God is my refuge and strength

What is man that you are mndful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

I often wonder why God ever want to bother with me. Why did He promise He will not forsake me and promise to be right beside me no matter what I am or what I am going through. Better yet, He tells me that no matter how bad the situation, He has been through it before and they all shall pass. Is this really possible? He says YES!

I only need to have faith. I only need to believe. Is it that simple? But sometimes the storms just keep coming and I am overwhelmed. Can I not trust? Can I just walk away from the Lord?

Even in difficult times, we can choose to obey or disobey God, choose to allow God to work or do the work ourselves. This evening at dinner, my sister's family came to try our new stall down below my block. After the dinner, the three children of course trooped to my room to enjoy the TV and the air condition. Then in the middle of watching the last episode of the incredible women (ala Singapore style) Tiffany yelled, "Sweet!". She was gramatically correct. She found one on my floor. I don't allow my neices and nephews to eat in the room because they leave behind stuff for the littlest ants to come. Of course I was annoyed. Timothy quickly snatched it from TIffany and we all asked how come only one sweet in his pocket. His answer was almost unbelievable. He said just in case! Just in case of what?

He explained "Just in case I am hungry." Both Tifany and I asked him what he could do with one sweet? He went further to elaborate that he also brings a water bottle, an umbrella besides his books for PSLE, just in case! I told him then that he can trust God because God will provide. He replied "But God help those who help themselves. We cannot trouble God all the time!" He got me thinking. No wonder his bag is heavy. We will carry a heavy load when we don't trust God and JUST in Case we need to help ourselves. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean we don't do anything. We still need to work. God says if we are lazy, we should go and learn from the ants. Busy, busy ants!

Many times we want to help ourselves. We don't want to trouble God. Afterall there are so many praying to Him everyday so He must be very busy. This is what our finite mind thinks and will probably do with our finite strength. We help ourselves so we don't bother people since all of us have enough trouble already. But God says "Call upon me and I will answer." That is a promise. Not an invitation. Not an iffy.

There are many self help books out on the shelves. How to be a better person, what to do to be more effective in your workplace, why you can make a million bucks...All to make us feel good without people and most of all without GOD! But God wants us to run to Him like Theodora will run to Thomas (my broher in law) when he gets back home from work. She still runs to daddy. The other two stopped running to daddy. They just welcome him warmly with "Hello daddy." Likewise, God wants us to say "Hello, I am stuck."

Why do people help themselves? Perhaps asking for help is a form of weakness. But think further. Can the silence to cry for help and refuse help from others be a form of pride? Can the silence be a form of control that we refuse to let God have in our lives? Thinking...

My parents always don't want to bother people. They like to do things themselves. Of course they have us to ask for help but there are things we may need others to help. This kind of help they refuse. Sometimes it can be difficult for people who have been always so self sufficient. It is good to have some self esteem and we need that. But we need to know when to call for help and when we can do it ourselves.

I have learned throughout this year that when I lose my control to God and let Him handle any situations, I function better. The answers from God for help may not be instant. But it comes. I learn to wait for help to come and in the meantime, trust Him. It is difficult to trust God with my life at times. It is always easy when times are sunny and good to give Him my life. But then I tend to take it back when life is a little difficult. I want to hasten the process of helping. I will do it myself many times. In such times, I am always bruised and broken. But God is right back again to tell me "Come on, I want to be in. Count me in." This lesson of relinquishing control to God is a lesson I always revist. Some days I pass with flying colours, a high distinction. Some days, I fail, with F10. But throughout the entire period, God never left the spot we met at the very first. It was I who drifted away as I started to control my life.

I was listening to some cantonese christian songs tonight and Rebecca was also in the room with the three kids. I was listening to a song called footprints. It was then that I told the story of footprints in the sand. I told of a little boy who asked Jesus very accusingly why He did not keep the promise of never forsaking him. He asked why Jesus was not there when he needed His help most. He questioned how come there was a only a set of footprints in the sand. Like a good teacher, I asked them why there was a set of footprints. Rebecca said she knew the answer so I told her to keep quiet. Timothy thought for a while, but Tiffany mumbled that Jesus was in the boy's heart when he was in trouble." Theodora kept quiet. So I asked Rebecca to tell the answer. She said "Jesus is in the boy's heart." I told her "Think again!" Then they asked me "Why?" I replied " Jesus was holding the boy on his shoulder, carrying him over the troubles the boy was going through." Theodora said "Orrrhhhh!"

