Journey to Praise God

Shutting my world out...

2011-11-25T09:10:00.003+08:00

I decided to shut myself out. So no more blogs for this weekend and for the next week.

Why? Because I want to think.

Thanks for reading all these times. And remembering my mother with me, tolerating my ranting. You are most patient. If the Lord is willing, I will blog again but for now I want to think.

Trust

2011-11-21T16:28:00.013+08:00

It is a difficult thing to TRUST. Trust is easily broken and difficult to build again. Here is a three part sermon by Kurt Wise. I heard about him through a friend at dinner last night. I am searching for another sermon about the FLOOD. But for now, this Sermon is so good. It gives me faith to believe in an AWESOME GOD. I am persuaded that He is the only God who will pursue me through all means so that I might know Him and the power of His resurrection.

I hope God will speak to you as much as they all speak to me.

Kurt Wise is a geologist. A very clever geologist!

Spirit Filled Believer

2011-11-20T16:53:00.001+08:00

As I am blogging, it is raining buckets outside. A friend from Bangkok is visiting and going home with her son. I wonder if she brought the rains...hahahaha

This morning's sermon at BBTC was very good. I was super early and was ready for church although there were quite a few things I had to do later in the day, I set my heart to hear God.

As we were worshiping God, two people came to my side. They were my colleagues I am working with now. They sat beside me throughout the service. It is wonderful to serve together and also worship together. My subject head accepted the Lord. We rejoice every time she attends the service.

Elder Jeffrey Goh was the speaker. He is a really entertaining and funny guy but the messages he gives are most often very serious. The part about the sermon I liked best was how to identify spirit filled believers. One of the sign is that the spirit filled believer is willing to embrace everything from God.

He told of a woman who woke up one morning and she found she only had three strands of hair on her head. She looked towards heaven and thanked God for those three strands and braided them...ah! She was pretty already.

The second morning, she woke up and you should have guessed what happened. She had only two strands of hair on her head. Again she looked up and with her palms clasped together, she thanked God for the two strands. She did a centre parting of her hair and she beemed.

The third day, she woke up and yes, she had only one strand left. She was happy that she could tie a pony tail. She got a small piece of ribbon and was glad she could swing it around.

Then come the fourth day. She woke up and she had no hair left. Do you think she will still thank God? If you are this woman, what would you thank God for? The answer is in the coming blog entry....hahahaha

He told us to stop our grumbling and be thankful for the job we have, for the horrible creatures in our lives that can make us stronger and for all the good, the bad and the ugly.

My theme this year seems to dwell on giving up people, things and events. Yet God repeatedly tells me to stay and fight on and watch Him do a greater work in these people, things and events. It is not that I don't believe God. It is more that I don't have the energy to move on.

Am I spirit filled? I think God is the judge. He will know where I stand in this matter. But I am always grateful. Grateful that I am still here. I still have the life to be able to write. Grateful that though people will forget me at least I am remembered for the little that I do. Grateful that when I go church God meet me every time. Grateful that I still have 20 over years of good friends to cherish the rest of my days with.

Although I don't like my country and some of the things and people here, God has put me here for a reason. I am grateful for all the people I have met and we crossed paths. Whether the memories are good or bad, I am grateful for these memories. God is always good. He uses people to make me stronger if I don't die from the experience.

A spirit filled life will wait on God and so I will wait. It is a life not prone to act according to its own desires but according to God's will and law. It is contentment with great gain when we tell God to come and work in our lives and clean up major areas. He is cleaning me inside out. Sometimes tough but often times good after the cleansing.

I told Bonita today that I am actually running on empty, needing a long rest from the struggles of the past year. She is aware and she told me to pace and to rest in the Lord. I am. But not enough. I hope to be able to fully rest in Christ alone. Pray for me as I finish off this month. It has been a very tiring year for me...emotionally drained and physically not available sometimes to even think straight. I really need to rest. But spiritually there is great awakening. Awakened to the realisation that I must decrease whereas God must increase in my life and this is difficult lesson to surrender all. By God's grace I will learn it.

How do you want to write the end of your life's journey?

2011-11-19T22:43:00.001+08:00

We finished the study of Nehemiah last Saturday. It was a very thought provoking end and got me really interested in looking at how each book of the bible began and how each book ended to lead on to the next beginning. There were serious thinking in the class on Saturday. And we are all challenged to think about how we want to write the end of our life's story.

Kay Arthur began with THE END WILL COME for both Christians and non Christians. On that day, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess Jesus is Lord. But for some it will be too late. For those of us who called ourselves Christians, we will have to answer to the deeds done in our body. Whether the way we live is pleasing or not pleasing to God and whether the talents He has given us have been well used.

Ah...God is a Just God and He will reward and He will judge. This aspect of God is not often mentioned these days for fear that we will turn people away from A loving God.

I cannot help but to tell of this other side of God because it is this other side of God that will cause us to live cautiously in this treacherous world. We cannot live like there is no judgement because God is already judging the world. He is already showing us that the birth pangs are beginning. The earth has been shaking more violently by the days. The earth is flooded all over...unprecedented flooding and exceptional weather. Is this not a God who will do what He says He will do? How long will He tarry as the world's become more and more wicked.

Matthew 24: 6-13. Check against these verses and see if these that were foretold are already happening:

You will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end. 7 For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be famines and earthquakes. 8 But all these things are merely the beginning of birth pangs. 9 “Then they will deliver you to tribulation, and will kill you, and you will be hated by all nations because of My name. 10 At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another. 11 Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many. 12 Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved.

The signs are already there. I used to remember Pastor Steve Elliot who would pray every week at the pulpit that God comes quickly. I also want God to come quickly.

After George and Grace left and meeting my friends I know from Calgary, I long for Canada even more. I hope the Lord doesn't tarry but come fast. I want to be caught up in the air and if I cannot, then I want God to take me home.

Tonight I spoke to my family about a deep desire to return to Calgary. My sister was shocked and so was my father. But I have always wanted to stay in Calgary for good. I have to think about how to write the end to my life's journey. I need to know what I have to do and need to do and then to think about what I want to do. God is first and foremost. If God still wants me to stay, I will obey. But I want to be convinced that this need to stay is for a bigger purpose. I have to learn to be a little selfish. I need to think about myself for a bit now. Sometimes I do ask if Jesus was enough for me. It is not every day that Jesus is enough. Sometimes I want more. Honestly I am human. I do want somethings extra. But God is always good to remind me that He is enough.

With God's grace I hope to write the end of my life's journey with Him holding my hand as I enter the pearly gates and meet Him face to face. The hymn:

Some day the silver cord will break. And I no more as now shall sing.

But Oh the Joy! when I shall wake, within the palace of the King.

Then I shall see Him face to face, and tell the story saved by grace.

Don't get me wrong. I am not suicidal again. I just want to think about my end. We all should. Because the END of day will come. And you and I will face God. I have to start writing the end of my life's journey as of now.

Tonight will begin with a prayer asking for direction. It shall be this:

Dear Heavenly Father

It has been a very busy day but not one without any thought of tomorrow. Thank you for the time to spend today. And thank you for the grace to finish the day. It was great to meet the kids when I got home. Thank you for them. Theodora made my day Lord.

Thank you so much for the promise that You will come for your children one day. Father only you know when that day is. Can I ask that You do not tarry? I know you are a merciful God full of grace and love. But You are also telling us that time is running out. So help me Lord to know how to write the end to my life's journey. Will I be caught up in the air? Will I be called home? I only pray Lord that when I account for my life, I can give you reasons for my unfaithfulness and poor stewardship of your talents. In the mean time Father, please forgive me and help me finish the job you have started in my life.

There is no regret to be your child because You are indeed God. And I ask you give me grace and more grace as I continue to sojourn on earth. Truly this world is not my home and shouldn't be. But humanly, we are comfortable with what worldly goods we have. I pray Father you will hold me close to your heart as you purge me from all the dross of my life. I want to finish this journey with You.

In Jesus Name

Amen

Horatio G. Spafford lost every child he had with his wife. Lost every single one of his children. And he did not complain. Instead together with his wife, childless in the end, left to serve God in the mission field. So truly Horatio can say it is well with my soul. I want to be able to say that one day. When God remove everything, everyone from me, I want to be able to say it is well with my soul because I know God knows what is best for His kingdom and His glory. I will end my life's journey this way. That all is well with my soul because God has done so much already for me. Yes, blessed hope and blessed rest for my soul!

O for a thousand tongues to Sing!

2011-11-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

There is something about hymns. Whenever I feel life's harsh reality and down or when I am happy, hymns come to my mind. Some hymns have stories attached to them. Today I want to share about this very old hymn written by Charles Wesley. Listen to the majestic choir's rendition. However there is no story to this hymn.

The New Testament tells us that hymns (from the Greek word 'hymnos' meaning songs of praise) were sung by Jesus and the disciples (Matthew 26:30) and that hymns are different from Psalms (Ephesians 5:19). Other than that not much is known about Christian hymns during the first three centuries of the Church.

Here is another favourite of mine:

The story is that:

rish born Joseph M. Scriven (1819-1896) was 25 years old, in love and to be married. The day before his wedding his fiance died in a tragic drowning accident. Heartbroken, Joseph sailed from his homeland to start a new life in Canada. While in Canada working as a teacher, he fell in love again and became engaged to Eliza Roche, a relative of one of his students. Once again, Joseph's hopes and dreams were shattered when Eliza became ill and died before the wedding could take place.

Although one can only imagine the turmoil within this young man, history tells us that his faith in God sustained him. Soon after Eliza's death Joseph joined the Plymouth Brethren and began preaching for a Baptist church. He never married, but spent the remainder of his life giving all his time, money and even the clothes off his own back to help the less fortunate and to spread the love and compassion of Jesus wherever he went.

Around the same time that Eliza died, Joseph received word from Ireland that his mother was ill. He could not go to be with her, so he wrote a letter of comfort and enclosed one of his poems entitled What a Friend We Have in Jesus.

So the next time you sing a hymn try and see if you can also find the story of the song writer.

Visit from George and Grace Eng

2011-11-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

It has been almost 15 years for some of us to meet George and Grace again. It was great to have them visit us in Singapore for a change. When I met them a week ago, they still look the same to me. Grace looked especially good. We had a great time catching up on what has happened since we graduated from Calgary. The couple still talked like they were when I met them in 2003. I met them a few times and each time when I returned to Calgary for a visit, I would call them up and meet.

Tonight we gathered at Wai Harn's place for dinner and we told each other that we should not wait another 15 years before we meet again. It is a good thing they came or else we will never meet. So I think we are going to meet again this Christmas. We have all gone separate ways and all still so young at heart.

We tried to recall how we got to know them. George and Grace are a chinese couple who hosted International students at Bethany Chapel. On the first week when I arrived Calgary, together with Leng Leng, we braved the cold weather to go visit the Brentview Baptist church. The church was not very friendly but we went back the second time. Still the church was cold. The third sunday, a very cold sunday, as we were both walking towards the church which was like 30 minutes walk in the cold, we saw a yellow bus. We waved like crazy and the bus stopped. I saw from the window a face that looked like my school mate, so I trusted the bus to bring us to Brentview. But it was not to be. The bus went very far and although I panicked, I kept quiet because Leng Leng had no clue what was going on. The bus took us to Bethany Chapel and the driver was George Eng. Because of David Linden who worked amongst international students to teach bible study, we got to know George and Grace even better.

This couple has been very kind to me.They invited us to our house several times for meals knowing we didn't really spend too much money on luxury. They also made sure the other church members took turns to host us so we wouldn't feel left out. One christmas, we told them we wanted to go Christmas carolling. We told them that we have to eat at every house we carolled. You should see what they gave us...a huge feast from at least 6 homes. it was the best Christmas ever and we sang till rather late at night.

I also remembered how I was invited to their homes to spend the night with their family. George made us all breakfast and we had egg in the hole bread. It was delicious. It was at George's home that I learned to bake my chewy oatmeal raisin. Grace taught me.

We had so much to talk tonight about the stuff that so bugged us. We shared about how broke we were. How I sat on a box for 6 months and how we cleaned our apartment up so well that we got the damage deposit back. My household is different from Wai Harn.

Tonight we also saw how we pulled ourselves together so we can make the evening special. We worked as a team, an excellent team. Shin Miin was commenting how all three of us always fought to do the dishes. Shin Miin remembered Ruby our host family who befriended all three of us. We love Ruby. She loves us so much. She loan us a radio so we wouldn't be bored. We had no TV and no computer. All we had were our books.

My friendships with this bunch will last a long time because our friendship is not built on what we can get out of each other. It is built on what we share together. Grace told Leng Leng that she must listen to me because I am a commander. She also added that I am direct and tell the truth and so Leng Leng should listen to me. I was in the car so couldn't get out to defend myself. It was good to hear Leng Leng say that she will cos we are very good friends.

Actually I don't wish to lead. If I can, I like to fold my arms and watch people bang their heads against walls and scratch their skulls till they turn raw. Why? Leadership is about responsibilities and they are heavy. I want to follow. But God did not make me a follower. I don't listen to instructions to follow. So how to follow? I also don't want to lead. I rather serve.

I shall share about Nehemiah tomorrow. In the mean time, think about how you want to write the end to this life's journey...Not suicidal but important to know how we want to write the end of this life's journey.

Thoughts too difficult to pen

2011-11-11T22:19:00.004+08:00

I have tried several times to pen some thoughts over the past week but found it really difficult to put to words what was on my mind. I will try tonight. Over the past week, I met some ex students and we caught up during dinner and lunch. From some the takeaway was really difficult to swallow and for some, the takeaway was great. I particularly enjoy my lunch with Jason Chin.

The most distasteful was a dinner conversation I had with a high flyer. My heart was saddened that while he was thinking of paying forward, his head and his heart was not meeting. His head tells him this was what he had to do but his heart is somewhere else. Although the look was particularly humble but the words that came from the heart were particularly pompous. I fear for this young man because if he is going to lead my country, I will be the first to vote against him. I will pray for this young man. His thoughts are polluted by the western culture that even the west want to throw away. The godlessness and the arrogance to think that it is okay to be amoral simply puts me off. I pray that when the day comes that his children are like him, he would remember that I have prayed that this day will never come for him to hear his own children telling him that it is okay to be amoral.

The week was followed by yet another lunch with Jason. He has always been shy and very good with computer. I remember him always leaving my class for presentation. He heard Steve Jobs speak at one of the Mac Conferences and never looked back. He has met many great people since then but stayed level. He never went on to do JC with my school Instead he went to the school where their best is still yet to be. He garnered a lot of network that helped him establish himself as a self employed at the age of 26 and comfortably travelling round the world to learn how to trade. He told me that I was one of the teachers he fondly remembered because I never chased him for school work. I told him the real reason: I HATE MARKING. I also believe that if they wanted to hand in their work they would have handed it and I would wait a long time to mark...ahahhaha. Yup I am that bad.

Jason also remembered how some things in school were badly run and how unfair the system was. He was really grown. I will be inviting him to kick start the humanities series that I will be chairing in 2012.

Otherwise the week is just blessing one after another. Miss J, my friend who is anorexic should be discharged by Monday if nothing happens. When I visited her the third time, her room was just filled with girls with similar symptoms, some more severe than others. Miss J told me that all of them need love and are needy for love. I felt sorry instantly for them.

If only they know that God can love them no matter if they are fat or thin, how wonderful that will be. If we only embrace God's love, then we don't need to go anywhere else. He is going to satisfy us with what we need but we have to trust Him.

I am also very tired throughout the week meeting people and giving tuition. But God is good. He grants me rest everyday. The holidays are here. I will be moving in and out of JB. There are many things to do and I hope I have time to meet with friends.

Have a good break. I am going to bed!

Dear Lord

Thank you for reminding me that I am but a flower quickly fading. Thank you that even though all can and will leave me one day, you are always gonna be here to walk with me. I thank you for this reminder that at my journey's end you are right beside me. Really Lord it is not who I am that gets this kind of attention but because You are who You are. Thank you that you remind the frailty of life. I pray for that young man who thinks he can live forever and remain so distant from you. I pray you will turn his world towards you and make him see how much he needs you. Tell him Lord that there is right and there is wrong. Remind him Lord because he once knew you but has allowed all the ways of the world to choke your word out of his life. Lord have mercy on his soul. I pray you will stay with him when the fall comes and as I see it and as you would like me to see it, it is going to come rather quickly.

I pray for those who hear your word but yet refused to commit to walk with you. I pray you will be merciful to these ones. May they not be too late to turn from their ways. For those who hear your word and is struggling to walk with you, I pray you have mercy. Lord thank you for Jiaqing. Your word has found roots. She is working towards loving you. Thank you for Miss J, she is so willing to let you lead. They are both so young in the faith yet they take your word seriously. Bless them abundantly.

Bless me too as I labour on and thank you for the provision. Thank you for friends who take me out for a good time when I cannot afford. I am grateful to be able to enjoy their company, the food is a bonus.

Continue to grant me wisdom as I work.

In Jesus name. Amen!

Turning 50

2011-11-04T10:04:00.005+08:00

The other day a tuition centre phoned me and asked me for my particulars. I told her my age and she was surprised I didn't sound like 50 years old. I wonder what a 50 year old woman must sound like. People always think if you have crossed a certain age, your abilities go down the drain really quickly and you are soon to be redundant.

I was just telling the young people I am teaching now that I am supposed to be the first waves, the front waves receding back to the ocean floor and they are to push me. But when I look behind me, it was but a pool of stagnant water...allowing this wave to continue on. I feel good!

I have many blessings this birthday. Handmade gifts from my own family which I like and quite a few cakes to eat. Most of all is the company of friends I share this special day with. All of them think I am special enough and warrant their attention enough to set aside time with me. I am deeply moved and very convinced I am important in their lives.

My brother and his family surprised me with a simple dinner and had a moment of sharing about how important I am and how much sacrifice I made and the pains that I have endured. I am very moved by this act. Although I don't talk much in the family, I gained a lot of respect from them. In fact they know I don't demand much but I give a lot. My niece Steffi baked me a cake for that special night.

The next day my sister and her family came over to celebrate. We cooked a big dinner and the family reunited again to eat. At first, my sister and I would like a quiet dinner. But all her children protested and wanted to do something for me. They handmade their gifts.

There was yet another cake but it was a good cake to eat. Most importantly, my family was together and this always brings smile to my dad's face. It is always good to have the children over because they are his joy. I had to leave to meet a friend for a job proposal. But when I returned, I found my two nieces sleeping in my room.

The following night, Lillie and Babita met me for dinner and we had a good catching up. It is always nice to have dinner with grown women. On that night, Babita was very open and started asking if we think she would not go to heaven. And I told her, we have been praying that one day, such a good person like her will come to know Jesus. She is going to stay with me in January for a month to complete her Msc in Counselling. I hope I can reachout to her for the Lord. We talked about plans to meet up more often before Babita returns to Nepal in December. I was so tired by the end of the day.

A surprise SMS came from someone I once knew as a friend from Australia. I walked away from this very abusive relationship when I went to Calgary to study. She caused me to lose a sense of who I am. It was only in Calgary I found and got acquainted with me. This person once asked me what I had given her since she gave me her youth. I knew one day she would ask me that question and so I was not surprised. I showed Bonita the letter and my reply was that she should move on. She never really let me go. I think part of it was the guilt. Guilty that she had lost me in the process of finding someone better. I have no regrets walking away from her. Many people told me not to hide in her shadows...and with much courage, I walked away. I will never ever regret not staying in that abusive friendship. I wish her well. But that is all I want to do.

I also receive a few SMS messages from students who are taking their exams. They are meeting right after the exams to celebrate my birthday. They don't have to. The thoughts are enough. I am very simple. Just want only diamonds.

I have learned that sometimes I cannot do everything. But I know that God can when I lift those I care about to God. This is my new found peace. And to all my students out there, I lift you up to God everyday. Because only He has the answers. Only He knows what lies ahead. Again, God cannot contradict Himself.

And my feasting continues. Although my appetite has been really bad, I still meet friends because it is the company that I enjoy. They reassure me of my worth as a person. Not because I could give anything at all but because I happened to be there when they needed someone to listen to. I thank God for such wonderful people in my life and continue to praise Him for all that He has done in my life.

Dear Lord
What a way to spend the 50 years of my life. Thank you for your preservation when I was so determined to end it all. Thank you for showing me that I need to surrender my Isaacs to you. Thank you for the peace that comes with obedience. Thank you for guiding me with regard to your will. I am so blessed knowing I am in your will. Thank you for the staff at where I am working and for the joy at my workplace. Please keep me safe and in your palm as I continue to serve. Help me to resist the devil and deliver me from evil people who scheme and plot against me. May they end up more foolish than wise. I know you have a timing and will give them their justified end.

I pray for those who has blessed me with their love and presence. Please save their souls and draw each of them closer to you. Because You are God, you know what is best for them too and again your timing becomes vital.

Lord, in my life, help me to glorify you in every way. Because you are enough and your grace is enough and your mercy abundant. What an awesome God you are!

In Jesus name

Lord I am grateful and thankful for making me WHO I AM. And because of WHO I AM, thanking for paying the price on the Cross. I AM YOURS and nothing is going to move me away from the CROSS. Keep me close to YOU always. That I will not go back to the path of destruction.

Here are some songs to praise God for the work He has done in my life.

2011-11-02T11:59:00.000+08:00

I turned 50 this year. Samuel Lim says it is a watershed. I am to begin living. I enter my 50th year of my life with joy and peace. Reconciling with a few things in my life and enjoying God's blessing fully. Most of all enjoying the Peace He gave me.

Let me share later...but for now, let's praise God together with me when you think of me.

God is so good to me. I praise His name!

2011-10-30T15:49:00.000+08:00

In my life Lord, be glorified

2011-10-27T23:59:00.082+08:00

I have never ever thought in my wildest dream that I will meet Lam Li Li again. Simply because when I left her in Cedar I left her rather hurriedly. I was then very young and my first school to work in. Very inexperienced and all I had was the love for my students.

Tonight, she shared about all that she went through. We drove all the way to Sengkang where we had our dinner. It was quiet and she told her story amidst morsels of food. I listened, holding my breath, taking all in.

Li Li was and still is a very talented artist. She won the first ever Miss Cedar Pageant the same year she was sick. It was only a temporary chemical imbalance in the brain that rectified once she was put on a week of medication. There were no good counsellors then but with the one she knew, she pulled her through and was completely healed from the depression. She survived O levels and did well enough to go to a Junior College. I gave her a bible when she was in Sec 2. I gave books away too. She knew about the Lord because I shared with her the gospel. But she never accepted the Lord. She was torn between Buddhism and Christianity. In the end she embraced her youthfulness and pride and went to enjoy the many temptations of the world. She got into the modelling world for a while and flew with Singapore Airlines and then left to study. When she was in the States, she had a room mate who also gave her a bible. The two bibles she had collected dust. Her heart hardened as she rationalized why she should have a God when life was utopia. Every weekend would be party right through the nights. There was no fear of God.

