Visit from George and Grace Eng

It has been almost 15 years for some of us to meet George and Grace again. It was great to have them visit us in Singapore for a change. When I met them a week ago, they still look the same to me. Grace looked especially good. We had a great time catching up on what has happened since we graduated from Calgary. The couple still talked like they were when I met them in 2003. I met them a few times and each time when I returned to Calgary for a visit, I would call them up and meet. 


Tonight we gathered at Wai Harn's place for dinner and we told each other that we should not wait another 15 years before we meet again. It is a good thing they came or else we will never meet. So I think we are going to meet again this Christmas. We have all gone separate ways and all still so young at heart. 


We tried to recall how we got to know them. George and Grace are a chinese couple who hosted International students at Bethany Chapel. On the first week when I arrived Calgary, together with Leng Leng, we braved the cold weather to go visit the Brentview Baptist church. The church was not very friendly but we went back the second time. Still the church was cold. The third sunday, a very cold sunday, as we were both walking towards the church which was like 30 minutes walk in the cold, we saw a yellow bus. We waved like crazy and the bus stopped. I saw from the window a face that looked like my school mate, so I trusted the bus to bring us to Brentview. But it was not to be. The bus went very far and although I panicked, I kept quiet because Leng Leng had no clue what was going on. The bus took us to Bethany Chapel and the driver was George Eng. Because of David Linden who worked amongst international students to teach bible study, we got to know George and Grace even better.

This couple has been very kind to me.They invited us to our house several times for meals knowing we didn't really spend too much money on luxury. They also made sure the other church members took turns to host us so we wouldn't feel left out. One christmas, we told them we wanted to go Christmas carolling. We told them that we have to eat at every house we carolled. You should see what they gave us...a huge feast from at least 6 homes. it was the best Christmas ever and we sang till rather late at night. 

I also remembered how I was invited to their homes to spend the night with their family. George made us all breakfast and we had egg in the hole bread. It was delicious. It was at George's home that I learned to bake my chewy oatmeal raisin. Grace taught me. 


We had so much to talk tonight about the stuff that so bugged us. We shared about how broke we were. How I sat on a box for 6 months and how we cleaned our apartment up so well that we got the damage deposit back. My household is different from Wai Harn.

Tonight we also saw how we pulled ourselves together so we can make the evening special. We worked as a team, an excellent team. Shin Miin was commenting how all three of us always fought to do the dishes. Shin Miin remembered Ruby our host family who befriended all three of us. We love Ruby. She loves us so much. She loan us a radio so we wouldn't be bored. We had no TV and no computer. All we had were our books. 

My friendships with this bunch will last a long time because our friendship is not built on what we can get out of each other. It is built on what we share together. Grace told Leng Leng that she must listen to me because I am a commander. She also added that I am direct and tell the truth and so Leng Leng should listen to me. I was in the car so couldn't get out to defend myself. It was good to hear Leng Leng say that she will cos we are very good friends.

Actually I don't wish to lead. If I can, I like to fold my arms and watch people bang their heads against walls and scratch their skulls till they turn raw. Why? Leadership is about responsibilities and they are heavy. I want to follow. But God did not make me a follower. I don't listen to instructions to follow. So how to follow? I also don't want to lead. I rather serve.


I shall share about Nehemiah tomorrow. In the mean time, think about how you want to write the end to this life's journey...Not suicidal but important to know how we want to write the end of this life's journey.
 

Thoughts too difficult to pen

I have tried several times to pen some thoughts over the past week but found it really difficult to put to words what was on my mind. I will try tonight. Over the past week, I met some ex students and we caught up during dinner and lunch. From some the takeaway was really difficult to swallow and for some, the takeaway was great. I particularly enjoy my lunch with Jason Chin.

