Mum is at Richard's

We thank and praise God that mum is finally discharged to rest at Richard's. Her condition is not good. Her right leg is swollen with water coming out of a small IV hole at her right ankle. But still we are fighting on to make her comfortable. She slept well. Rebecca told me that she was so happy to be able to leave the hospital. The ambulance took her home to Richard and sped rather quickly. She jokingly said that she wasn't going to die yet so they really had no hurry to rush there. At least her sense of humour is still there.

She can recognise people but not so good at recalling events and things. She did somehow remember things we talked about a long time ago and she is still annoyed when dad comes around after he smoked outside the house. She still detested the smell in his body after his smoke.

Richard told me his friends were extremely kind to help him take over the classes or courses he has to teach and then not take a cent from him. He is on sabbatical and when he does that, he is not working for his pay at all. He will not have any money coming in but he is gracious to pay the bills, get everything ready for mum. The room was comfortable with air con and an oxygen generator. Rebecca was there to help write out what pills mum needs to take. Her lungs will not clear and we are all praying it will not get worst. This is the condition she will be in. So pray my dear friends that God's timing be good.

Although I very much don't want to tell God what to do, I need to trust Him, I also know, but I am human. It is really not easy to watch my mum suffer and still go about my daily routine without feeling anything. I feel guilty sometimes that I just accept the matter of fact of the state of things. I am glad that she is not in any pain at all. I want to spend as much time as I can with her but time is such a rare commodity these days. I have to work and bring home the butter and the bread.

It is interesting how all of us in the family just accepts this fact. Cancer sure has a way of making you accept the reality. It does so by letting you in slowly on the situation. As the situation gets bad each day, you slowly accepts your humaness and fraility and then finally look towards the Hope. Our Lord promises us eternal life. WOW!

What is most encouraging for all of us is the joy of watching how mum just calm down when we read to her the scriptures and when we pray over her. She just goes into a good sleep. She even reminded dad to go to church on Sunday. I am so thankful for this.

Rebecca told me a few strange incidents that happened in my house recently when my aunt and cousin came to stay the night. My cousin saw only a pair of eyes looking in from the window near where mum use to sleep in the afternoon. I went home, furious and cast it all out. I rebuked the spirit and in the name of Jesus command it to leave. I also in the name of the blood of Jesus who was shed on the cross for our sins and rose again to be our living saviour, command the spirit to get out of the corner and tell it to have no business at all in my family.

So pray that the blood of Christ will continue to cover my family and I. Pray that the Lord will protect each and everyone of us. I believe we are now not fighting just a disease, but principalities. He who is in me is greater than he who is without. So pray ernestly for us all.

Mum this week

School has started. I am already exhausted. For the past weeks, I have been shuttling back and forth. My aunt has been a great help. She would sit with my mum from morning till evening. In between, my cousin would come. Without them, I don't think we can do so good.

My aunt left yesterday for Ipoh. She cried silently as she bid my mum good bye, promising her she will come soon. I watched my aunt cry silently and could only console her by saying the obvious. That everything is in God's hands.

On Monday afternoon, when I returned home from school, my dad was home to tell me that when mum's pastor and his wife walked into the hospital ward, they could see a black snake crawling in mum's stomach region. They prayed over her and in the name of Jesus cast it out and pray for Jesus's blood to flow through and cleanse the entire region. This is the generation curse that perhaps my ancestors have gotten because of some evil that they did. We were told to renounce the sins which we may or may not have done, consciously or unconsciously. After praying over mum, the pastor felt good and told my mum she will leave the hospital and be well again.

I arrived at the ward that night and saw mum was tired after the visitors. I spent some time with her and then laid my hands on her and prayed with her asking God to be merciful and started to cast out the spirits.

My mother dreamt bad dreams and all the time, she dreamt of snakes. So herein lies the mystery. We solved it. The pastors saw it. So please pray this if you are a Christian. That the Lord Jesus will cover mum with the blood that flowed from Calvary. The blood that was shed on the cross so that we can become His children. Pray that the Lord will breathe new life in each of the cells in the stomach region and that every organ will once again be rejuvenated to life because of His breath. Pray that springs of living water that Jesus promises to give all of us who thirst will flow within my mother and may the Lord grant her good rest every night.

We are still trying to get her home to rest.

We lost the maid we wanted to get for mum. She promised to come and then she backed down. But God is such a great provider. The same day we lost one, we found another. She is new, straight from the Philippines but she is good. Serina and Richard prayed that if she is not the Lord's chosen, the Lord must intervene and provide. May God be praised.

May God bless your week as you return school. The holidays are coming. Monday is good for us teachers.

Mum on Friday

I woke up and first thing I needed to do was to get ready for the staff meeting. But I got a message from Rebecca telling me that mum was weak in the morning and didn't sleep because she was so alert. Both of them chatted and when I visited mum later in the afternoon today, she was all tired out.

I didn't go to the staff meeting until later. I decided to have breakfast with my dad and aunt and then buy some of mum's favourite foods for breakfast hoping she would eat. I took a bus to school after dad dropped me off along Stevens Road.

I managed to catch the last bit of the combined staff meeting. Caught up with some of the colleagues and then on to the meeting for the high school. After the meeting, one of my colleagues approached me to discuss about a project group I decided not to mentor. I didn't want to mentor because I felt their attitude was wrong even after much advice and counsel. They refused to listen and gave my colleague the impression that I was too stressed with my mum and so I removed myself. I was thankful that my colleague came to clarify because he knew I would not back down without a reason. I believe in finishing the project but I refused to embarrass my students or allow them to misguide others who will be viewing their work. There is no compromise on what is the most decent piece of work to produce, is there? Just like looking after my mum. There is no compromise!