She only came to know the Lord and committed her life to Christ after her sister came to know God. Her sister was moved by the colleague's love for her. Her colleague would invite her to church and there the sister would challenge any thinking. Eventually the sister accepted the Lord and even got another church sister to come and talk to Li Li every week. Li Li now started to laugh at her sister who is a Christian. In the end, Li Li accepted the Lord when her sister reminded her how she had so many encounters with God.

She committed her life to God about 12 years ago. But she was still smoking while she attended church. She was good not to show even her bible study group that she was clean and proper. She would wash her hands so they won't smell the smoke on her fingers. She was able to hide well. She told me she didn't understand the word of God even though she is a Christian. She didn't know what it meant that we are the temple of God. Slowly she began to realize that she was defiling her body and therefore defiling God, her maker. She confessed her sin and then overnight, the smoking bug was just gone like that. She told me that there is nothing we cannot do and cannot give up when we decide to honour God. Her journey is a personal journey with God. She yields because she obeys and the Lord is always waiting for us to return to the fold. Whatever reasons we have to walk in the flesh, God knows. God can see our hearts. And He will wait for us. Such is our Heavenly Father.

There was so much she shared. I was just overwhelmed listening to what a changed life! She attends BSF, a study group and she also goes to a cell group. I found out that she has been coming to my block for cell group for the last 2 years or so. I realized that there could have been times we might have bummed into each other. And so we met!!

I was never a good teacher. I thank God that He looks after my students while I went searching for Him. One other student is Peck San. I gave Peck San a book on Isabel Kuhn. She read and she came to know the Lord. She still kept the book till this day. But I never follow up when I saw her in the church I used to go to. Reason being that I want her to come to know the Lord personally. I was rather uncomfortable later when I left, I left without a word. It was not intentional. When I went back to church to look for her, she left the church already. So then began a journey of searching for her. Peck San is always special to me because she was my monitress and she helped me with Li Li. They were very close friends. Peck San is always quiet and still is. But she is always so thoughtful and kind to me. I found Peck San on the plane and we were both flying to Phom Penh. I went row by row to search when I thought I heard her voice and saw her passing by me. And I found her on row 54 from row 30. And now we are connected. God bless her for her faithfulness and her desire to serve God. She is single and focus on learning more and more about Jesus.

Then there is Lillie. She was a year younger and a different batch of student. I always like this monitress too. Very capable and always cheerful. Sometimes there was sadness. I never spoke to her about the Lord. In fact I bummed into her once before we eventually connect again. But I pray for her every time when I remember her that the Lord will save her soul. When I transferred myself to teach in another school, I was totally immersed in my work. Then I left for studies. It was then another journey of searching for Lillie until we met about 2 years ago at the Eunos MRT station. She was exiting and I was going to get my car. Now we are connected.

Peck San and Lillie are now my prayer partners. Yup. This is the beauty of our relationship. We can pray together and we will rejoice in heaven together. If I go first, I will be there for them at the pearly gates.

Babita is my next student I have always wanted to connect with. She will be going back to Nepal and both Lillie and I are burdened to reach out to her. Please pray for us as we prepare Babita's heart to receive God. She is another person who really cares for me. She is super busy but even then, she will find time to visit with me. I had so much fun last week eating steam boat with her. She also counsels me because I am her study since she is working on an MA course for counselling. I hope too that her family will come to know God. Her daughter Yovina and I meet to study together. I teach her SS and EGEOG. But I better start again. The tuition is getting crazier. I am so busy that I don't even have time for my own dad. I know it is wrong but after November 1, I will be fine!

I learn from these experiences that there are students out there who are searching to reconnect with me. Why?

I learn that what is mine will eventually be mine. I never ever dare imagine that because I shared the gospel and try to teach the word, this person will ever be grateful. If what we have together is special, then nothing will move us apart. If what we have is mechanical, a motion, then we will never ever meet.

I talked about the girls tonight.

I also have a man waiting to reconnect with me. I love this young man very much too. But when I reconnect I will never know.

Then there is another young man though we are very close and yet distant, always stand by me and believe that our love for each other will never grow cold. I am still waiting for a chance from God to work in his life. I know the Lord will when I saw with my own eyes how God protected and brought my girls to Himself.

Then there is one young man, always wondering and wandering if I will ever love and care for him. I cannot answer the question for him. He has to look into his heart and remember. Because to tell him will never convince him. I hope with this young man, the Lord will stir him towards God Himself. And that he will believe that God's love is enough. May he anchor all his insecurities in the Rock of Ages. This young man needs to come clean before God and man and set his path straight. Only then God can fill him and bless him with the joy he so desires, the love he wants to drink in. No condemnation but truth about how anyone should order our lives.

The joy of the Lord comes in many ways. And this week, my heart overflows with God's love and goodness as I witnessed how He work in Jolyn's life, in Karen's life, in Li Li's life.

My heart is heavy too with the wanderings of my young men. But I know they will walk back into truly loving our Heavenly Father.

Am I important to you? What did Miss Cheong do? What did Miss Cheong teach? I hope I don't just teach Geography. I hope my life reflects a Christian who is a work in progress, waiting for God to polish me so that I might live an abundant life.

I use to think if I pour my heart out, I will get returns and responses. I also learn to let go and let God deal with situations and people I know He wants control of. So I surrender my Isaacs to Christ and wait for Him to act. Only when Jesus work and for their own good, then can these people RISE above their circumstances, nail their flesh and rejoice with me in heaven. But I will be here waiting for them to turn towards God. Our ways are not God's ways. Our timing not God's timing. While waiting I want to busy myself in the kingdom of God.

I think Heavenward. What is on earth? Nothing much to hold. But I look heavenward when I am discouraged. Because God will send help.

J is doing fine. Thank you for praying for her. Thank you for asking God's protection to be upon her. She too needs love and she cries out for help. She is only 16 and GOD heard her. Help came and she is now at peace with God and with a clear mind and clean heart, she is growing. We update each other as we take turns to visit her and all the reports are so positive. She has been sleeping well every night since she accepted the Lord. Indeed the joy of the Lord is her strength.

K, the mother has invited her two other children to church. They are coming this sunday. They were jaded when God didn't answer their cry for help when their father hit them. Because of a change in their mothers, they are going to go to church. Please pray that God will save these two hurting children too. We are also going to continue to pray for my ex student who may have an unclean spirit within him. We pray for God's deliverance.

When we pin our flesh down and allow the Spirit to flow, God can work within us towards His glory. I am so thankful to God for all that is happening around me. I want God to give me an abundant life!

Dear Heavenly Father
I love You. You are just awesome in my life in the past and right now. Thank you for sending difficult people. They only draw me closer to you. Thank you that when I don't understand, you do. Thank you for being my defence because one day, they will know what You have planned for them.

Father protect my students from falling deeper into sin as the world gets darker and Satan and his evil ones deceive many. Please have mercy and turn them in Your own time towards You. Lord I pray you will pray for each of my students as I put them in your care. You are everywhere, ever knowing and always compassionate. So please Lord, send help when I cannot be there. Wipe away their tears for me. And bring them into the fold.

Thank you for Li Li, Peck San and Lillie. They are such reminders of your goodness.

I complained that you gave me things that are not good. Wow, you showed me that you have given me much more than my heart could contain. Yes, indeed You are the God of so much more. Thank you for all the good, the bad and the ugly. Because they are all good to me and for me. May Your name be praised.

You cannot contradict yourself. Your word is indeed life and those who believe and come to drink from You, the Living waters will never, ever thirst. So Lord we thirst for Your Love and Your presence in our lives. May you open our spiritual eyes to see YOU are near. Remove Lord obstacles and anything that will hinder us from offering to You our praise. Truly You are worthy!

I pray for the three young men. God deal with them in Your way and teach them to follow You with all their hearts, mind and soul. Thank you for each of them. For the one who is not saved, save him. For the ones who are saved, teach them to walk with you daily. Father I may be absent in body but you are present all the time. Love them Lord and keep them close to the cross where You gave of yourself.

I have a very busy weekend Lord and You know my heart and where it is. So bless me as I go do my presentations today. I am also very tired. So give me the portion of your spirit.

Be with my students who are taking exams. Give them energy. Help them focus. May they be careful with whatever questions. Keep them calm. Bless them with good results.

I know You can choose to answer any portion of this prayer because You are God. And so Lord may your will be done in our lives and may we be obedient to Your leading.

In Jesus Name
Amen

The blessings of the week

2011-10-26T08:09:00.124+08:00

This is indeed a week of blessings for me.

First was to meet J, a very brilliant girl who is quiet but with little confidence in herself. When I went to teach her on Monday, I shared with her my low self esteem, depression and suicidal tendency. She listened starry eyed because she just couldn't believe such a confident person could actually do all that. I told her I was like that just about a year ago. I shared with her how I got out of it and that it was only with God's grace and mercy I survived the ordeal.

Yesterday I went down again to teach and we had a great time sharing about anger and letting God take our revenge so He can deal with the bullies in our lives. Later in the night she text me wanting to thank me. My student Lillie taught her to pray a prayer of thanksgiving and she prayed for all of us. She was overwhelmed by how God helped her by sending so many Christians to her. I also told her that Bonita is praying for her. At that she teared because she was overwhelmed by God's love.

Then I met another blessing, a mother of an ex student I taught three years ago. This ex student is suffering from schizophrenia. The mother heard a sermon on forgiveness and accepted the Lord. I went down to meet her. Vincent was already there to counsel her. Before she left, I hugged her as I felt a need to hug her. I held her for a long time. She teared buckets. I also gave her my number so she knows where to look for help. She happens to stay very nearby.

The next blessing happen this afternoon. I finally found her. My other Li Li. When she was in secondary 2, she had a chemical imbalance in her brain and was not normal. She didn't want to go home after school and so together with Peck San we stayed at a friend's house for the night. I called the mother to alert her and throughout the night we (my friends and I) prayed. Peck San was not a believer. She didn't know who to turn to. Peck San was only 14 then...ahahha. Today, at Parkway Parade, I stood staring at Li Li when the escalator moved up and up. Then she saw me. And she mouthed...my name. I nodded and signalled she should come down. She did. I hugged her. I found out she is a mother of three, and she is a Christian!!! Amen! I am going to stay in touch with her.

I was at mum's grave this morning and I saw a verse that was given to me a while back. "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4" And I am reminded that all can forsake and walk out of my life. But God will be here. It is very comforting. God reminded me that even if nobody cared, He will! Wow!

Tonight I had to teach bible study. It was an interesting topic of walking in the flesh and walking in the Spirit. It was a difficult topic to teach and there were things there I knew would rock the boat. But God has placed them in my heart to speak. I spoke. Very calmly and trying to focus on what God sent me to do. I did it. I praised God for keeping me in His palm. I also thank my hedge of protection for praying.

After I completed the study, I left because I was tired. There was a jam on ECP and so I took another route home.

I came home and slept a while before getting up to complete this blog. Totally exhausted by the day's event. I got up at 7 and have been travelling non-stop the whole day from point to point.

I was asked some very tough questions tonight. And all I can say is that what is not mine, is never gonna be mine. I fight for somethings and some people in life. I still remember vividly how Bonita asked me NOT to give up our friendship when another friend told me in my face that she hated me for coming between them. I told this friend, she can have Bonita as a friend and I would never come in between them. Bonita noticed it straight away that I wanted to give it all up and she confronted me. I still could hear her say "Fight for our friendship." I fought hard. We are today like sisters. She knows me the best. Some I will never forget like Peck San, Lily, Babita and Li Li. I pursue them and think of them. Because these are precious to me. Precious because we went through thick and thin together. Some, I was told by God to keep. These are used by God to train me so I will be more Christ like. These are the ones that are tough because God uses them and are also teaching them Himself.

I also wonder why some want to be in my life and wants to include me in their lives when they can send me out. My life is very complicated, a work in progress. So I am always thankful to God for Bonita. She has a choice. She chose to work with me as I go through my life. She is still working with me and thank God that Bonita never gives up so easily. I like to throw n the towel before even the match starts...ahahah.

I have nothing to give and poorer by the minute. But I have a God who cares. I can share that. I don't like to ask people whom I cared about what they can and will do for me. I was asked this many many years ago. I didn't like that feeling because everyday was like D day. Then D day came when she told me how much she has done for me and what little I did. I burst out laughing when I got her letter. Bonita read the mail too and then I penned my reply.

I know that I will be rewarded one day when I see Him face to face. But all I want that day is to thank God for a wonderful journey. Along the way I picked up some sugar, got some bottles of chilli padi sauce, some lemons, a bit of bittersweet chocolate and more. Not too bad at all!

I know my mother, my grand aunts will be waiting at the pearly gates for me. Don't worry, I am not going to kill myself. There is work to be done. And in His time He will make all things beautiful.

Have a great week ahead. I know mine will be fantastic simply because God answers prayers and will take care of me when my hair is gray. So may be I should not colour my hair...hahaha.

Today is a great day of rejoicing

2011-10-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

Today's sermon is about thirsting for God. I slept early so I could be alert. Senior Pastor Daniel Foo is a great speaker and much to learn from. The sanctuary was exceptionally packed this morning. About a while later, I saw my subject head came in with another colleague. This is her second time in the church. I quickly messaged my friend to pray cos they are good friends and we knew she was seeking God. The message was powerful and then it happened at the altar call. She started to walk towards the front where the call was. My colleague escorted her and then she prayed. I am not sure if she prayed the sinner's prayer but I am sure she gave her life to God this morning. What a blessing it was indeed.

I went for tuition and before I could go to another one, Lily messaged me. She wanted me to meet a girl who is having problem with social studies. She is also suffering from anorexia and is suicidal as she has attempted to take her life. I rushed down to see Lily cos I was nearby and then we met at the hospital. I spoke to this young girl, really pretty and not too thin yet. But she looked really lost. I had to prepare her for SS so I showed her my website. And then got her to do some simple search. She told me her SS is the worst subjects. Lily stayed to teach her English and then I left for another tuition.

Just a while ago, Lily messaged me that this young lady has accepted the Lord. Right now Lily is on the phone with her counselling her about her emotional problems. But she said the sinner's prayers. So God will protect and grant her peace.

Here are two persons who thirst after God and they met God. I met God today too. When I surrender everything and everyone to God only then will the Holy Spirit come and flow through me.

Jesus is enough. If you find any obstacles in your life, at work, it is because we allow these obstacles to be there. The story goes that one day a man found that there is only a trickle of water. He got the plumber in and found that he needed to change the pipe. Because he stayed in a village, it was not uncommon to have this problem. When the plumber cut off a section of the pipe, out came a dead toad. Yes, a tadpole swam in and got comfortable and started to grow and choked up the pipe until it died.

Obstacles are like our dead toad. They are small to begin with and that got bigger and bigger until they choke out the Holy Spirit. We cannot hear God, see God and Live for God. When this happens our lives are not the same. There is no flow of living waters. To get rid of the obstacles we have to come to God and confess what hinders us from this flow and to ask God to remove them.

Today I asked the Lord and surrender again the things that hold me down. I felt so good. I want to move with God and for God and so it was a good change of pace for me.

I am enjoying my work with my tuition kids. Each of them is precious before God. I rather spend time with them these days because I get to tell them about Jesus. In school, I can pray with my students and we commit each other, colleagues and all to prayer when things get busy. I thank God that He put me right in His will. And according to Nehemiah, when God is in control, and I give Him this Lordship, I am going to be blessed. When we put God first in everything we do, God will bless us even when the going gets tough.

The heart of a mother

2011-10-22T08:53:00.011+08:00

I am single and alone. Never raised a child but I have many students I worked with. That may still not qualify me as a mother. Recently I spoke to an old friend from LA and she told me I was so privileged to have god children. I replied with an exclamation REALLY! She is a writer based in LA. She writes children books. Her name is Angeline Oppenheimer and yes, her husband is related to the Oppenheimer who created the H bomb that exploded at Hiroshima.

I have been told singles like me should enjoy life. God has given me a single life to serve Him and to do His will. And my life should be care free. Well, my life is not care free because there are people that I have been asked to serve.

I was sitting here in the morning and for the past mornings thinking about what to blog. I normally blog when I am moved, touched or mad. Today I am very calm. In fact I am a little unwell, not terribly sick though that I cannot move around. Just a little headachy and generally unwell.

I sat here thinking about a mother who has a gay or lesbian child. I have asked people, single women and married couples if it is okay for their sons or daughters who chooses a different orientation. The answers are always mixed. Some said NO. Some, the very hip and happening, said...YES! Ah...to these I asked another question...really if it is your own. At which they will often pause a while and then replied..yes! I watched their muscles on their faces twitched and brows crossed. I wonder if they really understand what goes on when their child tells them they are not straight. We say we can accept the child. But what does God say? When you put love into action, is it really so easy? Hug Hug and we love you? I tell you this...it is not so simple.

I wanted to say I understand how the parents would feel when their child has a different orientation. But I know the little I know is not sufficient for me to share freely.

I have met a lot of homosexuals in my life. Right from when I started teaching in Cedar I already met a girl who became a man and married a woman. She told me that I should understand because I am an overseas graduate. Well, so I am. But that doesn't mean I agree with the lifestyle and the choice. I am also a Christian. And this will guide how I view the world and will help me make sense of what is going on. I never contacted this woman. I would like to meet up with her. To me, she is always going to be Lay Yen.

Later in my studies overseas, I met a friend who is a Christian but struggled with her sexual identity. She never liked me because I had drawn rather close to her room mate. In fact W Hand I were prayer partners for our exams and for other matters in our life. W H and I went to bible study together and so we grew close and it is from W H I know a little about my friend with an identity problem. One day she came and confronted me. I was shocked because I never in my entire life thought that I could threaten her space since we never really spoke. I was aware of her great dislike for me from W H and so I deliberately kept that distance. Even then she found a reason to confront me. She told me she was angry that I could be so close to her friends. When she calmed down, she shared her story with me about how she wanted to change her sex. But she also acknowledged that God is God and if He is God and a perfect God then His creation is made perfect. It was because of this fact, she didn't do the operation. But she also didn't want to pray to God. She said God would not hear her. She saw a very confident me but little did she know my struggles with my self esteem. Thank God for Bonita. Bonita prayed really hard for me and worked with me in this area over a long period of time.

The reconciliation with God came for my friend when she returned home to Singapore. Her anger towards her mother was the source of all her identity crisis. Her mother dressed her up like a boy because the dad wanted a boy. She was adopted and she never really fitted in. There was much anger in her mother who turned against my friend at a young age after her husband died that it totally ruined her and she became a "man" to fight against this tyrant of a mother. But all anger gone and hatred disappeared when her mother came to know Christ in her last stage of liver cancer. There was time for my friend to reconcile with God and with her mother. She forgave her mother and actually with the grace of God, brought her mother to know Jesus. How is she now? She is still the same. Single but serving God. Still fighting and some days may be harder for her to fight her tendency but she now has friends who can support her. As for our relationship, well, I walked out of W H's life as soon as I returned. I don't ever want to come between anyone in any relationships. I can walk away. Today W H and I remain as good friends. She is always going to be my special friend. I have moved on and went far away until recently I returned to the fold and let God work in my life. The process is tedious and I am still working on it.

Then I have other encounters. Some of my students I worked with are not straight. But I love them just the same. We never really discussed about the gay issue. I want to some day soon. Even hearing their tendency got me thinking how their parents would feel. I can understand.

I have been for years tried to run away from something God has asked me to do. I have been reasoning with God that He should get someone else to do the job. But God has a great sense of humour. He not only brought some into my life but also teach me through these people how to work with them. He also uses some of them to teach me how to pray and to understand some of their struggles. I came to know that there is a deep need to be loved and sometimes they look for love in the wrong places. Their insecurities revealed my insecurities and that whether we are homosexuals or heterosexuals, we need God's love. His love is unconditional and requires us only to simply accept this great love. As a result of some of these friends, I have learned to commit them to God and ask God everyday to work with them in this area.

I shared my concerns in this area with some of my friends and one of them, my ex boss shared this link to Christopher Yuan. I have contacted him about some issues and he actually replies. I have also contacted his mother so I could talk to her. Why? Because who is better than to help me work with some of the people on this issue than this mother and son team. Their bond has become stronger and they move together as a family to speak for God. Christopher Yuan is HIV+. He is bubbling with joy today because Jesus has shown him that the love he so desires comes from Him who gives freely. I praise God for Christopher's work amongst the gay community. He testifies to the fact that when we give God our lives, He will turn it around for us. When we focus on God, He will bless us even if we are HIV+. We can become victorious with God.

I know of someone who told his parents he is gay and the parents were crushed. The mother was close to a nervous breakdown. I hope to meet this mother soon. She has been on my mind. I believe she is still sad and shocked. And I also believe she is worried. Pray for me when I get to meet her that I could share God's comfort with her.

I am reminded of the prodigal son. How the father waits for him to come home. When the father saw the son from afar, he dropped everything and run towards this wayward, rebellious, stiff necked and horrible creature. Jesus would do all that for us.

I have for years been very conscious of the homosexual issues. Because of Lay Yen, I actually went to study about this for a while. I studied this from God's point of view. And God never approves of such a behaviour. But like all fallen creatures, we will sin. It all boils down to lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life. Pride is telling God I can do it without your permission. Satan is a liar and he is very good at deceiving us to do the wrong things. We are always gonna be tempted to think we are doing right. Whether right or wrong, we need to go back to what God says. Yes, man can interpret wrongly. We can always twist everything to say this is what God is ACTUALLY saying. But you know something, your life in Christ will show whether YOU are doing the RIGHT thing. God will discipline and judge. Remember that whoever God loves, God chastise. Interestingly, God forgives so readily and He wipes off every record of sin when we confess and repent.

My advice to my students and to myself is always, when no one is watching, who are you? Actually someone is always watching. Satan and God. So how do we as believers order our steps before God? If God is God, let's walk in Him.

Oh, I am no saint. You should know me. I am unkind, selfish and very judgmental. But I thank God there is no condemnation because of the work on the cross. Thank God He cares enough to spend this morning with me as I reflect on the heart of a mother with a gay child. I am sure you will not agree with me on many things. But know this, the mother's heart is always praying for the child, gay or not gay, to turn to God for counsel and direction. I believe these dear mothers love their sons and daughters and want them to walk out of their choices. I also believe their love will one day touch their children's hearts and turn them towards our Living God.

Have a great weekend!

Walking in the Spirit-a test of faith

2011-10-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

Sunday's message was on walking in the Spirit. My left eye has been twitching for three weeks. Non stop twitching. I checked with my dad and he told me I may be coming down with a stroke. Hmmm...that is very scientific!

Then I told my students about it. And they said it will bring in money. Tonight I spoke to Lena's mum and she told me that someone is thinking about me...oh...no...please stop thinking about me because the twitch is unbearable....and then...I did something and almost instantly it stopped. I typed a prayer and sent it. The left eye stopped twitching! Amen. This is walking in the Spirit.

Here are two songs to share with all of you. May you be encouraged.

Speeding down ECP

2011-10-14T01:32:00.003+08:00

It was a great night tonight to be able to share and pray with this man. We shared something in common. We know of boys who were gay and we prayed for them tonight. We know of this one boy and his struggle with homosexual tendency. I mentioned the name and his eyes literally brightened up and commented that 5 years ago if he only knew I was also walking alongside this student, we would be able to pray together for him. I also wished I knew he was helping the boy. When the boy told him that he would rebel and went against God's commands once he arrived USA, my friend's heart went cold and that door was shut.

