A jobless month

My blog entry by iphone did go through afterall. Good!

It is time to reflect how my jobless month went. I realized I dislike where I work for a long time. The thought of going back there actually gave me a sleepless night because I went back one day. I didn't realize that my passion to teach has left me for the past 8 months. I thought it was dwindling. Upon reflection, I realize it left me. Not only that, I didn't do much for my students too.

I am glad that taking this one month is slowly restoring my interest to teach and to care for my students. Routine is the poison for teachers. We are so secure we don't even bother to change for our students.

Therefore I like it very much that I took this one month not to work.  In fact not waking up to the alarm has kept me very happy. Having no schedules to keep except who I want to meet and need to meet has become something I thoroughly enjoyed. Most of all to meet these people brought even more joy.

It is so good to watch how the Lord works in my life and when I don't have much to share with others, others have much to share with me. I am very blessed to know that I am provided. It is not how much the provision I must have but how much I need to survive. My ex boss used to say you don't need much to live and she is probably right if I live alone. But I am connected with so many significant others in my life that it is not right to say I don't need much to survive. I have gotten used to a lot and I am adjusting with managing what I need. What I cannot have and probably I don't need, I don't even want to look at it. Sometimes I find myself saying "I am too poor." The truth is that what I pursue is usually not cheap too. So I decided to stay away from impressive consumption areas to more basic and delicious public areas like the hawker centres. I begin to enjoy the simpler things in life and they are not necessarily bad taste at all.


I also realized my family is extremely worried about my no work status. There is much expectation that I will get the same high pay job and that I will not get used to a lifestyle of simpler things. But I reiterated that the main reason I have lived like an idiot is because of the pay. Now I just want to have a car and go wherever I want to. I particularly enjoy the beach and the sea is so calming. Whether it is day or night, I just love to watch the waves come in and out. You should do that sometimes. Don't smell flowers. Smell the sea!


Work has been slow. With good pay though. I am enjoying my students at tuition. I re-establish my relationship with one on one students and there is bonding. I don't quite like to give tuition but the students I have met so far are interesting people that I hope to groom over time. They open up to me and share their deepest secrets and I respect this trust very much.

Going into the school next week will mean I have a more steady income but less time to roam around the country. I will miss roaming. The school cannot pay me much. But they need me there urgently so they are willing to pay from the school fund. I am touched that they are doing what they can so I can meet my needs. Many of my ex colleagues expect me to return to RGS. Well, I am done and through with independent schools. I am going back to the mainstream and will serve because I care much about what our education is doing to our own children. 


I finally met someone who speak and share my thoughts. In fact it is a group of renegade teachers, retired teachers, that I will be meeting soon. We share one common passion. We want to teach. But not following the demands of the education system or a school. But following what we have seen has worked and will work if the teachers listen to our experiences. I am excited about joining this company.


Life without work for a month has been good. I enjoyed my time with dad and so even if the steady income comes, I want to be sure I set aside Mondays and Wednesdays mornings for my dad. I realized he is much older now and although I give him income, he lost me in the meantime as I searched for the money to feed us. When I am not working, I rather spend more time with him. I can take him to see his grand children and he gets to dote on them.

Esther Cheong is a very simple woman with occasional complex consumption behaviour. Now she is going to pursue what is in her heart to do. First up, settle my trip to Laos. Next to return to furnish the house and then get ready for Christmas in JB. May God give me the time to do all these. 

My trip to Calgary has to shelf for the moment. I want to see Canada in Spring. Qikun and Tianhan will have to wait. Bonita, pray for me that I will be able to come somewhere in Spring. I doubt I want a permanent job and probably will do part-time and write a textbook or two from JB.

Blogging with iphone

I found out today that my blog post using iphone didn't show up on blogspot at all. Perhaps my life without the internet is a blank. Well, not so blank. I found myself extremely busy even without the internet. I got my Mac back this afternoon but I couldn't even type anything until I reached home at 10 tonight. I have been a little unwell with the sore throat and cough but otherwise I have been running in and out of the country.

I have gotten bolder and had managed to drive myself and dad over the Woodlands checkpoint, into Malaysia and did some shopping in Johore Bahru before we returned home to Singapore. I had to make about 4 rounds up and down, in and out of the city of JB and eventually I got on the correct highway that brought me to my pharmacy. My dad was not impressed I travelled without a map. I insisted on learning on my own and so he was rather upset I didn't even ask anyone or check out the roads. However all was worth the while because I would be driving another route to go see the house I bought. It is ready. It has been for a long time as I was told by my agent. I thought I had to wait for the installation of the alarm but then was told it is now ready. 