Tonight when I left the hospital, mum is learning to breathe without the oxygen. I watched her as she learned how to walk. She did well. The oxygen level was maintained at 94%. My mum is not doing well. I admit, my mother affects how I work and I have to work around her too. My brother is just great. He not only went around to find things she can use, he found them free! He also took one month's sabbatical to look after my mother. That would mean he has no income at all. My dad will take 5 days off each week from his driving to care for mum. I am so proud of them. It is really stressful for my family and I do appreciate when people think and pray for us. Just tonight, one of my ex trainee, now a teacher with Evergreen Secondary messaged me words of comfort. Then another of my ex colleague from NIE messaged me to find out how was mum tonight. I am thankful for these friends. God has placed them in my life to remind me of His goodness time and time again. He wants us to know we are not forgotten. I am not to fret, but to cling on to this hope that one day, we will be reunited again.

My mother never cried because she had cancer. I didn't cry because she had cancer. I cried and still cry when I am in the shower when I think of how much my mother wants to live and I just couldn't do it. When she told God that if He wants her to live, she will live for Him. And if He wants her home, she too would obey. How many of us can tell God that? My mother cries. She does. But only because she will miss us.

We have an almighty God who is sovereign.

Mum on Thursday

I spent the night at the hospital on Wednesday. I actually went there at 4pm because my friend was coming to visit. Actually I intended to buy mum's favourite porridge at Tampines but changed my mind when I saw Timothy's message. He sent "Po Po is weak." I rushed to the hospital and at the door I met my aunt who told me mum was just tired. I went in and met Hwee Huang. I saw mum was extremely tired and because she didn't sleep well at all. Fatimah, Richard's maid watched her the night before and because mum did not want to trouble her too much, she allowed her to sleep through the night.

When I watched mum last night, I kept vigil. I made sure I rubbed her back, watched how she was breathing and how she was sleeping. I didn't get to sleep until 6am this morning and keeping my eyes opened all through the night. I left the room to sleep on the couch again. This time no one was there to fight with me for the three seater. I slept till 8am and then went to check on mum. She was still sleeping. I went out to rest my tired eyes again and came in at 0830. She was all cleaned up. She asked me where I was last night when she looked for me. I told her I slept outside. Then I offered to help her brush her teeth. She freshened up and then had half a slice of bread and some scrambled eggs with a full cup of coffee for breakfast.

Dr Toh came and spoke to me. I told him about some complaints mum had. She told me her stomach region was hot and wondered why. He explained that her intestines are moving and she should be on laxatives until her bowels clear. I told her she needs to learn how to breathe deeply and also to walk again. He got her the physiotherapist to come this afternoon. Mum got off the bed and walked and she also practised breathing.

Thanks to Richard, we are going to take mum back home on Saturday. We will be heading for Richard's home. He got the bed and the other equipment for mum ready. The maid will be there too and she has experience in nursing care for the elderly. Dad is giving up his driving from Monday to Friday so he could look after her. Richard will be on one month sabbatical.

When Dr Toh heard what we are going to do, he was so relieved. He came from another ward where an old man who is critically ill with cancer is not looked after at all. This older gentleman's businesswoman daughter is not going to employ a maid for her father since she is always out of the country. The old man will be alone in his house.

My June holidays are over. I have been nowhere but the hospital. And the battle to make my mother comfortable rages on.

The deaconess from mum's church came on Wednesday morning. She said God sent her to see mum and to encourage us with this message from God. That God wants us not to fret. That He is in control.

Monday at the Hospital with Mum

Mum had a little breakfast. When I came, she was tired and resting. Richard and Serina were already there. I was to relieve them so they can get the equipment ready for mum to go to their place. I thank Richard and Serina for taking care of the things for mum to be ready to stay there.

A psychosocial worker from medical oncology came in the afternoon to talk to us but I was the only one around. Dr Toh had arranged that we meet the social worker so as to prepare us for the worst scenario. I am actually very impressed with the Singapore hospital care. They no longer leave you standing helpless and alone. The palliative care actually is very well provided and allows us to go through grief each day. Then later in the afternoon, a home care nurse came to speak with me. She also assessed mum and she told us what we should rent, what we should be prepared for. She is from Assissi Home at Mount Alvernia.

We are doing our best to make mum comfortble. As of this morning before I left, she had a bottle of brands. She slept much better last night.

Pray that her left lungs will clear. Pray we can take her home. May the Lord be merciful and may Jesus give her a rest that is not painful. May the Lord speak to her in her dreams.

I rested for a while and then began to check my email. There is work to be done. The wireless at SGH is very unstable. So I could not work from there at all.

Auntie Kee Moi wrote and shared with me a story:

One day I decided to quit....   I quit my job, my relationship,
my spirituality.....   I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good
care of them. I gave them light.  I gave them water.


The fern quickly grew from the earth.  Its brilliant green
covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from
the bamboo seed. But I would not quit."

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo
seed.I would not quit."

He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from
the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small
and insignificant.

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.  Those roots made it
strong and gave it what it needed to survive.I would not give
any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you
have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots.
I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.
Don't compare yourself to others."

He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern, yet,
they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come, "God said to me. " You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words
can help you see that God will never give up on you........

Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you Happiness.

Bad days give you Experiences.
Both are essential to life.
Keep going...


Happiness keeps you Sweet,

Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!

Please continue to pray God will keep us going and that Mum will not be in pain.

Thank you