their lives. Pray that they will put their family first and may God give them wisdom as they journey in the path set before them.

I always remember this story of an old principal who at his death bed regretted that he never use his opportunity to reach out to his students. He told my previous pastor that his hands were full of innocent blood.

Gentlemen take good care of yourself too. To those going for National Service or already in there, stay strong. To those who are studying, do your best and don't procrastinate anymore. Time and tide waits for no man or woman. My mother will tell you that everyday is important. Use it or you will waste it. Go and do your best.

The drug mum is on can be found on this website: http://www.xeloda.com/default.aspx.