Melvin and I went in the next day. We went via Woodlands and at some point in time, we were not sure where we headed. Good thing for me, Melvin was more open to the idea of exploration. He tried to recall how we came about a year ago. So the adventure began and we guessed it was this way or that way. As long as my car was full tank, we had no worries. We reached Bukit Indah Mall and went straight for a good massage. Then we had lunch and by the time we went to the car park to get the car, it was almost 4pm. Then we just went on the road thinking it would lead us to Nusajaya. We went into Nusa Indaman, took a road via the hills and the plantations. It was a brand new road and the view was excellent. Then we were lost. We didn't think it would lead anywhere so we pulled up at a district and stopped a car to ask. He guided us to the highway near the coast and off we went. Lo and behold, that road reached East Ledang. We parked and went in thinking we could have the keys. But we were too late. It was almost 5pm. So we had to go another time, the next day. 

We got the keys. Melvin was very good with checking the switches, the sockets, water pressure and I was checking the walls. There were quite a few walls that needed replastering. I heard my neighbour on my right is a powerful man. More than 85% of the inhabitants in my area are Singaporeans and the whole place liven up over the weekends. Joshua has volunteered to clean up the house with me. And when the house is ready, I will invite you over.

So good to have technology.

Life without computer access!

You won't believe this but my two laptops broke down!! As such I couldn't check my mail or blog. But aha! I still have wifi with my iPhone! So you are reading this blog typed from my iPhone! My new mac has a faulty wifi connection. I thank God I cannot stay so connected becos it has been a rather people centred weekend. I am really tired from visiting with friends. But not too tired to meet up with my dear friends Shin Miin and Leng Leng.

Shin Miin was complaining how small the font of my blog has become. Well I don't know if this blog entry will have tiny fonts but it has to do for now. I was down at her place to work on her iPhone. We are trying to stay on top of trends becos we don't want to be left out ofthis cool gadgets. I believe she is busy playing angry birds and many more. What was most memorable that night was Shin Miin's mum hugging Leng and I and said we were like her daughters too. It sure felt good to have a mum hug me. I miss my mother.

Joshua has also gotten a mac book. And he called to inform me about the new iPod touch.So presently we are pro Mac users. At least those who are hanging out with me are doing that. We will soon come together and do the Mac chant!!! Ha ha

Tomorrow is an important day. Log it in. I am going to enter the house! Yes! I can go and possess it. And yes I drove into Johore Bahru. Got lost without a map and still found where I wanted to be. I didn't have Gps and I did not have a map. But I reached the places I want to be. Thank God for His protection! I went in twice and tomorrow it will be my third time round. Pray for me. That Melvin and I could be thorough with the checks. God is so good. He provided help each time. Praise God!

Meeting former students

The week began with meeting my former student Jeffrey for lunch. He insisted that he paid and I did let him pay. I took him to Simpang Bedok to try the Chilli Dried Mince pork noodle with deep fried and saucy Niang Dou Fu. Our meal was simple but the conversation that went on was good. 

Jeffrey and I meet at least once each time he comes back from London. He would meet up with all those he taught and are fondly remembered by him. We chatted a lot about our lives. That is the difference between the teachers and me. We know about each other's lives. I met him when I was out for a walk at East Coast and he introduced his girlfriend to me for the first time. This was because he never had the chance to bum into me so casually. Jeffrey is also my sounding board for ideas and dreams and over time, he is more like a friend than a student, although he still calls me Miss Cheong. I feel quite uncomfortable when my students call me by name. I can't even address my professors by name. I still call them by their proper designation. Perhaps it is habit. But I still feel a certain respect must be accorded to my teachers even though we became good friends.

Yesterday I met two unique former students when I went to attend a sharing for Humanities teachers. Sam Soo, my former trainee at NIE came all the way for the sharing but his objective was to see me because he was curious about my resignation. The other former student looked familiar at first and then with her name, I realized she was from RGS. I taught her in Sec 2 and now she is a History and English teacher. Better yet, her former head of Department is Peck San, also a former student of mine. Coincidence? No. God is good.

Because Sam's intention was to meet me, we scooted off early to have coffee. We chatted about the good old times when I trained his class. Today, these students are still in contact with me. I just met Wan Ting my former trainee whom I supervised and graded. We met to chat about our future plans and she needed some encouragement. I brought her to church at IBC and she is now a regular member who goes for IBC's bible study. She went and got baptized. I need to follow up with her on that. She is such a wonderful encouragement for me too. In fact all my students encourage me all the time.

Sam also told me something funny. He met some of my former students still in HCI. I taught them last year in Sec 2. Sam was curious to find out if these boys knew me. They told him that not only do they know me, they miss me. They also added that they didn't understand why I made such a foolish decision to go and teach in the other school. But these boys didn't know that I also didn't like to stay where I was because I was honestly very tired and bored with all that I was doing. 