So I asked him why not we pray for them tonight. So I drove us to the park and found a spot and we sat down and started talking. It was so good of him to hear me out on certain issues of my life too. And I was greatly flattered when he told me that he found me so comfortable to chat with and was not threatened or had to take care of nitties gritties with me.

It was really good to feel special tonight. I felt so good to be able to pray with him of a matter very close to both our hearts.

Then I sped along the ECP after I dropped him off to visit with a youth group member to encourage him spiritually. The drive home was long. I deliberately took this drive because I wanted to think and listen to a song. The song got me really moody the other day and I did something I have never done before. I sent a message and I got a response.

The drive home was very good. The song brought back some nostalgic memories of a place not so far away.

With the speed I gather with my little car, I arrived at my home, safe and sound. I love my little car.

Dear Father

Thank you for friends. Friends who treasure me and remember me in their prayers. Bless their soul. Feed their soul abundantly with wisdom and love. May you continue to protect some of my students as they continue to struggle to do the right thing. Thank you for Christopher Yuan. Thank you that he is willing to seek after you and your righteousness. Use Christopher to share and reach out to those who struggle with issues in this area. Thank you for Christopher's courage to come out openly to share about his life and how you have changed him. Continue to bless his ministry and keep him alive as you see fit. Control his HIV condition so that he has many more days to preach your gospel. Thank you for Christopher's mother too. Bless her as she serves together with Christopher. May she continue to be a prayer warrior.

Lord we know that unless we nail our flesh to the cross we will never be made whole again. Lord these young people stuck in this area need love. And only you can love them more than anyone else. Let them know that Your love for them cost you to send Jesus to the Cross and be resurrected again. May they fully believe in Your love and embrace You fully.

Tonight we pray for our students. And we will pray again and bring each of them before you. Protect me and my friend who will take up the cross and pray for our students with this struggle. We know victory can only come from You. You are LORD. YOUR love is what we thirst for. So fill us with YOUR LOVE, pure and simple.

In Jesus name
Amen.

This is a testimony by Sammi Cheng in Cantonese. She is included in this blog to encourage all those of us who feels weak and lost. She found God when she was so lost.

Here is another testimony. Youya was a very popular singer. She found God and she said that she knows God will be responsible of her for the rest of her life because she has surrendered her life to God. Wow!

This is a Hong Kong actress who found the Lord. Her life was really terrible and for a period of time her life was controlled by her mother's gambling debt. But the Lord saved her and she walked out of the darkness that surrounded her. Everything is possible with GOD.

Sunday's message was so Powerful

2011-10-09T14:42:00.002+08:00

I praised God for such a powerful message. I left the sanctuary with God's reassurance about His work in my life. There are matters to settle and by God's timing He will settle it for me.

The message was about the Holy Spirit. I couldn't take down any notes because I was really listening to every word. What caught my attention was to allow the Holy Spirit to work in my heart and this can be done when we open the bible, pray and invite Him in to guide.

The only way we can know what is true and what is false is to continuously go back to the bible and not make judgements based on our own feelings.

When Kay Arthur asked if there was a burden in our hearts for the nation, for our loved ones, I felt a heavy thug. But I cannot put a finger on it. This morning the church honoured our little children and the ministry with the little ones. There was a movie with shots of the children asking us adults if we are willing to make a difference in their lives. And then I remember. I have a job to do. I will finish what God started until He calls me home.

Many Christian homes today don't teach their children for the Lord and in the Lord. Many of these kids are spoilt brats. They grow up with their own brand of Christianity one in which God is not the centre of their lives. We must train the child in the Lord.

I thank God for my sister and brother. They raised their children very well. Steffi is now able to communicate with my dad in Cantonese. Both Ryan and her are involved in the worship team in church. They also know what they want to become in the future and they both want to serve God. Tiffany did something really special today, she gave presents to the primary one children she looks after during sunday school. She likes little kids and this ministry suits her just fine. She was telling me how she has to spend money to buy the gifts. The last facebook entry she shared that she knows now it is more blessed to give then to receive. Timothy goes to his cell group and go fishing with them. He has this hobby and is still not sure when he is going to be baptised. He just want to be sure he truly follows God. Then my two littlest. Well, Theodora is singing in the choir and Stacia is Stacia. She loves to sing and play and she is good at both.

It is really fun to have them over and this aunt enjoys the time with them. My relationship with Ryan and Steffi has gone from strength to strength. This is because I spend every Friday afternoon teaching Ryan and Steffi for their exams.

How good it is for a family to serve and worship God together! It is so blessed to have a family who knows God and eventually brings others to know Him. I never thought my family will one day be saved. I witnessed God's providence. But this is only when we obey God and do our part in praying for the salvation of each and every member in my family. I was the first to believe. And I was also the one who stood firm in my faith when persecutions come. When my siblings are stronger, I fell away and for many years I fell away. It must be painful for them to watch me fall away and I believe the one I hurt most was my mother.

Going to church doesn't save you. Talking about Jesus doesn't save you. But Knowing Jesus does. This means you read His word, obey His commandments and trust Him.

I thank God that the Holy Spirit is at work today. And our God is merciful, full of grace and love. I felt tremendous love at the service this morning. Although I sat alone, I just felt God right beside me. It was just wonderful because the peace was truly beyond my understanding. Have a good week.

NEHEMIAH@precept

2011-10-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

I am finding that the minor prophets are really good! I am enjoying every minute of Ezra and now Nehemiah. Last night my tuition was cancelled and my cold was really bad. So I had a very quiet night. The rain poured non stop at around 4 in the evening. I had dad with me so I was not afraid. I kept praying I would not hit any cars. The visibility was terribly low. And God answered my prayer :)

Despite my cold, I stayed up to do my worksheets for Nehemiah. I was so glad I did. God spoke to me and taught me how to pray.

Nehemiah was an ordinary man. Just a cupbearer for King Artaxerxes. His job was to taste the wines that the Kind wanted to drink. If there was poison, Nehemiah would be the first to die. His parents were exiles taken from Jerusalem and Nehemiah grew up in the city of Susa, where Queen Esther was. But this ordinary man had an extraordinary God. Nehemiah was a learned man. He studied the word of God and he cared very much for his own people. When he found out from his brothers about the exiles who survived captivity or escaped and returned to Jerusalem were distressed and were reproached (bullied) by those other people, he sat down, wept, fasted and prayed.

He didn't just do it in one day but he prayed day and night to God and he prayed for four months until the day came when he was to ask something of the king.

I was so moved by Nehemiah's prayer that I sat on my bed and prayed. He asked God to pay attention to his prayer. He beseeched the Lord and last night I begged of the Lord. He was praying for his people and so was I. I felt so good after the prayer. I got up early and then went about my work. I was early today for class. And I asked a few questions.

Kay Arthur shared about something related to Nehemiah and his prayer. I was glad she shared. She began by asking if we were to write a book, what would be written inside. But then who are we to write a book about our lives. She asked...why not? For we are ordinary people with an extraordinary God! She shared that God keeps books about us. Yes, He has a book. If we esteem God, He will write it on the book of remembrance.

Nehemiah never thought for one moment that God would be writing about him and allowing us to learn from. An ordinary man with an extraordinary God.

What is my legacy? I know I have a powerful God who will stir hearts to turn to Him and to transform life. I only hope that He is willing to use me because I am all so bad at what I do. I know that there are lives I have touched. And I hope they can touch others. But I also know there are lives I can never touch and only God can. I want a simple legacy. I want to be able to finish my life talking about His goodness. I don't need anything else except to live in His will.

Truly this week attest to the power of living in God's will and watching Him unfold His purpose for me in the school. The wheel is set in motion for me in the new school because God is at work. I witness God's blessings every day. From my colleagues to my students. Everyone is so encouraging and supportive. I know God will bless this school abundantly.

So find out what is God's purpose in your life. Stay close to God and you will hear His heartbeat. All the noises of the world will go away when we set aside time to go to God in prayer and read His word. How can you get close to God when you don't give Him time to talk to you.

It was a good Friday night. I had my time with God and came away feeling very zai! (Calm, composed and sure).

Dear Father

You are just great! Because of you, father, I am so loved. Thank you for watching out for me and making me this way. Thank you for giving me all the things in this life so I can finish your purpose for me. Please Lord keep me close to you. For without you, I am nothing. Thank you Father for the many blessings throughout the week. Continue Father to bless me with wisdom as I work amongst my students. Show them You love them. Because only when they know you, their anxieties for the exams will be gone. Lord use me, please use me to shine for you. Because you are enough!

A genius

2011-10-07T20:13:00.001+08:00

When I first started work, I learned to use the word processor. I think it was called Wang. I had to go for training by the secretary of my company and then I get a certificate for simple functions like delete, enter and insert. Then when I started teaching, I used the computer. You may not know this but I actually went to learn about basic programming. I did okay. In fact my boss in my company was trying to teach me some computer languages too. But I was really not interested. But I like technology.

Then when I went to study in Calgary, I used my first computer at Bonita's. She had the Apple Classic. That small tiny cute computer lasted me quite long until I finally got to buy my own. Another apple LC475. I brought it home when I graduated but I blew the monitor...LC475 still sits in my house.

Very quickly I was rushed into schools and I was introduced to the world of PCs. It was a piece of cake for me to pick up the functions of the PC and I learned PPT within 30 minutes with animation and adding pictures and photos. The RGS colleagues who were in my team then trained me to do it right on the spot. I did the ppt and I was shocked at how easy PCs were.

I used the PCs for years until about 3 years ago, I decided I want to use the MAC again. I bought a MAC. Am a fervent believer that it is a good machine. Slick and smart looking. May be it is a cult. But it is the genius behind the Apple that I come to like.

What I love about Steve Jobs is his resilience against all odds. He has a temper. And he was proud. But there was one thing I love about him. He was willing to eat the humble pie and then rise up again. At first he lost all the respects of his partners and all those who ever worked for him. And he never expected that he would be booted out one day. He was not deterred from the setbacks of being fired by the person he employed to help run his company. He was ashamed. And he wanted to run from the valley. But he found he still loved what he did. So he started another company. Such honesty is what I like about Steve Jobs. He is honest about his failures. People like to hide this part about their lives. Some people live with a lot of secrets hoping these secrets will never catch up with them. But not Steve Jobs. He publicly acknowledged his failures and then he started up again...from scratch.

I like the fact that he enjoyed starting anew. Because I am starting anew and there are many things I also don't know. And he is right. It is at the moment when you don't know anything that you are more willing to try and explore.

Steve Jobs did not waste any time. He enjoyed what he learned. When was the last time you enjoyed your lessons?

I still remember fondly some of my art history lessons with my art professor at the U of C. This was the course that no Asian students ever scored a distinction and was exempted from exams just after two midterms. Dr Bershad would not allow tape recording and his questions were pieces of art work we had to interpret. I enjoyed his lessons very much and I aced the tests. I still remember all he taught.

I also took Spanish, a language course no Singaporeans would take because it was not a course you could get a distinction. Well, I didn't. But I love the course. My lecturer was a Latina lady who would come in with her tarot cards and tell our fate if we went to her. I never did. But I liked the cookies she baked for our class every Friday.

Of course I love my Geography courses. And my Psychology courses. I love all the courses I took at the U of C except for one. Ironically it is the Psychology course on MOTIVATION. I was not motivated at all to understand how to motivate. Although I did okay, I worked so hard that I remembered most of the stuff. Not because I like it. But I worked hard for it and didn't do well. It got stuck in my brain.

Strangely it is all those I took that was not required that I found to be most enjoyable. I like the way my university want us to have an overview of things and not to be so streamlined to our majors.

Steve Jobs taught me to view education differently. I agree that what is important is to enjoy the learning process. Unfortunately most of us who stepped into the class, we are burdened with results and lack of time in our hands to interact with our students to engage their minds.

For the past few days, I have been kept busy with new tasks for me to work on and I am learning. Actually with my flu, I am surprised I could think. I just threw a link and I got the subject head very excited. Today I was told that I am given the task to groom the entire sec 1s next year. Err....wait a minute... I think my plate is very full!

I think the success of Steve Jobs as a person and inventor is his ability to do what he likes best. He learned best in what he liked best. He enjoyed art, calligraphy and computing. His mind must always be asking questions. He also never asked if what he learned then would be useful. It all became so useful later on in his life. So learn things that you like and not just stay safe. Do you want a job? Or do you want a vocation? There is a difference. If we want a job, we are going to suffer in the long run. You can be fed but not for long. When your wind runs out because you don't have passion, you will run on empty. But if you have a vocation, even if there is no more wind, you will go get the wind to keep on running.

People who question are often regarded as troublesome. Steve Jobs could be troublesome. But when he stopped asking questions, what will the world become? I wonder...

I continue to rejoice about Jiaqing.

2011-10-03T12:00:00.005+08:00

I cannot stop talking about Jiaqing. I just can't. She has made everything I worked for so much more meaningful. I shared with Lily about Jiaqing last night as we reflected on our role as an educator. We are so much more than just a brain or a machine to mark. We can touch lives.

Jiaqing told me that her prayer for me is not just to groom leaders but to inspire students to love God. Well, I cannot do that on my own. She will have to pray for me.
This morning when I arrived school, it was such a great sense of peace. Nothing disturbs me because I am walking right in the will of God. As usual my morning chat with Bonita was encouraging and she told me to go in the direction God has chosen for me.

For the next year, I will be here.

And already my 5 eager beavers are waiting for me to teach Geography. They are cramming as much as they can in the one hour for me to teach. And yet I cannot stop but share with them about Jiaqing. Cannot stop because even when I clocked in my hours, I shared about her to my admin personnel. I am bubbling with joy!

This school is a Christian school with many non Christian teachers. But here at least I can teach God legally and without shame and punishment. I already found students from Christian families beaming with joy. I am deliberately sought after because of my reputation in my previous school. And I made a difference to their learning. That to me is very encouraging.

The staff here is great. They smile at you. From the minute you enter the school gate to the office to the staffroom, there is HI! How are you? How was your weekend? Subject head that is not threatened by my experience and is willing to let me take the lead in some workshops. It is very sharing and caring.

After class, I came back to a table with a slice of water melon. Some will deliberately offer them to me. And every Tuesday is Chinese Dessert day. And I just sit next to the pantry. Laughter at tea break and at lunch time. Praise the Lord in the middle of a very sultry afternoon. Wow...this is where I will be for the next year.

The weekend has been just blessed. Blessed to know God is in control. Bless to know that I can trust the Holy Spirit to work and to comfort.

Sunday's message was about who the Holy Spirit is. And I prayed that God will comfort me and counsel me. And I left the church very very at peace with what I have discussed with Jesus. Jesus has given us His Holy Spirit. A person who knows and understands our struggles. Who is willing to comfort when we ask Him to.

Dear Father

What a wonderful day it is today. The sun is shining brightly and so is my spirit. Thank you that You have asked us to have faith that things will be in your control. I am glad...My heart is glad because I know you are at work. Thank you Lord for all that you have given me. The good, the bad and the ugly. Thank you for going through with me the good, the bad and the ugly. I will remember all the good, forget all the bad and not relive the ugly by your grace. You are my strength, strength like no other. You are my hope, hope like no other. You lift me up!

In the fullness of your grace, in the power of your name, I will arise! Father bless me exceedingly and abundantly beyond all that I can imagine!

You know who I am Lord. Whether I am good, whether I am bad, whether I am ugly, You still love me. Thank you so much.

Bless my students. Bless them richly when they walk in your ways. Chide them when they go astray but ultimately stay with them and see them through their difficult times. You are amazing! You are GOD!

Bless Jiaqing. Lord here is a child who is willing to embrace you with her heart fully. Bless Lily who seeks to serve you with her tuition. Bless Peck San who is determined to know about you. They are my comfort and strength to carry on. Give Peck San wisdom as she studies at UBC. Likewise grant Jiaqing wisdom to finish her TOK. And most of all, bless Lily as she manages the new house she just bought. Wow! It is breath taking already counting blessing with just three. And you gave me so much the more. You are indeed the God of so much more.

Bless you Lord! My soul doest bless you!

Amen!

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I shall end this blog with my favourite hymn. But this version is so good. Sung from hearts that seek to know God. Every time when I sing this song, I just cannot help but cry with gratitude to know Jesus continues to love me even though I fail in every area of my life. That it is not about how good I am but all about How gracious He is. The fact is Jesus Loves Me! It will never change. And I am so blessed today with peace in my heart. No anger, just peace and tremendous amount of joy as I go about my work and my tuition. Tonight again, I had so much fun with my China Kids. God is to be praised.

Have a good week ahead. It will be great because I walk in God's will.

My Jiaqing!

2011-10-02T07:42:00.000+08:00

This morning before going to church, I checked my facebook in case Bonita leaves any messages. Yah, she did. Then I saw another window popped up. It was Jiaqing. She left a beautiful message. She shared about going to feed the homeless on the streets at Vancouver's night sky and going to Guatemala to reach out to the Mayans!

I read the message again and then she came online. I have to ask. Have you accepted Christ as your saviour? Don't just feed the body. Feed the soul and heal the sick as well. She said she has accepted the Lord. Amen!

That is what I like about my job. That God save each and every one of the students that came into and out of my life. That even though I cannot reach out, He can still send others to reach out and bring them closer to Him.

Jiaqing is a very brilliant girl. She came from a line of doctors and surgeons and engineers in her family. Most of all I know that her grandparents are Christians but her parents are not. I am sure her grandparents will be so happy to know she has accepted the Lord!

Jiaqing is a very humble and extremely caring person. I managed to write her a recommendation for the school and helped her with some minor admin matters to get her out of the international school. I wanted her to stay and perhaps things can change if I had not left. When I left, she asked me why she should stay. So I told her to leave and we tried several attempts when finally she could go Vancover to study. What better choice!

I am going to see her this winter. I am going to make plans to fly back to Calgary. I will go visit Jiaqing and Peck San in Vancouver and then to Calgary. I will drop by San Francisco to see Tianhan before returning home. It will be quite a while before I get home.

Bonita is right. I have a new path set before me. This time He is involved very clearly. And I know it is His will. Because there is peace and everyone around me rejoices with me. Amen!

Jiaqing said a prayer for me when I told her a choice I have to make. She protested when I told her about a possibility of returning to the previous choice. And today she told me her prayer is answered. Her prayer is for me to reach out to more students and not to go back to the cesspool. Wow! Now I have her praying for me too. I told everyone that wherever I am, I am happy because I know God is with me. It is not the money. It is where God wants me that matters.

Dear God

What a wonderful Father you are! Not only did you save us from our sins, you make us victors in death and in life. Thank you that even though there are many failures in our lives, you have turned them to successes. Thank you for the tears in the night because you always bring a new song in the morning. How amazing you are!

It is more amazing when we are in your will. The will of getting closer to you and doing your work. Lord make my path straight and bless the new job, in a new school. Bless me Lord bountifully and don't let anything stop me from serving you. Remove the obstacle, human or imaginary, physical or spiritual so that I may live a life of obedience to glorify your name. I cannot do this alone and I know full well only YOU can make things happen. I am all yours and bless me Father everyday with people who love and care about me as a person, and not as a machine.

Thank you so much for Jiaqing! You are indeed a great God and greatly to be praised! Bless her work amongst the homeless. Protect her, not just physically, but also spiritually. Thank you so much for the work of the church she is with. Bless the people who are around her to watch her grow in you. Bless them with wisdom to know how to nurture your child who is so young in faith. Bless Jiaqing because she may be young, but she dares to embrace everything you give her. May this salvation she has, bring her parents closer to you. Bless her family with the gift of salvation too.

Thank you Lord for closing some chapters in my life and opening new ones for me. I love you Lord and YOU are enough! Bless me as I go to church. I want to worship you today and everyday!

Amen!

God has spoken...

2011-10-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

I am finally able to do what I need to do and this time with God's blessings. It is so nice to close a chapter of my life and then open another with Him in it. Tonight is a great night. Many of my friends have been anxious for me. They have been praying that I don't return to the cesspool and tonight God gave the answer.

I rejoice because I can finally walk the talk I have been talking about and teaching students that know the Lord openly and using God's word to teach openly about Him.

I want to obey God. And this lesson has been really precious throughout the whole year. God has never failed to provide the need for money and the need for love. He sends them.

My work has often gone unappreciated by many. Many took me for granted but I still continue to care and to love because this is what the Lord commands. Where I fail, God intervenes. He does it best when I lay my hands off. I am going to surrender tonight something very special. I will not take it back. I want the Lord to have it.

This also means I want to walk away from things that I think I have always wanted to let go. And I want to let go. So I can run the race.

I sat down and thought a while about some stuff. I come to one conclusion. Some people I don't spend a lot of time with actually care a lot more for me. Shawnn tried to call me this evening but couldn't get me. When I phoned later, he told me he was worried I had gotten into a car accident. I am moved. I don't really spend a lot of time with him but he cares. Then there is Sheng Quan who will take the trouble to buy me dinner because he has been so busy. And to be purposely sought out by Chuan Wei for a special meal and to catch up. I am learning to let go. I caught some time with Melvin the other day and I liked it because although it was short, we had a good chat. I don't have to do anything to get their attention. They wanted to spend time with me.

I have to let God settle a matter in my heart. And then soon, I will be able to run the race that is set before me. This time, I am running with Him, for Him and by Him. And I will let God bring people to me instead of going to them.

What is a good day?

2011-09-27T23:38:00.000+08:00

A good day for me is full of surprises. While some want it to be a day where they can go placidly, I want a little bit of everything. The sweet, the bitter and the infuriating. Most of all there must be God in all these little bits.

Yesterday was a good day for me. Everybody has Monday blues. But I felt great after a terrible bout of stomach flu. It was amazing that I was up and about only just under two days of the flu. I was able to rest the entire sunday so Monday was really good to begin with. Nothing like a good rest!

I had a good day because yesterday I was grilled as to why I may not want to stay where I am now. My subject head insisted to know and so I shared. She told me that she would ask her principal to pray, her brother in law to pray and even the administrator to pray that I will stay. I am honoured. While the other school didn't think I was a team worker and can get along with my colleagues, here is one school that saw who I am. Good day indeed.

Off to the NTUC to get ready what to cook for a friend. This friend has been rather perturbed about God's will in his life. I wanted to encourage him using food. I was fast and a few ingredients here and there, I was done. At the counter infront of me was a lady with a little girl. She was extremely thin and having difficulty with her bags and the child and the wallet. I was thinking she may not be able to pay and I already whipped out a fifty dollar note ready for her. She got the money. Then I offered to help her pack her bag. She was only too glad. As she turned to put money in her wallet I saw a very deep cut on her spine. I already noticed her fidgeting and obviously something to do with the central nervous system. After I packed her bag, I offered to drive her home. She happened to be on her way but she refused my offer. I told her at 5pm it is not only difficult to get a cab, it is too far for her in her condition with the bags of grocery. She finally relented. And I drove her home. She was only too glad.