The most distasteful was a dinner conversation I had with a high flyer. My heart was saddened that while he was thinking of paying forward, his head and his heart was not meeting. His head tells him this was what he had to do but his heart is somewhere else. Although the look was particularly humble but the words that came from the heart were particularly pompous. I fear for this young man because if he is going to lead my country, I will be the first to vote against him. I will pray for this young man. His thoughts are polluted by the western culture that even the west want to throw away. The godlessness and the arrogance to think that it is okay to be amoral simply puts me off. I pray that when the day comes that his children are like him, he would remember that I have prayed that this day will never come for him to hear his own children telling him that it is okay to be amoral. 

The week was followed by yet another lunch with Jason. He has always been shy and very good with computer. I remember him always leaving my class for presentation. He heard Steve Jobs speak at one of the Mac Conferences and never looked back. He has met many great people since then but stayed level. He never went on to do JC with my school Instead he went to the school where their best is still yet to be. He garnered a lot of network that helped him establish himself as a self employed at the age of 26 and comfortably travelling round the world to learn how to trade. He told me that I was one of the teachers he fondly remembered because I never chased him for school work. I told him the real reason: I HATE MARKING. I also believe that if they wanted to hand in their work they would have handed it and I would wait a long time to mark...ahahhaha. Yup I am that bad.

Jason also remembered how some things in school were badly run and how unfair the system was. He was really grown. I will be inviting him to kick start the humanities series that I will be chairing in 2012.

Otherwise the week is just blessing one after another. Miss J, my friend who is anorexic should be discharged by Monday if nothing happens. When I visited her the third time, her room was just filled with girls with similar symptoms, some more severe than others. Miss J told me that all of them need love and are needy for love. I felt sorry instantly for them. 

If only they know that God can love them no matter if they are fat or thin, how wonderful that will be. If we only embrace God's love, then we don't need to go anywhere else. He is going to satisfy us with what we need but we have to trust Him.

I am also very tired throughout the week meeting people and giving tuition. But God is good. He grants me rest everyday. The holidays are here. I will be moving in and out of JB. There are many things to do and I hope I have time to meet with friends. 

Have a good break. I am going to bed!

Dear Lord

Thank you for reminding me that I am but a flower quickly fading. Thank you that even though all can and will leave me one day, you are always gonna be here to walk with me. I thank you for this reminder that at my journey's end you are right beside me. Really Lord it is not who I am that gets this kind of attention but because You are who You are. Thank you that you remind the frailty of life. I pray for that young man who thinks he can live forever and remain so distant from you. I pray you will turn his world towards you and make him see how much he needs you. Tell him Lord that there is right and there is wrong. Remind him Lord because he once knew you but has allowed all the ways of the world to choke your word out of his life. Lord have mercy on his soul. I pray you will stay with him when the fall comes and as I see it and as you would like me to see it, it is going to come rather quickly.  

I pray for those who hear your word but yet refused to commit to walk with you. I pray you will be merciful to these ones. May they not be too late to turn from their ways. For those who hear your word and is struggling to walk with you, I pray you have mercy. Lord thank you for Jiaqing. Your word has found roots. She is working towards loving you. Thank you for Miss J, she is so willing to let you lead. They are both so young in the faith yet they take your word seriously. Bless them abundantly.

Bless me too as I labour on and thank you for the provision. Thank you for friends who take me out for a good time when I cannot afford. I am grateful to be able to enjoy their company, the food is a bonus. 

Continue to grant me wisdom as I work.



In Jesus name. Amen!

Turning 50

The other day a tuition centre phoned me and asked me for my particulars. I told her my age and she was surprised I didn't sound like 50 years old. I wonder what a 50 year old woman must sound like. People always think if you have crossed a certain age, your abilities go down the drain really quickly and you are soon to be redundant.

I was just telling the young people I am teaching now that I am supposed to be the first waves, the front waves receding back to the ocean floor and they are to push me. But when I look behind me, it was but a pool of stagnant water...allowing this wave to continue on. I feel good!

I have many blessings this birthday. Handmade gifts from my own family which I like and quite a few cakes to eat. Most of all is the company of friends I share this special day with. All of them think I am special enough and warrant their attention enough to set aside time with me. I am deeply moved and very convinced I am important in their lives. 