You see, even without us asking, God carries us on His shoulders. Whether we give Him our burdens or not, He is just going to be there. Not silent. But walking and praying for us even when we don't want to pray for ourselves. He will carry us through. He will send help. May be not the kind of help we want but help that will be good for us. Sometimes we just don't recognize the help we need.Sometimes even though we know the answer, we just hope it can be the answer we want. So when God is in control, when we are not on sure footing except the rock upon we stand, we can only obey.

God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Life is stormy at times. God doesn't allow sunshine without the rain. But He will hold an umbrella above you and finish the journey.

The worm called Bitterness

School has started and I started with a Blast. I sent two boys out of my room because they did not complete the work I wanted them to do and they rudely wrote me a short notice to inform me on the day of submission that they could not make it. I also tighten up some controls especially with regard to how learning should occur in my classes. I inspired some but sent most home to a wake up call about their attitude towards learning.

I also sat down and spoke to my class about how they should learn especially when the going gets tough. I was so tired at the end of the day that I slept early.

The next day I was ready for the brand new day only to be confronted by a very unhappy colleague. I went through the day working on some issues that were raised. I gathered my thoughts at the end of the day and concluded that anyone who allows bitterness to stay in their lives is truely unwise. I told myself I must forgive and work on forgetting so that my life can go on.

Included in this blog is a lecture by Dr Randy Pausch. He is dying with pancreatic cancer, one of the most painful deaths to go. But you can tell from his last lecture that he shows no signs of hatred, anger or sadness. He was honest to admit he would cry when he would talk about his three children and his wife but he bravely finished talking about his life. So if you have the time, please look at this video. Thanks to Joshua for sharing, if not I would not know what to write and how to write what I am about to write.

You see there are many things we can be bitter about. This week, I was rather unhappy with some people. But I was only angry. When I saw how my colleague allowed bitterness to overcome his life, I let go. The quicker the better because if I were to allow the bitter worm to stay in my system, it would eat me away. What happened shook me. Not that the colleague yelled at me. But the fact that he is no even aware that the worm is already in his gall and is chewing away. You see the liver will malfunction if we harbour any hatred or bitterness. The anger that cannot subside will cause us to have poor sleep. This in turn will affect the liver and over time develop a cancerous liver. So let go of the anger.

We may be angry with the teacher who so unreasonably blamed us for things we didn't really do. So be angry for the day. The bible teaches that we can be angry only for the day and when night falls, to let go. The secret to a long life is to be able to forgive.

I don't forgive easily. I work on this often. I have now learn to give God the person who offended me and let Him in His time deal with the person.

Some one once said that my prayers are like curses. I thought about how I prayed. Like for instance I could pray a terrible prayer of anger. I could call God to give this person no peace. Then I realized God is a God of peace. How can He give unrest. He wants us to REST in Him. So now I think about the nature of God when I pray. I pray the person who offended me to be given more love. I asked the Lord to envelope this person with the Love of God and love for people. This then makes sense. When you cannot forgive, tell the Lord to help you forgive. Because He is a God of Love, He will know how to do it.

I hope this sharing is sensible because I think I need to sleep soon.
Have another great week.2 down and 8 to go! Yeah!

Pipit Road and Singapore General Hospital

When I was in Beijing, one of my project groups was busy working at Pipit Road. I managed to convince them that their help is greatly needed by the residents in this low income housing district. The Lord kept them while I was away. I had a very dedicated team formed by strong student leaders with a brain and a heart.

I took a trip with them to check out the centre we are serving. Pipit Road is the area I used to grow up as a child. I know the area very well, inside out, right in my hands, you would say. Joey and Suet Fong briefed us before getting into the homes. They work for the Moral Home located in one of the blocks at Pipit Road.The first home I walked into has an older woman of about 65 with two children, a 40 year old man with a heart bypass and a 30 something woman who speaks only with dolls. Yes, you guessed it. The children were both retarded. I chatted up a storm with the young man who is named Tian Fu (added blessing or blessing from heaven). What an irony! But the mother loved and protected him despite the fact that he is mentally challenged. She is a simple old lady who kept her house with as little things as possible. All three of them had to share two boxes of rice with a vegetable and a meat dish. Hardly enough for three.

The next home was a single old lady who was widowed at forty. She is 79 and lives rather happily. Almost all of them are afraid to die without anyone knowing. They talked about how one older man died in his apartment and it was only a week later they found him dead. The stench was what alerted the neighbours. It is very common now in Singapore to have old folks who are single who passed on without being noticed. So check on your lonely seniors. If you like to call up and chat, chat with your older folks. We may just be covered with dust and cobwebs.