In the car I inquired about her scar. She just got back from Texas and she was ill with some lymphoma in her spine. The doctors in the states damaged her nerve in the spine but they denied. She sent both her daughters back while she nursed herself back to health but because she was so homesick, she came back to Singapore and her husband was also transferred back. She stayed in Texas for more than 12 years and coming back was not easy. She also told me that some of the shops at Bedok were not so happy to see her and told her to stop twitching and not look like slut. I wanted to ask which shop so I could go and give them a piece of my mind. She obviously has money, she was obviously sick. The shop keepers are so blind!!! Goodness. Still it was a good day because there was someone who gave me a chance to help and a chance to get mad!

Then it was a good day because I could cooked the food in less than 90 minutes with my pressure cooker and two other simple dishes. Good because it was a simple meal.

A good day is not always one without its challenges. There is a challenge of time for me. After cooking, I had to go teach 2 students from China. But it was still good. Good because Zifeng and Wendy laughed so hard and our 90 minute session went by us so fast. it was good because they are always so happy to see me. I was happy because I could earn some extras! hahaha.

Thank God for good days. Because it is the good days that make our bad days alot more less painful. Everyone likes to write about a bad day. How often do we write about good days?

The lady taught me something and even when I was about to go to bed, I thought of her. I pray I will meet her again. I want to tell her about Jesus. She is not a Christian. But she has been to a church nearer her home. Please pray for Veronica. I don't know if she can live long. But I hope to tell her about Jesus before anything else happen.

And for my friend who wants to seek God's will, I hope my friend remembers to take a good look at me. Then my friend will know what God's will is all about. It is about waiting and learning all the lessons God wants me to learn before going the next step. It is about hanging in there and trusting God to provide. Some days are difficult. Some days are easier. Some days wowed me. Some days I go hmmm... But on all days, my saviour held my hand really close even though I don't see it. The good day is the day when all lights are turned on and then peace rush in. Some of the lights will fall on things I need to see and know and watch out for. Some of the lights will fall on things I already know. Taking one step at a time, and keeping God in my mind is what got me through each day the minute I left teaching.

God is good all the time. Yes, that means even in the bad times, He is good.

Dear Father in Heaven
Thank you for the promises You give each day. Especially one which says You will take care of each of us like you take care of the lilies in the field and birds of the air. Thank you Father for reigning on high so you can see better than us. You are timeless and we are finite. So we will never comprehend the depth and the height of your great love. Thank you so so much.
You are a good and just God. May you help Veronica next time when she is out that she will have people to offer her help. Use her Christian relative to help her to know more about you. May you let me meet her again.

Amen!

As the week unfolds...

2011-09-21T14:03:00.003+08:00

As soon as the classes started per normal, I have the same students waiting eagerly to meet me. Some did extremely well for social studies under my charge. They told me they found my lessons helpful and changed the way they learned. Plus point for me. Thank God He helped me teach them.

Then there was a very special class of 5 students. They are one of the best classes in the school. They gave me a simple card and on which was written the most sincere thoughts. Their encouragements were so timely as if to confirm my work in education. After Monday, there were students whom I don't teach but would greet me by name along the corridor. Jizheng told me that this is Esther Cheong's effect. He clarified that it is the effect of excellence. He was saying all these to get out of paying for my dinner, I think. But he cannot because he has to buy me dinner, my very able chairman of the class in 2001.

I had such a good day today too. I managed to drive dad and his 80 year old friend to Chinatown for breakfast. They wanted to try the wanton noodles in the market at Chinatown. I went to the market and these two older gentlemen took me to stalls I never knew existed. I was in a fresh chinese herb stall that sells all kinds of chinese herb you can brew fresh! I am going to try some tonight. It is supposed to clean out my blood. Whatever that means.

Then I went to pay for my motor insurance. God provided and I have enough to pay for both the licence and the road tax. So wonderful. They told me I will be loaded with more insurance because of the accident in February. I checked if the price was exorbitant since I was involved in a multiple collision. They told me not too bad. I hope so. Pompidou asked me to check out all insurances before deciding. It is so good to have ex students who are now grown to help me. Phew!

Tomorrow night, I am meeting Shengquan for dinner. I would like to understand why Egypt can go bankrupt. What does it mean for a country to go bankrupt? What will happen to the US dollar in the next 5 years? Will the RMB flood the world's market? May be a bit too pricey for China to do that. I don't know but he knows. And the best thing to know is SQ is going to pay for my dinners. I get to choose the place too. Hahaha.

God is just wonderful with the people I am connected with. While I am visiting with some of my ex boys, I am busy with giving tuition. I am enjoying the company of my tuition kids. Last Sunday, I have the chance to talk to Patricia about God. Although she goes to church because her senior does, she doesn't really believe in Jesus. She cannot understand for instance why Gandhi, such a great and kind man will go to hell. So she opened up a way for me to preach the gospel. I did. I pray that she will come to know the God of the bible. Not the god she has made of herself. A god that will tolerate her rude manners to her parents. Both my colleague and I have witnessed how rude she was. I told her if she cannot honour her parents, God WILL NOT Bless her. I share with her my own attitude towards my father. WIth a change in attitude, God has been blessing me.

She is a nice girl. But nice people don't go to heaven if they don't know the God of the bible. The whole of last week, my one thought was about the God of the Bible. Am I also believing in this God of the Bible. The God who loves and judge. Or do I believe a discounted god and choose what I can or cannot obey; want or don't want to obey. Can I bargain for instance with Him about whether this cup can or cannot be removed from me.

When God wants everything from me, it is really EVERYTHING! And so I surrender. It took me quite a while to do that but I surrender what He wanted me to. A will to run my own life. If I had run it the way I want it, it will be easier for me for a while and then this life will be out of control again. So I decided that He should have the remaining years of my life. And listen as He guides me each day.

A life of obedience to God is really a better choice. May not be good choice at first because I was still clouded by distrust and self will. But once the Lord took over, I am able to give up a lot more.

My friend Helen met me recently and she told me there is a glow on my face. This was once mentioned by a friend I studied with in Calgary. She told me that my face glowed too. This only happens when I am at peace with God. When I surrender my Isaacs and let God have them. Peace flows and glow returns. My head is very clear about what I am doing too.

As the week unfolds, I know the Lord's blessing will continue to flow as I obey Him and His will.

Below is a song and story about Horatio Spafford. Truly, God is enough and even if ALL forsakes...the WORST can happen, it is truly well with my soul.

Our God of so much more!

2011-09-19T10:32:00.002+08:00

Today's message was so timely. I have to make a decision and this is not an easy decision. I can pick the easiest way out or I can walk the tough road. Logically, I will pick the easiest way out. Humanly, I should walk the straight path. No one in their right mind will crash the brass gates, walk into a wicked and crooked path. Especially at my age. Especially having to walk into the pit. So I need prayers.

This human mind can only remember this...My God is a GOD of so much more than I can imagine HE could give. I have a GOD who wants to bless beyond my human capacity. HE wants to extend His powers above what I expected. This song was so lovely this morning. I only have the words. Sing with me:

He Cares For Me

Our God is far greater
Than words can make known
Exalted and holy, He reigns on His throne
In infinite splendour He rules over all
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows
And He knows when they fall

Chorus:
His power is great and will ever endure
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle and pure
But greater than all these glories I see
Is the glorious promise that He cares for me

He rides the wild heavens
He strides through the sea
The high mountains tremble
To hear His decrees
His voice with great thundering
Sounds from above
But to His own children
He whispers His love

The earth and the heavens
Are the works of His hands
And billions of angels
Obey His commands
He guides the great galaxies, spinning through space
Yet He gave us His Son as a gift of His grace

Like Ezra whom God has chosen to protect and do the task of building His temple, I am tasked to do something I really don't wish to do too. But I have to obey.

I will set my heart to search for the answer, study His word.

The past week has been exciting and extremely exhausting. But it was a great week nonetheless watching God's work of peace and tremendous love showering from everywhere. Most of all listening to the Holy Spirit and wait for the timing of God's hand to work.

Dear Father,
Thank you for all that you have blessed me with. Thank you so much for revealing to me all that I need to work on. Thank you for saving me from many of the pitfalls. Thank you Lord for my dad. Thank you for the provision of needs for both of us. While others forget, You didn't fail to provide. What a Great God you are!

Thank you for affirming me of my worth in You. You are so wonderful and your grace is indeed sufficient and you certainly satisfy while all others forsake. God you are amazing at how You use people to support me. Please bless these wonderful friends you surround me with. Bless them in their work and bless those who remember my struggles in their prayers.

As I start another week, help me to focus once again on You and to tune my heart towards you. Pray you will stir those who still choose to walk in their ways so they may turn their hearts towards YOU. Your ways are so perfect. Your peace so lasting when we choose to obey YOU.

So father, bless my week immeasurably. Bless my work with the students under my charge. Thank you for the colleagues I am working with. Bless Hwee Leng. Give me wisdom to know how to groom her teachers and the students I am placed there now. Bless the students with wisdom and bless me with wisdom to teach them correctly.

Thank you Lord for the gift of teaching. I see it. I know it. I believe it. So Lord Use me fully in this school to shine and bless the people who truly, truly need the help I am giving.

In Jesus Name and may Your perfect will be done in my life.
Amen.

Moon cake Festival

2011-09-12T23:18:00.001+08:00

As I drove myself to work this morning, the radio djs were playing songs about the moon. I just had the thought to want to put all the moony songs together. But I was so overwhelmed with work that I could not sit down until now. So enjoy. Shin Miin you will enjoy because these songs are our era...hahaha

Bonita: This song is by a very famous singer Teresa Teng. She was a beautiful singer but died at the age of 40 plus. I learned to sing one of her songs while I was on the school trip round the world. By the time I finished touring China, I could sing it when I reached Singapore. Amazingly beautiful song. This song ask people to look at the moon to see how much others care about them. So imagine you dislike this person and asked this person to do that on a day where the moon was hardly seen...You really need to check the moon to tell people how much you care? I guess not. Some people, you don't even want to care whether there is moon or no moon. Some even if there is no moon, they know you care. Thanks Bonita. Moon or no moon you are always so great a sister in Christ.

This song is about a moon like a lemon, hanging up in the sky. It is a love song...but how sweet is such a love if it is under a lemony moonlight?

This is about a moon hanging up in the sky. I like this male singer not because he can sing. He is really good as a person. He just came to know Jesus as his personal saviour.

This is Sarah Brightman's rendition of Moon River. I bet you remember Audrey Hepburn. Me too.

I will always remember how you went to Chinatown to buy me a moon cake. We also had steamboat in the house to celebrate the festival. Thanks for making it possible for me to enjoy my culture. Tonight I was able to come home to have dinner with my dad. So it makes it all the more meaningful. I didn't want him to be alone on a night of reunion. Then I rush out again to teach.

Have a great week!

Meeting with 2 more ex students

2011-09-12T00:41:00.000+08:00

About two weeks ago, I spoke to Alex online and planned that Sunday night we will meet for dinner. Tonight is the night. I picked Alex at 630 at Novena square and I was teasing him about the weight he has put on. He told me this was not the biggest he got. It is always good to meet up with Alex. He is the youngest in my class and he had a lot of struggles since he came to the school. He was a very angry boy and I had to really work on keeping my top down but I did lose my cool a few times. However, he always remembers me. He also drop in on my facebook to leave messages or say Hi when I was on MSN chat. He is a very special student.

We drove to meet another student, Zelun. We had dinner with him in his parents' Taiwanese eatery. We had a freebie dish of bamboo shoots. The drinks were great and they are most homecooked food. The beef noodle was excellent. The beef succulent. Zelun was having a fever but we got him to sit down with us.

We chatted about some characters in the class. I will not want to meet some and if Alex successfully organize the class dinner, I already told him who I don't want invited.

Zelun looked the same. Thin as ever. Quiet as a mouse. And he was surprised by my memory. Yah, a lot of my ex students are just amazed how much I can remember. Peck San and Lily never remember their classmates names. I do.

For the 3K class, I remember every detail. This class cheated in an English test except Bryan Yue did not cheat. I made the entire class write a reflection. And the reflections are still with me. I will read them out during their class dinner. Wicked! Actually everybody in the level cheated except Bryan. 3K protested when I made them stand before the level assembly and was reprimanded by me. But they still stood up front. Everyone in the hall found it scary. I intend to teach integrity. I taught it that day. They stoop low for less than 1% of the grade. Because everyone did it doesn't give us a right to do it.

We went through thick and thin together and I remember that year to be dreadful because I had to make sure everyone of them could go to sec 3.

Why am I checking up on my ex students? I think it is time to find out how they are doing. They may need some encouragement? They may need a reminder of what they have become? Of course I am no moral police. They can make mistakes. But I sure hope they don't fall too hard.

On the way to send Alex home, I took the opportunity to find out if he has been going to church. He was at one time very regular. Somehow things just changed. He is no longer going to church and he told me he left because of the Christians. Aha! So familiar.

I shared about how for the last 15 years, I have given myself excuses not to enter the church. One of them is that the Christians in the church put me off. But Alex went beyond that and said that he didn't like what was preached. He dislike the way the church wants to run his lifestyle. He subscribed to a more free and easy lifestyle. Free to drink a little more? I believe when he listens to the pastors at the pulpit, he found God to be speaking to him. Then he numbed the holy spirit and then slowly snuffed the Holy Spirit out until he now hears himself.

What kind of God are we believing in? It is important to check to see if we are believing the God of the bible or the God we make out of the bible. The God of the bible is a just God. Yes He loves but He will chide when we go wrong. He will forgive and gives us grace to overcome when we ask of Him. But He will not tolerate sins. He loves the person, not the sin. Sin is a form of rebellion. To sin is to be independent of God and telling God we don't need Him and we ccan do it without Him.

God forbids us to be independent. He knows independence from Him would mean certain death.

I am thankful that I can talk to my ex students this way. I shall continue my little visits with them.

Tea Sessions with my ex students

2011-09-09T19:26:00.003+08:00

Despite a heavy schedule throughout the week, I had tea with two very special students. One was Khai Shin, the other was Pompidou.

Khai Shin was back for three weeks and only had one day to meet me. He is a food connoisseur and so upon reading a blog Lady Iron Chef, he booked a very special tea place that afternoon. I almost forgot to meet him if not for his timely reminder. It was a posh hotel and we expected the buffet served round the hour on the hour. To our horror we had to choose from a three tier set with finger sandwiches and the only thing free flow was the beverages. Khai Shin ordered Jasmine and I tried three different beverages. The last was the earl grey. The ambience was just nice for us to catch up and he shared a lot on how he would cook 7 course meals for friends. Some of the food he cooked was elaborate. Have you ever tasted elderflower crystal candy in your lime juice. These elderflower crystal candy will burst in your mouth! Well, with his chemical engineering, he actually prepared food based on this knowledge. He told me that meat when it is frozen is not as good. The tiny fibres of the muscles will burst when they freeze and the taste is altered. This is what happens when you use the knowledge of chemistry to cook. Wow! He promised me before he left that he will cook me a meal when he is back the next time. I will cook him my lowly sphagetti ala my style. I think my sphagetti is the best though. Right Bonita? I think I perfected the meat sauce.

Khai Shin talked about how some of his friends really bothered him when they messed up his kitchen. He realized that it is better to stay alone. He is always so bright and cheery and I love visiting with him.

This afternoon, Pompidou asked me out for teachers' day celebration and wondered why it has been changed to a Friday. Well, I think it is not a bad idea, teachers have an extra holiday this year and the holiday seemed longer for many of us. He wanted to buy me dim sum but the queue was too long so we settled for a simple noodle meal. He paid. He told me he is not earning much but he could still buy me a meal. We enjoyed the session together. Whenever I meet Pompi, we will talk about another special person in Cambodia. He came last week and Pompi met up with him. I missed the chance to visit with my cambodian student. I will want to meet him some day. I told Pompi about the reconciliation which is close to Pompi's heart. Pompi and I were the first to work together in an overseas CIP with Troeung Hao. Pompi and Troeung Hao taught math while I taught English and trained some teachers from China there. It was a very meaningful project. That was why Pompi and I had something special. He is always concerned with my relationship with Troeung Hao because he feels so strongly that we need to reconcile, I granted him this wish. But he wants more. He wants me to meet Troeung Hao and carry on with this friendship. I will some day. I will.

Pompi is very mature and is always courteous. He actually served me first before serving himself like a true gentleman. He told me not to believe too much about him because he is not really nice as a lawyer but I believe what I see not just what I heard. I know Pompi to be of very steady character and rather principled. I saw how he worked with Troeung Hao. And I know he values and treasures his close friends.

This afternoon, he shared about his views on doctors. He said sadly that the doctors he knows are not compassionate except for one. I agree with him. Most only treat the patient so they don't hurt, and they preferably don't die on them. Most just do it out of duty. But how many will take the time to really talk to their patients. He was sad about this. I am happy that he feels so. Because that would mean he will not be a lawyer without compassion. I hope he hangs on to this willingness to help the lower rungs of society. He realized that he came from a school that worked with the best. But he learned to work and play with the lowest these days. Good for him. He has learned to respect the lowest of the rung and I hope he will help these people some day soon.

Today I also had the opportunity to share with Pompi about God and about how God helped me through the trials for the past months. He is open to the sharing and I hope to meet him soon to share more.

I told Pompi about the work I am doing and he was glad that I could make a difference. We discussed how the school's system has not wrought very useful students at tea. He didn't think the system taught well. I told him it depends on what cluster the students are put through. There are some faculties that are more rigorous than others. Some just pale in colour. In the end it is really up to the students to decide what is best for them. If they work on their own and work hard and pursue the things they want to work on, they can excel.

It has been refreshing meeting these two young men amidst my tight schedule. They took the time out for me and I truly appreciate their kindness to remember me. It is so good to know I existed.

This weekend will be packed with meeting yet another student. I have not met him in the last 6 years and it will be great to meet again. We are going to drive to another student's place for dinner because this other one has a restaurant. I hope Alex remember our date!

Have a great weekend and I can't wait to hear what Kay Arthur has to say about the 6th tactics Satan use to draw us away from God.

Dear God

Thank you so much for the students that came into my life. Thank you for watching over each and everyone of them. Whether they know or yet to know you, I pray they will see Your mighty hand at work in their lives. I don't matter but You matter. Keep my students free from danger wherever they be. Stir their hearts to know you before it is too late. I trust them in your hands. Bless those who bless your name. Teach those who don't know you to know more about you. Most of all that your love will be made known to them. For the hearts that are ready to receive, open that door wide and may they live a life to glorify your name. For those who already know you that they will anchor their lives in YOU because only YOU will satisfy. For those who still want to walk in sin, Lord, have mercy. Bring people to rock their world. Turn them inside out for your glory and help them Lord to honour you with their lives. I know you have a timing. And I know I have to trust YOU to do the work. So Lord work in the hearts of these students. They are not mine. They are YOURS.

So Father, open their eyes and their hearts and turn them towards YOU. Because when they turn their eyes to look at YOU, everything else will not matter so much. May their eyes turn from the lure of the world, their hearts Lord be turned towards the poor and their minds to focus on finding an answer to a senseless world.

That they may know this GOD.

Ezra

2011-09-05T08:09:00.033+08:00

Last Saturday was my team's turn to prepare tea for precepts. I was a little anxy because I am trying something new with the potato salad. Thank God that everything turned out well. There were fewer people this morning but the food was all gone. And I was told the potato salad I did was the best. Wow...wait till they know what I added inside :)

We started Ezra two weeks ago. It is a short book but it is so powerful. I learn about the God of Heaven. This God who even King Nebuchadnezzar declared He is GOD, what can we not ask of Him! He stirred the hearts of kings and moved them to build His temple. He stirred the hearts of His people to return to Jerusalem to build His temple. Although there was a delay in the reconstruction of the temple, God's people completed it in 6 years. No one could stop what God had put in motion. He continued to work behind the scenes even though there was discouragement and obstacles.

During the process of rebuilding the temple of God, the Jews at that time had a lot of obstacles and trials. They were discouraged. They took a long time before these obstacles were cleared one by one. And God did it over a period of 14 years. Yes, the answer may not come instantly. It will come.

God wants us to rebuild our temple too. Our body, is the temple of the where He resides. He wants us to rebuild it despite our discouragement, our inabilities, our insecurities and our lack of faith. He wants to reside so that our life will be lived abundantly.

All of us are insecure. It is where we place our securities that make us different. Some of us place our securities in celebrities and characters of movies and TV shows. And truly they will live and act out their false securities through these characters as they identify themselves with the characters in the show. What happens when the drama series ends? What happens after the show is over?

Well, be careful what you watch. Where your heart is, there is also where your values are. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us that what we are doing is right even though it is wrong in the eyes of God. Sometimes we will go towards those who "affirm" us as this person or that person. But we will never go to GOD. This is because we know that when we stand before God, we know who we truly are and this is scary to all of us.

Thank GOD that HE doesn't condemn us. Instead He wants us to come to Him just as we are. Yes, just as you are. All so not nice. All so fake. All so fat. All so retarded. All so insincere. And He would love you. He will not change. Whether it was yesterday or today, and even forever, He is the same loving God.

A parent who loves the child will correct the child when he or she errs. God does the same. He will correct our values when we give our heart fully to Him. He only works with those who are willing and He will grant these ones the richest blessings.

My security is in God. Not because I deserve it. Because I need to anchor my life in Him. For without Him, I am nothing.

Over the months, God is teaching me that He is enough. People will fail me. And many cannot be trusted. But He will not fail me. Sometimes I get frustrated with His timing. He seems to work very slowly and I do want a quick fix. So I will put my security on things I can see, people I think will help and satisfy. Aha! God says " I will show you what is best for you."

When I believe He is enough, my heart is at peace with even the worst enemy. I would very much like to put my faith in some celebrities but at the end of the day, what are they truly embracing?I bet Kay Arthur has much to say about the media and how the media is used by Satan to deceive many. I have since switched off my TV. It has been almost 2 years now. Going to the movies have been less frequent because I can save over $8 and if I had gone to the store to select movies I want to watch, I can share with my entire family.

We need to believe that God is enough. That He has given us all grace to do what He wants us to do. 2 Corinthians 9:8.
And God is able to make all grace (every favor and ^[c]earthly blessing) come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need ^[d]be self-sufficient [possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation].

God's grace abounds. He freely gives. But we have to trust Him and obey.

I am not a member of this church but this song is just what God gave me as a message to the question I was probing on Friday.

Tough Sunday...

2011-08-28T11:35:00.028+08:00

This weekend I have to send off two very special people. Aaron leaves tonight. He told me not to go because he was afraid he would be very upset. Well, I was already crying at home when I read his message. It was difficult to send anyone off for me. My policy is always to say HELLO.

The last time when Bonita sent me off after my graduation. The last hug was devastating. I sobbed in the toilet for so long and could not breathe. From then on, I will not hug anyone before I fly home. I am of course much better with age. Tomorrow Peck San leaves for UBC. I will not be sending her too. Waiting for her to get back from Vancouver and we will go for crabs again.

The sermon today was about PAIN. Can we emerge better and not bitter about the pain that GOD gives us? It was very thought provoking and a time of reflection for me. GOD is telling me alot of things the past week.

Why did GOD give pain? Because pain is something GOD used to get our attention! It is His way of shouting to us...LISTEN! when we are not paying attention to the warnings HE gave. GOD intends to crush us and make us lowly so we can listen well.