Going to school has become a chore for me after 2008. If not for my HP form class, I wouldn't have finished the year too. I wanted so much to rest. Now I got it. 


The decision was never foolish because the students I met this year taught me many precious lessons about helping people realize their potentials and their dreams. I saw the power of believing that people want to learn and do well. I didn't allow the appearance, the symptomatic behaviour deter me from the faith that the students can and will learn.

The occasional tap on my MSN window from students who have not met me for a long time is always so comforting. A tap came from Alex last night wondering if I was alright with no work. Then there is Cheng Leng who would check if I was okay. 

Of course there are phonecalls to ask me to give tuition so that I won't starve. Not to worry my friends. I will not starve. I am putting on weight because of the feasting with friends everyday. I am getting fat. 

But the most important thing now is to get a medical fund going for Melvin. So Ortus or non Ortus boys, your brother needs your help. Get ready to empty your pockets and I don't want mean change. :) ooops!

God's wrath

 

Today at Precept we learned about the wrath of God. Many things happened to me before I left and there was a deliberate effort to make me suffer. I was particularly angry with this one person. This person does not seem to treat a fellow human with any mercy or any grace. I would very much want to be able to give this person the stare of death if stares can kill. But God forbid that I should harbour any hatred to this human being. I forgave and even prayed for the soul of this person. In fact I prayed for those who had maligned me, deliberately show me their ugly faces. I prayed that the Lord will spare them of His wrath to come upon them.

Over the past weeks, I have noticed the precision of my GOD. He pulled out just before things got uglier with the administration. Apparently now the situation has gotten worse and the staff is greatly affected by the way things are going. I pray for my remaining colleagues that the Lord will sustain them until the end of the year. In my eyes they are very bold to brave the storm that will arise. 

So what does God say about His wrath. God is just. If someone slap me on my left cheek, I would return the same slap? No I doubt it. I probably make sure I slapped doubly hard. But God will give this person the same slap with the same intensity. Nothing more, nothing less. So whatever is dished out to me, this person will not receive anything more than what was dished out to me. So this person better stop dishing out too much. The more it was dished out, the more the person will suffer in the end. Because my GOD will repay because He is my avenger. In the meantime, I do nothing. I just let God work.

Has God proven to be precise and accurate? Yes, many times when I decide to let GOD rule and take over the anger that was wrought, He does a better job than me and I carry on with my life. There are three stages of wrath. First is to be provoked. Second is the state of being angry and finally the full display of the wrath. 

In the book of Revelations, God revealed His wrath on all those who do not believe He is GOD. All the time, God's wrath is mixed with mercy. But this is the time when GOD chooses to show what it is to be ANGRY. He pours out one bowl after another bowl of disaster, diseases and death. People will die. And even after all this great display of His wrath, 1000 years after the rule of Jesus on the new earth, there will still be those who will not believe. God understands how despite what was done, nobody appreciates. He does.

I feel so good hearing that God will avenge me. I am reminded not to take action for the way I was treated. GOD is good all the time. What is so good is that I have the support of many friends.

A student from my previous school told me that he noticed I have gotten busier after I resigned. I told him that this is because I am meeting friends who are trying to comfort and console me. Instead when they saw me, they noticed I was happier and very stable and sound in what I am pursuing.

I want to thank God for them because they told me to rest and not to start working so soon. I wish I could rest but come next week, I will be involved in another school. I promised to help a friend with her school she was in charged of as a vice principal and I will. I promise to put her school up for positive publicity and bring some honour and glory to the students who have worked so hard in the district.

Although I am just a teacher, I realized God didn't make me a simple one. He blessed me with students who taught me how to be loving, patient, kind and smart. I thank God for my boys. All of them. All these years they really took good care of Miss Cheong. And I know they stand by my decision to leave. 

I want to thank God for my girls and boys in HCIS. They are working hard to not let my leaving affect them. They held their heads up everyday to make sure they finish what I have started. There are many who are making sure what I taught is put to good use. I salute their courage to remain and finish what I left off. Thank God for Barry Lim. He was my go between and for encouraging me to look beyond the troubles of the day.

Thank God for all my buddies at church and Leng and Shin Miin. They showed me the support by asking me to rest and making sure I am not down. Thank God for Bonita for making sure I am okay and leaving encouragement online for me. Thank God for Korn's mother who is always cheering me up with her little notes.

I thank God for my dad who never gave me an unkind word despite not bringing home the income because the school has refused to pay me. He enjoyed my days with him when we can swing the car up to my sister's and brother's to unite with his grand kids. Thank GOD for my godsons Joshua and Melvin who despite not having much to give anymore continues to encourage me on in my pursuits. They told me to go reachout and touch the skies and fulfil the dreams I have. 

I love you all. May GOD bless your week.