All the homes we visited wanted us to give them food. Some were really picky. No meat, no noodles and only rice. We have to think about how to help. Then I noticed that what is needed is also washing detergent. One home we went to had a young son of 18 years old. He doesn't know how to clean the sink. I cleaned it for him. I like my sinks clean and shiny.

My students were rather amused as I chatted with the residents. I was rather at ease with them and I felt really good to be able to reach out. This skill comes from my training in my previous church. As a teenager, I was involved in many of the evangelistic outreaches the church had. I used to knock on doors to get people to read a tract or find anyone who wanted to hear about the gospel. I spoke dialects and I am so happy I still have it in me to do it. Very grateful indeed. So you never know if what you learned before will come in useful later. Therefore learn when opportunities lend themselves to you. Now I need wisdom to know how to help these people more effectively.


On Saturday, I went to the SGH to visit an ex student's mother. She has a similar gall bladder problem. It is also the same period of time that I walked through those doors. Everything rushed back. I remember the escalator up to the bridge but today the entire escalator was gone. The slope I had to climb each day to go visit mum was always very tiring and it still is.


I understand what the family is going through. And there are no words for them this time. We are still not sure what is wrong with the mother. But I know God is good. He always is. He is holding them together and bringing people in to support. Last evening we prayed around the mother. We covered her with God's precious blood.

Interestingly, my colleague shared about an incident with me. He was telling me that another colleague prayed for him because he complained about his health. This other colleague is a devote buddhist. He started his chants to pray for Vincent. But each time when this colleague prayed for Vincent, he has visions of someone pouring water on his chants and snuffed out his prayers. Both Vincent and I are convinced that the Lord protected him. So wherever you go, pray for God's precious blood to be upon you. You never know what spiritual warfare we fight and when we fight them. One thing is for sure, God wants us not to take things for granted and He wants to give us good things. Things that will not harm but will enrich our lives and eternity to come. So pray for God's protection! It is free.

Our God is an awesome God. Another 13 weeks or so and the term ends. I look forward to the end.

Have a good week.

China is going GREEN!

Believe it. China is going green and seriously so. I was in Guangzhou and I was totally impressed. The shops won't give you any plastic bags with your purchase. You have to pay for your bags. Now it is not just Wednesday that they do that. It is everyday of the week and for the rest of the year that they are doing that. I bought three books and this was all I got to bring home in.Yup no bags at all. I kind of like the idea very much and I am consciously not using any plastic bags.

Home for a while...

Upon the request of my friends, I have decided to make the font size bigger. I was home two days ago from Hong Kong. The trip was exhausting. I went to three places and I totally exhausted my dad. He lost 2kg. He has not travelled for many years and many things have changed and he was finding it difficult to adjust.

He was glad to be home to his room and the familiar setting. I went with him to visit relatives and friends and so I met a lot of elderly folks. Everyday is dim sum. I got rather tired of eating the food in all the places. Don't get me wrong. The food was good. It is just that I got tired of eating. Even when my cousin whipped up the best meal, I didn't think I enjoyed eating. Is there such a thing as getting tired of eating? If you asked me what I want to eat, I will tell you nothing. And that is true.

I am kind of happy to be able to be home for a while. There are things I need to do. There was much mail waiting for me to check and frankly I am too tired to read them all. Perhaps tomorrow.

Recently, I have been thinking about quitting teaching. And the thought is becoming rather serious. I am rather tired of teaching and for so many years in teaching, this is the first time I find no reason to teach. There is something else I want to do but I don't know what it is.

I told Joshua I wanted to quit when I got back from Beijing and he asked me what I would do for a living. I told him I just want to bum around for a while and do nothing.

Doing nothing can be great for those of us who have been doing too much. I am getting tired of telling people what to do and how to do it. I need to sit down and do nothing! What say you? You can't say anything because I have removed the tag box due to one very inconsiderate student. He adds to the reason why teaching is not for me anymore.

May be not here in Singapore. I think Singapore students are bright. Too smart for their own good. If they could only listen to wisdom from the elders (aka their parents and their parents parents) then they will live better and wiser. Unfortunately, the world is now full of independent people who believe in totally relying on themselves. But all of us have forgotten that we are interdependent. Right from the start, as a babe, the human race is an interdependent race. Without others, we are nothing. Often times we think we work better when we are alone. Yes to some extent and depending on situation, this may be true. However, often times, we work together.

Just realized that I have one more week before the term starts! My poor students were so busy camping in and out of their ears. I wonder if they have time to visit with their families like I did. I hope they do because at the end of the day, when all forsake us, the family is still around for us to hang on to.

Will post some pictures later. Now to do my laundry.