People who are hurt, tend to hurt those around them. This form of selfishness takes the form of self pity and is a pride that is rather masked by depression. And WHY did GOD choose to crush us? Simply because He wants to send a revival. He wants to work a deeper work. It can only occur when we know that we need GOD and no one else to work in our tiny world. GOD needs to work in the humility so we can be lowly before him. Then He will heal our hearts and bring us closer to him.

God also crushes us when He wants us to check what other gods are cluttered inside us. He wants us to surrender these gods so He can fully occupy our heart. You can say He is a jealous GOD. I can understand why GOD wants that to be done. Can you? Just think for a moment with me. If you study for your exams and your heart is not with you, what would happen? Often times we will do some other thing that study. So GOD wants us to know what is stopping us from drawing closer to Him. Is it the power we have over our work? The reputation? The glory of our successes? In the end can all these save you when you are overwhelmed by the storms of life? We have to ask ourselves this question. So GOD will strip these all bear. He did that for me and He showed me where I had fallen and He revealed the gods that are in my heart that ensnare me.

God also crushes us so we can look ahead to the future. He promises to stay by our side if we let Him have His way in our lives. God's ways are never the way we thought of. Our ways are always so self centred and safe and predictable. God's ways are unfathomable.

As I reflected over the past months, I learn that I rather have Jesus. Really, everyone in the end will leave. I will be left alone. The storms of life will continue to come in drips. But God will stay through. And He is my Rock. He holds my future in His hand. I bow my heart to Him.

The song below was sung as the closing hymn of the day. I hope you enjoy listening and reflecting on the goodness of our God as the storms of our life find us.

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And finally I want to add this about a short exhortation from my pastor. The results of the presidential election 2011 showed the country continues to be unhappy with some issues and want a say. But my pastor cautions us and wants to remember why government leaders are where they are. These leaders ARE CHOSEN BY GOD. God already want them to be there to rule and He sends angels to protect them. I voted because of one thing. I want a president to unify the parliament and to unify the people. And the person I chose will fit the bill because God convicted me that he is the best choice. Yes, God convicted me. There is a time to rebel. There is a time to obey.

To all Christian Voters: Turn to Romans 13

1 LET EVERY person be loyally subject to the governing (civil) authorities. For there is no authority except from God [by His permission, His sanction], and those that exist do so by God's appointment.

2 Therefore he who resists and sets himself up against the authorities resists what God has appointed and arranged [in divine order]. And those who resist will bring down judgment upon themselves [receiving the penalty due them].

3 For civil authorities are not a terror to [people of] good conduct, but to [those of] bad behavior. Would you have no dread of him who is in authority? Then do what is right and you will receive his approval and commendation.

4 For he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, [you should dread him and] be afraid, for he does not bear and wear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant to execute His wrath (punishment, vengeance) on the wrongdoer.

Obedience unto GOD is the most important in our walk with Him. Obedience governs our heart. Disobedience is rebellion and God hates rebellion. Therefore, submit our leaders to God and submit ourselves to God. Pray for our leaders. May God surround them with people who can advise them wisely and may God grant them wisdom to rule us so that peace can continue to abound.

I think my government will like me very much today...don't you agree?

A visit with my HP boys

2011-08-26T10:16:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I met my class 4H1. On Wednesday, I drove back to just visit with them. I dropped by to visit Barry. Barry was already at the canteen. He was very glad to see me and so was Li Chi. I didn't inform any of my international students because I really didn't want to have so much attention. A short visit with Barry was great. We caught up a little on the things that went by almost a year now. Word would have gotten around about me in the school after Wednesday.

I sat and waited at the JC canteen for my students. As I entered the area where the canteen was, I met a few students. They greeted me. Some were glad to see me. Others just nodded. I met Gideon who wanted to tell me more about a missionary doctor to Yunnan but I had no time because the boys all came. I met Zhiyuan too. His back is better and he looked good.

When all of them gathered, we chatted. I forgot to buy food for them. Next time my treat. As usual the class, although ventured into different faculties of their choice was happy to see each other. I was so happy to see Clement. He is so bright and smiling. This is a Literature specialist. He writes well and he plays online games. I hope one day he will write a game to get students to like Literature. Then there is Oxford potential like Seow Yong Zhi. You have to address him with his last name. It sounds better. Of course I remember Edwin. The last time we met, I could not remember him. I was feeling terribly bad. I also forgot one name this time. Milton. But I cheated, I asked Yong Hwee. Milton is a lot quieter. He is always busy working behind the scene. Still does. I hope people recognize his effort because he is a dear.

Ah...then I have to make that speech about why they must do well. Why? Because no HP students are groomed the way we groomed them. They are purely HP and have a distinct quality because we trained them to think and to speak. Although they may not know this but we also paved their way to scholarships and deliberately set standards that were sometimes unreasonable and unattainable. The joy was to see them blossom and not be encumbered by these necessary mundanes of life.

Some have fletched their wings and took flight. Some are still drying their feathers and ready for take off this A levels. I met Nicholas Lui. How to forget this boy who promised to do well each term only to do worst. He had it bad with all his teachers and at this visit, he told me that he is no longer in the ICU list. He is in the clear. Good for him.

I didn't meet Benjamin Tang. I hope his handwriting is better or better still, much improved.

There are a few who wanted to be a doctor. One of them is Chuan yu. Wonder if he will do TCM or perhaps he found out that an overdue antibiotic didn't kill him afterall.

Ah...there is Nelson. Nelson is a scout. He is always so positive. He told me he wanted to go do finance. He will try investing after he finished his exams. I am glad he made the switch.

Gordon was late. He had class gathering. But the last to come was Ming. Ming looked so neat!! And now I could see him clearly. His mad bush was well trimmed. And he didn't carry his heavy bag. I am always worried about his back because his bag weighs more than a ton.

It was so good to see the boys. They have a duty. They must work hard and they must do well. Cannot look back. Can only look forward.

Before I left, I pulled Weidong aside. I am going to meet him again. Weidong is very special. Together with 10 others, I am his mentor. I have not visited with my 11 boys because I wanted them to settle in and now is the time to do something for them. I stand by my promise and commitment for my mentees. I wish all my mentees well and I will keep in touch.

A very interesting day at school and at dinner

2011-08-19T00:06:00.004+08:00

This morning when I went to school and walked to the cupboards to take out some scripts for marking, a teacher stopped me in my tracks and asked who I was. I told her and she complimented me on my reply to an email sent yesterday. She told me she agreed with me that we should think about what we are teaching instead of just some set formulas and models of answering questions. Then she told me that the school need teachers like me and I should stay and that I will be good for the school.

Yes, I have been offered a more permanent job. When the principal heard that I actually went to another school for an interview, she quickly summoned me to her room and then told me what an impressive CV I had. She knew what I had but she did also tell her staff that she wanted to observe me first. But I cannot wait that long. So I was asked to apply to teach there. I did want to apply but now I don't want to.

I really think this is a great school. The students are good with some exceptions. But my heart is not really there. I find myself very drawn towards my boys. I miss my HP boys very much.

Although I kept a very low profile in this school, I was instantly noticed. I only taught once in this class and they have been asking the subject head that they want me as their SS teacher. I told the subject head that they don't know what they are asking for because the subject head herself is a great teacher. I am not that great.

As I was about to walk out of the school this afternoon, another teacher stopped me. He told me that a parent sent an SMS asking that I tutor her son. He was the form teacher of this boy and wondered if I could help. I remembered the name. I came across his script in the standardisation exercise and he failed. I also told the teacher that the boy failed because he was not objective. I will not tutor the son unless the parents do not interfere with his learning. I promise to meet the son tomorrow. The boy's father was from an opposition party during the 2011 election and he taught the son so well that the son criticised the government in his exams. I want to tell the boy I will not vote for him if he is so emotional a leader. He cannot distinguish when to stand and when not to take up the cause.

This evening was also different. I was to go give tuition to my 3 musketeers. One actually phoned to ask if he could get another lesson. I was stunned by his enthusiasm. I cancelled because there was an urgent matter to attend to and I had to meet this friend.

We sat and chatted about his problems and then we went on to discuss about me. He told me to go back to where I first started because he told me I would do a better job. I told him to stop thinking about not having any worth and that he too is doing a great job.

I know this. I know God is working in the shadows. When I obey God, things will fall in place. In fact there are things already happening that is paving my way. And I need to only trust God to lead.

Ahead of me is not an easy path. But I know this is what God wants me to do. I will obey.

Is it enough what Jesus has done on the cross? Is His love for us enough for us to do just this...to obey Him? If we really love Jesus, can we give Him our all?

I learn this about all the boys I have taught, they are full of pride. Those who say they are Christians are unwilling to give God their best. They hang on to their own pleasures and only give God what they want to give. God wants ALL.

I testify to this fact that unless I obey and turned from my own ways, God cannot and will not work.

Have your ever wondered why God cannot work a deeper work in you? Don't wonder. Just look into your heart. Where is GOD? On your lips? Only in your hands? At your feet? In your head?

Someone told me their friends were surprised they were Christians. Well, we are the light of the world. If we are not shining for God, then we are shining for someone or something else.

I have shone brightly about myself. And thank God for removing that from me. It was blinding when I was shining. I could not see God. All I could see were all that I could do and had done. I thank God He showed me that I am powerless without Him.

Tonight my friend told me that my face glowed. A few months ago he was super worried about me. He was very happy to see me so different tonight. I thank God too for walking me out of the doom and gloom. Indeed He is my Rock and Salvation. I want my Jesus. He cause me to lift my head again to behold His wonderful face.

Dear Father in Heaven

Paul said that he is persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come should separate us from YOU(Romans 8:38). May you so keep me and keep all those Christian young people in this same love. That nothing will separate them from your Great Love for them. May you remind us constantly that You are enough and YOU will satisfy.

Father teach us to surrender our all. There will be many who will tempt us from following you. Lord send angels to protect and guard us, especially our heart. Keep our heart in tune with your heart beat. So we know you more and more each day such that making sacrifices is no longer difficult.

Holy Spirit, lead us to follow the ways of the Lord. Teach us to be still and listen to your prompting. Our hearts are covered by sin, laden with desires that may separate us from God. So hold our hearts intact.

Lord fill our minds with your word. Remind us daily of what you have done on the cross and how much you care about our lives. You know how many hairs on our head. You know what we are thinking and what we design in our heads. You just KNOW even when we don't utter a word. So Lord guard our minds and help us focus on YOU and YOU alone.

And Father, may there be more of you in my life and less of me in my life. Not what I want to do, but what You want to do through me. Thank you for using this unworthy vessel.

Amen

For Bonita: These two videos are from a praise group stationed in Texas, USA. They are ABCs. Their music is good. The first video talks about God being our Rock and Salvation, God my glory, my cornerstone. He lifts up my head. Life may have its sorrows but when the morning comes, there will be rejoicing. The second video is about the Almighty God who reigns. He is love, He owns everything! All glory be to the Almighty God.

No straight As.

2011-08-14T18:43:00.007+08:00

There is a lot of talk these days in our little country about a scholar without straight As. I find it interesting that they are focusing on his results instead of the person who fought against all odds to get where he deserves to be.

I met the 4 scholars a few nights ago and believe me, the one without the straight As stood out. Probably because he was in uniform. But most of all because we know how hard he has worked. We also know he will return. He actually told me the national service was good for him and he learned alot about serving the country. That was even before he won the award.

Of course he is human. Like you and I, he too makes mistakes, he too can fall. Again like you and I, he will rise again.

Have you ever wondered if your teachers are straight A students? Let me tell you this, there are not many straight A students in teaching. Imagine if we are all straight A students teaching you! You will all be deader than dead. I am not hinting, I am blatantly telling you that you will have to work harder than you are doing now...

Thank God most of us teachers are just plain and simple students who wanted to teach. Sometimes we understand why you don't want to study. Sometimes we get fed up with your indolence and insolence. Sometimes we give up. Most of the time, we hang on in there because one or two teachers hang in there for us. We want to return this favour. We are the ones who can tell you that shortcuts get you nowhere and hardwork richly rewards those who embrace it.

Not all teachers become your friends over time. You are lucky if you have a teacher you can call your friend. Not all students want to remember their teachers after they are done schooling. I am lucky to have some. I hope you too have some. Cannot have too many okay. No time la!

I just want a normal simple life with a few expectations. Haha. I expect to have a holiday and I definitely expect to be paid. Other than that, I want my rest.

The week ahead will be busy again. I work till 10pm every night unless I don't wish to earn this much. I try to set aside weekends and with the exams coming, this was just not possible. But I had fun working with my students one on one. You have a great week and may God be with you too.

For Bonita:
At the feet of Jesus, let us bow and bend our knees to behold His face. At the feet of Jesus, let us be silent and listen, waiting for His will. At the feet of Jesus, we release our worries, trusting you absolutely, entrusting you with our all. At the feet of Jesus we totally surrender our all to worship YOU without restrains.

A letter to Aaron

2011-08-13T00:09:00.003+08:00

Hi Aaron
Thank you so much for the invitation. Didn't expect anything this big from you. I didn't expect the dinner to be held at this posh place. I had to do my facial and then my hair. I was so nervous just thinking about going there that I forgot my ic. I had to walk all the way back from the train station. I was afraid to be late because you wanted us to be there by 645. And I took a cab and I got there on time. Before that, my little evening purse lost a screw and the handle also didn't work. I was the candidate for the composition entitled: THE DAY WHEN EVERYTHING CAN GO WRONG, WENT WRONG! But I made it there, ON TIME! :)
When I reached, you started to dig into the pocket to give me a card. Your card was most special. When you were about to give me, I was going to cry. So I didn't open it until I got home. I didn't cry. You made me feel so special. Thank you so much.

Yes, I remember asking if you were MAD to ask me to mentor you after having scolded you so badly in HMUN. Yup, I remember how you all braved the cold to go out and eat a lobster meal without my permission and had to lie to do that. But I also laughed so hard about how stupid you all were to pay so much for a meal when I paid half of what you got and I had more food. You all had SALAD. I had the whole lobster, clams and soups and bread....hahaha

I always thought it was very brave of you to want to work with a very difficult person. I not only made very difficult demands, like no CIP hours, I also made you all come down with me to study the area. I loved it when all of you were just dumbfounded by what you couldn't do. Because I want to be sure you know that serving the poor begins with the heart and nowhere else. And our battle to clear my name and give me the title of a mentor was really tiresome. Also the fight to win the projects day final and the kind of verbal abuse we had to take sitting down. Thank you for swallowing all that. We gritted our teeth and moved on.

We also battled some traditional chinese medicine along the way. Remember how Desmond was never angry but was so angry. Remember asking me to appeal. I appealed because I really know it was wrong not to get you into the finals. And it was the first time that a mentor could appeal against the results for a grand final standing. At the grand finals, as I listened to how the judges were questioning you and helping all of you, I knew we nailed it. That win was so good. It was a good fight. I will never ever forget that. I am not ashamed at all to win. Because we won deserving every bit of the work.We also set a higher standard for projects day.

I will always be grateful you took me on a great learning journey. You taught me how to plan and plan. You taught me there are things that can be done.You always say "NO Miss Cheong, cannot like this. We have to do like this or else we cannot do well.." "No Miss Cheong we have to do this or else we cannot do this. " Miss Cheong we have to show this and show that.." Then I would go " Orrh", "Is it?" "Why leh?" "Huh?" But thank you for also listening to our advice too.

At first, I set standards for you to achieve. They got higher and higher as days go by. Later you started to set them yourselves. That was so good to watch.

Remember how you would always be frustrated with our Artist! Hahaha. I had to ask you to be patient. I hope you continue to learn to give people time to work. I gave you time too. I never rush. Not that I don't care. I do have a deadline. A precious lesson I learn from Bonita is that people need time. She was very patient with me when I was not so good. Very patient.

What amazed me was how detail you can get with words. That means you very long winded la. I remember having to slash everything and to squeeze everything within 6 pages. That was tough training. But good for me. Now I can write better.

You also taught me how to be meticulous because I hate this kind of work. I see the big picture, you see to the final details. But you made me sit down and think with you. Very chum sometimes but you were good at persuading all of us to work on.

You are always funny. Your humour is great. Whoever thinks you are not funny is so very wrong. Your poker face jokes are really good. When I told your parents you were funny, they were so surprised. We told them, yes Slim and I, you are very funny, your parents said they never saw this side of you. ahhaha. We are very lucky to have seen it.

Your love for your family also touches me. I believe that whoever loves the family more than themselves will be great people. You are one of them. I met your brother tonight. He is so cute. I am going to take him out for lunch one fine day. Just me and him. I like your little brother. I think you are who you are today because of your love for your little brother. Aren't you glad he is in this world for you! You are so lucky.

You pick three teachers to join you tonight. Thank you for letting me meet Samuel again. We had a nice chat. We chatted about the times we worked together with all of you. He told me the best thing for him tonight was to be able to meet me. Slim actually spoke to one of the judges at your interview. The judge said that what distinguished you from the rest is the project. Thank you for talking about Project Pipit. The team is grateful you remember us. And tonight on the brochure was printed the project Pipit. What a great time we had learning and working together! I hope there will be more of such great team work again.

You broke the dry spell from the high school. Thank you for doing that. Yes, why you? But then again, it has to be you. Because you have a heart for the poor. I like that about you.

We met a scholar tonight that was rather distasteful. Well she spoke about how VJC attracted only sanguine and phlegmatic people while our school attracted choleric and melancholic people. She is directly implying she is from a cool school and we are the more chiong school. All your three teachers are not too pleased and although we smiled, we were not impressed with her unfounded observations. I was tempted to ask about the basis of her research. It saddens me to know she could not stop talking and most of all she spewed wrong information without any basis. ahahhaha. Please don't be like her!

Later in the shuttle bus, I asked your literature teacher what he thought of the generalisation made by the scholar...he told us that he didn't like it at all and wanted to tell her to shut up too...and we ended the night with this great laughter.

It was a great evening. I hope you are not too drunk tonight to read this. Did you enjoy your dinner? You sat with a very tall man...and your face was flushed. Could he drink as tall as he was? Hahaha.

Thank you for having me as your friend and thank you for standing by me too. When I am down you never fail to give me encouragement. You always tell me I can do it. But sometimes I just cannot. Then you still say, never mind, you can do it.

Well keep in touch. Stay level. Have fun with your first sail. Be safe. I hope to see you in Pennsylvania.

My National Day!

2011-08-09T23:10:00.004+08:00

Today is National Day. Not many of us hang out our national flag this week or today. It may not mean PAP has few supporters. It may mean that there are no free flags for us to hang up.

I got up early to pick up two friends and we drove into JB. We had a geat time. Both Peck San and Bee Yen went to my house in JB and helped me clean after our breakfast. The breakfast was so good and cheap.

We went to the mall to pick up a nice evening bag for a special dinner I had to attend on Friday. I am invited to a special award ceremony for an ex student. I am thankful he remembered me and invited. He doesn't have to do it.

Another student who remembered me is Chuan Wei. He messaged to say he is BACK! Wow. He told me he will be buying me lunch and I am not to pay for the meal. The last time, he paid too. He is back for a long while. I always enjoy talking to him. And he is a big shot now. I am just amazed how he always seek me out.

You know what it is to be sought out. Not sought after. But sought out. I feel kind of special that people take the trouble to look out for me and single me out for something good. Really good feeling.

Today Peck San shared about how cheap it was to study in Canada. She is leaving for her Masters Course in early childhood in Vancouver. I am going to miss her company.

I also found a cure to my very painful knees. I seem to be losing muscles in my legs. Some friends kept asking if I had lost weight. I think I had lost muscles in my legs. I asked the pharmacist for some drugs to numb the pain. She recommended me glucosamine and chondroitin. I took 3 on empty stomach and my pain is greatly relieved. Amazing!

It has been a "quiet National Day". I took time out to think and to catch up on some friends I have not met for a long time. It is good to take a break from work. We should do that more oftern ;)

The last class on the Book of Esther

2011-08-08T11:16:00.000+08:00

The book of Esther has 10 chapters and it ended with a very different Esther. Esther emerged braver and stronger throughout the period of persecution. Because of her all Jews today observe Purim. This rescue from the jaws of Satan was so important that God had it that they celebrate every year to remember this deliverance from their enemies. The Jews had to fight and killed some 500 enemies even though they were spared. Regardless of whether Esther was the Queen or Mordecai was the right hand man of King Xerxes, there were still people who hated the Jews then and even today. God has specifically promised the Israelites that those who bless them, God will bless them. Those who hate them, God will destroy. As a result, there are many who dislike the Jews even in our days. But those that pray for the Jews, God will greatly bless.

I have never thought about praying for the Jews. I always thought that God will take care of them. God still does. These days, He is in the shadows working for that final day. God is with the Gentiles showing and demonstrating His love for all those who believe in Him that there is eternal joy if we only believe. He is also showing the Jews that rejected Him that this is what they are missing. But God will keep His promise to Abraham and to Jacob and He will come back to them and receive them and they will be His special chosen nation.

So as of today, I will pray that God will protect Israel. May the angels of God encamp round them as the turmoils of war surround them. May the JEHOVAH JIREH provide them with wisdom as they work on their situations each day. There are many born again Christian Jews in Israel. May JEHOVAH SHAMA be with them to give them His presence. Amen.

The book of Esther is written by an unknown author but Purim is celebrated with the reading of the scroll of Esther each year. The most important person in the book is Mordecai. He was the one who truly believes in the Jehovah God and stuck to God's promises to the very end. This man was greatly honoured during the Persian rule and was a man of vision and peace. He also had great values rooted in his culture and in his Jehovah God. He trusted God to deliver because he remembered God's promise to Abraham. He told Esther that if she didn't want to save the Jews then, God would choose someone else too.

God has given each of us a chance to do His work. He can choose us and we can refuse. And He will still choose another to accomplish His task. It is not about GOD must get us to do it. It is that we are privileged to be His servants.

Sometimes we choose wrongly. Can we undo it? God can. God is willing to give obedience a second chance. How then do we know we are doing GOD's will?

This is a question that I have been asked many times. I find the answer difficult. It is difficult to act on it if we truly believe this to be an answer.

Last night, I had a discussion with a friend. This friend asked me something that is rather close to my heart. How do I know this is what God wants or what God says?

I want to ask GOD a big question. I want to know if it is His will to ask me to leave the securities of my job. A few months ago, I would tell you that I didn't think it was a right decision. My life was in misery. I was very lost and I couldn't find myself out of that deep forest. I will tell you that I have made a bad decision to throw away a secure job of status and power. I will tell you that I never expected it to be so difficult to live through what GOD had me put through. And Satan accused me of many things and I allowed him to take control. Allowing him to say things that are not true about my God and allowing myself to believe in the lies.

And thank God. I was able to walk away from it when I stayed away from some of the noises of the world. I shut down completely for three months looking for myself. I didn't want to meet anybody else except to hear what God has to say. He never left me right from the very day He told me to go.

I am thankful for the prayers. Esther has to live through the dark passages and to witness God's mercy and love. I don't want to turn back but I will take a short look at my back.