My brother and his family surprised me with a simple dinner and had a moment of sharing about how important I am and how much sacrifice I made and the pains that I have endured. I am very moved by this act. Although I don't talk much in the family, I gained a lot of respect from them. In fact they know I don't demand much but I give a lot. My niece Steffi baked me a cake for that special night.

The next day my sister and her family came over to celebrate. We cooked a big dinner and the family reunited again to eat. At first, my sister and I would like a quiet dinner. But all her children protested and wanted to do something for me. They handmade their gifts. 

There was yet another cake but it was a good cake to eat. Most importantly, my family was together and this always brings smile to my dad's face. It is always good to have the children over because they are his joy. I had to leave to meet a friend for a job proposal. But when I returned, I found my two nieces sleeping in my room.  

The following night, Lillie and Babita met me for dinner and we had a good catching up. It is always nice to have dinner with grown women. On that night, Babita was very open and started asking if we think she would not go to heaven. And I told her, we have been praying that one day, such a good person like her will come to know Jesus. She is going to stay with me in January for a month to complete her Msc in Counselling. I hope I can reachout to her for the Lord. We talked about plans to meet up more often before Babita returns to Nepal in December. I was so tired by the end of the day. 

A surprise SMS came from someone I once knew as a friend from Australia. I walked away from this very abusive relationship when I went to Calgary to study. She caused me to lose a sense of who I am. It was only in Calgary I found and got acquainted with me. This person once asked me what I had given her since she gave me her youth. I knew one day she would ask me that question and so I was not surprised. I showed Bonita the letter and my reply was that she should move on. She never really let me go. I think part of it was the guilt. Guilty that she had lost me in the process of finding someone better. I have no regrets walking away from her. Many people told me not to hide in her shadows...and with much courage, I walked away. I will never ever regret not staying in that abusive friendship. I wish her well. But that is all I want to do.

I also receive a few SMS messages from students who are taking their exams. They are meeting right after the exams to celebrate my birthday. They don't have to. The thoughts are enough. I am very simple. Just want only diamonds.


I have learned that sometimes I cannot do everything. But I know that God can when I lift those I care about to God. This is my new found peace. And to all my students out there, I lift you up to God everyday. Because only He has the answers. Only He knows what lies ahead. Again, God cannot contradict Himself.  




And my feasting continues. Although my appetite has been really bad, I still meet friends because it is the company that I enjoy. They reassure me of my worth as a person. Not because I could give anything at all but because I happened to be there when they needed someone to listen to. I thank God for such wonderful people in my life and continue to praise Him for all that He has done in my life.

Dear Lord
What a way to spend the 50 years of my life. Thank you for your preservation when I was so determined to end it all. Thank you for showing me that I need to surrender my Isaacs to you. Thank you for the peace that comes with obedience. Thank you for guiding me with regard to your will. I am so blessed knowing I am in your will. Thank you for the staff at where I am working and for the joy at my workplace. Please keep me safe and in your palm as I continue to serve. Help me to resist the devil and deliver me from evil people who scheme and plot against me. May they end up more foolish than wise. I know you have a timing and will give them their justified end. 

I pray for those who has blessed me with their love and presence. Please save their souls and draw each of them closer to you. Because You are God, you know what is best for them too and again your timing becomes vital.

Lord, in my life, help me to glorify you in every way. Because you are enough and your grace is enough and your mercy abundant. What an awesome God you are!

In Jesus name





Lord I am grateful and thankful for making me WHO I AM. And because of WHO I AM, thanking for paying the price on the Cross. I AM YOURS and nothing is going to move me away from the CROSS. Keep me close to YOU always. That I will not go back to the path of destruction.

Here are some songs to praise God for the work He has done in my life.

I turned 50 this year. Samuel Lim says it is a watershed. I am to begin living. I enter my 50th year of my life with joy and peace. Reconciling with a few things in my life and enjoying God's blessing fully. Most of all enjoying the Peace He gave me.

Let me share later...but for now, let's praise God together with me when you think of me.

God is so good to me. I praise His name!