The decision to leave has been great. I am stripped of all the things that so bind me. I discover God again because when all else fails, when nobody makes sense, He makes sense. When nobody loves, God loves. When nobody gives, He gives. Is He enough?

I asked my friend is God enough? Is what Jesus had done enough? Enough for us to give up our ALL? I am discounting even as I blog. Is GOD enough for me to give up my all? What would GOD give me if I give up?

The answer is God may not give even if He wants you to give up ALL. He may just want you to know He is sufficient. Claiming on the promises and believing He is going to supply is not easy. I am sure you have been there.

But each day as I ponder about what He will provide and then He shows me HOW He has provided, I am just thankful.

There are a few thoughts in my mind. I hope the year will end with me taking a trip towards the western hemisphere. There are people I miss very much. I want to take a long break from Singapore and go find the other self that is missing. I like what I am today.

People who have met me recently told me that I looked better. More assured. I do sleep better. Try to live better and learn to follow the Holy Spirit of God. Sometimes I don't obey. Sometimes it is hard to obey. But I know that God is watching over me.

The devil can confront me again and again about what I should have, could have and must do. But I will answer him this time. I know I should have, could have and must but I just can't continue to live with the flesh and not let the Spirit of God take over. I can from time to time falter but God knows I will try to stand up again.

The road ahead is not easy. It will get harder. Each time when I fall down again, God will send good friends to remind me of His goodness.

I believe wholeheartedly that when we do the will of God and believe in His promises about obedience, our lives cannot be bad. When I choose to obey and serve Him, His presence is with me. I hear God. I see God everywhere now. And thank GOD for taking me out of the life of great complacency.

I teach with this school that is in the east. I really thought I lost that power to mingle with students. But when I walk with GOD each day to school, I saw how God use me to touch my students. Many not taught by me are starting to bow to me and greet me at the staircase and along corridors. The Lord is showing me a lot about what I can do IF I obey Him. The staff actually smiles when I walk along the corridor too. I like this. But is this where I should stay? I allow God to decide. He knows best.

I taught one of the best schools in Singapore. I am now teaching in a school that has the potentials to be the top. It is worth the challenge. I pray the Lord show me the way. I want to do what HE wants and not what my logical mind wants. May the Holy Spirit guide me and advise me!

The new school

2011-08-04T08:46:00.000+08:00

I am now working for another school. The school is peaceful unlike the many I went. Some schools are quiet but not peaceful. I walk into a staffroom of teachers who are happy. Yes, genuinely happy with what they do and proud of it. The best part, NO YELLING! Everyone is respecting everyone in their work. No schemes. Only students and busy about how to help them.

I was tasked to work with the weakest in the school for SS. These students will be taking their O levels end of the year. As in all cases, they sized me up. Their faces light up when they sat in my class because there were few of them. I had more personal time and we had more talks, small talks to get them going about what is at the other end of the road. I challegned them to think about their future. People who plan are always better off than those who don't.

I met two boys from this class that was really nonchalant about life. One perpetually hangs his head down and most often times put his head on the table. He actually slept. I let him one day but I decided enough is enough. I had a talk with him and found out that he believes the teachers have given up on him. I made a deal with him. If he just only do two questions for SS, I will teach him geography. He kept the bargain and went beyond. He did 4 questions. The issue is not whether his answers are great. The issue is that he tried. So I kept my bargain and stayed back one afternoon to teach. I promised to set aside an afternoon slot just for him.

Another boy has been slacking until recently when I jolted him from his slackness. Inside him, he was already panicking about his O levels. The best defence is sometimes offense and he rejected every form of help until I shared about what would be ahead for him if he should continue to slack. What of his family he will be raising? Aha...I got his attention. I told the classes I taught that if they don't do well and work hard, they will not be able to convince their children when they are parents that their children have to work hard too. Some parents gave up on their children because someone down the road gave up on them. So they too will learn to give up in the future. The cycle perpetuates.

The latter boy did my work, came to see me and tried to see me. Sometimes I forget my appointments because these days I am so tired and my legs are giving me problem. They are in pain...weight? I don't know.

Yesterday I met the latter boy when I was on my way home. I gave him a ride to the station as it was about to rain. He told me when he was in my car that he did one of my work that I set online. He did it! For the first time, he read the textbook and thought about the work. Wow! This was such a blessing for me.

I am so glad that here, I can teach and see lives change everyday. It is a peaceful school. The students are pleasant and I also teach girls. The girls are sweet. Just very different from where I used to come from.

I might actually stay for good. May the Lord's will be done.

All these I typed in less than 10 minutes. That was fast!

God is in the shadows...

2011-07-31T23:36:00.001+08:00

Yesterday at Precept, we learn about God in the book of Esther. God was never mentioned in this book. But God was very much present in the lives of the people. He chose an appropriate time to reveal Himself even though there was no mention of His name. God was revealed through the lives of those who believe Him and all that He promises.

Esther's race was to be destroyed, annihilated by a wicked man of the King's right hand Haman. She was afraid at first to go before the king because she would be killed if she was not summoned. However she fasted.

A transformation occurred after her three days fast. She radiated not just her beauty but the courage to come before a king who could reject her. She went with faith only after she was reminded of God's power and she believed that the destiny of her people was in her hands. Armed with prayers of her people, she went to the king. The king received her and gave her a sceptre to allow her into his court. All she wanted was to invite Haman and the king to a banquet for the enemy (Haman).

In the story, Haman was so delighted and he was so full of himself that his pride later back fired. You go find out what happened. He actually built a 7 storey high gallows for himself without knowing that would be his end.

Where was God? How often times when we are in the deepest forest or the lowest valley, we think God cannot be in there with us. But He is. He is working. He softens the grounds we are treading on. All we have to do is to trust.

What tomorrow holds...

2011-07-29T00:53:00.000+08:00

Dear God

Thank you for the blessings of each new day. Thank you for the peace and the quiet assurance that You are in control. There are many things that rock my world and each time when the tremor shakes the very ground I stand, I am so thankful you held on to my hand. Thank you for the word and all the promises written within so that I can claim them one by one.

Father grant me faith, a hope for things not seen. Grant me strength to carry on as I labour in wherever you sent me. Thank you for the protection and the wisdom in the places you sent me to. Bless the people I work with in small ways and in big ways. Bless them with the gift of salvation and that through my interaction with them, they may know you as their God and their Saviour.

My favourite hymn of all time!

2011-07-24T23:34:00.000+08:00

Jesus loves me this I know. For the bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me, He will stay close beside me all the way!

A meeting with Hannah Chua

2011-07-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

Remember my friend who always has to win? Yes, always. If you are happy, she is happier than you. If your life is a sad one, hers is always worse than you. So you can never win with this person.

For more than a year, I disappeared from her sight. I never return her calls because why would I want to be a person who must win. I do purposely tell her I had a terrible day and I will get to listen her most terrible day. Although I chuckled inside me, I never really enjoyed her company.

On sunday, before church started, my friend Annie sent me a message about how Hannah complained about her own weight. Annie was annoyed that she could go on and on and so Annie messaged me to tell me that "MY" friend was a bother. I was rather annoyed that anyone bad is my friend and anyone good is her friend. So I told her off. And I reminded Annie that Hannah is also a sister in Christ. So I suggested that if Annie could not stand Hannah, they both should sit down and talk since they are both from the same church. But Annie refused. I told Annie since she doesn't want to be a solution then she should not bother me with Hannah anymore.

But tonight, I went and met Hannah. It was time to tell Hannah to stop being such a bother. Yes, I went and told her to stop nagging. Of course I did talk about something else first. Our conversation started about how bad Alison is doing in Australia. I didn't respond. Then she started to report about other matters in her church. And it came to one point when I had to tell her she has to stop meddling with people and offering advice that may not be good. Then I told her about Annie.

According to Hannah, she only nagged once. But still it is nagging.

Hannah is much better than a year ago. At least she is not trying to win so much. She did try to make herself more important on one or two instances tonight. I let her. Because I think I am one of the rear ones who is hearing. I am not listening to her. Because what she said may not be true.

My last advice to her tonight was that both of us are getting old. We should perhaps listen to see if we are repetitive. I told her that a year ago, she repeated some episodes to me many times. She asked me what they were. I forgot. I don't want to remember. Whatever for! Hahaha.

I know I have touched a raw nerve. I rather tell her then to let her continue on and be hated by her church. I don't go to her church but the friends in that church cannot be bothered with her. I wonder why she stays.

She told me because if she leaves, then there is no one left in the church.

We think we can save the church. But God is the one who can save. You know there is a lady in the church who brought up her children by telling them that when they sin, they will go to hell. In the end one of her sons left the church and now refused to believe in heaven or hell or Jesus. And this mother wants the church to pray that her son to return to God's love. I doubt he will. Because he never saw the love of God demonstrated in his family.

These are the people who have only a form of godliness and depriving the power of God in their lives. We think we are saved. We think this is God's purpose for us. Is God in it?

I believe this...A relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit will change anyone forever. But it will mean a life of total surrender, it is a life about God's will and a life where we take up the cross of Jesus everyday. It is a life of a sinner fully surrendered to God.

We cannot stop someone from sinning. It is human to sin. But it is so God to love and to come and offer salvation to stop us from eternal condemnation.

I cannot explain why good godly people are so extreme. They really, really love God. I have met these ones. But they are also so terribly wrong. Sigh!

May God come soon.

Training teachers from Pakistan

2011-07-14T10:47:00.000+08:00

I trained some teachers from Pakistan the past three days and I learned alot about Pakistan and about education in Pakistan. It has been really fun. In the process I also know more about myself.

I was informed they had so little training so I had to incorporate a lot of pedagogical skills. On the day of training, I found out they are actually HEAD trainers of the branch of schools in Pakistan. 4 teachers came from Beacon House and 2 (one a principal) came from Lahore. I had to switch gear and quickly think on the spot what to teach and how to use what I have.

Thank God I was able to salvage what I had to do the last minute and I managed to show them something interesting everyday. Be it the cooperative learning strategies or the use of questions. I got them to reflect on the lessons everyday and so they were tired. So was I.

I made 6 friends. At least one will bug me for a long time because she is the only geographer in the group. She is a master teacher in geography and we are going to stay in touch to make geography more exciting.

They told me a lot about what Pakistan is and I found that Pakistan is a lovely country. They gave me impressions that it is a safe place and that even though Osama Bin Laden lived there but still Pakistan is safe. The women I met are of a freer spirit. They don't wear the veil and they can eat anything that is halal. To them the utensils are not important. The way the animal is slaughtered is. They don't eat pork of course.

What they saw of Singapore was that it was an extremely clean city. They didn't see a fly or any insect. I burst out laughing and told them that they were in the city centre where most people work and where we are living is a different story. They were shocked there were no dogs or cats around the area they stayed. I told them that we do raise pets.

They were amazed at the efficiency of our Train system and how everything was just in the right order, at the right time and in the right places. That is the trouble with our country. We are always so right and precise.

I once asked a friend why we must always be so efficient? Why can't we be wrong for a while. Must everything be right and happen just the way we want it.

Having been out of job for almost a year has taught me that what was always proper and the right path to take may not be at all right. I was so sure that this was what I wanted to do but God showed me and led me otherwise.

How can we make the right choices in our lives? This is the book I am working on with a friend. We come to realize that although we have a will, we need to exercise it carefully and bringing it before God. Man can propose but it is ultimately God who will dispose of the will.

I learn to live from day to day relying on God. Easier said then done. There are many, many days when I want it my way. I refused to rest in God's hand but God is gentle enough to bring me back. I always see myself going back to God at the table of reason and to negotiate. I don't win all the time. But I do win sometimes. Those were the times when God saw the change of heart and repentance.

I am at peace these days. Enjoying the free time I have to run around and do errands. Visiting with people I care about and taking the time to plan each week ahead.

Faith

2011-07-09T21:04:00.000+08:00

When Annie gets a verse from her friends that day, she will usually message me. Then I will pass this verse to another friend. One morning the verse was from 2Cor 5:7: For we live by faith, not by sight. The message was that Faith is not a leap into the dark but a step into the light.

As I reflect on the past weeks, truly God wants me to have faith. I did something rather amazing the last week. Having said what I needed to say actually put my life in better perspectives. I was sharing with a friend how having said what I needed to say, I just knew God would provide.

My father is getting rather anxious about me not getting a permanent job. So I told the Lord that to make my dad so worried about me is not very filial of me. I prayed for a job. Something I want God to show me to be His will.

Some people may wonder why then did I leave teaching in the first place. Actually why not. Almost a year now and I have been busy. Sometimes work, sometimes just meeting potential partners in business. In the process I learned alot about business, about myself and about people.

There are those who would lend me a hand by giving me contacts for tuition. My friend Lena is a wonderful lady. She would ask me to tutor her wards under her charge. I thank God for Lena and Vincent. They went with me to Thailand to cut a deal with a potential partner. Without them, I would not be able to survive this long.

I also thank my ex students Peck San and Lily. They kept on praying for me and give me timely encouragement. I am grateful that I could still meet up with them when we have the time to do so.

Let me share about how good God has been. He never ever left me wanting. Yes there were days when I thought I could not make it and then there is light. God wants me to learn to depend on Him. It is really tough at times. I was just like I was in my university days with the bare minimum. I learn to respect money. But I don't worship it.

Another friend I must mention that helped me a lot is Wenyi. Together we went for some interviews on how to market some mobile learning. We met at a school I was previously teaching and we hit it off immediately. Today we are still in contact. She recommended me to Marshall Cavendish and I was to write a magazine feature for them. The editors and coordinator for school sales like me very much and actually wanted to give me a full time job. But I turned it down because I rather write on the side.

Just this week, MC got me to train 8 Pakistan ladies on how to use the textbook that MC sold them. I had great fun with these ladies. Out of the 8, 2 were young girls of a lady principal. I loved the two girls because they were just so intelligent and vocal. I was pleasantly surprised by how vocal these women are. They don't wear veil although they are all muslims.

The best part was that these women are heads of schools and they know a lot more than me. I was sharing a lot of the basics they are already trained for. I prayed so hard that I would be able to show them something. And God was so good. I was able to surprise them in what they thought they know. They were so shocked that they really didn't know alot. I sat down with them and we chatted like friends.

I will miss them when they return on Monday. Everyday I got them to reflect on what they learned. I used different techniques and put them through the whole process a teacher would have to go through to teach the textbook. And I made them think about how their teachers looking at the text will feel. I also made them prepare questions for each chapter to ask before they go to class. They only did one chapter from each level. And they found that to be tough. I got them to ask socratic questions.

I felt so good. I know God was with me all the time because I could not have done it alone. It was unnerving.

Faith is really about a step into the light. I can see a little clearer. I really enjoy teacher training very much.

Because of Wenyi, I also got another teaching stint in a school near me. When the subject head read my CV, she showed it to her Head of Department immediately. The HOD was so impressed that she went straight to the principal to ask her to employ me. This is a christian school. The principal is a Christian. She wanted to wait. I am fine with waiting. While she was waiting, another principal called me up to apologise for missing my mail. He will be checking with the Ministry about my status.

I met great leaders who took time to interview me. I have been through different interviews. All very interesting. One school I went to, actually told me I was too big for the school and that the school was just not ready for me. I was shocked. Because how come a teacher like me is too good for the school? Is there such a thing? hahaha.

But all that met me sensed my passion for my work. I don't teach, I educate. There is a great difference in these two terms.

Even in these situations, God assures me of my worth in the society. Having been away for sometime certainly cause me to think I am a little out of touch.

My tuition students are great too. I have more girls than boys and teaching these girls have been great fun. I almost forgot how to teach them, these delicate beings. Creative and gentle and smart!

I have one boy soon. He is really going to challenge me. He failed geography and social studies. But he will do fine just like his sister because he is brilliant.

I will have more work coming. Suddenly I am swarmed. God is preparing me for the year ahead. He wants me to know that He is in charged.

Stepping slowly into the light as He leads me is far better than groping in the dark and trying to live with the darkness.

I have great friends. Thank God for them.

Dear Lord

Thank you so much for putting so many wonderful people into my life. You supply my need through these great people. Please bless Lena, Wenyi, Siew Yong and Justina bountifully. May you bless them with sweet rest each day. May you grant them joy throughout the week. Amen.

Throughout this week...

2011-06-28T11:12:00.006+08:00

There is only one thought in my mind thus far over the past week.

One of my favourite hymns says it best...

The scenes in this video can be found in Canada. I have been to many of these places. All thanks to Bonita for taking time to drive me so I could take a break.

Indeed Great is Thy faithfulness Oh Lord, my God.

This is a song by Sammi. She believes that even if she can have fame and fortune the world gives, she will never be happy. She says the Lord wants her to know the way to salvation and peace. She says the fame and fortune brought her many troubles and worries. God has already prepared and the very least God has done is never to abandon her despite her poverty, depression. She praised the Lord for preserving her and lifting her up from the pits. She thank the Lord for already putting her in His plans to lift her and to help her and for not forgetting where she is. Most of all she thanked Jesus for dying on the cross for her.

This is a song about writing to your 15 year old self...

Wanna try writing one to yourself? What would you write when you are fifteen and when you are looking at that fifteen year old in you now?

The trip to Bangkok

2011-06-26T21:46:00.002+08:00

A short trip to Bangkok was a great break for me. I was picked up by a police truck because my ex student's father happened to be a police officer in Thailand. I was noticed by many of the Thais as I walked straight out of the airport. There was no need for siren. The police officer drove me towards the hotel the parents put me up at and then I went to visit with the parents. The mother and I have become friends and she wanted me to adopt her son as my godson. I told her again and this must be the third time I turned her down that I already have two. But I promise to take of things for her when the son needs help.

Before I left for Bangkok, I emailed a friend I stayed with for a brief period in Calgary. She is a wonderful person and is a faithful friend. She managed to contact my student's mum and we were able to meet.

The hotel I stayed the first two nights had a small kitchen and a small dining area. It was situated away from MBK or other shopping malls. A small mall was tucked within this district near a hospital where the Thai King is. Korn took me around the market near my hotel and then at night, I went scouting for my dinner. His mother was afraid that I would be mugged on the street. I told her I am a geographer and having a sense of place is very important to me so I need to move around the area ON MY OWN. I did just that. It was rather dark as the street lights outside the city are really not bright. But once I am in the mall, I head straight to the food court.

I realized I could not order cos they are all Thais. So I used the most famous dictionary...the index finger and I pointed...and stirred for soup. And they showed me how much I had to pay and wah la...dinner was ready. What I liked about the food courts in Bangkok is that on every table there is a box of tissue paper you can help yourself with. The food courts are clean with very little litter. I bought nothing.

The next day, I woke up and waited for Korn to bring me to meet an important person. Nope, not the king. It was a lady who has been waiting to meet me regarding some programmes. The view to their conference room was breathtaking. It overlooks the Queen's park. We had a good discussion.

The next morning, I was all packed and ready to move to Pathumwan Princess Hotel. I went out to survey what I could buy. Again, I could not speak the language and so I used my index finger. And I bought these. I had porridge and what looks like yakitori sticks with sticky rice. I didn't finish the sticky rice. The porridge was interesting cos normally a fresh egg is broken into the hot bowl of porridge. But my egg is like a poached egg sitting inside my porridge. The porridge is a little bit sweeter than what I would cook but it was delicious. The lady mending and cooking at the stall gave me a cold cup of water. How nice. And my breakfast cost me less than $3.

Then I was off to Pathumwan Princess. Korn helped me that day and the room was to die for...just take a look yourself. I quickly took the picture before I mess it up. But I didn't mess it up too much because I just couldn't bear to mess the lovely swans. I collected all the petals and then use one side of my bed to sleep. I did break the swans up later in the night when I was about to sleep so I could see how they were folded using the bath towels. Then the door bell rang! There was a waiter who served up a chocolate cake and on it was written Happy Honeymoon. So I told him I didn't order the cake. Then he told me it is with compliments from the hotel. I was stunned! Bonita will say I had a rotic night because the man was missing... ROmanTIC! Indeed.

The view from my room was just breathtaking.

This is the tallest building and also the tallest hotel in Bangkok.

What a lovely sky?
The main shopping area ahead of me and I was next to MBK shopping mall. But I am never a shopper unless it is Christmas.

This is the view from the conference room. Even Korn had to take some photos here. I am very fortunate to have visited Bangkok again. 16 years ago in June, just when Korn was born, I was with a group of Canadian Students in Bangkok. All I remembered was a real rush to get to Chiangmai and I had to stay over at Chiangmai while the rest went jungle trekking. I didn't dare go because there was a malaria outbreak and I was not given a jab because I had breathing difficulties while I was in Calgary. So I would be really sick if I had gone. So Bangkok was a blur except for the red light district area of Patpong. I went in, and half way I walked back out while my canadian students finished the area and visited some of the bars. They were cheated of their money and together with another student, a fella from the seventh day adventist, we sat and drank FANTA orange the whole two hours at KFC. And Jeff and I became really good friends. He helped me carried my big deluge bag. And I was grateful he helped me with my bag.

Bangkok is amazing. Korn's mum was right. Amazing Thailand indeed!

My Timothy

2011-06-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

This week has been really tiring for me. The minute I landed from Bangkok, my cousin and her husband also just arrived. As if I was not busy enough, my brakes failed and I don't have a car for two days. Then another news came, my sister's father in law passed away on Friday morning. Everything rushed towards me and I was really perplexed to have to entertain all sides. But I survived with a lot of prayers from friends who know of my situation.

What I enjoyed thoroughly was how God brought my family together through the visit of my cousin and her husband. They are from Hong Kong and because of them, I got to visit places I have not been to in Singapore. I brought them to the casinos and my siblings took turns to entertain them. It was a very family affair and without telling, we all chipped in to help dad out with this visit. He is extremely exhausted now and hope to sleep tighter tonight.

What also brought us together was the funeral.

My family is closely knit with the usual fights and squabbles even though we don't stay together. Part of the reasons why we fought a lot is because we have a lot of challenges to meet. My sister has to deal with two very old parents in law. She used to nurse her father in law until it became a strain. He became violent over the years and would refuse to shower because he was afraid to fall. He lived for 18 years after his first stroke and all these was due to my sister's control over his diet. Although he lived for 18 years, I witnessed a gradual and eventually a speedy decline of the quality of life in this old man. He didn't talk much and the little I know of him, I know through short talks with my sister. When my brother in law was not around to look after Grandpa Toh, Timothy would take over.

Timothy was Grandpa Toh's first grandson. My nephew is a big and tall boy and has always been chubby. At a young age, when Grandpa Toh could still talk, he would play Chinese Chess with Timothy. Timothy loves chess games. I bought him a set of chess with Chinese figurines. What is so impressive about this nephew is his impressive memory and sense of direction even when he was a little boy. He would lead us out of the maze of roads and got us to the car. His memory is fantastic.

He loves to watch animated movies. We would discuss about the content of the animation and he would talk about the colours and the movement and how difficult it would be. He never learn any of these. It is his interest.

When Grandpa Toh finally passed on to enter to heaven last Friday morning, Timothy and Tifany were at church camp. They both came home and Tiffany went up the stairs to get changed. Timothy went straight to the casket and wept. He sobbed so hard that he moved my dad to tears that afternoon. Even when my dad went to his side, he would hang his head down and sobbed. I arrived much later after I collected my car and asked him then why he cried. His reply was short "because he is my loved one." Wow! Enough said.

The following night, my brother Richard conducted the service. Grandpa Toh never went to church but he was baptised at the St Andrews Home one day when he accepted the Lord. My brother did an excellent job. He got Timothy to share first about his grandfather. He told us that he was angry and also sad. But he never explained why he was angry. Then he told of how his grandfather would play chess with him. And he finally ended by sharing that he knows his grandfather is in heaven with no more suffering and pain. Then my brother in law shared.

What impressed me about Timothy is not just these. He has taken care for his grandfather and grandmother while the rest of the family goes church on the maid's off day. He would change the diapers for his grandfather when they are dirty. He would clean his grandfather. He would also feed his grandfather with the tube. My sister and my brother in law taught him how to insert a feeding tube into the throat of his grandfather. Timothy is only 15. He has been taught since 13 how to look after his grand parents.

I am very proud of Timothy. When my brother in law shared how he would take care of the granddad, many of us were moved. I pray that God will use him mightily.

Till today, Timothy is not baptized yet. I hope he will soon. He told me that there are still issues he wants to settle first before he submit to God. Just like my mother who told me that until she had dealt with her fiery temper, she would not be a Christian. But Christ knows we are sinners. The reason for Jesus to come was so we can be saved from our sins. There is no need to be perfect because we cannot be perfect. We can only seek for His righteousness and wait for the day He comes for us that we will attain perfection.

My family bonds stronger when we face crisis. Thank God for my family. So thankful that we can pull together through good and tough times. Sometimes we don't do so well but we still come together as family when there is a crisis. In the recent crisis, my little ones, although no longer little, come through beautifully by the grace of God.

Another NO brake experience

2011-06-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

I am not imagining things the last time I had no brakes. I thought, genuinely thought that I must be wrong because the brakes did work when the mechanic checked it immediately after the accident. But tonight, it happened again. I was away in Bangkok on some business and my car was untouched for 5 days. My brother drove it yesterday and I went about quite a distance and nothing happened. But this evening on my way to pick up a friend the brakes didn't work again.

The sinking feeling was scary. Really scary. But I was smarter. I had my leg brakes and I put on the hazard lights so no cars come near me and I slowed down to a crawl all the way to the where I was supposed to pick my friend. I waited for my friend who turned up 40 minutes later and once I parked my car, I called my dad. Thank God no one was hurt on the way and I really was in shock.

I pumped my brakes like dad told me to to check if the brakes really worked. He told me if I had not driven for long, my car would be like that. But this is the second time in six months and I don't like this very much.

Thankfully when my friend came and when i drove the brakes worked again. Hmmm...strange!

I decided to drive to the nearest kiosk to check the brakes but the mechanic would only be back at 11pm. I finally decided that since I have gotten my brakes, I should drive my friend home which was not far from where the kiosk was. I drove on the highway rather slowly and when I reached my friend's home, the brakes failed again. So we went to another kiosk to check.

My friend insisted I should stop driving and called for a tow truck. But I could not park at the kiosk. The assistant at the pump checked my car and felt the wheels and told me that my front wheels are heated up. He told me that I should drive slowly to a workshop. I decided to drive to my friend's house, parked my car and call for help.

I called Peck San. She was in Malacca. I messaged her and told her my situation and she sent me her mechanic's number. He gave me a tow truck number to call and now it should be nicely in the workshop.

What happened? My friend, the logical one told me that all that has happened has to do with the brakes, Not me. But I am thinking, is God sending me a message.

I have been pondering about the death of Josiah. Don't get me wrong. I am not suicidal. I am trying to figure out why a Godly man, who turned his people from a life of idoltary dead at the age of 39. Good people do die young. But why? He didn't allow King Necco to pass even though Necco came in God's name. So did Josiah die because he disobey God?

At this moment, I cannot remember what I learned. Honestly forgot because all I could think about is why is this happening to me?

My friend thinks I need to ask for help and I don't accept help. But I do. I need help and I ask for them. I am grateful my friend stayed with me throughout the ordeal. I was only concerned I might kill someone or kill my friend instead. I was not really thinking when I said I don't mind being dead tonight. Then I suddenly remember it is Bonita's birthday today and I surely don't wish to die tonight.

So I called her and told her everything and she told me that she doesn't want to lose me tonight. God is so good. He kept me safe again and has been protecting me on the road all these while. I am going to pray that God give wisdom to my new mechanic to check on my car and may God give him eyes to see and a wisdom to discern what is going on so I can be safe.

I returned from Bangkok with a lot of thoughts and the last thing I want is a strong shake up from all that had happened.

I was there to set up a deal. I was successful in getting the deal for a friend and for myself in the sense that I was able to meet someone who took education seriously. I am also glad I managed to visit an ex student whose dad is not feeling so good. I am glad I could be there for this student and the mother.

So I know that tonight, I was again protected on the road by God. He wants to assure me that He will be looking out for me. I am so thankful that no one was hurt tonight.

You are GOD alone!

2011-06-05T13:24:00.000+08:00

Last REVELATION CLASS and Precept Trip

2011-06-02T08:19:00.000+08:00

It was our last lesson of the study of Revelation. We are all done! And we ended it with what it was going to be like after Christ's millenial rule and Satan will be set free again. It was exciting. We had so many theories but the truth is that Satan will gather all those who don't believe even though Christ's reign in Jerusalem. Those of us who are caught up in the rapture will be the immortals. We will reign with Jesus after the battle at Amageddon. Satan will be bounded and cast into hell. Then Satan will be let loose again because during the millenial rule there will be people who don't know the Lord and will be deceived by Satan. Jesus need to make sure that Heaven is a place for those who know Him.

At the final battle of Gog and Megog, Satan and all those who don't believe will be cast into the lake of fire to be burn eternally. We also checked certin scriptures that talked about different degrees of heat will be in the lake of fire. There will be unbelievers that will burn more severely because of their wicked deeds. And those who are unbelieving but they did less evil. God records all the evil of the unbelievers and the day of reckoning will come and He will flip that account.

For us Christians, we are spared. Our loving Father will not continue to chide when we confess our sins. Because Jesus has paid the price, God only need to look at the righteousness of Jesus and He readily forgives.

Therefore it is a blessing for all those who believe in Jesus earlier.

We will be taking a one month break and then go back to the bible again. The trip was great. I didn't drive this time but I was extremely exhausted after the trip. I was also tired going there partly because I was coming down with a cold. I actually slept a short way up to Desaru. We checked into our room and I had a nap. It was less than an hour but all worth it because I simply needed to sleep.

We played charades and we let our hair down and had great fun. And of course the food we had was sumptuous. We had half a lobster each and cost us about ten dollars per person. The dinner was great but so was the price. Everything is now more expensive in Malaysia. One of my precept friends said it is all because of the Singaporeans. I gently reminded him we are Singaporeans :) and we are guilty.

The next morning after a good night's sleep, we had sharing. We each took turns to share. I never knew Grace has been fighting cancer for the last 16 years. She was supposed to die several times on the operating table but by the mercy of God she continues to live. She told us that her doctor said she was a miracle and instructed her to continue to consume a special diet. She only eats organic food and all steam with as little oil as possible. We are all going to ask her to share more.

Then there was Helen or Siew Hong who has to be dragged to Precepts every Saturday morning. But she has learned to study the bible and enjoyed our classes. We had a beer the night before and she can drink like a fish :) And I finally got to drink some beer because I didn't have to drive!

I shared too and thanked everyone for standing by me during my time of depression. God is good.

What about the men? They shared about how the Lord encouraged them. Their sharing is very biblical. hahaha.

I also realised that my precept friends have done BSF and they perservered through 7 years of intensive study. I admire their determination. However they like Precept because in our class we discuss questions and shared. Laura said that she liked the class because no one ever laughs when the question was stupid or the answer was wrong. Well, Laura, in her 60s is a very diligent student and she has at least 5 different versions of the bible. This is what people should do. Spend more time on the word of God and learn.

My precept friends are loving and kind. In their company there is so much joy and love. Grace told all of us she has been looking and searching for an answer as to why she still hangs on to the faith and with all the battles with cancer she has to fight, she has lost sight. She found the answer when she joins us a year ago. She said she saw so much love in our group. She was just so happy.

I remember her coming to class rather grouchy and complaining. But she opened up the past months and I see so much more joy.

I pray that God will continue to keep our group this way. But the group is getting too large. There are going to be 50 over soon. We have grown twice the size since I last joined. Very soon we have to break up to be more effective in our discussion.

Now I am having a break. But I have been busy running here and there and unable to settle down to just write. I have an article to write. A special feature. I hope to get it done soon before my cousin from Hong Kong comes. Wow!!! So much to do...and I am supposed to be on holidays...

I sat and chatted with my NA students

2011-05-20T08:00:00.003+08:00

It is one of those very rare moments teacher have, the leisure to sit and chat with our students. Today I did just that. I had only one class and didn't know what to do. So I risked it.

I chatted about their future, of course. The impression I got about NA students is that they don't care about their future, they don't know what to do. Well, a large majority is like that. But there is a pocketful who knows what they want to do but just don't know how to go about doing it. These seem to have problem finding the time and the courage to stay on the right track and fight on. It is these that I hope I can make a difference.

I have a student with me now that is staying in a girls' home. She had a lovely tatoo on her right arm. I want one too but a smaller one. She told me that it was an excruciatingly painful experience, one I should not try. But then she told me that it would be nice to have one that represents me. I must go find what represents me...and then I will buy the rub on kind...I don't like to be under a knife...a small pen knife kind for hours! Yikes.

We continue our conversation by discussing why she ended up there. She wouldn't tell but she told me she was her mother's bane. She hurt her mum the most. Staying the hostel changed her and she learned a lot. As a muslim, she was taught the Quran. She shared that she saw a movie in the hostel that talked about hell. The movie depicted hell as a place where people are licked by the fire. She was telling how the BODY of the people was burning literally and the screams and cries of help was so loud. That turned her around.

I told her that it is not just hell. But her children that may suffer if she doesn't turn around soon. I believe she will make a good mother and a good wife if her change begins at the heart.

Then I have a boy. He is Indian. Very tall and speaks very well. He was so playful in his lower secondary school days that he was sent to the NA stream. He should perform well but I need to see why he really is not doing so. He is also a very good marathoner. He has learned to be more focus but somehow he is not getting results.

I also scolded two boys in secondary 1 today. One for using a foul phrase that described the female anatomy and another who was trying to imitate my shrieky voice after I blasted number 1. I handled the matter very differently and realized that I still have what it takes to scold.

The first boy didn't know what he was saying. He genuinely didn't know because he thought it was just a joke until I told him he just insulted his mother and his sister. He also insulted and humiliated the entire female population. He was stunned when I told him what he was just using. And he apologised. I asked him to reflect about the kind of person he is and he couldn't think. This really works. All our students like to explain why they did something but they never want to think about what they are when they are doing stuff and who they really are. I told him he was but a stupid copycat. And when I asked him later who he was, he repeated after me. So I told him that he had to look at why he is like that. Now he cannot explain. I also called up his mother and then told her what happened and he had to tell the mother what he said. His mother was so stunned. Later she walked over to the school and I was there to discipline the second boy. I taught her how to sit down with her son and talk instead of scolding. I did the scolding. I wanted the mother to talk about peer pressure with him and how to help him handle that. The school is full of kids who blurt out vulgarities and I wish I could warn the mother of this but I cannot. However I dropped hints and I adviced her to talk to her son and find out what the school is like. I asked his mother to sit down with him to write me a 200 word reflection. Yup, I want the parents involve in his education.

The second boy is a bully. He thought he could get away with me. I didn't relent. I marched him down the office and humiliated him from the second floor down to the office. He was really rude. His gestures were that of a gangster and he is only in secondary 1. He was trying to be funny and a hero and I made a fool out of him. I had no pleasure at all but I had to do it to tell him that any adult in the school ought to be respected. I asked him for reflection too.

This morning, I searched out the first boy and he gave me a reflection. I wrote him a reply about finding good friends. The second one didn't. He was shocked when I walked up to the class to search him out. He is now writing and if I am unhappy with the reflection, he will have to redo until I am satisfied. Well, the boy just handed in his reflection. He said it was his bad habit to imitate people's voices for fun. I asked him if he had enough of humiliation. He nodded. I also advised him that the teachers in the staffroom are all capable of what I did. But these teachers chose to love him. I told him I was not so kind. The bully has learned his lesson. His face was totally remorseful.

Yes, those who know me will know that I don't take reflections lightly. I sit down and read everyone of them to see if they have the processes of thinking through their actions. That was why I don't like to flare up. It is a lot of work and yesterday I was affected. My entire face was flushed.

I don't know if that was passion. But I am quite tired of the arrogance these young people are showing. I told the mother that I could have let the matter drop and ignore what I heard. But I cannot. I chose to be the bad guy because I need to know what I am trying to educate.

It is not about power. It is about teaching respect and values. If I let them go, everything else about me can also go. Should I uphold these values? Definitely. My God has standards. I am not about to exchange Godly standards and take hold of what the devil deems as good and right.

We need to constantly ask ourselves what we are bowing to? We also have to ask ourselves why we are doing so. Are we exchanging values or assinating ourselves each time we bow out of god's standards and values? We bow out too easily to good values and good teachings and rush to embrace what is convenient for us.

The girl in my blog today told me she likes me because I am principled. Actually she doesn't know some very unprincipled things I do. But the love of God and His mercy are what kept me checking constantly. I am not a saint. But I am a christian, one who declares I need a lot of God's grace, forgiveness and love in my life. I work towards the mark of perfection. I work. Because at the end of the race God has set me forth, I want to be able to hear Him say He knows I have tried my best, and welcome me HOME!

The week's account

2011-05-15T19:30:00.003+08:00

One after another, the ministers are taking their turns to resign from cabinet. It is not a shock to me. I kind of accepted it and see it as good. The government is taking responsibility. And it is a reflective government. The vote swing towards the opposition is about 40%. Although the move to resign for some of them is for the better, some it is because they too want to send a message to the existing cabinet. That the people have spoken and we are unhappy. One minister wondered why we are unhappy. Well, walk the grounds more often and she will know. Don't just sit up at the top. Meet the people sessions are just one way. Come down and have kopi with us. We are not just following policies blindly. We too want to think that the boat of Singapore excellence be moving smoothly along the river but then when there are just too much to throw out to keep us afloat we need to assess. Just like Sang Nila Utama who wanted to throw everything to save his ship from a storm, the one thing to calm the sea was his crown. We don't ever want that to happen. So we prepare the government for the next 5 years of change if no move is made to preserve our values and our roots.

I love my country. But I also hope my country will not always embrace change and throw away somethings that are precious. Things need to rework is should we give up our family bonding in the name of economic success. To walk into a school today, students are rowdy. They don't know how to talk. They shout. Today at church, an older lady noticed me. It has been almost 4 months and today is the first time someone in the first service spoke to me. When she knew I am teaching, she told me that even when she was teaching at the primary level, the students are already shouting. She attributed this behaviour to students having no time with their parents. Instead of spending time to talk to them, we come home later and later. We just provide them with a maid and food and money. But we don't really get to know them.

I agree that teachers have become nannies. We are surrogate mothers and fathers. And the way the students shout at us is the same way they shout at their parents. The thing is, our students are not loved at home and also at school.

The video below is about the need for parents to talk to their children about Taiwan's history. I think we need to do that.

What I did this week was just embarrassing. I sat at my desk and slept. I caught a strange bug that won't go away. It is the anti-work bug that is super sleepy. The strangest thing is when I decided not to go work, I was instantly awake again. I am usually alive in the weekend. hahaha.

Today's message on Sunday was really good. It was about going out to tell others about the salvation I possess. God has been speaking to me about the salvation that I receive. Even at Precept, we are talking about going out to tell people about the Day of the Lord.

I am also reading a book about what we Christians are saved from. It is important to know that God don't just love us. The fact God sent Jesus to die for us is to tell us that He wants to save us from something really terrible to come. If not, Christ didn't have to die and He didn't have to go to Hades to set the souls free and to claim the keys of life and death from Satan. God is saving us from the wrath to come. It will come and now is the time to believe Jesus or else it will be too late.

The Day of the Lord is a thousand years together with the 7 years of GREAT TRIBULATION. Where are the Christians in all these? We are not here. We will be raptured. We will be caught up to meet Jesus and will be spared of all the bowls of calamities God will ask His angels to pour on earth. How do I know?

All these are written in Revelation. No one can add or subtract from the Bible. If you do that, God will not spare you. Sorry, the truth be told. God is love but He is also a righteous Judge and He will come and settle your account with Him. And God wants us to read revelation because He will bless all those who read the book.

Having studied one and a half year with my Precept class we are finally going to end our lesson next Saturday. We will celebrate with a big lunch and then the following Saturday, we are off to Desaru. Patrick and Josephine Lim promise us there will be surprises. We are the usual makan group and we are going to enjoy the trip because we are going to laugh all the way back home. The Lord has blessed the class. We grew from 24 students to about 50 or more students about 1 and a half years. The class gets bigger and I got to know more people too. Many noticed me because I asked a lot of questions.

They were baffled by my questions and I told them the reason is that I don't do my work so I don't understand and therefore I ask. At that they burst out laughing because they told me that they too wanted to ask but were afraid. As for me, I believe this, it is better to ask then to go and find answers because the teacher is in front of me :) And I was told my questions were all good. But sometimes I too felt dumb asking them. But then there are never dumb questions and no dumb answers until proven wrong. I believe in trying again and again.

The message this morning was taken from Colossians 1: 24-29. It speaks of asking the church to go out and preach the gospel. The call was not to keep what is good to ourselves and watch others walk towards hell. I am very burdened by the message in Revelation. And everyday I ponder about who I have left out and never spoke to them about Jesus.

I remember my dear friend Shin Miin. My godsons. My students. There are so many. And my heart is always heavy when I didn't tell them about Jesus. But I did start this week.

Babita sat in my car as I drove her towards Katong for her MEd class in Psychology. In the car she talked about her daughter and how her heart is just disheartened about her daughter's poor attitude. As a good teacher and her good teacher, I told Babita to stop saying negative things about her daughter. I told her to pray to Jesus and ask Jesus to change her daughter and change how Babita sees her daughter. I believe the daughter and the other boy I am teaching dabble with the occult. I checked their facebooks. The boy's facebook has a lot of strange photos with heavy metal and other gory stuff. I will pray for the Lord's covering when I go teach him.

I also met the boy's mother. She is a nice lady. I actually went into the Gurkha camp to teach. Many of Babita's friends met me. They were shocked to meet me because they told her that they couldn't believe I was her teacher. They complimented me by saying I looked like Babita's sister. Wow...I want to buy all these ladies lunch :0 and I will.

I will be sharing the gospel with Babita and I will be bringing her to church soon. She is returning to Nepal and the best gift I have for her is for her to know Jesus. She is such a wonderful mother, student and friend. And I thank God that I have not aged. At least not in my heart.

It is a gift to be able to teach. A greater gift is to be able to remember my students by name. God gave me a memory of some students. Their faces are etched in my mind and head. I pray that God will send them to me. I thank God for preserving all those I care about. I am so thankful.

Babita told me that all she could remember about me was I was fervent serving the church and I shared about God. I am slowly going back to that fervour.

I grew tired. I grew very weary of what I did. I teach with tiredness. I complained about how boring it was and how it was all too political for me, the school. But God told me today that I have to do it for Him. Each time when I want to give up, I must remember God.

The speaker said that everytime we do something for the Lord and glorify His name, we are breaking a precious jar of alabaster to annoint His head. Today I did just that.

I was at Annie's to help her with her iphone. She is not IT savvy but she bought an Iphone 4. As I was waiting for the software update to load, I shared the gospel with Annie's mother. It began with my complaint about my dad who is pressurizing me to find full time job. And then led on to my mother and how she became a Christian. I took that opportunity and shared about the Lord. I was pleasantly surprised that she sat and listened to me. Annie's mother is close to 80 years and she is fit and strong. And she resisted going to church even though her son and her daughter know the Lord. I was so happy to be able to share. I sow the seed. Now I just hope Annie can reap it soon.

The Lord is coming. How much longer do you think you have on this earth? To be honest, I don't really know. But I am living like any time soon, the Lord will shout and then gather me to heaven. I know for a fact that my family is saved. We have our fights but we love the Lord and we see God working in our lives. What about you? Is your family saved? What are you doing about it. If you are not a Christian, why don't be one? Because we Christians are bad examples? Well, if we are good, we don't need Jesus. Christians are really people who know they need God because they are weak. I told Annie's mum that.

I know I have the gift of evangelism. I am going to use it. But that too would mean that I will be under the attack of Satan. So pray for me. I tire easily and I am not too well some days. Pray that God will protect me and give me the words to encourage and share about His goodness.

I am going to have a blessed week ahead. Shalom. May the Lord bless you with the gift of salvation.

This I believe. That greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city, Singapore.

A Little Boy's Explanation of God

2011-05-10T11:49:00.002+08:00

This came from Bonita and it is simply fabulous.
Out of the mouths of the Babes--

It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.' I wonder if any of us could have done as well?

EXPLANATION OF GOD:

'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'

'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.''Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.' 'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God! Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'
'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And...that's why I believe in God.'

We have made history

2011-05-08T07:46:00.001+08:00

The worker's party has won six seats in the parliament. Thank God for Aljunied GRC and Hougang. We have sent a loud signal to the majority ruling party with major swing of votes to the oppositions. The swing is more than 10% indicating our displeasure with not being heard and hurt. It also signal to the government that we really don't care if the opposition wins because we are tired of everything after all that has not been done for the last 10 years. Opposition that stood for the first time managed to get at least 40% of the votes from the ruling party speaks a lot about the report card PAP is getting.

I also hope the world will see Singaporean politics differently and see us differently. We are not sitting ducks. We are just crouching for the moment and we are awakened. We will pounce.

The ruling party is once again the incumbent. And there are many promises. The promise to reconnect with the populace implied that there is acknowledgement of losing connection. We shall wait and see how the ruling party wants to reconnect. There is also a promise that they will work harder. I think the ruling party has been working very hard. But they may need to look at where to work hard on. Money is really not everything. It may not be a bad idea to go down a lot lower and meet the real people.

Voting Day!

2011-05-07T21:23:00.000+08:00

It was a bright and hot day today. We are all crowding in the living room. Yes, my brother's family and my sister's family are all here. I cooked up a storm and gathered them this morning because we want to witness the change of times. I want my nephews and nieces to watch history in the making.

This election is very special. I have not heard so many unhappy voices until this election. This is also an election where the many young people are voting for the first time. They are voting so the government can evoke some effective changes to high housing cost, high inflation and lack of jobs. I was told that it is getting really difficult for fresh graduates to get a job and some have to wait for more than a year. Even then the starting pay is very low. I started at a very low pay too. But I didn't have a car, a house and I was contented to walk, take a bus and eat at home. Nowadays, the young people are eating out more often, pubs a lot and own some of the 3Cs. May be they have to look at buying cheaper housing.

I am more concerned about how the various candidates refute each other's stand. Some candidates were too confident that their remarks would not stir up anger. There were a few threats thrown out, that we may not be able to live in flats if we don't have the ruling party. Like my nephew said, may be without them, we live in bungalows. Of course what does my nephew know about life. He is but 15 years old.

My other nephew said grace at the table tonight and he prayed that the new government will not add more to the GST. At that we all burst out laughing. Even the young ones, those who are going to school, are feeling the pressure of high inflation.

I am not too please with the comments made about foreign workers. Why are we making our foreign friends who took up jobs that we don't want to do to look like they steal our jobs? This is not right. We can do those work if we want to work and if we want to satiate our appetite for high end consumerism, then we look for more work and at different places. We should not blame people. The fact is that these foreign workers are also lowly paid and they too have a lot of woes.

This election is changed by the internet. We can send information quickly and massively. We have forced the government to touch base with the masses. They are forced to facebook to connect. And may God bless Singapore with another 5 years of leaders who lead with compassion and vision for our country. May all the nasty remarks and threats be slowly forgotten and no one gets sued for fair play.

Crouching lions and Hidden Dragons

2011-05-05T23:25:00.003+08:00

I have never ever been to any rally. Tonight was a real eye opener. I couldn't believe my eyes! The Serangoon Stadium was already packed to the brim. There were still many who were trying to cross the roads to get into the stadium. Together with Annie, I squeezed my way into the crowd. I was ahead and although it was packed, the crowd moved orderly.

The opposition party was speaking at the stadium tonight. All the spectators seated at the gallery shouted that they could not hear. After the Malay candidate spoke, the Rhodes scholar spoke. He was under fire in the press lately for only coming back to Singapore for the election while most of the time he was working overseas. He tried to appeal to the masses by promising what we have all been hoping the government would do: Lower cost of housing, lower inflation rates and generally taking care of the welfare of the people.

This election was interesting because it truly shows that WE are not going to sit down and just vote passively. We have matured and we are taking action and going to rallies to listen to what we have no time to think about and believe to be true all the time.

There were many reports showing how well paid our ministers are. The top 10 best paying ministers, according to the research from the opposition (herein may lie some biases) were all Singaporean ministers. They are paid better than the US president who sits on the UN and many of the international organizations that require major decisions that could affect the entire world. So our ministers are even better than OBAMA, according to the opposition. While there is food for thought in this matter, we still have to be careful with the bias that can come in the reports. I do check my provenance and my sources. I am using my social studies skills.

However, there must be some truth or else international reports will certainly look like liars and putting their reputation in bad light do them no good.

Jiaqing thought that there was only one party in Singapore and saw no point in Singaporeans' election. When I told her there are about 5 oppositions this year, she was shocked. I also told her that we have two opposition parties that run two constituencies. People outside of Singapore know nothing but that ONE party. Fortunately for us, we know that there are 5 this year.

I must thank NSP candidates for contesting in my constituency. Without this team, I will never have a chance to vote. Voting is secret and it is also sacred. It will turn the fate of the entire nation.

I hope whatever opposition voted in or how ever many opposition voted in, the ministers will learn to work together. They must learn to listen to ONE and Another as they are in the boat branded Singapore Excellence. We are not going to cast spoiled votes to show protest. It is pointless. It is gutless.

Our Prime Minister did the honorable thing to apologise for a job not done well. This election has alerted the ruling party that the people are really unhappy although having kept silent for the last 5 years. He promised to do better. But who defines better? What is better? Can it ever be better with insatiable Singaporeans?

Singaporeans are crouching lions and hidden dragons. Once we wake up, we are going to pounce. Herein lies the danger of misreading passiveness and apathy. It could be that like lions, Singaporeans just want to wait for the spoil of a good catch and enjoy a feast. It could be that like dragons, Singaporeans could fly and suddenly descend once awakened.

Therefore do not underestimate the power of the people. Tonight's crowd taught me a lot. The crowd shouted unabash about what they feel. The crowd cheered forcefully for every loud word shouted across by the candidates without even knowing what was said. There were those of us, like Annie and myself, who were logical still. We didn't cheer when we didn't understand. There was nothing to cheer when we could not hear.

Another thought came as I typed. Annie's friend said she is happy about the present government because the present government has met her needs. Well, the reality is not about whether our needs are met. It is about the entire nation's needs. And we are voting as a people. Not as individuals. Our votes send a mandate for the government and we are to endorse whatever this government will do. So we have to choose right. Forget about your needs. It is the needs of every Singaporean, rich or poor, young or old that must be met. Albeit you are right that we cannot meet everyone's needs but we still must try and think about those that are less fortunate.

Not every minister in the present government is bad. A lot of them are excellent and I respect many of them for their work and contributions. Unfortunately some are just not qualified enough even though they are scholars. Some lack the heart for the people. Just a few days ago, one of the ministers said that they will go listen to the voices of the people. Singaporeans grumble a lot. But these days we are not just grumbling. We are pinched and we are really not very patient. May be it is the weather: physical, economic, social and political. The pollution has lasted too long to be ignored because it is suffocating the crouching lions.

Annie asked me how come there are bad hats in the existing government. Well, the government must learn to look for leaders that are not scholars. They have to stop looking at scholars. For a change, they should look at people at the ground. Give them a chance to lead. May be all of us will keep quiet after this and be thankful.

Ah...so do you think I support PAP? I believe this, may the compassionate and best leader win. And I remember that every leader is a son or daughter, a father or a mother and strives to be a friend.

The Law of the wild says Kill Only When You are Hungry.

2011-05-03T07:10:00.007+08:00

Take a look at this shot. Tell me what you think will come in my next blog.

But

This actually happened even though we can be hungry...

Have a great day!

The big 7

2011-05-02T21:34:00.000+08:00

The hottest topic right now is the coming elections. Canada had theirs today and I will know later what Bonita thinks about their election. Ours is coming Saturday. Are we ready?

How do I see this big 7? Well, I think I am anxious to know too. This is the test of the skills in social studies and also to see if the objectives of social studies are met. Many of those who vote for the first time have gone through the social studies era. They are trained to check their sources, look at the provenance and then compare and contrast to check for reliability as well as to evaluate and weigh the consequences. Will this group be able to be objective and vote according to what they have seen, heard or even spoken to?

I want to think that the students I taught are able to practice the skills taught to them. And I hope that besides patriotism, they will also seriously think if the people, the lowest of the rung in our society are really cared for.

In one of the discussion with an ex student, I shared my views and support for a particular party. Many years ago, when I also voted, I heard the same threat. Today I still hear the same threat. I wonder if we are simply too small for opposition. I am not talking about being a world class parliament. There is no need to be world class. I just hope that we, the lowest of the rung will be heard and someone to speak for our interest for a change.

The carrot was thrown out a day or two ago for the entire nation. New strategies to beat inflation, more carrots. But not all of us are rabbits. And some of us find carrots rather distasteful. I happen to know I am a thinking individual who has the right to decide what is good. All these years as a citizen of this country, I know who did what and who didn't do what. I also know which member joins NATO (No Action Talk Only). My own MP has to step down because of his very misguided principles. I never liked this fella and so I am glad he is out. And the new member joining the team is a good fella. But I am afraid history will repeat itself.

My area has a team that has a promising young lady of 24 years old. But I don't wish to vote her because she is better than the opposition. The other female candidate has a powerful husband. And she looks very eligible to be in top programs. But can she speak for the poor?

Many have guessed that this year, there will be many spoiled votes. I hope not. I want to vote. I have not been able to because nobody dares to contest in my GRC. This year, we have a team contesting in my GRC. I thank this team. But they have got to do a lot more and be more visible to win my vote.

But then again, if they are not in parliament, they cannot do much for the people earlier too. So I wonder if it is possible for these parties to function after the election. Can these parties don't be the kind that will fly by night? Can they remain in the constituency and serve those who want to be heard? You see, after every election, I wonder where these people go?

They worked hard to spend 15000 dollars or more to stand for election. How come they are gone when the election ended and they lost? I don't understand. Do you?

So my dear ex students, when you vote, practice what you learn for source based questions...ahhaha. What is the provenance? How far do you agree? To what extent is this true? Which is reliable? Source A says this and does that mean that source B is not ture? Explain your answer!

Familiar? I hope you have fun reading as much as I have fun writing. I should publish my blog yah? Done!

At the wake of Siok Fung

2011-04-29T10:41:00.002+08:00

The day the body arrived, I was down the block where the wake was. I already told Annie that she must make sure that the body should be there when we arrived because it was not good that the body was not there. True enough, it was not there. We sat for a while and then we both took the train home. Apparently, the body was not cleaned or embalmed since Sunday and so they had to do it the day the body arrived. Her children chose another set of clothing for her because when they were proceeding with the embalmment her clothing was stained. Another set of clothing was then chosen and that was why there was a delay.

I went last night again to attend the wake. The void deck where the service was conducted was packed. I could hardly hear because of the echo. What I could hear was a letter she wrote before she went home to be with God. I will ask for the letter later. Then there were accolades for her. She brought her mum and her brothers to Christ. She was a filial daughter, an excellent wife and mother, an excellent daughter in law and a wonderful friend to all she knows. One of her husband's nephew actually woke up after he dreamt about her. She was seen with Jesus in his dream. He is not a christian but he dreamt about her being with Jesus. He woke up immediately and then saw an SMS informing him about the passing of Siok Fung. I hope through this incident he will come to know the Lord Jesus Christ.

After the message from Philippians 1:21, we were asked to view the body. I didn't go forward. All those who said their goodbyes that night, not a single eye was dry. I have already said my goodbyes and I want to remember her as she was. I waited for a chance to talk to her husband and the chance came. We shook hands and he thanked me for supporting them throughout the journey. I was only glad to be of help. Then I left.

There were many familiar faces. Some grew up with me, some taught me and some always remember me. But I told them that tonight is about Siok Fung, not about me. I left quickly because I didn't wish to be the centre of the wake. If they want to catch up, they can later and I am contactable.

There were some who were not so happy to see me but that was alright.

Annie was instructed to make sure the wreath be the first to arrive at the wake. She was also asked to put an ad in the papers because some others did it. Annie was quite fed up because it is not a competition. I am so glad I am not involved in all these. I have already done everything before she went home and that to me is the most important and most difficult. The fanfare to show people you care alot is really not necessary. If not because of my mum's death, I would not be able to guide them through the process. I am thankful mum taught me all these skills. And I thank God for making me sensitive to such needs although it is not pleasant to tell people they will die. Sometimes I am so precise about when this person dies too. And that can really scare me. This time round, I was able to hang in there and use it to encourage Siok Fung, Yew Cai and Annie about it.

I hang in there for Annie too. Last night I saw her sobbing alone and no one was around to hold her. So I tapped her shoulder quietly. She has two good friends there but somehow they drifted apart. All three are like strangers. Don't even want to know what actually happened. I just obey God and be there for Annie and Siok Fung. Now my job is done.

The message brought to mind one of my favourite verses: "For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain." Even Paul said that. But he also understood why he had to live. He lived for the saints, to teach and train them in the way of the Lord. If a Christian commits suicide, the Christian will still go heaven. But this chrisitan will be judged.

All of us who called ourselves Christians must be aware that God has given us talents, time and responsibilities. What have we been doing with these talents? Is it always about us and never about GOD? There has to be a balance.

God sends us out into the world not to condemn the world. But through us, others will know Jesus. But when those who don't believe cannot tell the difference between how we live for Jesus and how they live for themselves, then God will also ask the same question. Who are you living for? Why are your friends not able to see the Jesus in you?

For me, I will be judged much more. Because I have to walk the talk. More judgement on me because I write on such topics. To deny myself...hmmm...is difficult.

Again, "For to me to live is Christ! To die is gain." But live I will and hopefully my race is a short one. Siok Fung has finished the race and a cloud of witnesses must have cheered her on as she entered the pearly gates. She has her mother who preceded her to welcome her there and many more saints. She has fought a good fight. She is now HOME.

Tomorrow we are going to learn about rapture. It will be exciting to share that with you.

Testimonies of Rayson Tan and Chew Chor Meng

2011-04-26T23:44:00.004+08:00

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Siok Fung has gone home to be with God

2011-04-24T13:43:00.005+08:00

Part 1:
This morning just before I entered BBTC, I saw I had a miss call from Siok Fung. I called back immediately and her husband informed me she went home to be with the Lord at 2:46 this morning in Guangzhou.

The message this morning was DEATH is NOT THE END. It was a very good message.

Once again God showed me that I was right about what I was given to know. Although I don't like this gift very much, but I am thankful at least I could use it to help prepare Yew Cai and Siok Fung for this to happen.

I am sad to see her go. She was so hopeful that I could not bear to tell her the truth. Instead I wrote to Yew Cai just about a week ago to jolt him into the reality that God may not want to heal her. I told him to prepare her to meet God and to bring her home soon. Her body will arrive on Wednesday but now she is with God. Resting in the arms of Jesus and meeting those who are with the Lord and have gone before her. I hope she meets my mum.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left.

Part 2: Death is not the end.

What now after she is gone? Is there a hell? Is there a heaven? Where was Jesus after He gave up His spirit?

There is not just hell, there is hades, there is Tantarus and there is a lake of fire waiting for those who don't believe. There is also a paradise. Today paradise is empty. There is Heaven.

As I was preparing to share about Easter this afternoon, I read Matthew 27:45-51. I never came across this passage and today's study took me quite by surprise. It was because it detailed what happened when Jesus died. Not only did the curtain at the temple tore from top to bottom, there was an earthquake at the same time. The sky was dark. God wanted people to remember the day Christ was crucified and for that moment, God turned away from Christ.

Later on in the passage, Jesus appeared to many people in Galilee during the Easter morning. He was not at the tomb. An angel was at the tomb where Jesus was buried and he spoke to the 2 Marys told them that Jesus went ahead to Galilee and the angel hurried them along. But not only did Jesus resurrect from the dead. All those holy men who were dead and were buried in the tombs were also alive. The passage said that these holy men who were dead, walked out of their tombs. Imagine that! It should be powerful enough to bring all these people to their knees and accept the Lord as God. But no...it was not enough!

What would it take for us to believe that Jesus is the Lord of our life? What would it take to know that to belong to Him is all that important and to do His will is all that vital?

Another passage looked at Death of a rich man and a beggar. The beggar went to paradise where Abraham was. The rich man went to hades. The rich man didn't believe in God. He wanted Abraham to send the beggar back to earth to tell his family that they must believe in God or they would be tormented in hades like he was now. Abraham told him nicely that this would not be possible because if they didn't believe Moses and Elijah then what made him think they would believe the beggar from the dead?

Where did Jesus go? He went to paradise and took with him the saints that died before He was crucified. He not only claimed the saints, He also took the keys of Hades and Death from Satan. Now Jesus got the keys to Hell and Death. This is recorded in Revelation 1: 18. He can dictate when we die because Jesus got the keys. Today, paradise is empty. Abraham was in paradise before Christ was crucified. But today Abraham is in heaven with Moses. Two prophets were not dead. These two are Elijah (caught up in a chariot sent from heaven and Enoch (he just disappeared because he walks right in the eyes of God). But they must die. They will return and be persecuted and then die and resurrected to be in heaven during the tribulation period that will be coming for the entire earth.

Oh you say, how can this be true? But it is true.

What do I do about this truth? I want to walk circumspectly. Watching what my next step is. Wanting to honour God. He deserves all the honour because He loves me so much that He was willing to take the place at Calvary for me.

As you walk this week, watch how you walk with God. He wants us to walk with the power of the resurrection. Do you know what this power is? Siok Fung will know. Mum will know.

And the things on earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

I have been listening to Amazing Grace throughout the weekend. Be it in Church or in my car. And each time I hear it, the song just bring tears to my eyes. Speechless!

Good Friday

2011-04-24T13:34:00.003+08:00

I have been trying to blog about the Good Friday Testimonies of two of our local artistes but to no avail over the past two days. I was rather busy with running errands and catching up on sleep.

The testimonies I heard were so powerful. The 4 halls of the church were packed to the brim. All the members of the church who brought their relatives and friends had to give up their seats in order for more to come in and be at the scene of the action. I was there early because I wanted to be in the action. Good thing for me, I am not a member.

Finally 陈泰明, Rayson Tan, was on stage. He shared about a life full of superstition. Since young he was already into superstition. His parents sent him to a temple near the church I am attending now when he was ten to learn how to chant buddhists scriptures. He would go into a fury when anyone talks about Jesus. He sometimes would slam the tables too. If he heard where the gods would be powerful enough to bless him, he would go there and pray for wealth and stardom. But he constantly live with fear that this god is offended by him or the other gods threaten not to bless him if he doesn't obey and do as told.

Together with his then girlfriend, now wife, they would go from temple to temple, from one fengshui master to another to change their fate. They were both equally superstitious. His first encounter with Jesus came one day when his make up artiste gave him a book. This make up artist is a Christian but noticed he was always frowning and so told him to read this book to see if he could find any answer. Since it was free and he could "upgrade" himself, he was willing to take a look.

The first few pages already spoke to him. It was about forgiveness. He had not spoken to his sister for a few years already and the pages told him to forgive the person and then his troubles will be gone. So he picked up the phone and then spoke to the sister. The sister was surprised and asked why he called. He told her that it was a christian book that asked him to do so and he was quite impressed with what was happening. He was choking with tears although his sister couldn't see him.

One month later, the sister accepted Jesus as her saviour and called him up to tell him the news. He was not at all moved but he was glad his sister can now talk to him. Then there was the second encounter. It was during a court case with Slim 10. His lawyer, a Christian would always start going into the court room with a prayer with him and his wife. He remembered looking toward heaven one afternoon telling the Heavens that if he was innocent to help him get justice and if he was guilty to totally punish him. Today he knows that God answered his prayers. Even so, he didn't want to believe in Jesus.

His wife, Chen Liping, also an actor, shared one day with him about another actor Jacelyn Tay and commented that since Jacelyn has become a Christian, she is very happy and things are going on well for her. So they became curious what Jacelyn did.

Jacelyn was also as superstitious. In fact she prays to a special goddess for her stardom. Then she would challenge the pastors or priests about life. One day she was touched by the sharing and accepted the Lord. I can't remember her testimony but I read it a long time ago. She realized that no one could love her more than the Lord did.

A few days after the talk, Rayson bummed into Jacelyn and she shared the gospel with him. But Rayson told her, her Jesus is good for her, not for him. Then he left.

A few months later, Li Nanxing invited him to his cell group. He attended a few sessions. Because Li Nanxing has also become a Christian and his life has also turned around, that was why Rayson was willing to go check things out. Li Nanxing then invited Rayson to his church. Rayson could see people singing and praising God. What strangely happened was he too was singing and crying without stopping. And that day, in July 2008, he accepted Christ as his personal saviour. His wife accepted Christ a month later because she also noticed that her husband has changed. A very bad fall during filming many years ago actually caused Rayson not to be able to stand for long. He had to sit down. He went for healing at his church and one day while driving to Li Nanxing's house for cell group, he felt the spot where the pain was really heated up. When he reached, he asked a friend to check on the spot and she too found the spot really hot. The next day, he was fully cured. No more pain.

God is now using him to share about His grace and goodness. Such is our amazing God.

Next up is Li Nanxing. He is very tan. He spoke in a mixture of hokkein and mandarin. And he was very funny. His life was also a difficult one full of superstitions. He was a gambler, a drunk and a heavy smoker. All those in media corp who know him, know him to be terrible. He lost his favour with mediacorp when he last won two top prizes. Then he hummed a song by Zhang Huimei. The song was the theme of the Series he acted in "我无所为". Mediacorp interpreted as his careless attitude towards the company's recognition for his hardwork and for that he was frozen. He got paid but no work. Slowly he started to invest in business. He only knows how to act and the rest of his life, he doesn't know anything about. He lost his business and went into heavy drinking and started gambling because he became the character he was. He soon realized he was winning in the games and then people were following him and they also started to call him by the name in the show. It was only when he realized he was severely indebt that he started asking his friends for help.

They took him to many different masters and each asked more and more money and each time. Once he went to a secret hideout and was told this master rarely appears. He saw people draped in black robes entering a house in a remote part of Singapore. When his turn came, he was asked to drink a concoction of chicken blood and XO. When he drove home that night, he failed the breathalyzer test and his licence was suspended. And the next day it was all over the newspaper.

One night, a Christian friend called him up and invited him to church. Li Nanxing has lost hope of all gods and even this christian god. He didn't want to pay any attention to this friend. All he did was drown himself in more alcohol. He couldn't gamble because he has lost all money. He smoked heavily. He thought he found reprieve when a friend invited him to a lavishly decorated Karaoke lounge in Thailand. Throughout this time, the christian friend persisted and sent messages to encourage him. Li Nanxing ignored all these messages. The night when he arrived Bangkok, his christian friend called. Li Nanxing went out of the room full of alcohol and women to answer the call. He opened the door to the exit and he fell into outer darkness. He shouted "Help!" but no one could hear him. He was to fall 3 storeys down. Then suddenly a force grabbed him and pulled him up and he grabbed whatever he could to climb and a door opened. It was the waiter who heard a faint shout for help and came to the door.

No, it was not the waiter who grabbed Li Nanxing. Later he saw that when he was finally up that there was a gap between the door and the spiral staircase infront of him. He fell right through the crack. And below were all the smash bottles, cans, leftovers that have accumulated over the months. This door was to be shut at all times and only this waiter that came to the door has the key. The door was locked but Li Nanxing opened it somehow. He limped back to his hotel feeling flushed and confused. The christian friend called again. This friend told Li Nanxing that at the altar call that night, his friend gave Li Nanxing's name up for prayers. That prayer was for protection. When Li Nanxing heard it, he didn't tell his friend what happened. He wondered too if there is a God that night.

The next day he flew home and went to church the very next sunday. When he was at church, he saw the people singing and raising hands. He told himself he could also act like them. When the church was dismissed, he checked to see if he was alone. Then he went up to the front. At the front was a big cross. When no one was watching, Li Nanxing knelt down before the cross and told God everything, his frustrations, his anger, his hurt and his sins...He cried out to God for help. That was a few years ago. And that day God changed his life and now he is fully surrendered to this amazing God.

AMAZING GRACE indeed!

I drove home crying all the way until I reach home. I still cry everytime I remember the grace of God in my life. He has given me so much. I have not even begun to serve Him.

GOD's intention is for everyone to know Him. Our cup of wickedness will be full one day. Then GOD's judgement will come on those of us who simply refuse to acknowledge He is God.

Rayson said that he has since stopped using vulgarities and swear words. Very naturally all the bad habits are gone and there is no more desire to dishonour the God who now resides in his heart.

Li Nanxing has also stopped all the bad habits. He has no more desire to gamble or smoke and he has paid off all his debts. In fact all the former debtors realized he was not the person they were after and some have actually started to pay him back. Today he is debt free. When you are right with God, even your enemies will be at peace with you.

For Bonita: The old rugged cross is refuge and my glory. What others see as shame on the cross, I count it a treasure I possess. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus, my relationship with God is restored. Jesus is my security. I will tell the world of darkness that the cross is my glory, the emblem of my salvation.

The movie Li Nanxing directed and acted.